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Top 500 Andy Weir Quotes (2026 Update)
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Andy Weir Quote: “I’ll spend the rest of the evening enjoying a potato. And by “enjoying” I mean “hating so much I want to kill people.”

201. “I’ll spend the rest of the evening enjoying a potato. And by “enjoying” I mean “hating so much I want to kill people.”

Andy Weir Quote: “Mechanical suffocation, it’s called. It’s how boa constrictors kill their prey. What an odd thing to think as my last thought.”

202. “Mechanical suffocation, it’s called. It’s how boa constrictors kill their prey. What an odd thing to think as my last thought.”

Andy Weir Quote: “As I groggily came to, I wondered why I wasn’t more dead.”

203. “As I groggily came to, I wondered why I wasn’t more dead.”

Andy Weir Quote: “I wonder how the Cubs are doing.”

204. “I wonder how the Cubs are doing.”

Andy Weir Quote: “But no idiot-proofing can overcome a determined idiot.”

205. “But no idiot-proofing can overcome a determined idiot.”

Andy Weir Quote: “When you can’t get off the ground in the moon’s gravity, you are seriously out of it.”

206. “When you can’t get off the ground in the moon’s gravity, you are seriously out of it.”

Andy Weir Quote: “THEY GATHERED. Everywhere on Earth, they gathered. In Trafalgar Square and Tiananmen Square and Times Square, they watched on giant screens.”

207. “THEY GATHERED. Everywhere on Earth, they gathered. In Trafalgar Square and Tiananmen Square and Times Square, they watched on giant screens.”

Andy Weir Quote: “Life is amazingly tenacious.”

208. “Life is amazingly tenacious.”

Andy Weir Quote: “There’s one in each arm, one in each leg, one in my “gentlemen’s equipment,” and two that disappear under my thigh. I’m guessing one of them is up where the sun doesn’t shine.”

209. “There’s one in each arm, one in each leg, one in my “gentlemen’s equipment,” and two that disappear under my thigh. I’m guessing one of them is up where the sun doesn’t shine.”

Andy Weir Quote: “Venkat was silent for a moment. “Jack, I’m going to buy your whole team autographed Star Trek memorabilia.” “I prefer Star Wars,” he said, turning to leave. “The original trilogy only, of course.”

210. “Venkat was silent for a moment. “Jack, I’m going to buy your whole team autographed Star Trek memorabilia.” “I prefer Star Wars,” he said, turning to leave. “The original trilogy only, of course.”

Andy Weir Quote: “That makes me a pirate! A space pirate!”

211. “That makes me a pirate! A space pirate!”

Andy Weir Quote: “But some back-of-the-napkin math told me even one tank was enough to blow the whole Hab up. So I brought them all in.”

212. “But some back-of-the-napkin math told me even one tank was enough to blow the whole Hab up. So I brought them all in.”

Andy Weir Quote: “CNHAKRVR2TLK2PTHFDRPRP4LONGMSG.”

213. “CNHAKRVR2TLK2PTHFDRPRP4LONGMSG.”

Andy Weir Quote: “It’s a strange feeling. Everywhere I go, I’m the first. Step outside the rover? First guy ever to be there! Climb a hill? First guy to climb that hill! Kick a rock? That rock hadn’t moved in a million years! I’m the first guy to drive long-distance on Mars. The first guy to spend more than thirty-one sols on Mars. The first guy to grow crops on Mars. First, first, first!”

214. “It’s a strange feeling. Everywhere I go, I’m the first. Step outside the rover? First guy ever to be there! Climb a hill? First guy to climb that hill! Kick a rock? That rock hadn’t moved in a million years! I’m the first guy to drive long-distance on Mars. The first guy to spend more than thirty-one sols on Mars. The first guy to grow crops on Mars. First, first, first!”

Andy Weir Quote: “And just like that another climate denier is born. See how easy it is? All I have to do is tell you something you don’t want to hear.”

215. “And just like that another climate denier is born. See how easy it is? All I have to do is tell you something you don’t want to hear.”

Andy Weir Quote: “There’s never been a pressure loss in Artemis’s history.”

216. “There’s never been a pressure loss in Artemis’s history.”

Andy Weir Quote: “They smiled and made happy Russian sounds.”

217. “They smiled and made happy Russian sounds.”

Andy Weir Quote: “Sugar has 4000 food-calories per kilogram. One food-calorie is 4184 Joules. Sugar in zero-g will float and the grains will separate, maximizing surface area. In a pure-oxygen environment, 16.7 million joules will be released for every kilogram of sugar used, releasing the explosive force of eight sticks of dynamite. Such is the nature of combustion in pure oxygen.”

