Top 500 Andy Weir Quotes (2026 Update)
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201. “I’ll drop the oxygen mixture to zero and breathe pure nitrogen until I suffocate. It wouldn’t feel bad. The lungs don’t have the ability to sense lack of oxygen. I’d just get tired, fall asleep, then die.”

— Andy Weir

202. “One of them was from my alma mater, the University of Chicago. They say once you grow crops somewhere, you have officially “colonized” it. So technically, I colonized Mars. In your face, Neil Armstrong!”

— Andy Weir

203. “Time for science!”

— Andy Weir

204. “What do you know? I’m in command. I wonder if this log will be recovered before the rest of the crew die of old age. I presume they got back to Earth all right. Guys, if you’re reading this: It wasn’t your fault. You did what you had to do. In your position I would have done the same thing. I don’t blame you, and I’m glad you survived.”

— Andy Weir

205. “Time to get to know my fellow patients. I don’t know who I am or why I’m here, but at least I’m not alone – aaaand they’re dead.”

— Andy Weir

206. “They say hunger is the greatest seasoning. When you’re starving, your brain rewards you handsomely for finally eating. Good job, it says, we get to not die for a while!”

— Andy Weir

207. “Human suffering is often an abstract concept to kids. But animal suffering is something else entirely.”

— Andy Weir

208. “Technically it’s “Carl Sagan Memorial Station.” But with all due respect to Carl, I can call it whatever the hell I want. I’m the King of Mars.”

— Andy Weir

209. “Normally a nanosyringe would be controlled by finely tuned equipment. But I just wanted some stabby time and didn’t care about the tool’s integrity.”

— Andy Weir

210. “All I had left was my oxygen tank. So it did the only thing it could do to keep me alive. It started backfilling with pure oxygen. I now risked dying of oxygen toxicity, as the excessively high amount of oxygen threatened to burn up my nervous system, lungs and eyes. An ironic death for someone with a leaky space suit: too much oxygen.”

— Andy Weir

211. “I don’t want to look dumb in front of the aliens.”

— Andy Weir

212. “I do have something flammable: my own hair. It’ll have to do. There’s a sharp knife in the tool kit. I’ll shave some arm hairs off into a little pile.”

— Andy Weir

213. “At its heart, The Martian is a tale of survival of the geekiest.”

— Andy Weir

214. “And yeah, its hands look like Rocky’s hands, broadly speaking. Three fingers. About the same size as Rocky’s hands. Probably controlled with a Nintendo Power Glove kind of thing inside the ship. Man, I’m old.”

— Andy Weir

215. “Quality is quality,” Jin said. “Age is irrelevant. No one bitches about Shakespeare fans.”

— Andy Weir

216. “No, no, no! You can’t just use ‘I’m saving the world’ as an excuse every time you’re a jerk.” She thought it over. “Yeah, okay. You may have a point.”

— Andy Weir

217. “I was there every day and my sparkling personality was hard to forget.”

— Andy Weir

218. “But there’s something more important we need to discuss: What is it with you and disco? I can understand the ’70s TV because everyone loves hairy people with huge collars. But disco? Disco!?”

— Andy Weir

219. “I ask for a picture, and I get the Fonz.”

— Andy Weir

220. “You’re sending him to space under a tarp.” “Pretty much, yeah.” “Like a hastily loaded pickup truck.” “Yeah. Can I go on?” “Sure, can’t wait.”

— Andy Weir

221. “If I want water, I’ll have to make it from scratch. Fortunately, I know the recipe: Take hydrogen. Add oxygen. Burn.”

— Andy Weir

222. “Hey, I’m going to fall unconscious and hallucinate for a while. By the way, I spend a third of my time doing this. And if I can’t do it for a while, I go insane and eventually die. No need for concern.”

— Andy Weir

223. “I haven’t been this excited about a “yes” since prom night!”

— Andy Weir

224. “I’ll spend the rest of the evening enjoying a potato. And by “enjoying” I mean “hating so much I want to kill people.”

