Top 500 Andy Weir Quotes (2026 Update)
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401. “But now there was nothing. I never realized how utterly silent Mars is.”

— Andy Weir

402. “I experimented with potato skin tea a few weeks ago. The less said about that the better.”

— Andy Weir

403. “So that’s the situation. I’m stranded on Mars.”

— Andy Weir

404. “I’m not talking about faith in God, I’m talking about faith in Mark Watney.”

— Andy Weir

405. “If that stops working and I can’t fix it, I’m a dead man. No problems.”

— Andy Weir

406. “I guess I should explain how Mars missions work, for any layman who may be reading this.”

— Andy Weir

407. “Anything, Tim?” “Totally,” he replied. “But we’re staring at this black screen because it’s way more interesting than pictures from Mars.” “You’re a smart-ass, Tim,” Venkat said. “Noted.”

— Andy Weir

408. “I did, however, glue my hand to the helmet. Stop laughing.”

— Andy Weir

409. “Ever transcribed 141 random bytes, one-half of a byte at a time?”

— Andy Weir

410. “NASA doesn’t have total faith in my kludged-together rover.”

— Andy Weir

411. “It is of course dangerous to set off an explosive device on a spacecraft.”

— Andy Weir

412. “I have to face facts. I’m done prepping the rover. I don’t “feel” like I’m done.”

— Andy Weir

413. “Before leaving the cockpit, I take one last look at the Telescope screen. I don’t know why – I guess I just like to keep track of what extraterrestrial ships in my vicinity are up to. The Blip-A spins in space. It rotates end-over-end, probably at the exact same rate as the Hail Mary. I guess they saw me spin up the centrifuge and figured it was another communication thing. Humanity’s first miscommunication with an intelligent alien race. Glad I could be a part of it.”

— Andy Weir

414. “You’re a smart-ass, Tim,” Venkat said. “Noted.”

— Andy Weir

415. “It just didn’t occur to me. But it should have. If your lungs grabbed up all the oxygen, mouth-to-mouth resuscitation wouldn’t work. I’m such a dumb-ass for not thinking of it! And my dumb-assery almost got me killed!”

— Andy Weir

416. “I’m so close to Schiaparelli I can taste it. I guess it would taste like sand, mostly, but that’s not the point.”

— Andy Weir

417. “The oldest words in a language are usually the shortest.”

— Andy Weir

418. “I learned about Sanford and Son from Lewis’s collection. Seriously, that woman needs to see someone about her seventies problem.”

— Andy Weir

419. “If this were a movie, everyone would have been in the airlock, and there would have been high fives all around. But it didn’t pan out that way.”

— Andy Weir

420. “Very few people get a chance to quantify how much their father loves them. But I did. The job should have taken forty-five minutes, but Dad spent three and a half hours on it. My father loves me 366 percent more than he loves anything else. Good to know.”

— Andy Weir

421. “Try updating a Linux server sometime,” Jack said.”

— Andy Weir

422. “Thing is,” Chuck continued, “without the dish, a signal would have to be really strong – ” “Like, melting-the-pigeons strong,” Morris supplied. “ – for him to get it,” Chuck finished.”

— Andy Weir

423. “My cart is a pain in the ass to control, but it’s good at carrying heavy things. So I decided it was male. I named him Trigger.”

— Andy Weir

424. “That’s really the limiting factor to life support. Not the amount of oxygen you bring with you, but the amount of CO2 you can remove.”

— Andy Weir

425. “It’ll keep you from puking all over our nice, clean cockpit.”

— Andy Weir

426. “I might have been on the run for my life, but I wasn’t willing to go without e-mail.”

— Andy Weir

427. “Call me crazy, but I didn’t want the drill explosively launched at my face.”

