Top 500 Andy Weir Quotes (2026 Update)
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301. “It’s a strange feeling. Everywhere I go, I’m the first. Step outside the rover? First guy ever to be there! Climb a hill? First guy to climb that hill! Kick a rock? That rock hadn’t moved in a million years! I’m the first guy to drive long-distance on Mars. The first guy to spend more than thirty-one sols on Mars. The first guy to grow crops on Mars. First, first, first!”

— Andy Weir

302. “I washed it down with some Martian coffee. That’s my name for “hot water with a caffeine pill dissolved in it.” I ran out of real coffee months ago.”

— Andy Weir

303. “Every city needs an underbelly. It’s best to let the petty criminals do their thing and focus on bigger issues.”

— Andy Weir

304. “At the microscopic level, the protein cubes were solid food particles suspended in thick vegetable oil. The food particles compressed to less than half their original size, but the oil was barely affected at all. This changed the volume ratio of solid to liquid dramatically, which in turn made the aggregate act as a liquid. Known as “liquefaction,” this process transformed the protein cubes from a steady solid into a flowing sludge.”

— Andy Weir

305. “The airlock door doesn’t reach the ceiling, so I’ll have to play “The Floor Is Lava” to get in.”

— Andy Weir

306. “And just like that another climate denier is born. See how easy it is? All I have to do is tell you something you don’t want to hear.”

— Andy Weir

307. “I knew she’d have an ASCII table in there somewhere. All computer geeks do.”

— Andy Weir

308. “With hundreds of millions of bacteria, it only takes one survivor to stave off extinction. Life is amazingly tenacious. They don’t want to die any more than I do.”

— Andy Weir

309. “This is happy! Your face opening is in sad mode. Why, question?”

— Andy Weir

310. “Why does ‘Elrond’ mean ‘secret meeting’?” Annie asked. “Are we going to make a momentous decision?” Bruge Ng asked. “Exactly,” Venkat said. “How did you know that?” Annie asked, getting annoyed. “Elrond,” Bruce said. “The Council of Elrond. From Lord of the Rings. It’s the meeting where they decide to destroy the One Ring.” “Jesus,” Annie said. “None of you got laid in high school, did you?”

— Andy Weir

311. “Time to get to know my fellow patients. I don’t know who I am or why I’m here, but at least I’m not alone – aaaand they’re dead.”

— Andy Weir

312. “I’ll need to trick out a rover. Basically it’ll have to be a mobile Hab. I’ll pick Rover 2 as my target. We have a certain bond, after I spent two days in it during the Great Hydrogen Scare of Sol 37.”

— Andy Weir

313. “It’s kind of silly if you think about it. I’m in my space suit on Mars and I’m navigating with sixteenth-century tools.”

— Andy Weir

314. “The hardest part about working with aliens and saving humanity from extinction is constantly having to come up with names for stuff.”

— Andy Weir

315. “How did you know that?” Annie asked, getting annoyed. “Elrond,” Bruce said. “The Council of Elrond. From Lord of the Rings. It’s the meeting where they decide to destroy the One Ring.” “Jesus,” Annie said. “None of you got laid in high school, did you?”

— Andy Weir

316. “The rover was not so lucky. It continued tumbling down the hill, bouncing the traveler around like clothes in a dryer. After twenty meters, the soft powder gave way to more solid sand and the rover shuddered to a halt. It had come to rest on its side. The valves leading to the now- missing hoses had detected the sudden pressure drop and closed. The pressure seal was not breached. The traveler was alive, for now.”

— Andy Weir

317. “Human waste has pathogens in it that, you guessed it, infect humans.”

— Andy Weir

318. “I would have done it today, but it got dark and I got lazy.”

— Andy Weir

319. “Evolution can be insanely effective when you leave it alone for a few billion years.”

— Andy Weir

320. “I would only be “in command” of the mission if I were the only remaining person. What do you know? I’m in command.”

— Andy Weir

321. “Something very hot and very explodey had happened, and I wasn’t sure what. Or how.”

— Andy Weir

322. “I headed to the waiting area next to the train airlock and joined a crowd of tourists. All the seats were taken and dozens more people stood around. Several families had obnoxious kids bouncing off the walls. In this case, “bouncing off the walls” is not just a figure of speech. The overstimulated kids were literally bouncing off the walls. Lunar gravity is the worst thing to ever happen to parents.”

