Top 500 Andy Weir Quotes (2024 Update)
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351. “Hey, Rocky!” I call out from the lab. “Watch me pull a Taumoeba out of a hat!”

— Andy Weir

352. “I can’t see you having any control if you did that,” Lewis said. “You’d be eyeballing the intercept and using a thrust vector you can barely control.” “I admit it’s fatally dangerous,” Watney said. “But consider this: I’d get to fly around like Iron Man.”

— Andy Weir

353. “It’s kind of silly if you think about it. I’m in my space suit on Mars and I’m navigating with sixteenth-century tools.”

— Andy Weir

354. “It’ll keep you from puking all over our nice, clean cockpit.”

— Andy Weir

355. “Venkat, tell the investigation committee they’ll have to do their witch hunt without me. And when they inevitably blame Commander Lewis, be advised I’ll publicly refute it. I’m sure the rest of the crew will do the same. Also, please tell them that each and every one of their mothers is a prostitute. – Watney PS: Their sisters, too.”

— Andy Weir

356. “I’ll need to trick out a rover. Basically it’ll have to be a mobile Hab. I’ll pick Rover 2 as my target. We have a certain bond, after I spent two days in it during the Great Hydrogen Scare of Sol 37.”

— Andy Weir

357. “Beers for everyone if I get back to Earth.”

— Andy Weir

358. “I’m going to finish off the last of Three’s Company tonight. Frankly, I like Mr. Furley more than the Ropers.”

— Andy Weir

359. “Dear Jazz, Maybe you can do it in your head. I would give anything to be as smart as you. But I’m not. That’s okay. I work hard instead, and you’re lazy as hell.”

— Andy Weir

360. “Here’s the cool part: I will eventually go to Schiaparelli and commandeer the Ares 4 lander. Nobody explicitly gave me permission to do this, and they can’t until I’m aboard Ares 4 and operating the comm system. After I board Ares 4, before talking to NASA, I will take control of a craft in international waters without permission. That makes me a pirate! A space pirate!”

— Andy Weir

361. “Space is dangerous,” Mitch snapped. “It’s what we do here. If you want to play it safe all the time, go join an insurance company. And by the way, it’s not even your life you’re risking. The crew can make up their own minds about it.”

— Andy Weir

362. “I’m not good with people. Sometimes I’m difficult. I wish people would just tell me.”

— Andy Weir

363. “But some back-of-the-napkin math told me even one tank was enough to blow the whole Hab up. So I brought them all in.”

— Andy Weir

364. “The oldest words in a language are usually the shortest.”

— Andy Weir

365. “The only way to get all twenty-eight on the roof was to make stacks so high they’d fall off the first time I turned. If I lashed them together, they’d fall off as a unit. If I found a way to attach them perfectly to the rover, the rover would tip. I didn’t even bother to test. It was obvious by looking, and I didn’t want to break anything.”

— Andy Weir

366. “But after a morning potato and Vicodin, I was feeling much better.”

— Andy Weir

367. “My life depended on some math I’d done earlier. If I dropped a sign or added two numbers wrong, I might never wake up.”

— Andy Weir

368. “Or maybe they’ll board my ship and lay eggs in my brain. You can never be sure.”

— Andy Weir

369. “One of my favorite experiments with the kids is to have them look at a drop of water. A drop of water, preferably one from a puddle outside, will be swarming with life. It always goes over well, except for the occasional kid who then refuses to drink water for a while.”

— Andy Weir

370. “Just tell mom the supplies would last, okay?”

— Andy Weir

371. “I haven’t been this excited about a “yes” since prom night!”

— Andy Weir

372. “I’m such a dumb-ass for not thinking of it! And my dumb-assery almost got me killed! I’m really going to have to be more careful.”

— Andy Weir

373. “I spent three months as the loneliest man in history and it’s finally over.”

— Andy Weir

374. “This is happy! Your face opening is in sad mode. Why, question?”

