Top 500 Andy Weir Quotes (2026 Update)
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401. “It’s a terrible thing to have my life depend on my half-assed handiwork.”

— Andy Weir

402. “Call me crazy, but I didn’t want the drill explosively launched at my face.”

— Andy Weir

403. “That’s how justice works around here. We don’t have jails or fines. If you commit a serious crime, we exile you to Earth. For everything else, there’s Rudy.”

— Andy Weir

404. “I’m so close to Schiaparelli I can taste it. I guess it would taste like sand, mostly, but that’s not the point.”

— Andy Weir

405. “It’s all good to go. No problems that I can see.”

— Andy Weir

406. “Rocky’s word for “one” is just two notes played at the same time.”

— Andy Weir

407. “Mars is not Earth. It doesn’t have a thick atmosphere to bend light and carry particles that reflect light around corners. It’s damn near a vacuum here.”

— Andy Weir

408. “I’m a well-honed machine in times of crisis.”

— Andy Weir

409. “Or maybe they’ll board my ship and lay eggs in my brain. You can never be sure.”

— Andy Weir

410. “One of my favorite experiments with the kids is to have them look at a drop of water. A drop of water, preferably one from a puddle outside, will be swarming with life. It always goes over well, except for the occasional kid who then refuses to drink water for a while.”

— Andy Weir

411. “Anything, Tim?” “Totally,” he replied. “But we’re staring at this black screen because it’s way more interesting than pictures from Mars.” “You’re a smart-ass, Tim,” Venkat said. “Noted.”

— Andy Weir

412. “That’s the ceremonial uniform,” I said. “I mean a duty uniform. Light shirt, dark pants with a yellow stripe?” “Oh, Han Solo pants. Yeah, he had those on.” “Okay, thanks.” Pfft. Han Solo’s pants have a red stripe. And it’s not even a stripe – it’s a bunch of dashes. Some people have no education.”

— Andy Weir

413. “How did I end up in this situation? I’m the district sales manager of a napkin factor. Why is my daughter in space?”

— Andy Weir

414. “So that’s the situation. I’m stranded on Mars.”

— Andy Weir

415. “If we do this,” Vogel said, “it would be over one thousand days of space. This is enough space for a life. I do not need to return.”

— Andy Weir

416. “If the RTG ever broke open, it would kill me to death.”

— Andy Weir

417. “I’m getting pretty good at this. Maybe when all this is over I could be a product tester for Mars rovers.”

— Andy Weir

418. “With both of the trailer’s airlock doors open I was able to get the first battery in. After playing real-life Tetris for a while I found a way to get the first battery out of the way enough to let the second battery in.”

— Andy Weir

419. “As the ship soared, the open OMS ports took their toll. The crew rocked in their couches as the craft shook violently. Martinez.”

— Andy Weir

420. “Still, their well-maintained air shelter and regular fire drills had saved a lot of lives. Factories can be rebuilt. People can’t. It was a win.”

— Andy Weir

421. “After I board Ares 4, before talking to NASA, I will take control of a craft in international waters without permission. That makes me a pirate! A space pirate!”

— Andy Weir

422. “I had this bad habit of checking my bank account every day, as if compulsively looking at it would make it grow.”

— Andy Weir

423. “I’ll give you a million slugs.” “Deal.”

— Andy Weir

424. “But I want a pic of his face ASAP.” “Can’t do that.” “Why not?” “Because if he takes off his helmet, he’ll die.”

— Andy Weir

425. “Running to the spacecraft, he hugged Landing Strut B.”

— Andy Weir

426. “Evolution is extremely good at filling every nook in the ecosystem.”

— Andy Weir

427. “Why not? It should be pretty damned obvious why not! They didn’t want to put astronauts next to a glowing hot ball of radioactive death!”

— Andy Weir

428. “There is no “stationary” in a solar system. You’re always moving around something.”

— Andy Weir

429. “You’re a smart-ass, Tim,” Venkat said. “Noted.”

— Andy Weir

430. “Software engineers are sneaky bastards when it comes to data management.”

— Andy Weir

431. “I unraveled Martinez’s bed and took the string outside, then taped it to the trailer hull along the path I planned to cut. Yes, of course duct tape works in a near-vacuum. Duct tape works anywhere. Duct tape is magic and should be worshiped.”

— Andy Weir

432. “Because if he takes off his helmet, he’ll die.”

— Andy Weir

433. “They were going back to Mars.”

— Andy Weir

434. “It was great! Straight-A student. Hanging around nerdy guys too scared to try anything. No wild side at all. You were every father’s dream daughter.” “Thanks, Dad, I – ” “But then you got on a giant bomb that blasted you to Mars. And I mean that literally.”

— Andy Weir

435. “There’ll be a lot of H2O at the end, but I’ll be too dead to appreciate it.”

— Andy Weir

436. “I’ve gutted that poor rover so much, it looks like I parked it in a bad part of town.”

— Andy Weir

437. “He waves to me with a free arm. He knows one human greeting and by golly he plans to use it.”

— Andy Weir

438. “I might have been on the run for my life, but I wasn’t willing to go without e-mail.”

— Andy Weir

439. “Ready for depress?′ Dale asked via the radio. ‘Pretty depressed, yeah,’ I said.”

— Andy Weir

440. “A frumpy Midwestern woman giggled at her window and turned to me. “Isn’t it amazing?! We’re on the moon!”

— Andy Weir

441. “I don’t even know who’ll read this. I guess someone will find it eventually. Maybe a hundred years from now.”

— Andy Weir

442. “It’s a good thing those numbers were right. If they hadn’t been, there would have been some serious scrambling when the orbital insertion went wrong. Maybe even some dying.”

— Andy Weir

443. “I was approximately as critical as toilet paper.”

— Andy Weir

444. “A clumsy, awkward success is still a success.”

— Andy Weir

445. “It’s awesome to have a bunch of dipshits on Earth telling me, a botanist, how to grow plants.”

— Andy Weir

446. “Also, please tell them that each and every one of their mothers is a prostitute. – Watney PS: Their sisters, too.”

— Andy Weir

447. “Commander Lewis, be advised I’ll publicly refute it. I’m sure the rest of the crew will do the same. Also, please tell them that each and every one of their mothers is a prostitute. – Watney.”

— Andy Weir

448. “What the fudge is going on?! Fudge? Seriously? Maybe I have young kids. Or I’m deeply religious.”

— Andy Weir

449. “You know what? “Kilowatt-hour per sol” is a pain in the ass to say. I’m gonna invent a new scientific unit name. One kilowatt-hour per sol is... it can be anything... um... I suck at this... I’ll call it a “pirate-ninja”.”

— Andy Weir

450. “I’ll give my dad credit; he never claimed it was to build character or teach me the value of hard work. “Snowblowers are expensive,” he used to say. “You’re free.”

— Andy Weir