Top 500 Andy Weir Quotes (2024 Update)
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101. “Anyway, much more important: I simply can’t abide the replacement of Chrissy with Cindy. Three’s Company may never be the same after this fiasco. Time will tell.”

— Andy Weir

102. “I now risked dying from oxygen toxicity, as the excessively high amount of oxygen threatened to burn up my nervous system, lungs, and eyes. An ironic death for someone with a leaky space suit: too much oxygen.”

— Andy Weir

103. “Resistors heat up. It’s what they do.”

— Andy Weir

104. “Jesus, what a complicated process,” Venkat said. “Try updating a Linux server sometime,” Jack said. After a moment of silence, Tim said, “You know he was telling a joke, right? That was supposed to be funny.”

— Andy Weir

105. “I need to ask myself, ‘What would an Apollo astronaut do?’ He’d drink three whiskey sours, drive his Corvette to the launchpad, then fly to the moon in a command module smaller than my Rover. Man those guys were cool.”

— Andy Weir

106. “Q. Star Wars or Star Trek? A. Doctor Who.”

— Andy Weir

107. “So that’s the situation. I’m stranded on Mars. I have no way to communicate with Hermes or Earth. Everyone thinks I’m dead. I’m in a Hab designed to last thirty-one days. If the oxygenator breaks down, I’ll suffocate. If the water reclaimer breaks down, I’ll die of thirst. If the Hab breaches, I’ll just kind of explode. If none of those things happen, I’ll eventually run out of food and starve to death.”

— Andy Weir

108. “Tomorrow night, I’ll be in Giovanni Schiaparelli’s favorite hole!”

— Andy Weir

109. “People will trust a reliable criminal more readily than a shady businessman.”

— Andy Weir

110. “In space, no one can hear you scream like a little girl.”

— Andy Weir

111. “Half the people who studied botany were hippies who thought they could return to some natural world system. Somehow feeding seven billion people through pure gathering. They spent most of their time working out better ways to grow pot. I didn’t like them.”

— Andy Weir

112. “Duct tape works anywhere. Duct tape is magic and should be worshipped.”

— Andy Weir

113. “At its heart, The Martian is a tale of survival of the geekiest.”

— Andy Weir

114. “We’re part of the ecology, Ms. Stratt. We’re not outside it. The plants we eat, the animals we ranch, the air we breathe – it’s all part of the tapestry. It’s all connected. As the biomes collapse, it’ll have a direct impact on humanity.”

— Andy Weir

115. “If I get back to Earth, I’ll be famous, right? A fearless astronaut who beat all the odds, right? I bet women like that. More motivation to stay alive.”

— Andy Weir

116. “Normally a nanosyringe would be controlled by finely tuned equipment. But I just wanted some stabby time and didn’t care about the tool’s integrity.”

— Andy Weir

117. “In your face, Neil Armstrong!”

— Andy Weir

118. “Cuatro horas de trabajo miserable, pero lo he terminado.”

— Andy Weir

119. “It’s a simple idiot-proofing scheme that’s very effective. But no idiot-proofing can overcome a determined idiot.”

— Andy Weir

120. “I am sad also. But we not be sad for long. You are scientist. I am engineer. Together we solve.”

— Andy Weir

121. “I’m a botanist and mechanical engineer; basically, the mission’s fix-it man who played with plants. The mechanical engineering might save my life if something breaks.”

— Andy Weir

122. “I’m not the right guy for this job. I’m a last-second replacement because the actually qualified people blew up. But I’m here. I may not have all the answers, but I’m here.”

— Andy Weir

123. “And like all good plans, it required a crazy Ukrainian guy.”

— Andy Weir

124. “Any concerns or reservations?” Venkat asked. “Yeah. I’m concerned about what I ate last night. I think it had an eyeball in it.” “I’m sure there wasn’t an eyeball.” “The engineers here made it for me special,” Mitch said. “There may have been an eyeball,” Venkat said. “They hate you.”

— Andy Weir

125. “A. John Young. He is the quintessential astronaut. Competent, fearless, highly intelligent, and seemingly immune to stress. When Apollo 16 launched, his heart rate never got higher than 70. Most astronauts spike to at least 120 during launches.”

