Top 500 Andy Weir Quotes (2026 Update)
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401. “NASA doesn’t have total faith in my kludged-together rover.”

— Andy Weir

402. “Social discomfort,” he says. “No talk.”

— Andy Weir

403. “This is one of those things I frequently have to explain to my students. Gravity doesn’t just “go away” when you’re in orbit. In fact, the gravity you experience in orbit is pretty much the same as you’d experience on the ground. The weightlessness that astronauts experience while in orbit comes from constantly falling. But the curvature of the Earth makes the ground go away at the same rate you fall. So you just fall forever.”

— Andy Weir

404. “When you get down to it, smell is just tasting at range.”

— Andy Weir

405. “If that stops working and I can’t fix it, I’m a dead man. No problems.”

— Andy Weir

406. “I guess I should explain how Mars missions work, for any layman who may be reading this.”

— Andy Weir

407. “My cart is a pain in the ass to control, but it’s good at carrying heavy things. So I decided it was male. I named him Trigger.”

— Andy Weir

408. “All that hydrogen had met the oxygen at high temperature and they’d had a brief chat.”

— Andy Weir

409. “I learned about Sanford and Son from Lewis’s collection. Seriously, that woman needs to see someone about her seventies problem.”

— Andy Weir

410. “If this were a movie, everyone would have been in the airlock, and there would have been high fives all around. But it didn’t pan out that way.”

— Andy Weir

411. “Just tell mom the supplies would last, okay?”

— Andy Weir

412. “Will an alien math error doom my entire species?”

— Andy Weir

413. “I spent three months as the loneliest man in history and it’s finally over.”

— Andy Weir

414. “I called it the “Bruce Banner Test.”

— Andy Weir

415. “No. You no can die. You are friend.”

— Andy Weir

416. “Your ship has more science that my ship. Better science. I bring my things in to your ship. Release tunnel. You make your ship spin for science. You and me science how to kill Astrophage together. Save Earth. Save Erid. This is good plan, question?”

— Andy Weir

417. “Instead, I spent the day taking drugs and playing with radiation.”

— Andy Weir

418. “It’s a good thing those numbers were right. If they hadn’t been, there would have been some serious scrambling when the orbital insertion went wrong. Maybe even some dying.”

— Andy Weir

419. “I was approximately as critical as toilet paper.”

— Andy Weir

420. “A clumsy, awkward success is still a success.”

— Andy Weir

421. “It’s awesome to have a bunch of dipshits on Earth telling me, a botanist, how to grow plants.”

— Andy Weir

422. “Also, please tell them that each and every one of their mothers is a prostitute. – Watney PS: Their sisters, too.”

— Andy Weir

423. “Commander Lewis, be advised I’ll publicly refute it. I’m sure the rest of the crew will do the same. Also, please tell them that each and every one of their mothers is a prostitute. – Watney.”

— Andy Weir

424. “What the fudge is going on?! Fudge? Seriously? Maybe I have young kids. Or I’m deeply religious.”

— Andy Weir

425. “You know what? “Kilowatt-hour per sol” is a pain in the ass to say. I’m gonna invent a new scientific unit name. One kilowatt-hour per sol is... it can be anything... um... I suck at this... I’ll call it a “pirate-ninja”.”

— Andy Weir

426. “I’ll give my dad credit; he never claimed it was to build character or teach me the value of hard work. “Snowblowers are expensive,” he used to say. “You’re free.”

— Andy Weir

427. “For some reason, a high concentration of O2 will kill most headaches. Don’t know why. Don’t care. The important thing is I don’t have to suffer.”

— Andy Weir

428. “Hartnell’s was for drinking. And you could get any drink you wanted, as long as it was beer.”

— Andy Weir

429. “He hadn’t expected a woman to recommend hookers. Earthers tend to be uptight on that topic, and I’ve never understood why. It’s a service performed for a payment. What’s the big deal?”

— Andy Weir

430. “Three days off the painkillers and I’m a lot smarter than I was. At least he understands that much – I wasn’t just some stupid human. I was a human with enhanced stupidity.”

— Andy Weir

431. “I already knew that, of course. But there’s a difference between knowing it and really experiencing it.”

— Andy Weir

432. “So lab-coated geeks got together and decided Mars’s elevation zero is wherever the air pressure is 610.5 pascals.”

— Andy Weir

433. “Why would New Zealand pay a bunch of money to help Africa?” I asked. “Because we’re nice,” Redell said.”

— Andy Weir

434. “But they never used large RTGs on manned missions until the Ares Program. Why not? It should be pretty damned obvious why not! They didn’t want to put astronauts next to a glowing hot ball of radioactive death!”

— Andy Weir

435. “Oh thank God. I can’t imagine explaining “sleep” to someone who had never heard of it. Hey, I’m going to fall unconscious and hallucinate for a while. By the way, I spend a third of my time doing this. And if I can’t do it for a while, I go insane and eventually die. No need for concern.”

— Andy Weir

436. “When flint strikes steel, it knocks microscopic flecks of metal into the air. The metal burns because of some complicated crap related to surface area and oxidization rates. Basically, it rusts so fast that the reaction heat makes fire.”

— Andy Weir

437. “Have you ever taken the wrong freeway entrance? You just need to drive to the next exit to turn around, but you hate every inch of travel because you’re going away from your goal.”

— Andy Weir

438. “You may wonder why I’m not in the Hab right now. Because I fled in terror, that’s why! And I’m not sure what the hell to do next.”

— Andy Weir

439. “If you think turbulence is rough in a jetliner going 720 kph, just imagine what it’s like at 28,000 kph.”

— Andy Weir

440. “Blissfull unconsiousness became foggy awareness which transitioned into painful reality.”

— Andy Weir

441. “She looked to the ceiling. “Between their financial base and physical enforcers, they’ll own the city. Think Chicago in the 1920s, but a hundred times worse. I’ll be powerless.”

— Andy Weir

442. “Important note: Do not pee in a graywater-reuse shower.”

— Andy Weir

443. “If I ever return to Earth, I’m going to buy a nice little home in Western Australia. Because Western Australia is on the opposite side of Earth from Idaho.”

— Andy Weir

444. “Watney snorted in their direction. Then he closed his eyes and felt the sun on his face. It was a nice, boring afternoon.”

— Andy Weir

445. “It’s the same one I used to power the drill that destroyed Pathfinder. I call it my “lucky cable.”

— Andy Weir

446. “Ready for depress?” Dale asked via the radio. “Pretty depressed, yeah,” I said. “Don’t joke around. Not with airlock procedures.” “Sheesh, you really suck the air out of the room, you know that?” “Jazz!”

— Andy Weir

447. “Even a small static discharge would have led to my own private Hindenburg.”

— Andy Weir

448. “Now I’m in a rougher neighborhood. The kind of neighborhood where you keep your rover doors locked and never come to a complete stop at intersections.”

— Andy Weir

449. “As soon as the rover toppled, I curled into a ball and cowered. That’s the kind of action hero I am.”

— Andy Weir

450. “But I would have gotten away with it.”

— Andy Weir