Top 500 Andy Weir Quotes (2026 Update)
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201. “Here’s a woman who had survived the centrifuge, the vomit comet, hard-landing drills and 10k runs. A woman who fixed a simulated MDV computer failure while being spun around upside-down. But she was afraid of a tattoo needle.”

— Andy Weir

202. “You’d think after almost killing myself twice, I’d be able to stop screwing around with hydrazine. But nope.”

— Andy Weir

203. “CNHAKRVR2TLK2PTHFDRPRP4LONGMSG.”

— Andy Weir

204. “Jesus Christ, I’d give anything for a five-minute conversation with anyone. Anyone, anywhere. About anything.”

— Andy Weir

205. “This is happy! Your face opening is in sad mode. Why, question?”

— Andy Weir

206. “They say hunger is the greatest seasoning. When you’re starving, your brain rewards you handsomely for finally eating. Good job, it says, we get to not die for a while!”

— Andy Weir

207. “I haven’t been this excited about a “yes” since prom night!”

— Andy Weir

208. “I’m space paparazzi now. The attitude comes with the job.”

— Andy Weir

209. “Pity I’m going to tear it apart.”

— Andy Weir

210. “Normally a nanosyringe would be controlled by finely tuned equipment. But I just wanted some stabby time and didn’t care about the tool’s integrity.”

— Andy Weir

211. “DO YOU believe in God, Venkat?” Mitch asked. “Sure, lots of ’em,” Venkat said. “I’m Hindu.” “Ask ’em all for help with this launch.” “Will do.”

— Andy Weir

212. “Technically it’s “Carl Sagan Memorial Station.” But with all due respect to Carl, I can call it whatever the hell I want. I’m the King of Mars.”

— Andy Weir

213. “I’ll drop the oxygen mixture to zero and breathe pure nitrogen until I suffocate. It wouldn’t feel bad. The lungs don’t have the ability to sense lack of oxygen. I’d just get tired, fall asleep, then die.”

— Andy Weir

214. “Problem: The regulator takes 21.5 pirate-ninjas. Even adding.”

— Andy Weir

215. “Life is amazingly tenacious.”

— Andy Weir

216. “Hey, I’m going to fall unconscious and hallucinate for a while. By the way, I spend a third of my time doing this. And if I can’t do it for a while, I go insane and eventually die. No need for concern.”

— Andy Weir

217. “I don’t want to look dumb in front of the aliens.”

— Andy Weir

218. “What do you know? I’m in command. I wonder if this log will be recovered before the rest of the crew die of old age. I presume they got back to Earth all right. Guys, if you’re reading this: It wasn’t your fault. You did what you had to do. In your position I would have done the same thing. I don’t blame you, and I’m glad you survived.”

— Andy Weir

219. “Anyway, it means I can finally eat meat. Yes, that’s right, I’m eating human meat. But it’s my own meat, and I don’t feel bad about it. Spend a decade eating nothing but odd-tasting, vaguely sweet vitamin shakes and then see if you’ll turn down a burger. I love meburgers. I eat one every day.”

— Andy Weir

220. “It hurts like a motherfluffer!”

— Andy Weir

221. “I started the day with a potato. I washed it down with some Martian coffee. That’s my name for “hot water with a caffeine pill dissolved in it.”

— Andy Weir

222. “I do have something flammable: my own hair. It’ll have to do. There’s a sharp knife in the tool kit. I’ll shave some arm hairs off into a little pile.”

— Andy Weir

223. “There’s never been a pressure loss in Artemis’s history.”

— Andy Weir

224. “And yeah, its hands look like Rocky’s hands, broadly speaking. Three fingers. About the same size as Rocky’s hands. Probably controlled with a Nintendo Power Glove kind of thing inside the ship. Man, I’m old.”

— Andy Weir

225. “The thing that sucks about life-or-death situations is how boring they can be.”