— Andy Weir

126. “No!” I said. “Well. Yes. But it was a scientific poke with a very scientific stick.”

— Andy Weir

127. “Making a sextant isn’t hard. All you need is a tube to look through, a string, a weight and something with degree markings. I made mine in under an hour.”

— Andy Weir

128. “I’m out of caffeine pills. No more Martian coffee for me.”

— Andy Weir

129. “What do you know? I’m in command. I wonder if this log will be recovered before the rest of the crew die of old age. I presume they got back to Earth all right. Guys, if you’re reading this: It wasn’t your fault. You did what you had to do. In your position I would have done the same thing. I don’t blame you, and I’m glad you survived.”

— Andy Weir

130. “Sheesh – you almost ruin a mission one time and all of a sudden you have an alien-enforced bedtime.”

— Andy Weir

131. “If I make any mistakes, there’ll be nothing left but the “Mark Watney Memorial Crater” where the Hab once stood.”

— Andy Weir

132. “The problem with small pressure vessels is CO2 toxicity. You can have all the oxygen in the world, but once the CO2 gets above 1 percent, you’ll start to get drowsy. At 2 percent, it’s like being drunk. At 5 percent, it’s hard to stay conscious. Eight percent will eventually kill you. Staying alive isn’t about oxygen, it’s about getting rid of CO2.”

— Andy Weir

133. “Mars keeps trying to kill me.”

— Andy Weir

134. “Come on! I thought you liked Mexican!”

— Andy Weir

135. “Problem: The regulator takes 21.5 pirate-ninjas. Even adding.”

— Andy Weir

136. “Venkat pulled out his cell phone. “We lost contact with Pathfinder in 1997. If he can get it online again, we can communicate. It might just need the solar cells cleaned. Even if it’s got a bigger problem, he’s an engineer!” Dialing, he added, “Fixing things is his job!”

— Andy Weir

137. “Venkat was silent for a moment. “Jack, I’m going to buy your whole team autographed Star Trek memorabilia.” “I prefer Star Wars,” he said, turning to leave. “The original trilogy only, of course.”

— Andy Weir

138. “I clench every part of me that I know how to clench. It gives me a feeling of control. I’m doing something by aggressively doing nothing.”

— Andy Weir

139. “But oxygen’s easier to find on Mars than you might think. The atmosphere is 95 percent CO2. And I happen to have a machine whose sole purpose is liberating oxygen from CO2. Yay, oxygenator!”

— Andy Weir

140. “Even if it’s got a bigger problem, he’s an engineer!” Dialing, he added, “Fixing things is his job!”

— Andy Weir

141. “Sugar has 4000 food-calories per kilogram. One food-calorie is 4184 Joules. Sugar in zero-g will float and the grains will separate, maximizing surface area. In a pure-oxygen environment, 16.7 million joules will be released for every kilogram of sugar used, releasing the explosive force of eight sticks of dynamite. Such is the nature of combustion in pure oxygen.”

— Andy Weir

142. “You never get diodes right on the first try.”

— Andy Weir

143. “We have figured this out, yes,” said Dimitri. “With lasers. It was very illuminating experiment.” “Was that a pun?” “It was!”

— Andy Weir

144. “Disco. God damn it, Lewis.”

— Andy Weir

145. “Humanity’s first miscommunication with an intelligent alien race. Glad I could be a part of it.”

— Andy Weir

146. “I knew she’d have an ASCII table in there somewhere. All computer geeks do.”

— Andy Weir

147. “Adding it to water and active bacteria would quickly get it inundated, replacing any population killed by the Toilet of Doom.”

— Andy Weir

148. “Of course the Eridian language has no words for colors. Why would it? I never thought of colors as a mysterious thing. But if you’ve never heard of them before, I guess they’re pretty weird. We have names for frequency ranges in the electromagnetic spectrum. Then again, my students all have eyes and they were still amazed when I told them “x-rays,” “microwaves,” “Wi-Fi,” and “purple” were all just wavelengths of light.”

— Andy Weir

149. “It’s a simple idea, but also stupid. Thing is, when stupid ideas work, they become genius ideas.”

— Andy Weir

150. “Every city needs an underbelly. It’s best to let the petty criminals do their thing and focus on bigger issues.”

— Andy Weir