Top 500 Andy Weir Quotes (2026 Update)
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101. “To them, equipment failure is terrifying. To me, it’s “Tuesday.”

— Andy Weir

102. “I need to ask myself, ‘What would an Apollo astronaut do?’ He’d drink three whiskey sours, drive his Corvette to the launchpad, then fly to the moon in a command module smaller than my Rover. Man those guys were cool.”

— Andy Weir

103. “So that’s the situation. I’m stranded on Mars. I have no way to communicate with Hermes or Earth. Everyone thinks I’m dead. I’m in a Hab designed to last thirty-one days. If the oxygenator breaks down, I’ll suffocate. If the water reclaimer breaks down, I’ll die of thirst. If the Hab breaches, I’ll just kind of explode. If none of those things happen, I’ll eventually run out of food and starve to death.”

— Andy Weir

104. “No!” I said. “Well. Yes. But it was a scientific poke with a very scientific stick.”

— Andy Weir

105. “There isn’t a lot of water here on Mars. There’s ice at the poles, but they’re too far away. If I want water, I’ll have to make it from scratch. Fortunately, I know the recipe: Take hydrogen. Add oxygen. Burn.”

— Andy Weir

106. “The airlock’s on its side, and I can hear a steady hiss. So either it’s leaking or there are snakes in here. Either way, I’m in trouble.”

— Andy Weir

107. “I’m smart enough now to know I’m stupid. That’s progress.”

— Andy Weir

108. “You have to stay hydrated if you want to save the world.”

— Andy Weir

109. “Son las cosas sencillas de la vida las que importan.”

— Andy Weir

110. “The overstimulated kids were literally bouncing off the walls. Lunar gravity is the worst thing to ever happen to parents.”

— Andy Weir

111. “Sorry for the delay,” Vogel said. “I was required to make a bomb.”

— Andy Weir

112. “Option 1: Go home a hero and save all of humanity. Option 2: Go to Erid, save an alien species, and starve to death shortly after.”

— Andy Weir

113. “But oxygen’s easier to find on Mars than you might think. The atmosphere is 95 percent CO2. And I happen to have a machine whose sole purpose is liberating oxygen from CO2. Yay, oxygenator!”

— Andy Weir

114. “I cut each potato into four pieces, making sure each piece had at least two eyes. The eyes are where they sprout from. I let them sit for a few hours to harden a bit, then planted them, well spaced apart, in the corner. Godspeed, little taters. My life depends on you.”

— Andy Weir

115. “Well my math was a damn liar!”

— Andy Weir

116. “Sheesh – you almost ruin a mission one time and all of a sudden you have an alien-enforced bedtime.”

— Andy Weir

117. “Who am I to question a creepy robot-armed computer overlord? I cautiously lick the substance.”

— Andy Weir

118. “A. John Young. He is the quintessential astronaut. Competent, fearless, highly intelligent, and seemingly immune to stress. When Apollo 16 launched, his heart rate never got higher than 70. Most astronauts spike to at least 120 during launches.”

— Andy Weir

119. “Okay, I’ve had a good night’s sleep, and things don’t seem as hopeless as they did yesterday.”

— Andy Weir

120. “Anyway, much more important: I simply can’t abide the replacement of Chrissy with Cindy. Three’s Company may never be the same after this fiasco. Time will tell.”

— Andy Weir

121. “I now risked dying from oxygen toxicity, as the excessively high amount of oxygen threatened to burn up my nervous system, lungs, and eyes. An ironic death for someone with a leaky space suit: too much oxygen.”

— Andy Weir

122. “Jesus, what a complicated process,” Venkat said. “Try updating a Linux server sometime,” Jack said. After a moment of silence, Tim said, “You know he was telling a joke, right? That was supposed to be funny.”

— Andy Weir

123. “I’m a botanist and mechanical engineer; basically, the mission’s fix-it man who played with plants. The mechanical engineering might save my life if something breaks.”

