Top 500 Andy Weir Quotes (2026 Update)
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101. “Humanity isn’t alone in the universe. And I’ve just met our neighbors.”

— Andy Weir

102. “Maybe it’s just the childish optimist in me, but humanity can be pretty impressive when we put our minds to it.”

— Andy Weir

103. “Sheesh – you almost ruin a mission one time and all of a sudden you have an alien-enforced bedtime.”

— Andy Weir

104. “Like, melting-the-pigeons strong,” Morris supplied. “ – for him to get it,” Chuck finished.”

— Andy Weir

105. “Well, okay. I know the answer to that. Part of it might be what I represent: progress, science, and the interplanetary future we’ve dreamed of for centuries. But really, they did it because every human being has a basic instinct to help each other out. It might not seem that way sometimes, but it’s true.”

— Andy Weir

106. “Fun fact: This is exactly how the Apollo 1 crew died. Wish me luck!”

— Andy Weir

107. “Tomorrow night, I’ll be in Giovanni Schiaparelli’s favorite hole!”

— Andy Weir

108. “I am happy. You no die. Let’s save planets!”

— Andy Weir

109. “You never get diodes right on the first try.”

— Andy Weir

110. “It’s a simple idiot-proofing scheme that’s very effective. But no idiot-proofing can overcome a determined idiot.”

— Andy Weir

111. “Well, if I could have anything, it would be for the green-skinned yet beautiful Queen of Mars to rescue me so she can learn more about this Earth thing called “lovemaking.”

— Andy Weir

112. “This is happy! Your face opening is in sad mode. Why, question?”

— Andy Weir

113. “The overstimulated kids were literally bouncing off the walls. Lunar gravity is the worst thing to ever happen to parents.”

— Andy Weir

114. “Of course the Eridian language has no words for colors. Why would it? I never thought of colors as a mysterious thing. But if you’ve never heard of them before, I guess they’re pretty weird. We have names for frequency ranges in the electromagnetic spectrum. Then again, my students all have eyes and they were still amazed when I told them “x-rays,” “microwaves,” “Wi-Fi,” and “purple” were all just wavelengths of light.”

— Andy Weir

115. “Making a sextant isn’t hard. All you need is a tube to look through, a string, a weight and something with degree markings. I made mine in under an hour.”

— Andy Weir

116. “No, no, no! You can’t just use ‘I’m saving the world’ as an excuse every time you’re a jerk.” She thought it over. “Yeah, okay. You may have a point.”

— Andy Weir

117. “I’m a botanist and mechanical engineer; basically, the mission’s fix-it man who played with plants. The mechanical engineering might save my life if something breaks.”

— Andy Weir

118. “How do I explain “impatience” to someone who lives seven hundred years?”

— Andy Weir

119. “In your face, Neil Armstrong!”

— Andy Weir

120. “As usual, I’m working with stuff that was deliberately designed not to burn. But no amount of careful design by NASA can get around a determined arsonist with a tank of pure oxygen.”

— Andy Weir

121. “We have figured this out, yes,” said Dimitri. “With lasers. It was very illuminating experiment.” “Was that a pun?” “It was!”

— Andy Weir

122. “A. John Young. He is the quintessential astronaut. Competent, fearless, highly intelligent, and seemingly immune to stress. When Apollo 16 launched, his heart rate never got higher than 70. Most astronauts spike to at least 120 during launches.”

— Andy Weir

123. “Bleh. I’m going to bed.”

— Andy Weir

124. “People will trust a reliable criminal more readily than a shady businessman.”

— Andy Weir

125. “One thing I learned back in my graduate school days: When you’re stupid tired, accept that you’re stupid tired. Don’t try to solve things right then.”

— Andy Weir

126. “Elrond,” Bruce said. “The Council of Elrond. From Lord of the Rings. It’s the meeting where they decide to destroy the One Ring.”

— Andy Weir

127. “Il mio buco del culo sta contribuendo alla mia sopravvivenza non meno del mio cervello.”