— Andy Weir

323. “You may be wondering what else I do with my free time. I spend a lot of it sitting around on my lazy ass watching TV. But also do you, so don’t judge.”

— Andy Weir

324. “I’m not talking about faith in God, I’m talking about faith in Mark Watney.”

— Andy Weir

325. “The questions are many: How long can he last? How much food does he have? Can Ares 4 rescue him? How will we talk to him? The answers to these questions are not what we want to hear. “I can’t promise we’ll succeed in rescuing him, but I can promise this: The entire focus of NASA will be to bring Mark Watney home. This will be our overriding and singular obsession until he is either back on Earth or confirmed dead on Mars.”

— Andy Weir

326. “Live Another Sol would be an awesome name for a James Bond movie.”

— Andy Weir

327. “It’s a terrible thing to have my life depend on my half-assed handiwork.”

— Andy Weir

328. “Call me crazy, but I didn’t want the drill explosively launched at my face.”

— Andy Weir

329. “That’s how justice works around here. We don’t have jails or fines. If you commit a serious crime, we exile you to Earth. For everything else, there’s Rudy.”

— Andy Weir

330. “I’m so close to Schiaparelli I can taste it. I guess it would taste like sand, mostly, but that’s not the point.”

— Andy Weir

331. “It’s all good to go. No problems that I can see.”

— Andy Weir

332. “Rocky’s word for “one” is just two notes played at the same time.”

— Andy Weir

333. “Mars is not Earth. It doesn’t have a thick atmosphere to bend light and carry particles that reflect light around corners. It’s damn near a vacuum here.”

— Andy Weir

334. “I’m a well-honed machine in times of crisis.”

— Andy Weir

335. “Or maybe they’ll board my ship and lay eggs in my brain. You can never be sure.”

— Andy Weir

336. “One of my favorite experiments with the kids is to have them look at a drop of water. A drop of water, preferably one from a puddle outside, will be swarming with life. It always goes over well, except for the occasional kid who then refuses to drink water for a while.”

— Andy Weir

337. “Anything, Tim?” “Totally,” he replied. “But we’re staring at this black screen because it’s way more interesting than pictures from Mars.” “You’re a smart-ass, Tim,” Venkat said. “Noted.”

— Andy Weir

338. “That’s the ceremonial uniform,” I said. “I mean a duty uniform. Light shirt, dark pants with a yellow stripe?” “Oh, Han Solo pants. Yeah, he had those on.” “Okay, thanks.” Pfft. Han Solo’s pants have a red stripe. And it’s not even a stripe – it’s a bunch of dashes. Some people have no education.”

— Andy Weir

339. “How did I end up in this situation? I’m the district sales manager of a napkin factor. Why is my daughter in space?”

— Andy Weir

340. “So that’s the situation. I’m stranded on Mars.”

— Andy Weir

341. “If we do this,” Vogel said, “it would be over one thousand days of space. This is enough space for a life. I do not need to return.”

— Andy Weir

342. “If the RTG ever broke open, it would kill me to death.”

— Andy Weir

343. “Very few people get a chance to quantify how much their father loves them. But I did. The job should have taken forty-five minutes, but Dad spent three and a half hours on it. My father loves me 366 percent more than he loves anything else. Good to know.”

— Andy Weir

344. “Ever transcribed 141 random bytes, one-half of a byte at a time?”

— Andy Weir

345. “NASA doesn’t have total faith in my kludged-together rover.”

— Andy Weir

346. “Social discomfort,” he says. “No talk.”

— Andy Weir

347. “This is one of those things I frequently have to explain to my students. Gravity doesn’t just “go away” when you’re in orbit. In fact, the gravity you experience in orbit is pretty much the same as you’d experience on the ground. The weightlessness that astronauts experience while in orbit comes from constantly falling. But the curvature of the Earth makes the ground go away at the same rate you fall. So you just fall forever.”

— Andy Weir

348. “When you get down to it, smell is just tasting at range.”

— Andy Weir

349. “If that stops working and I can’t fix it, I’m a dead man. No problems.”

— Andy Weir

350. “I guess I should explain how Mars missions work, for any layman who may be reading this.”

— Andy Weir