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Top 500 Andy Weir Quotes (2026 Update)
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Andy Weir Quote: “I envy one thing about Earthers – they get much faster internet.”

401. “I envy one thing about Earthers – they get much faster internet.”

— Andy Weir

Andy Weir Quote: “That’s how justice works around here. We don’t have jails or fines. If you commit a serious crime, we exile you to Earth. For everything else, there’s Rudy.”

402. “That’s how justice works around here. We don’t have jails or fines. If you commit a serious crime, we exile you to Earth. For everything else, there’s Rudy.”

— Andy Weir

Andy Weir Quote: “It’s all good to go. No problems that I can see.”

403. “It’s all good to go. No problems that I can see.”

— Andy Weir

Andy Weir Quote: “The battery was a lithium thionyl chloride non-rechargeable. I figured that out from some subtle clues: the shape of the connection points, the thickness of the insulation, and the fact that it had “LiSOCl2 NON-RCHRG” written on it.”

404. “The battery was a lithium thionyl chloride non-rechargeable. I figured that out from some subtle clues: the shape of the connection points, the thickness of the insulation, and the fact that it had “LiSOCl2 NON-RCHRG” written on it.”

— Andy Weir

Andy Weir Quote: “Now on to my next task: sitting around with nothing to do for twelve hours. I better get started!”

405. “Now on to my next task: sitting around with nothing to do for twelve hours. I better get started!”

— Andy Weir

Andy Weir Quote: “How long will the patch take?” Venkat asked. “Should be pretty much instant,” Jack answered. “Watney entered the hack earlier today, and we confirmed it worked. We updated Pathfinder’s OS without any problems. We sent the rover patch, which Pathfinder rebroadcast. Once Watney executes the patch and reboots the rover, we should get a connection.” “Jesus, what a complicated process,” Venkat said. “Try updating a Linux server sometime,” Jack said.”

406. “How long will the patch take?” Venkat asked. “Should be pretty much instant,” Jack answered. “Watney entered the hack earlier today, and we confirmed it worked. We updated Pathfinder’s OS without any problems. We sent the rover patch, which Pathfinder rebroadcast. Once Watney executes the patch and reboots the rover, we should get a connection.” “Jesus, what a complicated process,” Venkat said. “Try updating a Linux server sometime,” Jack said.”

— Andy Weir

Andy Weir Quote: “Everything just changed. Watney’s headed for Pathfinder.”

407. “Everything just changed. Watney’s headed for Pathfinder.”

— Andy Weir

Andy Weir Quote: “Vogel,” she radioed. “I need you to come back in and make a bomb.” “Um. Again, please, Commander?” Vogel replied. “A bomb,” Lewis confirmed. “You’re a chemist. Can you make a bomb out of stuff on board?”

408. “Vogel,” she radioed. “I need you to come back in and make a bomb.” “Um. Again, please, Commander?” Vogel replied. “A bomb,” Lewis confirmed. “You’re a chemist. Can you make a bomb out of stuff on board?”

— Andy Weir

Andy Weir Quote: “Funny,” Venkat said. “Be a smart-ass to a guy seven levels above you at your company. See how that works out.” “Oh no,” Mindy said. “I might lose my job as an interplanetary voyeur? I guess I’d have to use my master’s degree for something else.” “I remember when you were shy.” “I’m space paparazzi now. The attitude comes with the job.” “Yeah, yeah,” Venkat said. “Just send the e-mail.” “Already sent.”

409. “Funny,” Venkat said. “Be a smart-ass to a guy seven levels above you at your company. See how that works out.” “Oh no,” Mindy said. “I might lose my job as an interplanetary voyeur? I guess I’d have to use my master’s degree for something else.” “I remember when you were shy.” “I’m space paparazzi now. The attitude comes with the job.” “Yeah, yeah,” Venkat said. “Just send the e-mail.” “Already sent.”

— Andy Weir

Andy Weir Quote: “The computer’s not being unreasonable. If I can’t remember my own name, I probably shouldn’t be allowed into delicate areas of the ship.”

410. “The computer’s not being unreasonable. If I can’t remember my own name, I probably shouldn’t be allowed into delicate areas of the ship.”

— Andy Weir

Andy Weir Quote: “It was right where I left it, in a hole four kilometers away. Only an idiot would keep that thing near the Hab. So anyway, I brought it back to the Hab.”

411. “It was right where I left it, in a hole four kilometers away. Only an idiot would keep that thing near the Hab. So anyway, I brought it back to the Hab.”

— Andy Weir

Andy Weir Quote: “I have a much bigger problem. The farm is dead.”

412. “I have a much bigger problem. The farm is dead.”

— Andy Weir

Andy Weir Quote: “Just tell mom the supplies would last, okay?”

413. “Just tell mom the supplies would last, okay?”

— Andy Weir

Andy Weir Quote: “Another similarity: You and me both willing to die for our people. Why, question? Evolution hate death.”

414. “Another similarity: You and me both willing to die for our people. Why, question? Evolution hate death.”

— Andy Weir

Andy Weir Quote: “Sure enough, the water heated up. That’s not really a surprise, but it’s nice to see thermodynamics being well behaved.”