— Andy Weir

128. “I’ve gone from “sole-surviving space explorer” to “guy with a wacky new roommate.” It’ll be interesting to see how this plays out.”

— Andy Weir

129. “The biggest threat is giving up hope. If he decides there’s no chance to survive, he’ll stop trying.”

— Andy Weir

130. “To them, equipment failure is terrifying. To me, it’s “Tuesday.”

— Andy Weir

131. “Yes. There’ll be wars. Fought for the same reason most wars in ancient times were fought for: food. They’d use religion or glory or whatever as an excuse, but it was always about food. Farmlands and people to work that land.”

— Andy Weir

132. “So that’s the situation. I’m stranded on Mars. I have no way to communicate with Hermes or Earth. Everyone thinks I’m dead. I’m in a Hab designed to last thirty-one days. If the oxygenator breaks down, I’ll suffocate. If the water reclaimer breaks down, I’ll die of thirst. If the Hab breaches, I’ll just kind of explode. If none of those things happen, I’ll eventually run out of food and starve to death.”

— Andy Weir

133. “Who am I to question a creepy robot-armed computer overlord? I cautiously lick the substance.”

— Andy Weir

134. “There isn’t a lot of water here on Mars. There’s ice at the poles, but they’re too far away. If I want water, I’ll have to make it from scratch. Fortunately, I know the recipe: Take hydrogen. Add oxygen. Burn.”

— Andy Weir

135. “The airlock’s on its side, and I can hear a steady hiss. So either it’s leaking or there are snakes in here. Either way, I’m in trouble.”

— Andy Weir

136. “Anyway, it means I can finally eat meat. Yes, that’s right, I’m eating human meat. But it’s my own meat, and I don’t feel bad about it. Spend a decade eating nothing but odd-tasting, vaguely sweet vitamin shakes and then see if you’ll turn down a burger. I love meburgers. I eat one every day.”

— Andy Weir

137. “The Ares Program. Mankind reaching out to Mars to send people to another planet for the very first time and expand the horizons of humanity blah, blah, blah.”

— Andy Weir

138. “Okay, guys,” I say. “The enemy of my enemy is my friend. If Astrophage is your enemy, I’m your friend.”

— Andy Weir

139. “I now risked dying from oxygen toxicity, as the excessively high amount of oxygen threatened to burn up my nervous system, lungs, and eyes. An ironic death for someone with a leaky space suit: too much oxygen.”

— Andy Weir

140. “They say hunger is the greatest seasoning. When you’re starving, your brain rewards you handsomely for finally eating. Good job, it says, we get to not die for a while!”

— Andy Weir

141. “She walked back to the door and knocked on it. A guard opened it up. “Anyway. I just wanted you to know why I’m doing this. I owed you that.” “Go to hell.” “Oh, I will, believe me. You three are going to Tau Ceti. The rest of us are going to hell. More accurately, hell is coming to us.”

— Andy Weir

142. “But oxygen’s easier to find on Mars than you might think. The atmosphere is 95 percent CO2. And I happen to have a machine whose sole purpose is liberating oxygen from CO2. Yay, oxygenator!”

— Andy Weir

143. “Well my math was a damn liar!”

— Andy Weir

144. “And like all good plans, it required a crazy Ukrainian guy.”

— Andy Weir

145. “Option 1: Go home a hero and save all of humanity. Option 2: Go to Erid, save an alien species, and starve to death shortly after.”

— Andy Weir

146. “Sorry for the delay,” Vogel said. “I was required to make a bomb.”

— Andy Weir

147. “But in the end, if everything goes to plan, I’ll have 92 square meters of crop-able soil. Hell yeah I’m a botanist! Fear my botany powers!”

— Andy Weir

148. “Q. Star Wars or Star Trek? A. Doctor Who.”

— Andy Weir

149. “It’s like sticking your finger in a glass of water to see if it’s hot or cold. You put a tiny part of yourself into the vessel, and when you bring it back out, you’ve gained all the experiences it had.”

— Andy Weir

150. “I spend a lot of it sitting around on my lazy ass watching TV. But so do you, so don’t judge.”

— Andy Weir