Top 500 Andy Weir Quotes (2026 Update)
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351. “You got me,” she said. “He left a detailed status report. I just decided to lie for no reason.”

— Andy Weir

352. “But this is the interstellar equivalent of a stranger offering me candy.”

— Andy Weir

353. “It just didn’t occur to me. But it should have. If your lungs grabbed up all the oxygen, mouth-to-mouth resuscitation wouldn’t work. I’m such a dumb-ass for not thinking of it! And my dumb-assery almost got me killed!”

— Andy Weir

354. “If you commit a serious crime, Artemis deports you to the victim’s country. Let their nation exact revenge on you for it.”

— Andy Weir

355. “So far, the rover and my ghetto life support are working admirably. At.”

— Andy Weir

356. “I’m sure I’ll have to adjust the course when I’m actually driving it. No plan survives first contact with the enemy.”

— Andy Weir

357. “I’ve discovered that raw potatoes are disgusting.”

— Andy Weir

358. “All of Earth is watching but powerless to help.”

— Andy Weir

359. “I have to face facts. I’m done prepping the rover. I don’t “feel” like I’m done.”

— Andy Weir

360. “Before leaving the cockpit, I take one last look at the Telescope screen. I don’t know why – I guess I just like to keep track of what extraterrestrial ships in my vicinity are up to. The Blip-A spins in space. It rotates end-over-end, probably at the exact same rate as the Hail Mary. I guess they saw me spin up the centrifuge and figured it was another communication thing. Humanity’s first miscommunication with an intelligent alien race. Glad I could be a part of it.”

— Andy Weir

361. “I envy one thing about Earthers – they get much faster internet.”

— Andy Weir

362. “But after a morning potato and Vicodin, I was feeling much better.”

— Andy Weir

363. “Vogel,” she radioed. “I need you to come back in and make a bomb.” “Um. Again, please, Commander?” Vogel replied. “A bomb,” Lewis confirmed. “You’re a chemist. Can you make a bomb out of stuff on board?”

— Andy Weir

364. “The oldest words in a language are usually the shortest.”

— Andy Weir

365. “The only way to get all twenty-eight on the roof was to make stacks so high they’d fall off the first time I turned. If I lashed them together, they’d fall off as a unit. If I found a way to attach them perfectly to the rover, the rover would tip. I didn’t even bother to test. It was obvious by looking, and I didn’t want to break anything.”

— Andy Weir

366. “Now on to my next task: sitting around with nothing to do for twelve hours. I better get started!”

— Andy Weir

367. “I did, however, glue my hand to the helmet. Stop laughing.”

— Andy Weir

368. “We do not have time to develop a complicated neural network. This is a strictly procedural algorithm. Very complex, but not AI at all. We have to be able to test it in thousands of ways and know exactly how it responds and why. We can’t do that with a neural network.”

— Andy Weir

369. “How long will the patch take?” Venkat asked. “Should be pretty much instant,” Jack answered. “Watney entered the hack earlier today, and we confirmed it worked. We updated Pathfinder’s OS without any problems. We sent the rover patch, which Pathfinder rebroadcast. Once Watney executes the patch and reboots the rover, we should get a connection.” “Jesus, what a complicated process,” Venkat said. “Try updating a Linux server sometime,” Jack said.”

— Andy Weir

370. “I can create the O2 easily enough. It takes twenty hours for the MAV fuel plant to fill its 10-liter tank with CO2. The oxygenator can turn it into O2, then the atmospheric regulator will see the O2 content in the Hab is high, and pull it out of the air, storing it in the main O2 tanks. They’ll fill up, so I’ll have to transfer O2 over to the rovers’ tanks and even the space suit tanks as necessary.”

— Andy Weir

371. “It was right where I left it, in a hole four kilometers away. Only an idiot would keep that thing near the Hab. So anyway, I brought it back to the Hab.”

— Andy Weir

372. “It is of course dangerous to set off an explosive device on a spacecraft.”

— Andy Weir

373. “Well,” he said. “It was funded by New Zealand. But the idea was to provide power for Africa.” “Why would New Zealand pay a bunch of money to help Africa?” I asked. “Because we’re nice,” Redell said. “Wow,” I said. “I know New Zealand is pretty cool but – ” “And it was going to be a New Zealand–owned company that charged for the power,” Redell said. “There it is.”

