Top 500 Andy Weir Quotes (2026 Update)
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351. “If Bruce can pull a rabbit out of a hat and get done sooner, Maurice can do some inspections.”

— Andy Weir

352. “At 13:30 my ruination occurred, though I didn’t realize it at the time.”

— Andy Weir

353. “You guys know about climate change, right? How our CO2 emissions have caused a lot of problems in the environment?” “My dad says that’s not real,” said Tamora. “Well, it is,” I said. “Anyway.”

— Andy Weir

354. “I tried to send a message, but Pathfinder isn’t responding. That’s not a big surprise. It’s powered directly from the Hab, and the Hab is offline. During my brief, panicked scramble outside, I saw that Pathfinder was right where I left it, and the debris didn’t reach that far out. It should be fine, once I get it some power.”

— Andy Weir

355. “The airlock door doesn’t reach the ceiling, so I’ll have to play “The Floor Is Lava” to get in.”

— Andy Weir

356. “I’ve gone from “sole-surviving space explorer” to “guy with wacky new roommate.”

— Andy Weir

357. “You started my training by buying me a beer. For breakfast. Germans are awesome.”

— Andy Weir

358. “If you commit a serious crime, Artemis deports you to the victim’s country. Let their nation exact revenge on you for it.”

— Andy Weir

359. “Beers for everyone if I get back to Earth.”

— Andy Weir

360. “Every city needs an underbelly. It’s best to let the petty criminals do their thing and focus on bigger issues.”

— Andy Weir

361. “How long will the patch take?” Venkat asked. “Should be pretty much instant,” Jack answered. “Watney entered the hack earlier today, and we confirmed it worked. We updated Pathfinder’s OS without any problems. We sent the rover patch, which Pathfinder rebroadcast. Once Watney executes the patch and reboots the rover, we should get a connection.” “Jesus, what a complicated process,” Venkat said. “Try updating a Linux server sometime,” Jack said.”

— Andy Weir

362. “Everything just changed. Watney’s headed for Pathfinder.”

— Andy Weir

363. “Vogel,” she radioed. “I need you to come back in and make a bomb.” “Um. Again, please, Commander?” Vogel replied. “A bomb,” Lewis confirmed. “You’re a chemist. Can you make a bomb out of stuff on board?”

— Andy Weir

364. “I opened and closed my hands a few times. The bandages were off, but both hands were littered with red blisters. I looked like a leper. Or a hooker who gave handjobs exclusively to lepers.”

— Andy Weir

365. “Funny,” Venkat said. “Be a smart-ass to a guy seven levels above you at your company. See how that works out.” “Oh no,” Mindy said. “I might lose my job as an interplanetary voyeur? I guess I’d have to use my master’s degree for something else.” “I remember when you were shy.” “I’m space paparazzi now. The attitude comes with the job.” “Yeah, yeah,” Venkat said. “Just send the e-mail.” “Already sent.”

— Andy Weir

366. “The computer’s not being unreasonable. If I can’t remember my own name, I probably shouldn’t be allowed into delicate areas of the ship.”

— Andy Weir

367. “It was right where I left it, in a hole four kilometers away. Only an idiot would keep that thing near the Hab. So anyway, I brought it back to the Hab.”

— Andy Weir

368. “You have been a bad alien cylinder,” I say to it. “You need a time-out.”

— Andy Weir

369. “I have a much bigger problem. The farm is dead.”

— Andy Weir

370. “Just tell mom the supplies would last, okay?”

— Andy Weir

371. “Another similarity: You and me both willing to die for our people. Why, question? Evolution hate death.”

— Andy Weir

372. “Sure enough, the water heated up. That’s not really a surprise, but it’s nice to see thermodynamics being well behaved.”

— Andy Weir

373. “What? Would I do a ridiculous amount of relativistic math to calculate our relative velocity at any given moment as perceived by my inertial reference frame and then do Lorentz transformations to figure out when the light from his engines will drop out of the Petrovascope’s perception range? Just so I know how much longer I can see my friend in the distance? Wouldn’t that be kind of pathetic? Yeah.”

