Top 500 Andy Weir Quotes (2026 Update)
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101. “Well my math was a damn liar!”

— Andy Weir

102. “Q. Star Wars or Star Trek? A. Doctor Who.”

— Andy Weir

103. “Tomorrow night, I’ll be in Giovanni Schiaparelli’s favorite hole!”

— Andy Weir

104. “The Ares Program. Mankind reaching out to Mars to send people to another planet for the very first time and expand the horizons of humanity blah, blah, blah.”

— Andy Weir

105. “You never get diodes right on the first try.”

— Andy Weir

106. “In your face, Neil Armstrong!”

— Andy Weir

107. “Well, if I could have anything, it would be for the green-skinned yet beautiful Queen of Mars to rescue me so she can learn more about this Earth thing called “lovemaking.”

— Andy Weir

108. “People will trust a reliable criminal more readily than a shady businessman.”

— Andy Weir

109. “Making a sextant isn’t hard. All you need is a tube to look through, a string, a weight and something with degree markings. I made mine in under an hour.”

— Andy Weir

110. “To them, equipment failure is terrifying. To me, it’s “Tuesday.”

— Andy Weir

111. “I need to ask myself, ‘What would an Apollo astronaut do?’ He’d drink three whiskey sours, drive his Corvette to the launchpad, then fly to the moon in a command module smaller than my Rover. Man those guys were cool.”

— Andy Weir

112. “So that’s the situation. I’m stranded on Mars. I have no way to communicate with Hermes or Earth. Everyone thinks I’m dead. I’m in a Hab designed to last thirty-one days. If the oxygenator breaks down, I’ll suffocate. If the water reclaimer breaks down, I’ll die of thirst. If the Hab breaches, I’ll just kind of explode. If none of those things happen, I’ll eventually run out of food and starve to death.”

— Andy Weir

113. “No!” I said. “Well. Yes. But it was a scientific poke with a very scientific stick.”

— Andy Weir

114. “There isn’t a lot of water here on Mars. There’s ice at the poles, but they’re too far away. If I want water, I’ll have to make it from scratch. Fortunately, I know the recipe: Take hydrogen. Add oxygen. Burn.”

— Andy Weir

115. “The airlock’s on its side, and I can hear a steady hiss. So either it’s leaking or there are snakes in here. Either way, I’m in trouble.”

— Andy Weir

116. “My master’s degree in botany makes me pretty sure plants need wet dirt to grow in.”

— Andy Weir

117. “Deimos is a little piece of crap that’s no good to anyone.”

— Andy Weir

118. “This all sounds like a great idea with no chance of catastrophic failure.”

— Andy Weir

119. “And like all good plans, it required a crazy Ukrainian guy.”

— Andy Weir

120. “Voy a abandonar Marte hoy, de una forma o de otra. Ya era hora, joder.”

— Andy Weir

121. “Disco. God damn it, Lewis.”

— Andy Weir

122. “Naturally,” Teddy said. “Astronauts are inherently insane. And really noble. What’s the idea?”

— Andy Weir

123. “I am happy. You no die. Let’s save planets!”

— Andy Weir

124. “But in the end, if everything goes to plan, I’ll have 92 square meters of crop-able soil. Hell yeah I’m a botanist! Fear my botany powers!”

— Andy Weir

125. “Sheesh – you almost ruin a mission one time and all of a sudden you have an alien-enforced bedtime.”

— Andy Weir

126. “Who am I to question a creepy robot-armed computer overlord? I cautiously lick the substance.”

— Andy Weir

127. “A. John Young. He is the quintessential astronaut. Competent, fearless, highly intelligent, and seemingly immune to stress. When Apollo 16 launched, his heart rate never got higher than 70. Most astronauts spike to at least 120 during launches.”

— Andy Weir

128. “Okay, I’ve had a good night’s sleep, and things don’t seem as hopeless as they did yesterday.”

— Andy Weir

129. “Anyway, much more important: I simply can’t abide the replacement of Chrissy with Cindy. Three’s Company may never be the same after this fiasco. Time will tell.”

— Andy Weir

130. “I now risked dying from oxygen toxicity, as the excessively high amount of oxygen threatened to burn up my nervous system, lungs, and eyes. An ironic death for someone with a leaky space suit: too much oxygen.”

— Andy Weir

131. “Jesus, what a complicated process,” Venkat said. “Try updating a Linux server sometime,” Jack said. After a moment of silence, Tim said, “You know he was telling a joke, right? That was supposed to be funny.”

— Andy Weir

132. “I’m a botanist and mechanical engineer; basically, the mission’s fix-it man who played with plants. The mechanical engineering might save my life if something breaks.”

— Andy Weir

133. “As usual, I’m working with stuff that was deliberately designed not to burn. But no amount of careful design by NASA can get around a determined arsonist with a tank of pure oxygen.”

— Andy Weir

134. “She walked back to the door and knocked on it. A guard opened it up. “Anyway. I just wanted you to know why I’m doing this. I owed you that.” “Go to hell.” “Oh, I will, believe me. You three are going to Tau Ceti. The rest of us are going to hell. More accurately, hell is coming to us.”

— Andy Weir

135. “Bleh. I’m going to bed.”

— Andy Weir

136. “I’m the first person to be alone on an entire planet.”

— Andy Weir

137. “Abby preened. “You asked who could tell you the radius of Earth. Trang can tell you. I answered correctly.” Outsmarted by a thirteen-year-old.”

— Andy Weir

138. “Nothing like a language barrier to make people leave you alone.”

— Andy Weir

139. “Settled.” He puts his claw against the divider. “Fist my bump.” I laugh and put my knuckles against the xenonite. “Fist-bump. It’s just ’fist-bump.”

— Andy Weir

140. “We have figured this out, yes,” said Dimitri. “With lasers. It was very illuminating experiment.” “Was that a pun?” “It was!”

— Andy Weir

141. “Il mio buco del culo sta contribuendo alla mia sopravvivenza non meno del mio cervello.”

— Andy Weir

142. “Love of science is universal across all cultures.”

— Andy Weir

143. “I spend a lot of it sitting around on my lazy ass watching TV. But so do you, so don’t judge.”

— Andy Weir

144. “I’m not the right guy for this job. I’m a last-second replacement because the actually qualified people blew up. But I’m here. I may not have all the answers, but I’m here.”

— Andy Weir

145. “Not enough,” Annie said. “The press is crawling down my throat for this. And up my ass. Both directions, Venkat! They’re gonna meet in the middle!”

— Andy Weir

146. “If I get back to Earth, I’ll be famous, right? A fearless astronaut who beat all the odds, right? I bet women like that. More motivation to stay alive.”

— Andy Weir

147. “Elrond,” Bruce said. “The Council of Elrond. From Lord of the Rings. It’s the meeting where they decide to destroy the One Ring.”

— Andy Weir

148. “The biggest threat is giving up hope. If he decides there’s no chance to survive, he’ll stop trying.”

— Andy Weir

149. “THEY GATHERED. Everywhere on Earth, they gathered. In Trafalgar Square and Tiananmen Square and Times Square, they watched on giant screens.”

— Andy Weir

150. “Any concerns or reservations?” Venkat asked. “Yeah. I’m concerned about what I ate last night. I think it had an eyeball in it.” “I’m sure there wasn’t an eyeball.” “The engineers here made it for me special,” Mitch said. “There may have been an eyeball,” Venkat said. “They hate you.”

— Andy Weir