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Top 500 Andy Weir Quotes (2026 Update)
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Andy Weir Quote: “I’ll spend the rest of the evening enjoying a potato. And by “enjoying” I mean “hating so much I want to kill people.”

201. “I’ll spend the rest of the evening enjoying a potato. And by “enjoying” I mean “hating so much I want to kill people.”

— Andy Weir

Andy Weir Quote: “Mechanical suffocation, it’s called. It’s how boa constrictors kill their prey. What an odd thing to think as my last thought.”

202. “Mechanical suffocation, it’s called. It’s how boa constrictors kill their prey. What an odd thing to think as my last thought.”

— Andy Weir

Andy Weir Quote: “I knew she’d have an ASCII table in there somewhere. All computer geeks do.”

203. “I knew she’d have an ASCII table in there somewhere. All computer geeks do.”

— Andy Weir

Andy Weir Quote: “As I groggily came to, I wondered why I wasn’t more dead.”

204. “As I groggily came to, I wondered why I wasn’t more dead.”

— Andy Weir

Andy Weir Quote: “I wonder how the Cubs are doing.”

205. “I wonder how the Cubs are doing.”

— Andy Weir

Andy Weir Quote: “But no idiot-proofing can overcome a determined idiot.”

206. “But no idiot-proofing can overcome a determined idiot.”

— Andy Weir

Andy Weir Quote: “When you can’t get off the ground in the moon’s gravity, you are seriously out of it.”

207. “When you can’t get off the ground in the moon’s gravity, you are seriously out of it.”

— Andy Weir

Andy Weir Quote: “THEY GATHERED. Everywhere on Earth, they gathered. In Trafalgar Square and Tiananmen Square and Times Square, they watched on giant screens.”

208. “THEY GATHERED. Everywhere on Earth, they gathered. In Trafalgar Square and Tiananmen Square and Times Square, they watched on giant screens.”

— Andy Weir

Andy Weir Quote: “Life is amazingly tenacious.”

209. “Life is amazingly tenacious.”

— Andy Weir

Andy Weir Quote: “There’s one in each arm, one in each leg, one in my “gentlemen’s equipment,” and two that disappear under my thigh. I’m guessing one of them is up where the sun doesn’t shine.”

210. “There’s one in each arm, one in each leg, one in my “gentlemen’s equipment,” and two that disappear under my thigh. I’m guessing one of them is up where the sun doesn’t shine.”

— Andy Weir

Andy Weir Quote: “Venkat was silent for a moment. “Jack, I’m going to buy your whole team autographed Star Trek memorabilia.” “I prefer Star Wars,” he said, turning to leave. “The original trilogy only, of course.”

211. “Venkat was silent for a moment. “Jack, I’m going to buy your whole team autographed Star Trek memorabilia.” “I prefer Star Wars,” he said, turning to leave. “The original trilogy only, of course.”

— Andy Weir

Andy Weir Quote: “That makes me a pirate! A space pirate!”

212. “That makes me a pirate! A space pirate!”

— Andy Weir

Andy Weir Quote: “But some back-of-the-napkin math told me even one tank was enough to blow the whole Hab up. So I brought them all in.”

213. “But some back-of-the-napkin math told me even one tank was enough to blow the whole Hab up. So I brought them all in.”

— Andy Weir

Andy Weir Quote: “CNHAKRVR2TLK2PTHFDRPRP4LONGMSG.”

214. “CNHAKRVR2TLK2PTHFDRPRP4LONGMSG.”

— Andy Weir

Andy Weir Quote: “It’s a strange feeling. Everywhere I go, I’m the first. Step outside the rover? First guy ever to be there! Climb a hill? First guy to climb that hill! Kick a rock? That rock hadn’t moved in a million years! I’m the first guy to drive long-distance on Mars. The first guy to spend more than thirty-one sols on Mars. The first guy to grow crops on Mars. First, first, first!”

