Top 500 Andy Weir Quotes (2026 Update)
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401. “So instead, I went to good old “Spare Parts” Rover 1 and stole its environment heater. I’ve gutted that poor rover so much, it looks like I parked it in a bad part of town. I.”

— Andy Weir

402. “Hey, if you want to play life safe, don’t live on the moon.”

— Andy Weir

403. “It’s kind of silly if you think about it. I’m in my space suit on Mars and I’m navigating with sixteenth-century tools.”

— Andy Weir

404. “Redistribution of this e-book is permitted, so long as it is distributed for free.”

— Andy Weir

405. “Dear Jazz, Maybe you can do it in your head. I would give anything to be as smart as you. But I’m not. That’s okay. I work hard instead, and you’re lazy as hell.”

— Andy Weir

406. “Here’s the cool part: I will eventually go to Schiaparelli and commandeer the Ares 4 lander. Nobody explicitly gave me permission to do this, and they can’t until I’m aboard Ares 4 and operating the comm system. After I board Ares 4, before talking to NASA, I will take control of a craft in international waters without permission. That makes me a pirate! A space pirate!”

— Andy Weir

407. “The rover was not so lucky. It continued tumbling down the hill, bouncing the traveler around like clothes in a dryer. After twenty meters, the soft powder gave way to more solid sand and the rover shuddered to a halt. It had come to rest on its side. The valves leading to the now- missing hoses had detected the sudden pressure drop and closed. The pressure seal was not breached. The traveler was alive, for now.”

— Andy Weir

408. “Human waste has pathogens in it that, you guessed it, infect humans.”

— Andy Weir

409. “The only way to get all twenty-eight on the roof was to make stacks so high they’d fall off the first time I turned. If I lashed them together, they’d fall off as a unit. If I found a way to attach them perfectly to the rover, the rover would tip. I didn’t even bother to test. It was obvious by looking, and I didn’t want to break anything.”

— Andy Weir

410. “I’ve discovered that raw potatoes are disgusting.”

— Andy Weir

411. “It’s all part of the life-cycle of an economy. First it’s lawless capitalism until that starts to impede growth. Next comes regulation, law enforcement, and taxes. After that: public benefits and entitlements. Then, finally, overexpenditure and collapse.”

— Andy Weir

412. “But after a morning potato and Vicodin, I was feeling much better.”

— Andy Weir

413. “The questions are many: How long can he last? How much food does he have? Can Ares 4 rescue him? How will we talk to him? The answers to these questions are not what we want to hear. “I can’t promise we’ll succeed in rescuing him, but I can promise this: The entire focus of NASA will be to bring Mark Watney home. This will be our overriding and singular obsession until he is either back on Earth or confirmed dead on Mars.”

— Andy Weir

414. “I can create the O2 easily enough. It takes twenty hours for the MAV fuel plant to fill its 10-liter tank with CO2. The oxygenator can turn it into O2, then the atmospheric regulator will see the O2 content in the Hab is high, and pull it out of the air, storing it in the main O2 tanks. They’ll fill up, so I’ll have to transfer O2 over to the rovers’ tanks and even the space suit tanks as necessary.”

— Andy Weir

415. “You guys know about climate change, right? How our CO2 emissions have caused a lot of problems in the environment?” “My dad says that’s not real,” said Tamora. “Well, it is,” I said. “Anyway.”

— Andy Weir

416. “That’s how justice works around here. We don’t have jails or fines. If you commit a serious crime, we exile you to Earth. For everything else, there’s Rudy.”

— Andy Weir

417. “I’ve gone from “sole-surviving space explorer” to “guy with wacky new roommate.”

— Andy Weir

418. “I envy one thing about Earthers – they get much faster internet.”

— Andy Weir

419. “Ready for depress?” Dale asked via the radio. “Pretty depressed, yeah,” I said. “Don’t joke around. Not with airlock procedures.” “Sheesh, you really suck the air out of the room, you know that?” “Jazz!”

— Andy Weir

420. “It wouldn’t be so bad if the MAV blew up. I wouldn’t know what hit me, but if I miss the intercept, I’ll just float around in space until I run out of air. I have a contingency plan for that. I’ll drop the oxygen mixture to zero and breathe pure nitrogen until I suffocate. It wouldn’t feel bad. The lungs don’t have the ability to sense lack of oxygen. I’d just get tired, fall asleep, then die.”

