Top 500 Andy Weir Quotes (2026 Update)
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101. “I may as well yell toward Earth for all the good that damned thing will do me.”

— Andy Weir

102. “How dare you call me lazy? I’d come up with a scathing retort but, meh, I’m just not motivated.”

— Andy Weir

103. “I’m not the right guy for this job. I’m a last-second replacement because the actually qualified people blew up. But I’m here. I may not have all the answers, but I’m here.”

— Andy Weir

104. “I need to ask myself, ‘What would an Apollo astronaut do?’ He’d drink three whiskey sours, drive his Corvette to the launchpad, then fly to the moon in a command module smaller than my Rover. Man those guys were cool.”

— Andy Weir

105. “Okay, guys,” I say. “The enemy of my enemy is my friend. If Astrophage is your enemy, I’m your friend.”

— Andy Weir

106. “The overstimulated kids were literally bouncing off the walls. Lunar gravity is the worst thing to ever happen to parents.”

— Andy Weir

107. “Of course the Eridian language has no words for colors. Why would it? I never thought of colors as a mysterious thing. But if you’ve never heard of them before, I guess they’re pretty weird. We have names for frequency ranges in the electromagnetic spectrum. Then again, my students all have eyes and they were still amazed when I told them “x-rays,” “microwaves,” “Wi-Fi,” and “purple” were all just wavelengths of light.”

— Andy Weir

108. “I cut each potato into four pieces, making sure each piece had at least two eyes. The eyes are where they sprout from. I let them sit for a few hours to harden a bit, then planted them, well spaced apart, in the corner. Godspeed, little taters. My life depends on you.”

— Andy Weir

109. “In the game I played a cleric. One of the magic spells I could cast was “Create Water.” I always thought it was a really stupid spell, and I never used it. Boy, what I wouldn’t give to be able to do that in real life right now.”

— Andy Weir

110. “No, no, no! You can’t just use ‘I’m saving the world’ as an excuse every time you’re a jerk.” She thought it over. “Yeah, okay. You may have a point.”

— Andy Weir

111. “No!” I said. “Well. Yes. But it was a scientific poke with a very scientific stick.”

— Andy Weir

112. “I am happy. You no die. Let’s save planets!”

— Andy Weir

113. “I’m a botanist and mechanical engineer; basically, the mission’s fix-it man who played with plants. The mechanical engineering might save my life if something breaks.”

— Andy Weir

114. “You never get diodes right on the first try.”

— Andy Weir

115. “Million-mile-high club,” Martinez said. “Nice!”

— Andy Weir

116. “Well, okay. I know the answer to that. Part of it might be what I represent: progress, science, and the interplanetary future we’ve dreamed of for centuries. But really, they did it because every human being has a basic instinct to help each other out. It might not seem that way sometimes, but it’s true.”

— Andy Weir

117. “Like, melting-the-pigeons strong,” Morris supplied. “ – for him to get it,” Chuck finished.”

— Andy Weir

118. “One thing I learned back in my graduate school days: When you’re stupid tired, accept that you’re stupid tired. Don’t try to solve things right then.”

— Andy Weir

119. “Elrond,” Bruce said. “The Council of Elrond. From Lord of the Rings. It’s the meeting where they decide to destroy the One Ring.”

— Andy Weir

120. “Well, if I could have anything, it would be for the green-skinned yet beautiful Queen of Mars to rescue me so she can learn more about this Earth thing called “lovemaking.”

— Andy Weir

121. “This is happy! Your face opening is in sad mode. Why, question?”

— Andy Weir

122. “They say hunger is the greatest seasoning. When you’re starving, your brain rewards you handsomely for finally eating. Good job, it says, we get to not die for a while!”

— Andy Weir

123. “She walked back to the door and knocked on it. A guard opened it up. “Anyway. I just wanted you to know why I’m doing this. I owed you that.” “Go to hell.” “Oh, I will, believe me. You three are going to Tau Ceti. The rest of us are going to hell. More accurately, hell is coming to us.”

— Andy Weir

124. “But oxygen’s easier to find on Mars than you might think. The atmosphere is 95 percent CO2. And I happen to have a machine whose sole purpose is liberating oxygen from CO2. Yay, oxygenator!”

— Andy Weir

125. “And like all good plans, it required a crazy Ukrainian guy.”