215. “It’s a strange feeling. Everywhere I go, I’m the first. Step outside the rover? First guy ever to be there! Climb a hill? First guy to climb that hill! Kick a rock? That rock hadn’t moved in a million years! I’m the first guy to drive long-distance on Mars. The first guy to spend more than thirty-one sols on Mars. The first guy to grow crops on Mars. First, first, first!”

— Andy Weir

Andy Weir Quote: “And just like that another climate denier is born. See how easy it is? All I have to do is tell you something you don’t want to hear.”

216. “And just like that another climate denier is born. See how easy it is? All I have to do is tell you something you don’t want to hear.”

— Andy Weir

Andy Weir Quote: “There’s never been a pressure loss in Artemis’s history.”

217. “There’s never been a pressure loss in Artemis’s history.”

— Andy Weir

Andy Weir Quote: “They smiled and made happy Russian sounds.”

218. “They smiled and made happy Russian sounds.”

— Andy Weir

Andy Weir Quote: “Sugar has 4000 food-calories per kilogram. One food-calorie is 4184 Joules. Sugar in zero-g will float and the grains will separate, maximizing surface area. In a pure-oxygen environment, 16.7 million joules will be released for every kilogram of sugar used, releasing the explosive force of eight sticks of dynamite. Such is the nature of combustion in pure oxygen.”

219. “Sugar has 4000 food-calories per kilogram. One food-calorie is 4184 Joules. Sugar in zero-g will float and the grains will separate, maximizing surface area. In a pure-oxygen environment, 16.7 million joules will be released for every kilogram of sugar used, releasing the explosive force of eight sticks of dynamite. Such is the nature of combustion in pure oxygen.”

— Andy Weir

Andy Weir Quote: “All around me there was nothing but dust, rocks, and endless empty desert in all directions. The planet’s famous red color is from iron oxide coating everything. So it’s not just a desert. It’s a desert so old it’s literally rusting.”

220. “All around me there was nothing but dust, rocks, and endless empty desert in all directions. The planet’s famous red color is from iron oxide coating everything. So it’s not just a desert. It’s a desert so old it’s literally rusting.”

— Andy Weir

Andy Weir Quote: “My terrifying struggle to stay alive became somehow routine. Get up in the morning, eat breakfast, tend my crops, fix broken stuff, eat lunch, answer e-mail, watch TV, eat dinner, go to bed. The life of a modern farmer. Then I was a trucker, doing a long haul across the world. And finally, a construction worker, rebuilding a ship in ways no one ever considered before this.”

221. “My terrifying struggle to stay alive became somehow routine. Get up in the morning, eat breakfast, tend my crops, fix broken stuff, eat lunch, answer e-mail, watch TV, eat dinner, go to bed. The life of a modern farmer. Then I was a trucker, doing a long haul across the world. And finally, a construction worker, rebuilding a ship in ways no one ever considered before this.”

— Andy Weir

Andy Weir Quote: “If I get back to Earth, I’ll be famous, right? A fearless astronaut who beat all the odds, right? I bet women like that. More motivation to stay alive.”

222. “If I get back to Earth, I’ll be famous, right? A fearless astronaut who beat all the odds, right? I bet women like that. More motivation to stay alive.”

— Andy Weir

Andy Weir Quote: “I washed it down with some Martian coffee. That’s my name for “hot water with a caffeine pill dissolved in it.” I ran out of real coffee months ago.”

223. “I washed it down with some Martian coffee. That’s my name for “hot water with a caffeine pill dissolved in it.” I ran out of real coffee months ago.”

— Andy Weir

Andy Weir Quote: “The problem with small pressure vessels is CO2 toxicity. You can have all the oxygen in the world, but once the CO2 gets above 1 percent, you’ll start to get drowsy. At 2 percent, it’s like being drunk. At 5 percent, it’s hard to stay conscious. Eight percent will eventually kill you. Staying alive isn’t about oxygen, it’s about getting rid of CO2.”

