Top 500 Andy Weir Quotes (2026 Update)
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301. “I knew she’d have an ASCII table in there somewhere. All computer geeks do.”

— Andy Weir

302. “I can’t see you having any control if you did that,” Lewis said. “You’d be eyeballing the intercept and using a thrust vector you can barely control.” “I admit it’s fatally dangerous,” Watney said. “But consider this: I’d get to fly around like Iron Man.”

— Andy Weir

303. “Humanity isn’t alone in the universe. And I’ve just met our neighbors.”

— Andy Weir

304. “It just feels nice to be an astronaut again. That’s all it is. Not a reluctant farmer, not an electrical engineer, not a long-haul trucker. An astronaut.”

— Andy Weir

305. “It’s not like we can do anything about it if he falls behind. This is a pointless task.” “How long have you worked for the government?” Venkat sighed.”

— Andy Weir

306. “My life depended on some math I’d done earlier. If I dropped a sign or added two numbers wrong, I might never wake up.”

— Andy Weir

307. “First thing I did was put on the inner lining of my EVA suit. Not the bulky suit itself, just the inner clothing I wear under it, including the gloves and booties. Then I got an oxygen mask from the medical supplies and some lab goggles from Vogel’s chem kit. Almost all of my body was protected and I was breathing canned air.”

— Andy Weir

308. “But this is the interstellar equivalent of a stranger offering me candy.”

— Andy Weir

309. “Man, being an American scientist sucks sometimes. You think in random, unpredictable units based on what situation you’re in.”

— Andy Weir

310. “I was left without references and relied on Phobos to guide me. There’s probably symbolism there. Phobos is the god of fear, and I’m letting it be my guide. Not a good sign.”

— Andy Weir

311. “At 13:30 my ruination occurred, though I didn’t realize it at the time.”

— Andy Weir

312. “Half-ration for dinner. All I accomplished today was thinking up a plan that’ll kill me, and that doesn’t take much energy.”

— Andy Weir

313. “I tried to send a message, but Pathfinder isn’t responding. That’s not a big surprise. It’s powered directly from the Hab, and the Hab is offline. During my brief, panicked scramble outside, I saw that Pathfinder was right where I left it, and the debris didn’t reach that far out. It should be fine, once I get it some power.”

— Andy Weir

314. “The airlock door doesn’t reach the ceiling, so I’ll have to play “The Floor Is Lava” to get in.”

— Andy Weir

315. “If you commit a serious crime, Artemis deports you to the victim’s country. Let their nation exact revenge on you for it.”

— Andy Weir

316. “It’s all good to go. No problems that I can see.”

— Andy Weir

317. “Now on to my next task: sitting around with nothing to do for twelve hours. I better get started!”

— Andy Weir

318. “Everything just changed. Watney’s headed for Pathfinder.”

— Andy Weir

319. “Vogel,” she radioed. “I need you to come back in and make a bomb.” “Um. Again, please, Commander?” Vogel replied. “A bomb,” Lewis confirmed. “You’re a chemist. Can you make a bomb out of stuff on board?”

— Andy Weir

320. “How long will the patch take?” Venkat asked. “Should be pretty much instant,” Jack answered. “Watney entered the hack earlier today, and we confirmed it worked. We updated Pathfinder’s OS without any problems. We sent the rover patch, which Pathfinder rebroadcast. Once Watney executes the patch and reboots the rover, we should get a connection.” “Jesus, what a complicated process,” Venkat said. “Try updating a Linux server sometime,” Jack said.”

— Andy Weir

321. “I have a much bigger problem. The farm is dead.”

— Andy Weir

322. “Just tell mom the supplies would last, okay?”

— Andy Weir

323. “If we do this,” Vogel said, “it would be over one thousand days of space. This is enough space for a life. I do not need to return.”

— Andy Weir

324. “It was right where I left it, in a hole four kilometers away. Only an idiot would keep that thing near the Hab. So anyway, I brought it back to the Hab.”