218. “Sugar has 4000 food-calories per kilogram. One food-calorie is 4184 Joules. Sugar in zero-g will float and the grains will separate, maximizing surface area. In a pure-oxygen environment, 16.7 million joules will be released for every kilogram of sugar used, releasing the explosive force of eight sticks of dynamite. Such is the nature of combustion in pure oxygen.”

Andy Weir Quote: “Your ship has more science that my ship. Better science. I bring my things in to your ship. Release tunnel. You make your ship spin for science. You and me science how to kill Astrophage together. Save Earth. Save Erid. This is good plan, question?”

219. “Your ship has more science that my ship. Better science. I bring my things in to your ship. Release tunnel. You make your ship spin for science. You and me science how to kill Astrophage together. Save Earth. Save Erid. This is good plan, question?”

Andy Weir Quote: “If I get back to Earth, I’ll be famous, right? A fearless astronaut who beat all the odds, right? I bet women like that. More motivation to stay alive.”

220. “If I get back to Earth, I’ll be famous, right? A fearless astronaut who beat all the odds, right? I bet women like that. More motivation to stay alive.”

Andy Weir Quote: “I washed it down with some Martian coffee. That’s my name for “hot water with a caffeine pill dissolved in it.” I ran out of real coffee months ago.”

221. “I washed it down with some Martian coffee. That’s my name for “hot water with a caffeine pill dissolved in it.” I ran out of real coffee months ago.”

Andy Weir Quote: “I’ve been thinking about laws on Mars. Yeah, I know, it’s a stupid thing to think about, but I have a lot of free time.”

222. “I’ve been thinking about laws on Mars. Yeah, I know, it’s a stupid thing to think about, but I have a lot of free time.”

Andy Weir Quote: “Human suffering is often an abstract concept to kids. But animal suffering is something else entirely.”

223. “Human suffering is often an abstract concept to kids. But animal suffering is something else entirely.”

Andy Weir Quote: “But I’m a botanist, damn it. I should be able to find a way to make this happen. If I don’t, I’ll be a really hungry botanist in about a year.”

224. “But I’m a botanist, damn it. I should be able to find a way to make this happen. If I don’t, I’ll be a really hungry botanist in about a year.”

Andy Weir Quote: “I was approximately as critical as toilet paper.”

225. “I was approximately as critical as toilet paper.”

Andy Weir Quote: “I don’t want to look dumb in front of the aliens.”

226. “I don’t want to look dumb in front of the aliens.”

Andy Weir Quote: “At its heart, The Martian is a tale of survival of the geekiest.”

227. “At its heart, The Martian is a tale of survival of the geekiest.”

Andy Weir Quote: “Even if it’s got a bigger problem, he’s an engineer!” Dialing, he added, “Fixing things is his job!”

228. “Even if it’s got a bigger problem, he’s an engineer!” Dialing, he added, “Fixing things is his job!”

Andy Weir Quote: “Your face opening is in sad mode.”

229. “Your face opening is in sad mode.”

Andy Weir Quote: “I’m out of caffeine pills. No more Martian coffee for me.”

230. “I’m out of caffeine pills. No more Martian coffee for me.”

Andy Weir Quote: “Half the people who studied botany were hippies who thought they could return to some natural world system. Somehow feeding seven billion people through pure gathering.”

231. “Half the people who studied botany were hippies who thought they could return to some natural world system. Somehow feeding seven billion people through pure gathering.”

Andy Weir Quote: “So I go out every night with a homemade sextant and sight Deneb. It’s kind of silly if you think about it. I’m in my space suit on Mars and I’m navigating with sixteenth-century tools.”

232. “So I go out every night with a homemade sextant and sight Deneb. It’s kind of silly if you think about it. I’m in my space suit on Mars and I’m navigating with sixteenth-century tools.”

Andy Weir Quote: “After one full second of utter silence, the room exploded with noise.”

233. “After one full second of utter silence, the room exploded with noise.”

Andy Weir Quote: “That’s what smelting is, really. Removing oxygen to get pure metal. Most people don’t know it, but there’s a ridiculous amount of oxygen on the moon. You just need a shitload of energy to get it.”

234. “That’s what smelting is, really. Removing oxygen to get pure metal. Most people don’t know it, but there’s a ridiculous amount of oxygen on the moon. You just need a shitload of energy to get it.”

