Top 500 Andy Weir Quotes (2026 Update)
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201. “But I’m a botanist, damn it. I should be able to find a way to make this happen. If I don’t, I’ll be a really hungry botanist in about a year.”

— Andy Weir

202. “Human suffering is often an abstract concept to kids. But animal suffering is something else entirely.”

— Andy Weir

203. “I clench every part of me that I know how to clench. It gives me a feeling of control. I’m doing something by aggressively doing nothing.”

— Andy Weir

204. “I don’t want to look dumb in front of the aliens.”

— Andy Weir

205. “Intelligence evolves to gives us an advantage over the other animals on our planet. But evolution is lazy. Once a problem is solved, the trait stops evolving. So you and me, we’re both just intelligent enough to be smarter than our planet’s other animals.”

— Andy Weir

206. “Even if it’s got a bigger problem, he’s an engineer!” Dialing, he added, “Fixing things is his job!”

— Andy Weir

207. “At its heart, The Martian is a tale of survival of the geekiest.”

— Andy Weir

208. “Space is dangerous,” Mitch snapped. “It’s what we do here. If you want to play it safe all the time, go join an insurance company. And by the way, it’s not even your life you’re risking. The crew can make up their own minds about it.”

— Andy Weir

209. “I’m out of caffeine pills. No more Martian coffee for me.”

— Andy Weir

210. “And yeah, its hands look like Rocky’s hands, broadly speaking. Three fingers. About the same size as Rocky’s hands. Probably controlled with a Nintendo Power Glove kind of thing inside the ship. Man, I’m old.”

— Andy Weir

211. “Your face opening is in sad mode.”

— Andy Weir

212. “Half the people who studied botany were hippies who thought they could return to some natural world system. Somehow feeding seven billion people through pure gathering.”

— Andy Weir

213. “Any concerns or reservations?” Venkat asked. “Yeah. I’m concerned about what I ate last night. I think it had an eyeball in it.” “I’m sure there wasn’t an eyeball.” “The engineers here made it for me special,” Mitch said. “There may have been an eyeball,” Venkat said. “They hate you.”

— Andy Weir

214. “After one full second of utter silence, the room exploded with noise.”

— Andy Weir

215. “That’s what smelting is, really. Removing oxygen to get pure metal. Most people don’t know it, but there’s a ridiculous amount of oxygen on the moon. You just need a shitload of energy to get it.”

— Andy Weir

216. “I was there every day and my sparkling personality was hard to forget.”

— Andy Weir

217. “Hey, Rocky!” I call out from the lab. “Watch me pull a Taumoeba out of a hat!”

— Andy Weir

218. “Snowblowers are expensive,” he used to say. “You’re free.” Once, I tried to appeal to my mom. “Don’t be such a wuss,” she suggested.”

— Andy Weir

219. “Also, have I mentioned I’m sick of potatoes? Because, by God, I am sick of potatoes. If I ever return to Earth, I’m going to buy a nice little home in Western Australia. Because Western Australia is on the opposite side of Earth from Idaho.”

— Andy Weir

220. “It’s awesome to have a bunch of dipshits on Earth telling me, a botanist, how to grow plants. I mostly ignore them. I don’t want to come off as arrogant here, but I’m the best botanist on the planet.”

— Andy Weir

221. “If I want water, I’ll have to make it from scratch. Fortunately, I know the recipe: Take hydrogen. Add oxygen. Burn.”

— Andy Weir

222. “It’s short for soft-landed grams. S-L-G. Slug. One slug gets one gram of cargo delivered from Earth to Artemis, courtesy of KSC.”

— Andy Weir

223. “I wish Rocky were here. I always wish Rocky were here.”

— Andy Weir

224. “Hey, I’m going to fall unconscious and hallucinate for a while. By the way, I spend a third of my time doing this. And if I can’t do it for a while, I go insane and eventually die. No need for concern.”

— Andy Weir

225. “With hundreds of millions of bacteria, it only takes one survivor to stave off extinction. Life is amazingly tenacious. They don’t want to die any more than I do.”

— Andy Weir

226. “You don’t expect J. Worthalot Richbastard III to clean his own toilet, do you? I’m one of the little people.”

— Andy Weir

227. “Jesus Christ, I’d give anything for a five-minute conversation with anyone. Anyone, anywhere. About anything. I’m the first person to be alone on an entire planet.”

— Andy Weir

228. “People have been using human waste as fertilizer for centuries. It’s even got a pleasant name: “night soil.”

— Andy Weir

229. “I haven’t been this excited about a “yes” since prom night!”

— Andy Weir

230. “I knew she’d have an ASCII table in there somewhere. All computer geeks do.”

— Andy Weir

231. “As I groggily came to, I wondered why I wasn’t more dead.”

— Andy Weir

232. “I’m space paparazzi now. The attitude comes with the job.”

— Andy Weir

233. “Cuatro horas de trabajo miserable, pero lo he terminado.”

— Andy Weir

234. “Remember those old math questions you had in algebra class? Where water is entering a container at a certain rate and leaving at a different rate and you need to figure out when it’ll be empty? Well, that concept is critical to the “Mark Watney doesn’t die” project I’m working on.”

— Andy Weir

235. “Half the people who studied botany were hippies who thought they could return to some natural world system. Somehow feeding seven billion people through pure gathering. They spent most of their time working out better ways to grow pot. I didn’t like them.”

— Andy Weir

236. “But this is the interstellar equivalent of a stranger offering me candy.”

— Andy Weir

237. “Man, being an American scientist sucks sometimes. You think in random, unpredictable units based on what situation you’re in.”

— Andy Weir

238. “The thing that sucks about life-or-death situations is how boring they can be.”

— Andy Weir

239. “It hurts like a motherfluffer!”

— Andy Weir

240. “CNHAKRVR2TLK2PTHFDRPRP4LONGMSG.”

— Andy Weir

241. “Jesus Christ, I’d give anything for a five-minute conversation with anyone. Anyone, anywhere. About anything.”

— Andy Weir

242. “I started the day with a potato. I washed it down with some Martian coffee. That’s my name for “hot water with a caffeine pill dissolved in it.”

— Andy Weir

243. “It’s the kids of today that’ll have to make the world of tomorrow work.”

— Andy Weir

244. “Pity I’m going to tear it apart.”

— Andy Weir

245. “Just once I’d like something to go as planned, ya know?”

— Andy Weir

246. “You’d think after almost killing myself twice, I’d be able to stop screwing around with hydrazine. But nope.”

— Andy Weir

247. “DO YOU believe in God, Venkat?” Mitch asked. “Sure, lots of ’em,” Venkat said. “I’m Hindu.” “Ask ’em all for help with this launch.” “Will do.”

— Andy Weir

248. “All around me there was nothing but dust, rocks, and endless empty desert in all directions. The planet’s famous red color is from iron oxide coating everything. So it’s not just a desert. It’s a desert so old it’s literally rusting.”

— Andy Weir

249. “Problem: The regulator takes 21.5 pirate-ninjas. Even adding.”

— Andy Weir

250. “Damn it, Jim, I’m a botanist, not a chemist!”

— Andy Weir