Top 500 Andy Weir Quotes (2026 Update)
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351. “How long will the patch take?” Venkat asked. “Should be pretty much instant,” Jack answered. “Watney entered the hack earlier today, and we confirmed it worked. We updated Pathfinder’s OS without any problems. We sent the rover patch, which Pathfinder rebroadcast. Once Watney executes the patch and reboots the rover, we should get a connection.” “Jesus, what a complicated process,” Venkat said. “Try updating a Linux server sometime,” Jack said.”

— Andy Weir

352. “I can create the O2 easily enough. It takes twenty hours for the MAV fuel plant to fill its 10-liter tank with CO2. The oxygenator can turn it into O2, then the atmospheric regulator will see the O2 content in the Hab is high, and pull it out of the air, storing it in the main O2 tanks. They’ll fill up, so I’ll have to transfer O2 over to the rovers’ tanks and even the space suit tanks as necessary.”

— Andy Weir

353. “It was right where I left it, in a hole four kilometers away. Only an idiot would keep that thing near the Hab. So anyway, I brought it back to the Hab.”

— Andy Weir

354. “It is of course dangerous to set off an explosive device on a spacecraft.”

— Andy Weir

355. “Well,” he said. “It was funded by New Zealand. But the idea was to provide power for Africa.” “Why would New Zealand pay a bunch of money to help Africa?” I asked. “Because we’re nice,” Redell said. “Wow,” I said. “I know New Zealand is pretty cool but – ” “And it was going to be a New Zealand–owned company that charged for the power,” Redell said. “There it is.”

— Andy Weir

356. “Staying alive isn’t about oxygen, it’s about getting rid of CO2.”

— Andy Weir

357. “I’ve gone from “sole-surviving space explorer” to “guy with wacky new roommate.”

— Andy Weir

358. “Everything just changed. Watney’s headed for Pathfinder.”

— Andy Weir

359. “The Hail Mary has always looked like something out of a Heinlein novel.”

— Andy Weir

360. “I have a much bigger problem. The farm is dead.”

— Andy Weir

361. “But more important, they’ll be cooked. When you cook food, the proteins break down, and the food becomes easier to digest. I’ll get more calories out of it, and I need every calorie I can get my hands on.”

— Andy Weir

362. “Thing is,” Chuck continued, “without the dish, a signal would have to be really strong – ” “Like, melting-the-pigeons strong,” Morris supplied. “ – for him to get it,” Chuck finished.”

— Andy Weir

363. “Sure enough, the water heated up. That’s not really a surprise, but it’s nice to see thermodynamics being well behaved.”

— Andy Weir

364. “I’m such a dumb-ass for not thinking of it! And my dumb-assery almost got me killed! I’m really going to have to be more careful.”

— Andy Weir

365. “Human brains are amazing things. We can get used to just about anything.”

— Andy Weir

366. “That’s really the limiting factor to life support. Not the amount of oxygen you bring with you, but the amount of CO2 you can remove.”

— Andy Weir

367. “Cool thing about pendulums: The time it takes for one to swing forward and backward – the period – won’t change, no matter how wide it swings. If it’s got a lot of energy, it’ll swing farther and faster, but the period will still be the same. This is what mechanical clocks take advantage of to keep time.”

— Andy Weir

368. “I suppose I’ll think of something. Or die.”

— Andy Weir

369. “I’ll need to trick out a rover. Basically it’ll have to be a mobile Hab. I’ll pick Rover 2 as my target. We have a certain bond, after I spent two days in it during the Great Hydrogen Scare of Sol 37.”

— Andy Weir

370. “It’s kind of silly if you think about it. I’m in my space suit on Mars and I’m navigating with sixteenth-century tools.”

— Andy Weir

371. “How did you know that?” Annie asked, getting annoyed. “Elrond,” Bruce said. “The Council of Elrond. From Lord of the Rings. It’s the meeting where they decide to destroy the One Ring.” “Jesus,” Annie said. “None of you got laid in high school, did you?”

— Andy Weir

372. “The rover was not so lucky. It continued tumbling down the hill, bouncing the traveler around like clothes in a dryer. After twenty meters, the soft powder gave way to more solid sand and the rover shuddered to a halt. It had come to rest on its side. The valves leading to the now- missing hoses had detected the sudden pressure drop and closed. The pressure seal was not breached. The traveler was alive, for now.”