Andy Weir Quote: “I called it the “Bruce Banner Test.”

235. “I called it the “Bruce Banner Test.”

Andy Weir Quote: “I was there every day and my sparkling personality was hard to forget.”

236. “I was there every day and my sparkling personality was hard to forget.”

Andy Weir Quote: “Also, have I mentioned I’m sick of potatoes? Because, by God, I am sick of potatoes. If I ever return to Earth, I’m going to buy a nice little home in Western Australia. Because Western Australia is on the opposite side of Earth from Idaho.”

237. “Also, have I mentioned I’m sick of potatoes? Because, by God, I am sick of potatoes. If I ever return to Earth, I’m going to buy a nice little home in Western Australia. Because Western Australia is on the opposite side of Earth from Idaho.”

Andy Weir Quote: “It’s awesome to have a bunch of dipshits on Earth telling me, a botanist, how to grow plants. I mostly ignore them. I don’t want to come off as arrogant here, but I’m the best botanist on the planet.”

238. “It’s awesome to have a bunch of dipshits on Earth telling me, a botanist, how to grow plants. I mostly ignore them. I don’t want to come off as arrogant here, but I’m the best botanist on the planet.”

Andy Weir Quote: “Snowblowers are expensive,” he used to say. “You’re free.” Once, I tried to appeal to my mom. “Don’t be such a wuss,” she suggested.”

239. “Snowblowers are expensive,” he used to say. “You’re free.” Once, I tried to appeal to my mom. “Don’t be such a wuss,” she suggested.”

Andy Weir Quote: “If I want water, I’ll have to make it from scratch. Fortunately, I know the recipe: Take hydrogen. Add oxygen. Burn.”

240. “If I want water, I’ll have to make it from scratch. Fortunately, I know the recipe: Take hydrogen. Add oxygen. Burn.”

Andy Weir Quote: “Hey, I’m going to fall unconscious and hallucinate for a while. By the way, I spend a third of my time doing this. And if I can’t do it for a while, I go insane and eventually die. No need for concern.”

241. “Hey, I’m going to fall unconscious and hallucinate for a while. By the way, I spend a third of my time doing this. And if I can’t do it for a while, I go insane and eventually die. No need for concern.”

Andy Weir Quote: “With hundreds of millions of bacteria, it only takes one survivor to stave off extinction. Life is amazingly tenacious. They don’t want to die any more than I do.”

242. “With hundreds of millions of bacteria, it only takes one survivor to stave off extinction. Life is amazingly tenacious. They don’t want to die any more than I do.”

Andy Weir Quote: “You don’t expect J. Worthalot Richbastard III to clean his own toilet, do you? I’m one of the little people.”

243. “You don’t expect J. Worthalot Richbastard III to clean his own toilet, do you? I’m one of the little people.”

Andy Weir Quote: “Jesus Christ, I’d give anything for a five-minute conversation with anyone. Anyone, anywhere. About anything. I’m the first person to be alone on an entire planet.”

244. “Jesus Christ, I’d give anything for a five-minute conversation with anyone. Anyone, anywhere. About anything. I’m the first person to be alone on an entire planet.”

Andy Weir Quote: “People have been using human waste as fertilizer for centuries. It’s even got a pleasant name: “night soil.”

245. “People have been using human waste as fertilizer for centuries. It’s even got a pleasant name: “night soil.”

Andy Weir Quote: “I haven’t been this excited about a “yes” since prom night!”

246. “I haven’t been this excited about a “yes” since prom night!”

Andy Weir Quote: “I knew she’d have an ASCII table in there somewhere. All computer geeks do.”

247. “I knew she’d have an ASCII table in there somewhere. All computer geeks do.”

Andy Weir Quote: “I’m space paparazzi now. The attitude comes with the job.”

248. “I’m space paparazzi now. The attitude comes with the job.”

Andy Weir Quote: “Cuatro horas de trabajo miserable, pero lo he terminado.”

249. “Cuatro horas de trabajo miserable, pero lo he terminado.”

Andy Weir Quote: “Remember those old math questions you had in algebra class? Where water is entering a container at a certain rate and leaving at a different rate and you need to figure out when it’ll be empty? Well, that concept is critical to the “Mark Watney doesn’t die” project I’m working on.”

250. “Remember those old math questions you had in algebra class? Where water is entering a container at a certain rate and leaving at a different rate and you need to figure out when it’ll be empty? Well, that concept is critical to the “Mark Watney doesn’t die” project I’m working on.”

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