— Andy Weir

225. “As I groggily came to, I wondered why I wasn’t more dead.”

— Andy Weir

226. “I’m space paparazzi now. The attitude comes with the job.”

— Andy Weir

227. “Cuatro horas de trabajo miserable, pero lo he terminado.”

— Andy Weir

228. “Yeah? Well, hell’s coming back to you, Stratt. In the form of me. I’m hell.”

— Andy Weir

229. “Seems odd that a species could invent interstellar travel before inventing the transistor, but hey, Earth invented nuclear power, television, and even did several space launches before the transistor.”

— Andy Weir

230. “Remember those old math questions you had in algebra class? Where water is entering a container at a certain rate and leaving at a different rate and you need to figure out when it’ll be empty? Well, that concept is critical to the “Mark Watney doesn’t die” project I’m working on.”

— Andy Weir

231. “When you can’t get off the ground in the moon’s gravity, you are seriously out of it.”

— Andy Weir

232. “I’ve gone from “sole-surviving space explorer” to “guy with a wacky new roommate.” It’ll be interesting to see how this plays out.”

— Andy Weir

233. “But no idiot-proofing can overcome a determined idiot.”

— Andy Weir

234. “Half the people who studied botany were hippies who thought they could return to some natural world system. Somehow feeding seven billion people through pure gathering. They spent most of their time working out better ways to grow pot. I didn’t like them.”

— Andy Weir

235. “I can see it now: me holding a map, scratching my head, trying to figure out how I ended up on Venus.”

— Andy Weir

236. “Life is amazingly tenacious.”

— Andy Weir

237. “The thing that sucks about life-or-death situations is how boring they can be.”

— Andy Weir

238. “You started my training by buying me a beer. For breakfast. Germans are awesome.”

— Andy Weir

239. “Every city needs an underbelly. It’s best to let the petty criminals do their thing and focus on bigger issues.”

— Andy Weir

240. “But some back-of-the-napkin math told me even one tank was enough to blow the whole Hab up. So I brought them all in.”

— Andy Weir

241. “Beers for everyone if I get back to Earth.”

— Andy Weir

242. “I’m in my space suit on Mars and I’m navigating with sixteenth-century tools. But hey, they work.”

— Andy Weir

243. “It’s a strange feeling. Everywhere I go, I’m the first. Step outside the rover? First guy ever to be there! Climb a hill? First guy to climb that hill! Kick a rock? That rock hadn’t moved in a million years! I’m the first guy to drive long-distance on Mars. The first guy to spend more than thirty-one sols on Mars. The first guy to grow crops on Mars. First, first, first!”

— Andy Weir

244. “And just like that another climate denier is born. See how easy it is? All I have to do is tell you something you don’t want to hear.”

— Andy Weir

245. “When you get down to it, smell is just tasting at range.”

— Andy Weir

246. “It’s almost time for the second harvest. Ayup. I wish I had a straw hat and some suspenders.”

— Andy Weir

247. “At the microscopic level, the protein cubes were solid food particles suspended in thick vegetable oil. The food particles compressed to less than half their original size, but the oil was barely affected at all. This changed the volume ratio of solid to liquid dramatically, which in turn made the aggregate act as a liquid. Known as “liquefaction,” this process transformed the protein cubes from a steady solid into a flowing sludge.”

— Andy Weir

248. “I need some encouragement. I need to ask myself, “What would an Apollo astronaut do?”

— Andy Weir

249. “Why does ‘Elrond’ mean ‘secret meeting’?” Annie asked. “Are we going to make a momentous decision?” Bruge Ng asked. “Exactly,” Venkat said. “How did you know that?” Annie asked, getting annoyed. “Elrond,” Bruce said. “The Council of Elrond. From Lord of the Rings. It’s the meeting where they decide to destroy the One Ring.” “Jesus,” Annie said. “None of you got laid in high school, did you?”

— Andy Weir

250. “I’ve been so busy staying alive I never thought of what this must be like for my parents.”

— Andy Weir