224. “The problem with small pressure vessels is CO2 toxicity. You can have all the oxygen in the world, but once the CO2 gets above 1 percent, you’ll start to get drowsy. At 2 percent, it’s like being drunk. At 5 percent, it’s hard to stay conscious. Eight percent will eventually kill you. Staying alive isn’t about oxygen, it’s about getting rid of CO2.”

— Andy Weir

Andy Weir Quote: “I’ve been thinking about laws on Mars. Yeah, I know, it’s a stupid thing to think about, but I have a lot of free time.”

225. “I’ve been thinking about laws on Mars. Yeah, I know, it’s a stupid thing to think about, but I have a lot of free time.”

— Andy Weir

Andy Weir Quote: “Human suffering is often an abstract concept to kids. But animal suffering is something else entirely.”

226. “Human suffering is often an abstract concept to kids. But animal suffering is something else entirely.”

— Andy Weir

Andy Weir Quote: “But I’m a botanist, damn it. I should be able to find a way to make this happen. If I don’t, I’ll be a really hungry botanist in about a year.”

227. “But I’m a botanist, damn it. I should be able to find a way to make this happen. If I don’t, I’ll be a really hungry botanist in about a year.”

— Andy Weir

Andy Weir Quote: “I was approximately as critical as toilet paper.”

228. “I was approximately as critical as toilet paper.”

— Andy Weir

Andy Weir Quote: “I don’t want to look dumb in front of the aliens.”

229. “I don’t want to look dumb in front of the aliens.”

— Andy Weir

Andy Weir Quote: “At its heart, The Martian is a tale of survival of the geekiest.”

230. “At its heart, The Martian is a tale of survival of the geekiest.”

— Andy Weir

Andy Weir Quote: “Even if it’s got a bigger problem, he’s an engineer!” Dialing, he added, “Fixing things is his job!”

231. “Even if it’s got a bigger problem, he’s an engineer!” Dialing, he added, “Fixing things is his job!”

— Andy Weir

Andy Weir Quote: “I’m out of caffeine pills. No more Martian coffee for me.”

232. “I’m out of caffeine pills. No more Martian coffee for me.”

— Andy Weir

Andy Weir Quote: “Half the people who studied botany were hippies who thought they could return to some natural world system. Somehow feeding seven billion people through pure gathering.”

233. “Half the people who studied botany were hippies who thought they could return to some natural world system. Somehow feeding seven billion people through pure gathering.”

— Andy Weir

Andy Weir Quote: “So I go out every night with a homemade sextant and sight Deneb. It’s kind of silly if you think about it. I’m in my space suit on Mars and I’m navigating with sixteenth-century tools.”

234. “So I go out every night with a homemade sextant and sight Deneb. It’s kind of silly if you think about it. I’m in my space suit on Mars and I’m navigating with sixteenth-century tools.”

— Andy Weir

Andy Weir Quote: “After one full second of utter silence, the room exploded with noise.”

235. “After one full second of utter silence, the room exploded with noise.”

— Andy Weir

Andy Weir Quote: “That’s what smelting is, really. Removing oxygen to get pure metal. Most people don’t know it, but there’s a ridiculous amount of oxygen on the moon. You just need a shitload of energy to get it.”

236. “That’s what smelting is, really. Removing oxygen to get pure metal. Most people don’t know it, but there’s a ridiculous amount of oxygen on the moon. You just need a shitload of energy to get it.”

— Andy Weir

Andy Weir Quote: “I called it the “Bruce Banner Test.”

237. “I called it the “Bruce Banner Test.”

— Andy Weir

Andy Weir Quote: “I was there every day and my sparkling personality was hard to forget.”

238. “I was there every day and my sparkling personality was hard to forget.”

— Andy Weir

Andy Weir Quote: “We do not have time to develop a complicated neural network. This is a strictly procedural algorithm. Very complex, but not AI at all. We have to be able to test it in thousands of ways and know exactly how it responds and why. We can’t do that with a neural network.”