— Andy Weir

375. “Sure enough, the water heated up. That’s not really a surprise, but it’s nice to see thermodynamics being well behaved.”

— Andy Weir

376. “After setting up the solar panels today, I went for a little walk. I never left sight of the rover; the last thing I want to do is get lost on foot. But I couldn’t stomach crawling back into that cramped, smelly rat’s nest. Not right away. It’s a strange feeling. Everywhere I go, I’m the first. Step outside the rover? First guy ever to be there! Climb a hill? First guy to climb that hill! Kick a rock? That rock hadn’t moved in a million years!”

— Andy Weir

377. “There’s one in each arm, one in each leg, one in my “gentlemen’s equipment,” and two that disappear under my thigh. I’m guessing one of them is up where the sun doesn’t shine.”

— Andy Weir

378. “I can’t blame it. Its whole purpose is to prevent the atmosphere from becoming lethal. Nobody at NASA thought, “Hey, let’s allow a fatal lack of oxygen that will make everyone drop dead!”

— Andy Weir

379. “That’s how justice works around here. We don’t have jails or fines. If you commit a serious crime, we exile you to Earth. For everything else, there’s Rudy.”

— Andy Weir

380. “During the trip I’ll need to breathe, eat, and drink.”

— Andy Weir

381. “Even a small static discharge would have led to my own private Hindenburg.”

— Andy Weir

382. “Why doesn’t Rosco just go to the Duke farm and arrest them when they’re not in the car?”

— Andy Weir

383. “It’s the same one I used to power the drill that destroyed Pathfinder. I call it my “lucky cable.”

— Andy Weir

384. “Ready for depress?” Dale asked via the radio. “Pretty depressed, yeah,” I said. “Don’t joke around. Not with airlock procedures.” “Sheesh, you really suck the air out of the room, you know that?” “Jazz!”

— Andy Weir

385. “Why not? It should be pretty damned obvious why not! They didn’t want to put astronauts next to a glowing hot ball of radioactive death!”

— Andy Weir

386. “There is no “stationary” in a solar system. You’re always moving around something.”

— Andy Weir

387. “She knew right then no one’s mind would change. They were going back to Mars.”

— Andy Weir

388. “You’re a smart-ass, Tim,” Venkat said. “Noted.”

— Andy Weir

389. “The next major storm would cause the Great Martian Potato Migration.”

— Andy Weir

390. “I tested the brackets by hitting them with rocks. This kind of sophistication is what we interplanetary scientists are known for.”

— Andy Weir

391. “My cart is a pain in the ass to control, but it’s good at carrying heavy things. So I decided it was male. I named him Trigger.”

— Andy Weir

392. “Evolution is extremely good at filling every nook in the ecosystem.”

— Andy Weir

393. “You may wonder why I’m not in the Hab right now. Because I fled in terror, that’s why! And I’m not sure what the hell to do next.”

— Andy Weir

394. “What’s next on your reading list? Discover your next great read! Get personalized book picks and up-to-date news about this author. Sign up now.”

— Andy Weir

395. “Mitch poked the table with his finger. “They deserve to know. You think Commander Lewis can’t handle the truth?”

— Andy Weir

396. “If you think turbulence is rough in a jetliner going 720 kph, just imagine what it’s like at 28,000 kph.”

— Andy Weir

397. “Oh thank God. I can’t imagine explaining “sleep” to someone who had never heard of it. Hey, I’m going to fall unconscious and hallucinate for a while. By the way, I spend a third of my time doing this. And if I can’t do it for a while, I go insane and eventually die. No need for concern.”

— Andy Weir

398. “Evolution can be insanely effective when you leave it alone for a few billion years.”

— Andy Weir

399. “I don’t want to look dumb in front of the aliens.”

— Andy Weir

400. “I have to assume friendly intent at this point. I mean, they’re going out of their way to say hi and be accommodating. Besides, if there is hostile intent, what would I do about it? Die. That’s what I’d do. I’m a scientist, not Buck Rogers.”

— Andy Weir