415. “Sure enough, the water heated up. That’s not really a surprise, but it’s nice to see thermodynamics being well behaved.”

— Andy Weir

Andy Weir Quote: “What? Would I do a ridiculous amount of relativistic math to calculate our relative velocity at any given moment as perceived by my inertial reference frame and then do Lorentz transformations to figure out when the light from his engines will drop out of the Petrovascope’s perception range? Just so I know how much longer I can see my friend in the distance? Wouldn’t that be kind of pathetic? Yeah.”

416. “What? Would I do a ridiculous amount of relativistic math to calculate our relative velocity at any given moment as perceived by my inertial reference frame and then do Lorentz transformations to figure out when the light from his engines will drop out of the Petrovascope’s perception range? Just so I know how much longer I can see my friend in the distance? Wouldn’t that be kind of pathetic? Yeah.”

— Andy Weir

Andy Weir Quote: “I started the day with some nothin’ tea. Nothin’ tea is easy to make. First, get some hot water, then add nothin’. I experimented with potato skin tea a few weeks ago. The less said about that the better.”

417. “I started the day with some nothin’ tea. Nothin’ tea is easy to make. First, get some hot water, then add nothin’. I experimented with potato skin tea a few weeks ago. The less said about that the better.”

— Andy Weir

Andy Weir Quote: “This is one of those things I frequently have to explain to my students. Gravity doesn’t just “go away” when you’re in orbit. In fact, the gravity you experience in orbit is pretty much the same as you’d experience on the ground. The weightlessness that astronauts experience while in orbit comes from constantly falling. But the curvature of the Earth makes the ground go away at the same rate you fall. So you just fall forever.”

418. “This is one of those things I frequently have to explain to my students. Gravity doesn’t just “go away” when you’re in orbit. In fact, the gravity you experience in orbit is pretty much the same as you’d experience on the ground. The weightlessness that astronauts experience while in orbit comes from constantly falling. But the curvature of the Earth makes the ground go away at the same rate you fall. So you just fall forever.”

— Andy Weir

Andy Weir Quote: “But by the end of it I had a plan. And like all good plans, it required a crazy Ukrainian guy.”

419. “But by the end of it I had a plan. And like all good plans, it required a crazy Ukrainian guy.”

— Andy Weir

Andy Weir Quote: “Goddamn, it’s annoying to commit crimes in a small town.”

420. “Goddamn, it’s annoying to commit crimes in a small town.”

— Andy Weir

Andy Weir Quote: “I’ll need to trick out a rover. Basically it’ll have to be a mobile Hab. I’ll pick Rover 2 as my target. We have a certain bond, after I spent two days in it during the Great Hydrogen Scare of Sol 37.”

421. “I’ll need to trick out a rover. Basically it’ll have to be a mobile Hab. I’ll pick Rover 2 as my target. We have a certain bond, after I spent two days in it during the Great Hydrogen Scare of Sol 37.”

— Andy Weir

Andy Weir Quote: “I would have done it today, but it got dark and I got lazy.”

422. “I would have done it today, but it got dark and I got lazy.”

— Andy Weir

Andy Weir Quote: “But more important, they’ll be cooked. When you cook food, the proteins break down, and the food becomes easier to digest. I’ll get more calories out of it, and I need every calorie I can get my hands on.”

423. “But more important, they’ll be cooked. When you cook food, the proteins break down, and the food becomes easier to digest. I’ll get more calories out of it, and I need every calorie I can get my hands on.”

— Andy Weir

Andy Weir Quote: “Will an alien math error doom my entire species?”

424. “Will an alien math error doom my entire species?”

— Andy Weir

Andy Weir Quote: “Why doesn’t Rosco just go to the Duke farm and arrest them when they’re not in the car?”

425. “Why doesn’t Rosco just go to the Duke farm and arrest them when they’re not in the car?”

— Andy Weir

Andy Weir Quote: “Human brains are amazing things. We can get used to just about anything.”

426. “Human brains are amazing things. We can get used to just about anything.”

— Andy Weir

Andy Weir Quote: “But I did wake up, and the main computer showed the slight rise in CO2 I had predicted. Looks like I’ll live another sol. Live Another Sol would be an awesome name for a James Bond movie.”

427. “But I did wake up, and the main computer showed the slight rise in CO2 I had predicted. Looks like I’ll live another sol. Live Another Sol would be an awesome name for a James Bond movie.”

— Andy Weir

Andy Weir Quote: “They lay in silence, strapped to their couches and ready for launch. Beck looked at Watney’s empty couch and saw Vogel doing the same. Martinez ran a self-check on the nose cone OMS thrusters. They were no longer safe for use. He noted the malfunction in his log.”

428. “They lay in silence, strapped to their couches and ready for launch. Beck looked at Watney’s empty couch and saw Vogel doing the same. Martinez ran a self-check on the nose cone OMS thrusters. They were no longer safe for use. He noted the malfunction in his log.”

— Andy Weir

Andy Weir Quote: “I’m a well-honed machine in times of crisis.”

