Top 500 Andy Weir Quotes (2026 Update)
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351. “My cart is a pain in the ass to control, but it’s good at carrying heavy things. So I decided it was male. I named him Trigger.”

— Andy Weir

352. “All that hydrogen had met the oxygen at high temperature and they’d had a brief chat.”

— Andy Weir

353. “I learned about Sanford and Son from Lewis’s collection. Seriously, that woman needs to see someone about her seventies problem.”

— Andy Weir

354. “If this were a movie, everyone would have been in the airlock, and there would have been high fives all around. But it didn’t pan out that way.”

— Andy Weir

355. “Just tell mom the supplies would last, okay?”

— Andy Weir

356. “Will an alien math error doom my entire species?”

— Andy Weir

357. “I spent three months as the loneliest man in history and it’s finally over.”

— Andy Weir

358. “I called it the “Bruce Banner Test.”

— Andy Weir

359. “No. You no can die. You are friend.”

— Andy Weir

360. “Your ship has more science that my ship. Better science. I bring my things in to your ship. Release tunnel. You make your ship spin for science. You and me science how to kill Astrophage together. Save Earth. Save Erid. This is good plan, question?”

— Andy Weir

361. “Instead, I spent the day taking drugs and playing with radiation.”

— Andy Weir

362. “Venkat, tell the investigation committee they’ll have to do their witch hunt without me. And when they inevitably blame Commander Lewis, be advised I’ll publicly refute it. I’m sure the rest of the crew will do the same. Also, please tell them that each and every one of their mothers is a prostitute. – Watney PS: Their sisters, too.”

— Andy Weir

363. “I’m going to finish off the last of Three’s Company tonight. Frankly, I like Mr. Furley more than the Ropers.”

— Andy Weir

364. “Dear Jazz, Maybe you can do it in your head. I would give anything to be as smart as you. But I’m not. That’s okay. I work hard instead, and you’re lazy as hell.”

— Andy Weir

365. “Here’s the cool part: I will eventually go to Schiaparelli and commandeer the Ares 4 lander. Nobody explicitly gave me permission to do this, and they can’t until I’m aboard Ares 4 and operating the comm system. After I board Ares 4, before talking to NASA, I will take control of a craft in international waters without permission. That makes me a pirate! A space pirate!”

— Andy Weir

366. “But I did wake up, and the main computer showed the slight rise in CO2 I had predicted. Looks like I’ll live another sol. Live Another Sol would be an awesome name for a James Bond movie.”

— Andy Weir

367. “They lay in silence, strapped to their couches and ready for launch. Beck looked at Watney’s empty couch and saw Vogel doing the same. Martinez ran a self-check on the nose cone OMS thrusters. They were no longer safe for use. He noted the malfunction in his log.”

— Andy Weir

368. “It’ll keep you from puking all over our nice, clean cockpit.”

— Andy Weir

369. “Try updating a Linux server sometime,” Jack said.”

— Andy Weir

370. “Goddamn, it’s annoying to commit crimes in a small town.”

— Andy Weir

371. “Have you told anyone else?” “Who would I tell?” “I don’t know,” Venkat said. “Friends?” “I don’t have any of those.” “Okay, keep it under your hat.” “I don’t wear a hat.” “It’s just an expression.” “Really?” Rich said. “It’s a stupid expression.” “Rich, you’re being difficult.” “Ah. Thanks.”

— Andy Weir

372. “I experimented with potato skin tea a few weeks ago. The less said about that the better.”

— Andy Weir

373. “So instead, I went to good old “Spare Parts” Rover 1 and stole its environment heater. I’ve gutted that poor rover so much, it looks like I parked it in a bad part of town. I.”

— Andy Weir

374. “There’s plenty of heat, thanks to the RTG. I just needed to get it evenly spread out. For once, entropy was on my side.”

— Andy Weir

375. “It’s all part of the life-cycle of an economy. First it’s lawless capitalism until that starts to impede growth. Next comes regulation, law enforcement, and taxes. After that: public benefits and entitlements. Then, finally, overexpenditure and collapse.”

— Andy Weir

376. “Redistribution of this e-book is permitted, so long as it is distributed for free.”