— Andy Weir

428. “Well,” he said. “It was funded by New Zealand. But the idea was to provide power for Africa.” “Why would New Zealand pay a bunch of money to help Africa?” I asked. “Because we’re nice,” Redell said. “Wow,” I said. “I know New Zealand is pretty cool but – ” “And it was going to be a New Zealand–owned company that charged for the power,” Redell said. “There it is.”

— Andy Weir

429. “I could see the Soyuz through the window. Old technology, to be sure, but easily the most reliable launch system ever made.”

— Andy Weir

430. “No. You no can die. You are friend.”

— Andy Weir

431. “All that hydrogen had met the oxygen at high temperature and they’d had a brief chat.”

— Andy Weir

432. “There’s plenty of heat, thanks to the RTG. I just needed to get it evenly spread out. For once, entropy was on my side.”

— Andy Weir

433. “Venkat, tell the investigation committee they’ll have to do their witch hunt without me. And when they inevitably blame Commander Lewis, be advised I’ll publicly refute it. I’m sure the rest of the crew will do the same. Also, please tell them that each and every one of their mothers is a prostitute. – Watney PS: Their sisters, too.”

— Andy Weir

434. “I headed to the waiting area next to the train airlock and joined a crowd of tourists. All the seats were taken and dozens more people stood around. Several families had obnoxious kids bouncing off the walls. In this case, “bouncing off the walls” is not just a figure of speech. The overstimulated kids were literally bouncing off the walls. Lunar gravity is the worst thing to ever happen to parents.”

— Andy Weir

435. “I’m such a dumb-ass for not thinking of it! And my dumb-assery almost got me killed! I’m really going to have to be more careful.”

— Andy Weir

436. “You got me,” she said. “He left a detailed status report. I just decided to lie for no reason.”

— Andy Weir

437. “If I ever return to Earth, I’m going to buy a nice little home in Western Australia. Because Western Australia is on the opposite side of Earth from Idaho.”

— Andy Weir

438. “So instead, I went to good old “Spare Parts” Rover 1 and stole its environment heater. I’ve gutted that poor rover so much, it looks like I parked it in a bad part of town. I.”

— Andy Weir

439. “Cool thing about pendulums: The time it takes for one to swing forward and backward – the period – won’t change, no matter how wide it swings. If it’s got a lot of energy, it’ll swing farther and faster, but the period will still be the same. This is what mechanical clocks take advantage of to keep time.”

— Andy Weir

440. “I suppose I’ll think of something. Or die.”

— Andy Weir

441. “So far, the rover and my ghetto life support are working admirably. At.”

— Andy Weir

442. “I’m sure I’ll have to adjust the course when I’m actually driving it. No plan survives first contact with the enemy.”

— Andy Weir

443. “Even a small static discharge would have led to my own private Hindenburg.”

— Andy Weir

444. “You know what? “Kilowatt-hour per sol” is a pain in the ass to say. I’m gonna invent a new scientific unit name. One kilowatt-hour per sol is... it can be anything... um... I suck at this... I’ll call it a “pirate-ninja”.”

— Andy Weir

445. “Redistribution of this e-book is permitted, so long as it is distributed for free.”

— Andy Weir

446. “Hey, if you want to play life safe, don’t live on the moon.”

— Andy Weir

447. “It’s kind of silly if you think about it. I’m in my space suit on Mars and I’m navigating with sixteenth-century tools.”

— Andy Weir

448. “The human brain works hard to abstract that out.”

— Andy Weir

449. “Dear Jazz, Maybe you can do it in your head. I would give anything to be as smart as you. But I’m not. That’s okay. I work hard instead, and you’re lazy as hell.”

— Andy Weir

450. “Here’s the cool part: I will eventually go to Schiaparelli and commandeer the Ares 4 lander. Nobody explicitly gave me permission to do this, and they can’t until I’m aboard Ares 4 and operating the comm system. After I board Ares 4, before talking to NASA, I will take control of a craft in international waters without permission. That makes me a pirate! A space pirate!”

— Andy Weir