429. “I’m a well-honed machine in times of crisis.”

— Andy Weir

Andy Weir Quote: “Hell, if we learned anything from “The Phantom Menace” it’s this: Never start a sci-fi story with a description of complex macroeconomics.”

430. “Hell, if we learned anything from “The Phantom Menace” it’s this: Never start a sci-fi story with a description of complex macroeconomics.”

— Andy Weir

Andy Weir Quote: “All of Earth is watching but powerless to help.”

431. “All of Earth is watching but powerless to help.”

— Andy Weir

Andy Weir Quote: “Have you told anyone else?” “Who would I tell?” “I don’t know,” Venkat said. “Friends?” “I don’t have any of those.” “Okay, keep it under your hat.” “I don’t wear a hat.” “It’s just an expression.” “Really?” Rich said. “It’s a stupid expression.” “Rich, you’re being difficult.” “Ah. Thanks.”

432. “Have you told anyone else?” “Who would I tell?” “I don’t know,” Venkat said. “Friends?” “I don’t have any of those.” “Okay, keep it under your hat.” “I don’t wear a hat.” “It’s just an expression.” “Really?” Rich said. “It’s a stupid expression.” “Rich, you’re being difficult.” “Ah. Thanks.”

— Andy Weir

Andy Weir Quote: “You may be wondering what else I do with my free time. I spend a lot of it sitting around on my lazy ass watching TV. But also do you, so don’t judge.”

433. “You may be wondering what else I do with my free time. I spend a lot of it sitting around on my lazy ass watching TV. But also do you, so don’t judge.”

— Andy Weir

Andy Weir Quote: “One thing I have in abundance here are bags. They’re not much different than kitchen trash bags, though I’m sure they cost $50,000 because of NASA.”

434. “One thing I have in abundance here are bags. They’re not much different than kitchen trash bags, though I’m sure they cost $50,000 because of NASA.”

— Andy Weir

Andy Weir Quote: “Kick a rock? That rock hadn’t moved in a million years!”

435. “Kick a rock? That rock hadn’t moved in a million years!”

— Andy Weir

Andy Weir Quote: “I already knew that, of course. But there’s a difference between knowing it and really experiencing it.”

436. “I already knew that, of course. But there’s a difference between knowing it and really experiencing it.”

— Andy Weir

Andy Weir Quote: “When European mariners first came across Asian mariners, no one was surprised they both used sails.”

437. “When European mariners first came across Asian mariners, no one was surprised they both used sails.”

— Andy Weir

Andy Weir Quote: “If the RTG ever broke open, it would kill me to death.”

438. “If the RTG ever broke open, it would kill me to death.”

— Andy Weir

Andy Weir Quote: “The Hab is now a bomb.”

439. “The Hab is now a bomb.”

— Andy Weir

Andy Weir Quote: “But now there was nothing. I never realized how utterly silent Mars is.”

440. “But now there was nothing. I never realized how utterly silent Mars is.”

— Andy Weir

Andy Weir Quote: “I experimented with potato skin tea a few weeks ago. The less said about that the better.”

441. “I experimented with potato skin tea a few weeks ago. The less said about that the better.”

— Andy Weir

Andy Weir Quote: “So that’s the situation. I’m stranded on Mars.”

442. “So that’s the situation. I’m stranded on Mars.”

— Andy Weir

Andy Weir Quote: “I’m not talking about faith in God, I’m talking about faith in Mark Watney.”

443. “I’m not talking about faith in God, I’m talking about faith in Mark Watney.”

— Andy Weir

Andy Weir Quote: “If that stops working and I can’t fix it, I’m a dead man. No problems.”

444. “If that stops working and I can’t fix it, I’m a dead man. No problems.”

— Andy Weir

Andy Weir Quote: “I guess I should explain how Mars missions work, for any layman who may be reading this.”

445. “I guess I should explain how Mars missions work, for any layman who may be reading this.”

— Andy Weir

Andy Weir Quote: “Anything, Tim?” “Totally,” he replied. “But we’re staring at this black screen because it’s way more interesting than pictures from Mars.” “You’re a smart-ass, Tim,” Venkat said. “Noted.”

446. “Anything, Tim?” “Totally,” he replied. “But we’re staring at this black screen because it’s way more interesting than pictures from Mars.” “You’re a smart-ass, Tim,” Venkat said. “Noted.”

— Andy Weir

Andy Weir Quote: “I did, however, glue my hand to the helmet. Stop laughing.”

447. “I did, however, glue my hand to the helmet. Stop laughing.”

— Andy Weir

Andy Weir Quote: “Ever transcribed 141 random bytes, one-half of a byte at a time?”

448. “Ever transcribed 141 random bytes, one-half of a byte at a time?”

— Andy Weir

Andy Weir Quote: “NASA doesn’t have total faith in my kludged-together rover.”

449. “NASA doesn’t have total faith in my kludged-together rover.”

— Andy Weir

Andy Weir Quote: “It is of course dangerous to set off an explosive device on a spacecraft.”

450. “It is of course dangerous to set off an explosive device on a spacecraft.”

— Andy Weir

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