— Andy Weir

325. “Your ship has more science that my ship. Better science. I bring my things in to your ship. Release tunnel. You make your ship spin for science. You and me science how to kill Astrophage together. Save Earth. Save Erid. This is good plan, question?”

— Andy Weir

326. “Sure enough, the water heated up. That’s not really a surprise, but it’s nice to see thermodynamics being well behaved.”

— Andy Weir

327. “This is one of those things I frequently have to explain to my students. Gravity doesn’t just “go away” when you’re in orbit. In fact, the gravity you experience in orbit is pretty much the same as you’d experience on the ground. The weightlessness that astronauts experience while in orbit comes from constantly falling. But the curvature of the Earth makes the ground go away at the same rate you fall. So you just fall forever.”

— Andy Weir

328. “Goddamn, it’s annoying to commit crimes in a small town.”

— Andy Weir

329. “The Hail Mary has always looked like something out of a Heinlein novel.”

— Andy Weir

330. “I would have done it today, but it got dark and I got lazy.”

— Andy Weir

331. “But more important, they’ll be cooked. When you cook food, the proteins break down, and the food becomes easier to digest. I’ll get more calories out of it, and I need every calorie I can get my hands on.”

— Andy Weir

332. “Will an alien math error doom my entire species?”

— Andy Weir

333. “I spent three months as the loneliest man in history and it’s finally over.”

— Andy Weir

334. “I’ll need to trick out a rover. Basically it’ll have to be a mobile Hab. I’ll pick Rover 2 as my target. We have a certain bond, after I spent two days in it during the Great Hydrogen Scare of Sol 37.”

— Andy Weir

335. “I would only be “in command” of the mission if I were the only remaining person. What do you know? I’m in command.”

— Andy Weir

336. “Something very hot and very explodey had happened, and I wasn’t sure what. Or how.”

— Andy Weir

337. “For some reason, a high concentration of O2 will kill most headaches. Don’t know why. Don’t care. The important thing is I don’t have to suffer.”

— Andy Weir

338. “Human brains are amazing things. We can get used to just about anything.”

— Andy Weir

339. “But I did wake up, and the main computer showed the slight rise in CO2 I had predicted. Looks like I’ll live another sol. Live Another Sol would be an awesome name for a James Bond movie.”

— Andy Weir

340. “They lay in silence, strapped to their couches and ready for launch. Beck looked at Watney’s empty couch and saw Vogel doing the same. Martinez ran a self-check on the nose cone OMS thrusters. They were no longer safe for use. He noted the malfunction in his log.”

— Andy Weir

341. “Rocky’s word for “one” is just two notes played at the same time.”

— Andy Weir

342. “Mars is not Earth. It doesn’t have a thick atmosphere to bend light and carry particles that reflect light around corners. It’s damn near a vacuum here.”

— Andy Weir

343. “I’m a well-honed machine in times of crisis.”

— Andy Weir

344. “All of Earth is watching but powerless to help.”

— Andy Weir

345. “Have you told anyone else?” “Who would I tell?” “I don’t know,” Venkat said. “Friends?” “I don’t have any of those.” “Okay, keep it under your hat.” “I don’t wear a hat.” “It’s just an expression.” “Really?” Rich said. “It’s a stupid expression.” “Rich, you’re being difficult.” “Ah. Thanks.”

— Andy Weir

346. “Evolution can be insanely effective when you leave it alone for a few billion years.”

— Andy Weir

347. “How did you know that?” Annie asked, getting annoyed. “Elrond,” Bruce said. “The Council of Elrond. From Lord of the Rings. It’s the meeting where they decide to destroy the One Ring.” “Jesus,” Annie said. “None of you got laid in high school, did you?”

— Andy Weir

348. “You may be wondering what else I do with my free time. I spend a lot of it sitting around on my lazy ass watching TV. But also do you, so don’t judge.”

— Andy Weir

349. “Or maybe they’ll board my ship and lay eggs in my brain. You can never be sure.”

— Andy Weir

350. “If the RTG ever broke open, it would kill me to death.”

— Andy Weir