— Andy Weir

226. “All around me there was nothing but dust, rocks, and endless empty desert in all directions. The planet’s famous red color is from iron oxide coating everything. So it’s not just a desert. It’s a desert so old it’s literally rusting.”

— Andy Weir

227. “But there’s something more important we need to discuss: What is it with you and disco? I can understand the ’70s TV because everyone loves hairy people with huge collars. But disco? Disco!?”

— Andy Weir

228. “I ask for a picture, and I get the Fonz.”

— Andy Weir

229. “Time for science!”

— Andy Weir

230. “As I groggily came to, I wondered why I wasn’t more dead.”

— Andy Weir

231. “Sugar has 4000 food-calories per kilogram. One food-calorie is 4184 Joules. Sugar in zero-g will float and the grains will separate, maximizing surface area. In a pure-oxygen environment, 16.7 million joules will be released for every kilogram of sugar used, releasing the explosive force of eight sticks of dynamite. Such is the nature of combustion in pure oxygen.”

— Andy Weir

232. “You don’t expect J. Worthalot Richbastard III to clean his own toilet, do you? I’m one of the little people.”

— Andy Weir

233. “Come on! I thought you liked Mexican!”

— Andy Weir

234. “Venkat pulled out his cell phone. “We lost contact with Pathfinder in 1997. If he can get it online again, we can communicate. It might just need the solar cells cleaned. Even if it’s got a bigger problem, he’s an engineer!” Dialing, he added, “Fixing things is his job!”

— Andy Weir

235. “Jesus Christ, I’d give anything for a five-minute conversation with anyone. Anyone, anywhere. About anything. I’m the first person to be alone on an entire planet.”

— Andy Weir

236. “And where will that “safety” be? Not a damn clue. Anyway, one problem at a time. Right now I’m fixing the EVA suit. AUDIO.”

— Andy Weir

237. “It’s a desert so old it’s literally rusting.”

— Andy Weir

238. “I was left without references and relied on Phobos to guide me. There’s probably symbolism there. Phobos is the god of fear, and I’m letting it be my guide. Not a good sign.”

— Andy Weir

239. “I’ve been thinking about laws on Mars. Yeah, I know, it’s a stupid thing to think about, but I have a lot of free time.”

— Andy Weir

240. “Your face opening is in sad mode.”

— Andy Weir

241. “I’ve gone from “sole-surviving space explorer” to “guy with a wacky new roommate.” It’ll be interesting to see how this plays out.”

— Andy Weir

242. “One thing I learned back in my graduate school days: When you’re stupid tired, accept that you’re stupid tired. Don’t try to solve things right then.”

— Andy Weir

243. “Mechanical suffocation, it’s called. It’s how boa constrictors kill their prey. What an odd thing to think as my last thought.”

— Andy Weir

244. “Man, being an American scientist sucks sometimes. You think in random, unpredictable units based on what situation you’re in.”

— Andy Weir

245. “It’s not like we can do anything about it if he falls behind. This is a pointless task.” “How long have you worked for the government?” Venkat sighed.”

— Andy Weir

246. “Not because of the perfect landing, but because he left so much fuel behind. Hundreds of liters of unused hydrazine. Each molecule of hydrazine has four hydrogen atoms in it.”

— Andy Weir

247. “I’m the first guy to drive long-distance on Mars. The first guy to spend more than thirty-one sols on Mars. The first guy to grow crops on Mars. First, first, first! I wasn’t expecting to be first at anything.”

— Andy Weir

248. “Half-ration for dinner. All I accomplished today was thinking up a plan that’ll kill me, and that doesn’t take much energy.”

— Andy Weir

249. “Humanity isn’t alone in the universe. And I’ve just met our neighbors.”

— Andy Weir

250. “It just feels nice to be an astronaut again. That’s all it is. Not a reluctant farmer, not an electrical engineer, not a long-haul trucker. An astronaut.”

— Andy Weir