— Andy Weir

377. “Hey, if you want to play life safe, don’t live on the moon.”

— Andy Weir

378. “You guys know about climate change, right? How our CO2 emissions have caused a lot of problems in the environment?” “My dad says that’s not real,” said Tamora. “Well, it is,” I said. “Anyway.”

— Andy Weir

379. “The Hab is now a bomb.”

— Andy Weir

380. “But now there was nothing. I never realized how utterly silent Mars is.”

— Andy Weir

381. “You got me,” she said. “He left a detailed status report. I just decided to lie for no reason.”

— Andy Weir

382. “But this is the interstellar equivalent of a stranger offering me candy.”

— Andy Weir

383. “It just didn’t occur to me. But it should have. If your lungs grabbed up all the oxygen, mouth-to-mouth resuscitation wouldn’t work. I’m such a dumb-ass for not thinking of it! And my dumb-assery almost got me killed!”

— Andy Weir

384. “If you commit a serious crime, Artemis deports you to the victim’s country. Let their nation exact revenge on you for it.”

— Andy Weir

385. “So far, the rover and my ghetto life support are working admirably. At.”

— Andy Weir

386. “I’m sure I’ll have to adjust the course when I’m actually driving it. No plan survives first contact with the enemy.”

— Andy Weir

387. “I’ve discovered that raw potatoes are disgusting.”

— Andy Weir

388. “All of Earth is watching but powerless to help.”

— Andy Weir

389. “I have to face facts. I’m done prepping the rover. I don’t “feel” like I’m done.”

— Andy Weir

390. “Before leaving the cockpit, I take one last look at the Telescope screen. I don’t know why – I guess I just like to keep track of what extraterrestrial ships in my vicinity are up to. The Blip-A spins in space. It rotates end-over-end, probably at the exact same rate as the Hail Mary. I guess they saw me spin up the centrifuge and figured it was another communication thing. Humanity’s first miscommunication with an intelligent alien race. Glad I could be a part of it.”

— Andy Weir

391. “I envy one thing about Earthers – they get much faster internet.”

— Andy Weir

392. “But after a morning potato and Vicodin, I was feeling much better.”

— Andy Weir

393. “Vogel,” she radioed. “I need you to come back in and make a bomb.” “Um. Again, please, Commander?” Vogel replied. “A bomb,” Lewis confirmed. “You’re a chemist. Can you make a bomb out of stuff on board?”

— Andy Weir

394. “The oldest words in a language are usually the shortest.”

— Andy Weir

395. “The only way to get all twenty-eight on the roof was to make stacks so high they’d fall off the first time I turned. If I lashed them together, they’d fall off as a unit. If I found a way to attach them perfectly to the rover, the rover would tip. I didn’t even bother to test. It was obvious by looking, and I didn’t want to break anything.”

— Andy Weir

396. “Now on to my next task: sitting around with nothing to do for twelve hours. I better get started!”

— Andy Weir

397. “I did, however, glue my hand to the helmet. Stop laughing.”

— Andy Weir

398. “We do not have time to develop a complicated neural network. This is a strictly procedural algorithm. Very complex, but not AI at all. We have to be able to test it in thousands of ways and know exactly how it responds and why. We can’t do that with a neural network.”

— Andy Weir

399. “How long will the patch take?” Venkat asked. “Should be pretty much instant,” Jack answered. “Watney entered the hack earlier today, and we confirmed it worked. We updated Pathfinder’s OS without any problems. We sent the rover patch, which Pathfinder rebroadcast. Once Watney executes the patch and reboots the rover, we should get a connection.” “Jesus, what a complicated process,” Venkat said. “Try updating a Linux server sometime,” Jack said.”

— Andy Weir

400. “I can create the O2 easily enough. It takes twenty hours for the MAV fuel plant to fill its 10-liter tank with CO2. The oxygenator can turn it into O2, then the atmospheric regulator will see the O2 content in the Hab is high, and pull it out of the air, storing it in the main O2 tanks. They’ll fill up, so I’ll have to transfer O2 over to the rovers’ tanks and even the space suit tanks as necessary.”

— Andy Weir