— Andy Weir

374. “Staying alive isn’t about oxygen, it’s about getting rid of CO2.”

— Andy Weir

375. “I’ve gone from “sole-surviving space explorer” to “guy with wacky new roommate.”

— Andy Weir

376. “Everything just changed. Watney’s headed for Pathfinder.”

— Andy Weir

377. “The Hail Mary has always looked like something out of a Heinlein novel.”

— Andy Weir

378. “I have a much bigger problem. The farm is dead.”

— Andy Weir

379. “But more important, they’ll be cooked. When you cook food, the proteins break down, and the food becomes easier to digest. I’ll get more calories out of it, and I need every calorie I can get my hands on.”

— Andy Weir

380. “Thing is,” Chuck continued, “without the dish, a signal would have to be really strong – ” “Like, melting-the-pigeons strong,” Morris supplied. “ – for him to get it,” Chuck finished.”

— Andy Weir

381. “Sure enough, the water heated up. That’s not really a surprise, but it’s nice to see thermodynamics being well behaved.”

— Andy Weir

382. “I’m such a dumb-ass for not thinking of it! And my dumb-assery almost got me killed! I’m really going to have to be more careful.”

— Andy Weir

383. “Human brains are amazing things. We can get used to just about anything.”

— Andy Weir

384. “That’s really the limiting factor to life support. Not the amount of oxygen you bring with you, but the amount of CO2 you can remove.”

— Andy Weir

385. “Cool thing about pendulums: The time it takes for one to swing forward and backward – the period – won’t change, no matter how wide it swings. If it’s got a lot of energy, it’ll swing farther and faster, but the period will still be the same. This is what mechanical clocks take advantage of to keep time.”

— Andy Weir

386. “I suppose I’ll think of something. Or die.”

— Andy Weir

387. “I’ll need to trick out a rover. Basically it’ll have to be a mobile Hab. I’ll pick Rover 2 as my target. We have a certain bond, after I spent two days in it during the Great Hydrogen Scare of Sol 37.”

— Andy Weir

388. “It’s kind of silly if you think about it. I’m in my space suit on Mars and I’m navigating with sixteenth-century tools.”

— Andy Weir

389. “How did you know that?” Annie asked, getting annoyed. “Elrond,” Bruce said. “The Council of Elrond. From Lord of the Rings. It’s the meeting where they decide to destroy the One Ring.” “Jesus,” Annie said. “None of you got laid in high school, did you?”

— Andy Weir

390. “The rover was not so lucky. It continued tumbling down the hill, bouncing the traveler around like clothes in a dryer. After twenty meters, the soft powder gave way to more solid sand and the rover shuddered to a halt. It had come to rest on its side. The valves leading to the now- missing hoses had detected the sudden pressure drop and closed. The pressure seal was not breached. The traveler was alive, for now.”

— Andy Weir

391. “Human waste has pathogens in it that, you guessed it, infect humans.”

— Andy Weir

392. “I would have done it today, but it got dark and I got lazy.”

— Andy Weir

393. “Evolution can be insanely effective when you leave it alone for a few billion years.”

— Andy Weir

394. “I would only be “in command” of the mission if I were the only remaining person. What do you know? I’m in command.”

— Andy Weir

395. “Something very hot and very explodey had happened, and I wasn’t sure what. Or how.”

— Andy Weir

396. “I headed to the waiting area next to the train airlock and joined a crowd of tourists. All the seats were taken and dozens more people stood around. Several families had obnoxious kids bouncing off the walls. In this case, “bouncing off the walls” is not just a figure of speech. The overstimulated kids were literally bouncing off the walls. Lunar gravity is the worst thing to ever happen to parents.”

— Andy Weir

397. “You may be wondering what else I do with my free time. I spend a lot of it sitting around on my lazy ass watching TV. But also do you, so don’t judge.”

— Andy Weir

398. “I’m not talking about faith in God, I’m talking about faith in Mark Watney.”

— Andy Weir

399. “The questions are many: How long can he last? How much food does he have? Can Ares 4 rescue him? How will we talk to him? The answers to these questions are not what we want to hear. “I can’t promise we’ll succeed in rescuing him, but I can promise this: The entire focus of NASA will be to bring Mark Watney home. This will be our overriding and singular obsession until he is either back on Earth or confirmed dead on Mars.”

— Andy Weir

400. “Live Another Sol would be an awesome name for a James Bond movie.”

— Andy Weir