— Andy Weir

374. “This is one of those things I frequently have to explain to my students. Gravity doesn’t just “go away” when you’re in orbit. In fact, the gravity you experience in orbit is pretty much the same as you’d experience on the ground. The weightlessness that astronauts experience while in orbit comes from constantly falling. But the curvature of the Earth makes the ground go away at the same rate you fall. So you just fall forever.”

— Andy Weir

375. “But by the end of it I had a plan. And like all good plans, it required a crazy Ukrainian guy.”

— Andy Weir

376. “Goddamn, it’s annoying to commit crimes in a small town.”

— Andy Weir

377. “Three days off the painkillers and I’m a lot smarter than I was. At least he understands that much – I wasn’t just some stupid human. I was a human with enhanced stupidity.”

— Andy Weir

378. “I’ll need to trick out a rover. Basically it’ll have to be a mobile Hab. I’ll pick Rover 2 as my target. We have a certain bond, after I spent two days in it during the Great Hydrogen Scare of Sol 37.”

— Andy Weir

379. “I would have done it today, but it got dark and I got lazy.”

— Andy Weir

380. “But more important, they’ll be cooked. When you cook food, the proteins break down, and the food becomes easier to digest. I’ll get more calories out of it, and I need every calorie I can get my hands on.”

— Andy Weir

381. “Will an alien math error doom my entire species?”

— Andy Weir

382. “Why doesn’t Rosco just go to the Duke farm and arrest them when they’re not in the car?”

— Andy Weir

383. “Human brains are amazing things. We can get used to just about anything.”

— Andy Weir

384. “But I did wake up, and the main computer showed the slight rise in CO2 I had predicted. Looks like I’ll live another sol. Live Another Sol would be an awesome name for a James Bond movie.”

— Andy Weir

385. “They lay in silence, strapped to their couches and ready for launch. Beck looked at Watney’s empty couch and saw Vogel doing the same. Martinez ran a self-check on the nose cone OMS thrusters. They were no longer safe for use. He noted the malfunction in his log.”

— Andy Weir

386. “I’m a well-honed machine in times of crisis.”

— Andy Weir

387. “Hell, if we learned anything from “The Phantom Menace” it’s this: Never start a sci-fi story with a description of complex macroeconomics.”

— Andy Weir

388. “All of Earth is watching but powerless to help.”

— Andy Weir

389. “Have you told anyone else?” “Who would I tell?” “I don’t know,” Venkat said. “Friends?” “I don’t have any of those.” “Okay, keep it under your hat.” “I don’t wear a hat.” “It’s just an expression.” “Really?” Rich said. “It’s a stupid expression.” “Rich, you’re being difficult.” “Ah. Thanks.”

— Andy Weir

390. “It’s only one-sixth Earth’s gravity. Walking doesn’t take much energy.”

— Andy Weir

391. “You may be wondering what else I do with my free time. I spend a lot of it sitting around on my lazy ass watching TV. But also do you, so don’t judge.”

— Andy Weir

392. “One thing I have in abundance here are bags. They’re not much different than kitchen trash bags, though I’m sure they cost $50,000 because of NASA.”

— Andy Weir

393. “Kick a rock? That rock hadn’t moved in a million years!”

— Andy Weir

394. “I already knew that, of course. But there’s a difference between knowing it and really experiencing it.”

— Andy Weir

395. “It’s a terrible thing to have my life depend on my half-assed handiwork.”

— Andy Weir

396. “When European mariners first came across Asian mariners, no one was surprised they both used sails.”

— Andy Weir

397. “Or maybe they’ll board my ship and lay eggs in my brain. You can never be sure.”

— Andy Weir

398. “If the RTG ever broke open, it would kill me to death.”

— Andy Weir

399. “Important note: Do not pee in a graywater-reuse shower.”

— Andy Weir

400. “The Hab is now a bomb.”

— Andy Weir