Top 500 Andy Weir Quotes (2026 Update)
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301. “I tried to send a message, but Pathfinder isn’t responding. That’s not a big surprise. It’s powered directly from the Hab, and the Hab is offline. During my brief, panicked scramble outside, I saw that Pathfinder was right where I left it, and the debris didn’t reach that far out. It should be fine, once I get it some power.”

— Andy Weir

302. “There’s one in each arm, one in each leg, one in my “gentlemen’s equipment,” and two that disappear under my thigh. I’m guessing one of them is up where the sun doesn’t shine.”

— Andy Weir

303. “You started my training by buying me a beer. For breakfast. Germans are awesome.”

— Andy Weir

304. “If you commit a serious crime, Artemis deports you to the victim’s country. Let their nation exact revenge on you for it.”

— Andy Weir

305. “Beers for everyone if I get back to Earth.”

— Andy Weir

306. “Every city needs an underbelly. It’s best to let the petty criminals do their thing and focus on bigger issues.”

— Andy Weir

307. “I’m in my space suit on Mars and I’m navigating with sixteenth-century tools. But hey, they work.”

— Andy Weir

308. “When you get down to it, smell is just tasting at range.”

— Andy Weir

309. “I need some encouragement. I need to ask myself, “What would an Apollo astronaut do?”

— Andy Weir

310. “It’s almost time for the second harvest. Ayup. I wish I had a straw hat and some suspenders.”

— Andy Weir

311. “The problem with small pressure vessels is CO2 toxicity. You can have all the oxygen in the world, but once the CO2 gets above 1 percent, you’ll start to get drowsy. At 2 percent, it’s like being drunk. At 5 percent, it’s hard to stay conscious. Eight percent will eventually kill you. Staying alive isn’t about oxygen, it’s about getting rid of CO2.”

— Andy Weir

312. “The Hail Mary has always looked like something out of a Heinlein novel.”

— Andy Weir

313. “I’ve been so busy staying alive I never thought of what this must be like for my parents.”

— Andy Weir

314. “I spent three months as the loneliest man in history and it’s finally over.”

— Andy Weir

315. “You could be less of an ass.” “I could,” I said. “But it’s not likely.”

— Andy Weir

316. “I’m such a dumb-ass for not thinking of it! And my dumb-assery almost got me killed!”

— Andy Weir

317. “I’m sure it’ll turn out to be a little hole somewhere, then NASA will have four hours of meetings before telling me to cover it with duct tape.”

— Andy Weir

318. “For some reason, a high concentration of O2 will kill most headaches. Don’t know why. Don’t care. The important thing is I don’t have to suffer.”

— Andy Weir

319. “I have to assume friendly intent at this point. I mean, they’re going out of their way to say hi and be accommodating. Besides, if there is hostile intent, what would I do about it? Die. That’s what I’d do. I’m a scientist, not Buck Rogers.”

— Andy Weir

320. “I would only be “in command” of the mission if I were the only remaining person. What do you know? I’m in command.”

— Andy Weir

321. “Rocky’s word for “one” is just two notes played at the same time.”

— Andy Weir

322. “Mars is not Earth. It doesn’t have a thick atmosphere to bend light and carry particles that reflect light around corners. It’s damn near a vacuum here.”

— Andy Weir

323. “You’re stranded on Mars and you can only take one book with you. What is it? A. It’s always hard to pick one “favorite book.” Growing up, I loved early Robert Heinlein books most of all. So if I had to pick one, I’d go with Tunnel in the Sky. I do love a good survival story.”

— Andy Weir

324. “I was approximately as critical as toilet paper.”

— Andy Weir

325. “I didn’t want to spend any more time inside the mind of an economist. It was dark and disturbing.”

— Andy Weir

326. “There’s no way to be sure,” Irene said. “The biggest threat is giving up hope. If he decides there’s no chance to survive, he’ll stop trying.”

— Andy Weir

327. “Mars keeps trying to kill me.”

— Andy Weir

328. “How did you know that?” Annie asked, getting annoyed. “Elrond,” Bruce said. “The Council of Elrond. From Lord of the Rings. It’s the meeting where they decide to destroy the One Ring.” “Jesus,” Annie said. “None of you got laid in high school, did you?”