— Andy Weir

373. “Human waste has pathogens in it that, you guessed it, infect humans.”

— Andy Weir

374. “I would have done it today, but it got dark and I got lazy.”

— Andy Weir

375. “Evolution can be insanely effective when you leave it alone for a few billion years.”

— Andy Weir

376. “I would only be “in command” of the mission if I were the only remaining person. What do you know? I’m in command.”

— Andy Weir

377. “Something very hot and very explodey had happened, and I wasn’t sure what. Or how.”

— Andy Weir

378. “I headed to the waiting area next to the train airlock and joined a crowd of tourists. All the seats were taken and dozens more people stood around. Several families had obnoxious kids bouncing off the walls. In this case, “bouncing off the walls” is not just a figure of speech. The overstimulated kids were literally bouncing off the walls. Lunar gravity is the worst thing to ever happen to parents.”

— Andy Weir

379. “You may be wondering what else I do with my free time. I spend a lot of it sitting around on my lazy ass watching TV. But also do you, so don’t judge.”

— Andy Weir

380. “I’m not talking about faith in God, I’m talking about faith in Mark Watney.”

— Andy Weir

381. “The questions are many: How long can he last? How much food does he have? Can Ares 4 rescue him? How will we talk to him? The answers to these questions are not what we want to hear. “I can’t promise we’ll succeed in rescuing him, but I can promise this: The entire focus of NASA will be to bring Mark Watney home. This will be our overriding and singular obsession until he is either back on Earth or confirmed dead on Mars.”

— Andy Weir

382. “Live Another Sol would be an awesome name for a James Bond movie.”

— Andy Weir

383. “It’s a terrible thing to have my life depend on my half-assed handiwork.”

— Andy Weir

384. “Call me crazy, but I didn’t want the drill explosively launched at my face.”

— Andy Weir

385. “That’s how justice works around here. We don’t have jails or fines. If you commit a serious crime, we exile you to Earth. For everything else, there’s Rudy.”

— Andy Weir

386. “I’m so close to Schiaparelli I can taste it. I guess it would taste like sand, mostly, but that’s not the point.”

— Andy Weir

387. “It’s all good to go. No problems that I can see.”

— Andy Weir

388. “Rocky’s word for “one” is just two notes played at the same time.”

— Andy Weir

389. “Mars is not Earth. It doesn’t have a thick atmosphere to bend light and carry particles that reflect light around corners. It’s damn near a vacuum here.”

— Andy Weir

390. “I’m a well-honed machine in times of crisis.”

— Andy Weir

391. “Or maybe they’ll board my ship and lay eggs in my brain. You can never be sure.”

— Andy Weir

392. “One of my favorite experiments with the kids is to have them look at a drop of water. A drop of water, preferably one from a puddle outside, will be swarming with life. It always goes over well, except for the occasional kid who then refuses to drink water for a while.”

— Andy Weir

393. “Anything, Tim?” “Totally,” he replied. “But we’re staring at this black screen because it’s way more interesting than pictures from Mars.” “You’re a smart-ass, Tim,” Venkat said. “Noted.”

— Andy Weir

394. “That’s the ceremonial uniform,” I said. “I mean a duty uniform. Light shirt, dark pants with a yellow stripe?” “Oh, Han Solo pants. Yeah, he had those on.” “Okay, thanks.” Pfft. Han Solo’s pants have a red stripe. And it’s not even a stripe – it’s a bunch of dashes. Some people have no education.”

— Andy Weir

395. “How did I end up in this situation? I’m the district sales manager of a napkin factor. Why is my daughter in space?”

— Andy Weir

396. “So that’s the situation. I’m stranded on Mars.”

— Andy Weir

397. “If we do this,” Vogel said, “it would be over one thousand days of space. This is enough space for a life. I do not need to return.”

— Andy Weir

398. “If the RTG ever broke open, it would kill me to death.”

— Andy Weir

399. “Very few people get a chance to quantify how much their father loves them. But I did. The job should have taken forty-five minutes, but Dad spent three and a half hours on it. My father loves me 366 percent more than he loves anything else. Good to know.”

— Andy Weir

400. “Ever transcribed 141 random bytes, one-half of a byte at a time?”

— Andy Weir