— Andy Weir

124. “As usual, I’m working with stuff that was deliberately designed not to burn. But no amount of careful design by NASA can get around a determined arsonist with a tank of pure oxygen.”

— Andy Weir

125. “She walked back to the door and knocked on it. A guard opened it up. “Anyway. I just wanted you to know why I’m doing this. I owed you that.” “Go to hell.” “Oh, I will, believe me. You three are going to Tau Ceti. The rest of us are going to hell. More accurately, hell is coming to us.”

— Andy Weir

126. “Bleh. I’m going to bed.”

— Andy Weir

127. “I’m the first person to be alone on an entire planet.”

— Andy Weir

128. “Abby preened. “You asked who could tell you the radius of Earth. Trang can tell you. I answered correctly.” Outsmarted by a thirteen-year-old.”

— Andy Weir

129. “Nothing like a language barrier to make people leave you alone.”

— Andy Weir

130. “Settled.” He puts his claw against the divider. “Fist my bump.” I laugh and put my knuckles against the xenonite. “Fist-bump. It’s just ’fist-bump.”

— Andy Weir

131. “We have figured this out, yes,” said Dimitri. “With lasers. It was very illuminating experiment.” “Was that a pun?” “It was!”

— Andy Weir

132. “Il mio buco del culo sta contribuendo alla mia sopravvivenza non meno del mio cervello.”

— Andy Weir

133. “Love of science is universal across all cultures.”

— Andy Weir

134. “I spend a lot of it sitting around on my lazy ass watching TV. But so do you, so don’t judge.”

— Andy Weir

135. “I’m not the right guy for this job. I’m a last-second replacement because the actually qualified people blew up. But I’m here. I may not have all the answers, but I’m here.”

— Andy Weir

136. “Not enough,” Annie said. “The press is crawling down my throat for this. And up my ass. Both directions, Venkat! They’re gonna meet in the middle!”

— Andy Weir

137. “My master’s degree in botany makes me pretty sure plants need wet dirt to grow in.”

— Andy Weir

138. “Deimos is a little piece of crap that’s no good to anyone.”

— Andy Weir

139. “This all sounds like a great idea with no chance of catastrophic failure.”

— Andy Weir

140. “And like all good plans, it required a crazy Ukrainian guy.”

— Andy Weir

141. “Voy a abandonar Marte hoy, de una forma o de otra. Ya era hora, joder.”

— Andy Weir

142. “Disco. God damn it, Lewis.”

— Andy Weir

143. “Naturally,” Teddy said. “Astronauts are inherently insane. And really noble. What’s the idea?”

— Andy Weir

144. “I am happy. You no die. Let’s save planets!”

— Andy Weir

145. “But in the end, if everything goes to plan, I’ll have 92 square meters of crop-able soil. Hell yeah I’m a botanist! Fear my botany powers!”

— Andy Weir

146. “Goodness me! DuBois appears to be black! I’m surprised you allowed it! Aren’t you afraid he’ll ruin the mission with talk of rap music and basketball?”

— Andy Weir

147. “It’s like sticking your finger in a glass of water to see if it’s hot or cold. You put a tiny part of yourself into the vessel, and when you bring it back out, you’ve gained all the experiences it had.”

— Andy Weir

148. “Also, have I mentioned I’m sick of potatoes? Because, by God, I am sick of potatoes. If I ever return to Earth, I’m going to buy a nice little home in Western Australia. Because Western Australia is on the opposite side of Earth from Idaho.”

— Andy Weir

149. “Adding it to water and active bacteria would quickly get it inundated, replacing any population killed by the Toilet of Doom.”

— Andy Weir

150. “Yes. There’ll be wars. Fought for the same reason most wars in ancient times were fought for: food. They’d use religion or glory or whatever as an excuse, but it was always about food. Farmlands and people to work that land.”

— Andy Weir