— Andy Weir

329. “And where will that “safety” be? Not a damn clue. Anyway, one problem at a time. Right now I’m fixing the EVA suit. AUDIO.”

— Andy Weir

330. “They see the water reclaimer as a critical survival element. There’s no backup, and they think I’ll die instantly without it. To them, equipment failure is terrifying. To me, it’s “Tuesday.”

— Andy Weir

331. “Interesting that the ship didn’t automatically eject them as they became empty. I dismiss the window and return to the main ship map.”

— Andy Weir

332. “Not because of the perfect landing, but because he left so much fuel behind. Hundreds of liters of unused hydrazine. Each molecule of hydrazine has four hydrogen atoms in it.”

— Andy Weir

333. “I can’t blame it. Its whole purpose is to prevent the atmosphere from becoming lethal. Nobody at NASA thought, “Hey, let’s allow a fatal lack of oxygen that will make everyone drop dead!”

— Andy Weir

334. “I’m the first guy to drive long-distance on Mars. The first guy to spend more than thirty-one sols on Mars. The first guy to grow crops on Mars. First, first, first! I wasn’t expecting to be first at anything.”

— Andy Weir

335. “How did I end up in this situation? I’m the district sales manager of a napkin factor. Why is my daughter in space?”

— Andy Weir

336. “I got bounced around a lot, but I’m a well-honed machine in times of crisis. As soon as the rover toppled, I curled into a ball and cowered. That’s the kind of action hero I am.”

— Andy Weir

337. “So I go out every night with a homemade sextant and sight Deneb. It’s kind of silly if you think about it. I’m in my space suit on Mars and I’m navigating with sixteenth-century tools.”

— Andy Weir

338. “I called it the “Bruce Banner Test.”

— Andy Weir

339. “I didn’t want to distract the people who were saving my life, so I muted my mic and screamed like a little girl. It’s true, you know. In space, no one can hear you scream like a little girl.”

— Andy Weir

340. “There was something weird about being on the moon and fighting for your life with a stick and some fire.”

— Andy Weir

341. “One of my favorite experiments with the kids is to have them look at a drop of water. A drop of water, preferably one from a puddle outside, will be swarming with life. It always goes over well, except for the occasional kid who then refuses to drink water for a while.”

— Andy Weir

342. “We do not have time to develop a complicated neural network. This is a strictly procedural algorithm. Very complex, but not AI at all. We have to be able to test it in thousands of ways and know exactly how it responds and why. We can’t do that with a neural network.”

— Andy Weir

343. “I’m in the middle of a bunch of craters that form a triangle. I’m calling it the Watney Triangle because after what I’ve been through, stuff on Mars should be named after me.”

— Andy Weir

344. “That’s the ceremonial uniform,” I said. “I mean a duty uniform. Light shirt, dark pants with a yellow stripe?” “Oh, Han Solo pants. Yeah, he had those on.” “Okay, thanks.” Pfft. Han Solo’s pants have a red stripe. And it’s not even a stripe – it’s a bunch of dashes. Some people have no education.”

— Andy Weir

345. “There aren’t many people who can say they’ve vandalized a three-billion-dollar spacecraft, but I’m one of them.”

— Andy Weir

346. “One big bonus: e-mail! Just like the days back on Hermes, I get data dumps. Of course, they relay e-mail from friends and family, but NASA also sends along choice messages from the public. I’ve gotten e-mail from rock stars, athletes, actors and actresses, and even the President. One of them was from my alma mater, the University of Chicago. They say once you grow crops somewhere, you have officially “colonized” it. So technically, I colonized Mars. In your face, Neil Armstrong!”

— Andy Weir

347. “Come on! I thought you liked Mexican!”

— Andy Weir

348. “What the fudge is going on?! Fudge? Seriously? Maybe I have young kids. Or I’m deeply religious.”

— Andy Weir

349. “Venkat pulled out his cell phone. “We lost contact with Pathfinder in 1997. If he can get it online again, we can communicate. It might just need the solar cells cleaned. Even if it’s got a bigger problem, he’s an engineer!” Dialing, he added, “Fixing things is his job!”

— Andy Weir

350. “Staying alive isn’t about oxygen, it’s about getting rid of CO2.”

— Andy Weir