239. “We do not have time to develop a complicated neural network. This is a strictly procedural algorithm. Very complex, but not AI at all. We have to be able to test it in thousands of ways and know exactly how it responds and why. We can’t do that with a neural network.”

— Andy Weir

Andy Weir Quote: “Also, have I mentioned I’m sick of potatoes? Because, by God, I am sick of potatoes. If I ever return to Earth, I’m going to buy a nice little home in Western Australia. Because Western Australia is on the opposite side of Earth from Idaho.”

240. “Also, have I mentioned I’m sick of potatoes? Because, by God, I am sick of potatoes. If I ever return to Earth, I’m going to buy a nice little home in Western Australia. Because Western Australia is on the opposite side of Earth from Idaho.”

— Andy Weir

Andy Weir Quote: “It’s awesome to have a bunch of dipshits on Earth telling me, a botanist, how to grow plants. I mostly ignore them. I don’t want to come off as arrogant here, but I’m the best botanist on the planet.”

241. “It’s awesome to have a bunch of dipshits on Earth telling me, a botanist, how to grow plants. I mostly ignore them. I don’t want to come off as arrogant here, but I’m the best botanist on the planet.”

— Andy Weir

Andy Weir Quote: “Snowblowers are expensive,” he used to say. “You’re free.” Once, I tried to appeal to my mom. “Don’t be such a wuss,” she suggested.”

242. “Snowblowers are expensive,” he used to say. “You’re free.” Once, I tried to appeal to my mom. “Don’t be such a wuss,” she suggested.”

— Andy Weir

Andy Weir Quote: “It’s short for soft-landed grams. S-L-G. Slug. One slug gets one gram of cargo delivered from Earth to Artemis, courtesy of KSC.”

243. “It’s short for soft-landed grams. S-L-G. Slug. One slug gets one gram of cargo delivered from Earth to Artemis, courtesy of KSC.”

— Andy Weir

Andy Weir Quote: “Hey, I’m going to fall unconscious and hallucinate for a while. By the way, I spend a third of my time doing this. And if I can’t do it for a while, I go insane and eventually die. No need for concern.”

244. “Hey, I’m going to fall unconscious and hallucinate for a while. By the way, I spend a third of my time doing this. And if I can’t do it for a while, I go insane and eventually die. No need for concern.”

— Andy Weir

Andy Weir Quote: “With hundreds of millions of bacteria, it only takes one survivor to stave off extinction. Life is amazingly tenacious. They don’t want to die any more than I do.”

245. “With hundreds of millions of bacteria, it only takes one survivor to stave off extinction. Life is amazingly tenacious. They don’t want to die any more than I do.”

— Andy Weir

Andy Weir Quote: “Resistors heat up. It’s what they do.”

246. “Resistors heat up. It’s what they do.”

— Andy Weir

Andy Weir Quote: “I wish Rocky were here. I always wish Rocky were here.”

247. “I wish Rocky were here. I always wish Rocky were here.”

— Andy Weir

Andy Weir Quote: “You don’t expect J. Worthalot Richbastard III to clean his own toilet, do you? I’m one of the little people.”

248. “You don’t expect J. Worthalot Richbastard III to clean his own toilet, do you? I’m one of the little people.”

— Andy Weir

Andy Weir Quote: “Jesus Christ, I’d give anything for a five-minute conversation with anyone. Anyone, anywhere. About anything. I’m the first person to be alone on an entire planet.”

249. “Jesus Christ, I’d give anything for a five-minute conversation with anyone. Anyone, anywhere. About anything. I’m the first person to be alone on an entire planet.”

— Andy Weir

Andy Weir Quote: “People have been using human waste as fertilizer for centuries. It’s even got a pleasant name: “night soil.”

250. “People have been using human waste as fertilizer for centuries. It’s even got a pleasant name: “night soil.”

— Andy Weir

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