— Andy Weir

421. “She knew right then no one’s mind would change. They were going back to Mars.”

— Andy Weir

422. “The next major storm would cause the Great Martian Potato Migration.”

— Andy Weir

423. “Only an idiot would keep that thing near the Hab. So anyway, I brought it back to the Hab.”

— Andy Weir

424. “So far, I think it’s been working. But who knows? I can see it now: me holding a map, scratching my head, trying to figure out how I ended up on Venus.”

— Andy Weir

425. “As soon as the rover toppled, I curled into a ball and cowered. That’s the kind of action hero I am.”

— Andy Weir

426. “Why not? It should be pretty damned obvious why not! They didn’t want to put astronauts next to a glowing hot ball of radioactive death!”

— Andy Weir

427. “They didn’t want to put astronauts next to a glowing hot ball of radioactive death!”

— Andy Weir

428. “I don’t have time for this. I have an alien thingy to catch.”

— Andy Weir

429. “Well, it is a photo taken from orbit,” Mindy said. “The NSA enhanced the image with the best software they have.” “Wait, what?” Venkat stammered. “The NSA?” “Yeah, they called and offered to help out.”

— Andy Weir

430. “The battery was a lithium thionyl chloride non-rechargeable. I figured that out from some subtle clues: the shape of the connection points, the thickness of the insulation, and the fact that it had “LiSOCl2 NON-RCHRG” written on it.”

— Andy Weir

431. “It’s the kids of today that’ll have to make the world of tomorrow work.”

— Andy Weir

432. “Because if he takes off his helmet, he’ll die.”

— Andy Weir

433. “I opened and closed my hands a few times. The bandages were off, but both hands were littered with red blisters. I looked like a leper. Or a hooker who gave handjobs exclusively to lepers.”

— Andy Weir

434. “Funny,” Venkat said. “Be a smart-ass to a guy seven levels above you at your company. See how that works out.” “Oh no,” Mindy said. “I might lose my job as an interplanetary voyeur? I guess I’d have to use my master’s degree for something else.” “I remember when you were shy.” “I’m space paparazzi now. The attitude comes with the job.” “Yeah, yeah,” Venkat said. “Just send the e-mail.” “Already sent.”

— Andy Weir

435. “The computer’s not being unreasonable. If I can’t remember my own name, I probably shouldn’t be allowed into delicate areas of the ship.”

— Andy Weir

436. “Then again, my students all have eyes and they were still amazed when I told them “x-rays,” “microwaves,” “Wi-Fi,” and “purple” were all just wavelengths of light.”

— Andy Weir

437. “It’s important to vary your profanities. If you use the same one too often it loses strength.”

— Andy Weir

438. “After I board Ares 4, before talking to NASA, I will take control of a craft in international waters without permission. That makes me a pirate! A space pirate!”

— Andy Weir

439. “There are probably a thousand things that led to them being sapient and stuff.”

— Andy Weir

440. “It just has to last long enough for me to get to safety. And where will that “safety” be? Not a damn clue.”

— Andy Weir

441. “Point is, the process worked!”

— Andy Weir

442. “Three comm systems, actually. I guess they aren’t taking any chances, what with my habit of being nearby when radios break.”

— Andy Weir

443. “Another similarity: You and me both willing to die for our people. Why, question? Evolution hate death.”

— Andy Weir

444. “There’s nothing better than knowing you’re going to outwit the reader.”

— Andy Weir

445. “You have been a bad alien cylinder,” I say to it. “You need a time-out.”

— Andy Weir

446. “With both of the trailer’s airlock doors open I was able to get the first battery in. After playing real-life Tetris for a while I found a way to get the first battery out of the way enough to let the second battery in.”

— Andy Weir

447. “What? Would I do a ridiculous amount of relativistic math to calculate our relative velocity at any given moment as perceived by my inertial reference frame and then do Lorentz transformations to figure out when the light from his engines will drop out of the Petrovascope’s perception range? Just so I know how much longer I can see my friend in the distance? Wouldn’t that be kind of pathetic? Yeah.”

— Andy Weir

448. “I tested the brackets by hitting them with rocks. This kind of sophistication is what we interplanetary scientists are known for.”

— Andy Weir

449. “Software engineers are sneaky bastards when it comes to data management.”

— Andy Weir

450. “It’s a good thing those numbers were right. If they hadn’t been, there would have been some serious scrambling when the orbital insertion went wrong. Maybe even some dying.”

— Andy Weir