— Andy Weir

126. “Making a sextant isn’t hard. All you need is a tube to look through, a string, a weight and something with degree markings. I made mine in under an hour.”

— Andy Weir

127. “Sorry for the delay,” Vogel said. “I was required to make a bomb.”

— Andy Weir

128. “I’m all wired up, but if I don’t go to sleep soon, Rocky will start hassling me. Sheesh- you almost ruin a mission one time and all of a sudden you have an alien-enforced bedtime.”

— Andy Weir

129. “How do I explain “impatience” to someone who lives seven hundred years?”

— Andy Weir

130. “In your face, Neil Armstrong!”

— Andy Weir

131. “It’s a simple idiot-proofing scheme that’s very effective. But no idiot-proofing can overcome a determined idiot.”

— Andy Weir

132. “As usual, I’m working with stuff that was deliberately designed not to burn. But no amount of careful design by NASA can get around a determined arsonist with a tank of pure oxygen.”

— Andy Weir

133. “We have figured this out, yes,” said Dimitri. “With lasers. It was very illuminating experiment.” “Was that a pun?” “It was!”

— Andy Weir

134. “Bleh. I’m going to bed.”

— Andy Weir

135. “Anyway, much more important: I simply can’t abide the replacement of Chrissy with Cindy. Three’s Company may never be the same after this fiasco. Time will tell.”

— Andy Weir

136. “People will trust a reliable criminal more readily than a shady businessman.”

— Andy Weir

137. “I’ve gone from “sole-surviving space explorer” to “guy with a wacky new roommate.” It’ll be interesting to see how this plays out.”

— Andy Weir

138. “Il mio buco del culo sta contribuendo alla mia sopravvivenza non meno del mio cervello.”

— Andy Weir

139. “The biggest threat is giving up hope. If he decides there’s no chance to survive, he’ll stop trying.”

— Andy Weir

140. “To them, equipment failure is terrifying. To me, it’s “Tuesday.”

— Andy Weir

141. “Yes. There’ll be wars. Fought for the same reason most wars in ancient times were fought for: food. They’d use religion or glory or whatever as an excuse, but it was always about food. Farmlands and people to work that land.”

— Andy Weir

142. “So that’s the situation. I’m stranded on Mars. I have no way to communicate with Hermes or Earth. Everyone thinks I’m dead. I’m in a Hab designed to last thirty-one days. If the oxygenator breaks down, I’ll suffocate. If the water reclaimer breaks down, I’ll die of thirst. If the Hab breaches, I’ll just kind of explode. If none of those things happen, I’ll eventually run out of food and starve to death.”

— Andy Weir

143. “There isn’t a lot of water here on Mars. There’s ice at the poles, but they’re too far away. If I want water, I’ll have to make it from scratch. Fortunately, I know the recipe: Take hydrogen. Add oxygen. Burn.”

— Andy Weir

144. “Who am I to question a creepy robot-armed computer overlord? I cautiously lick the substance.”

— Andy Weir

145. “The airlock’s on its side, and I can hear a steady hiss. So either it’s leaking or there are snakes in here. Either way, I’m in trouble.”

— Andy Weir

146. “Anyway, it means I can finally eat meat. Yes, that’s right, I’m eating human meat. But it’s my own meat, and I don’t feel bad about it. Spend a decade eating nothing but odd-tasting, vaguely sweet vitamin shakes and then see if you’ll turn down a burger. I love meburgers. I eat one every day.”

— Andy Weir

147. “The Ares Program. Mankind reaching out to Mars to send people to another planet for the very first time and expand the horizons of humanity blah, blah, blah.”

— Andy Weir

148. “Not enough,” Annie said. “The press is crawling down my throat for this. And up my ass. Both directions, Venkat! They’re gonna meet in the middle!”

— Andy Weir

149. “I now risked dying from oxygen toxicity, as the excessively high amount of oxygen threatened to burn up my nervous system, lungs, and eyes. An ironic death for someone with a leaky space suit: too much oxygen.”

— Andy Weir

150. “All I had left was my oxygen tank. So it did the only thing it could do to keep me alive. It started backfilling with pure oxygen. I now risked dying of oxygen toxicity, as the excessively high amount of oxygen threatened to burn up my nervous system, lungs and eyes. An ironic death for someone with a leaky space suit: too much oxygen.”

— Andy Weir