Top 500 Andy Weir Quotes (2025 Update)
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301. “Jesus Christ, I’d give anything for a five-minute conversation with anyone. Anyone, anywhere. About anything. I’m the first person to be alone on an entire planet.”

— Andy Weir

302. “How did I end up in this situation? I’m the district sales manager of a napkin factor. Why is my daughter in space?”

— Andy Weir

303. “Now on to my next task: sitting around with nothing to do for twelve hours. I better get started!”

— Andy Weir

304. “I did, however, glue my hand to the helmet. Stop laughing.”

— Andy Weir

305. “So that’s the situation. I’m stranded on Mars.”

— Andy Weir

306. “We do not have time to develop a complicated neural network. This is a strictly procedural algorithm. Very complex, but not AI at all. We have to be able to test it in thousands of ways and know exactly how it responds and why. We can’t do that with a neural network.”

— Andy Weir

307. “First thing I did was put on the inner lining of my EVA suit. Not the bulky suit itself, just the inner clothing I wear under it, including the gloves and booties. Then I got an oxygen mask from the medical supplies and some lab goggles from Vogel’s chem kit. Almost all of my body was protected and I was breathing canned air.”

— Andy Weir

308. “And yeah, its hands look like Rocky’s hands, broadly speaking. Three fingers. About the same size as Rocky’s hands. Probably controlled with a Nintendo Power Glove kind of thing inside the ship. Man, I’m old.”

— Andy Weir

309. “If the RTG ever broke open, it would kill me to death.”

— Andy Weir

310. “Venkat, tell the investigation committee they’ll have to do their witch hunt without me. And when they inevitably blame Commander Lewis, be advised I’ll publicly refute it. I’m sure the rest of the crew will do the same. Also, please tell them that each and every one of their mothers is a prostitute. – Watney PS: Their sisters, too.”

— Andy Weir

311. “I’ll need to trick out a rover. Basically it’ll have to be a mobile Hab. I’ll pick Rover 2 as my target. We have a certain bond, after I spent two days in it during the Great Hydrogen Scare of Sol 37.”

— Andy Weir

312. “Beers for everyone if I get back to Earth.”

— Andy Weir

313. “I’m going to finish off the last of Three’s Company tonight. Frankly, I like Mr. Furley more than the Ropers.”

— Andy Weir

314. “Dear Jazz, Maybe you can do it in your head. I would give anything to be as smart as you. But I’m not. That’s okay. I work hard instead, and you’re lazy as hell.”

— Andy Weir

315. “Here’s the cool part: I will eventually go to Schiaparelli and commandeer the Ares 4 lander. Nobody explicitly gave me permission to do this, and they can’t until I’m aboard Ares 4 and operating the comm system. After I board Ares 4, before talking to NASA, I will take control of a craft in international waters without permission. That makes me a pirate! A space pirate!”

— Andy Weir

316. “I can’t see you having any control if you did that,” Lewis said. “You’d be eyeballing the intercept and using a thrust vector you can barely control.” “I admit it’s fatally dangerous,” Watney said. “But consider this: I’d get to fly around like Iron Man.”

— Andy Weir

317. “It’s kind of silly if you think about it. I’m in my space suit on Mars and I’m navigating with sixteenth-century tools.”

— Andy Weir

318. “It’ll keep you from puking all over our nice, clean cockpit.”

— Andy Weir

319. “But after a morning potato and Vicodin, I was feeling much better.”

— Andy Weir

320. “My life depended on some math I’d done earlier. If I dropped a sign or added two numbers wrong, I might never wake up.”

— Andy Weir

321. “Or maybe they’ll board my ship and lay eggs in my brain. You can never be sure.”

— Andy Weir

322. “One of my favorite experiments with the kids is to have them look at a drop of water. A drop of water, preferably one from a puddle outside, will be swarming with life. It always goes over well, except for the occasional kid who then refuses to drink water for a while.”

— Andy Weir

323. “Space is dangerous,” Mitch snapped. “It’s what we do here. If you want to play it safe all the time, go join an insurance company. And by the way, it’s not even your life you’re risking. The crew can make up their own minds about it.”

— Andy Weir

324. “I’m not good with people. Sometimes I’m difficult. I wish people would just tell me.”

— Andy Weir

325. “But some back-of-the-napkin math told me even one tank was enough to blow the whole Hab up. So I brought them all in.”

— Andy Weir

326. “The oldest words in a language are usually the shortest.”

— Andy Weir

327. “The only way to get all twenty-eight on the roof was to make stacks so high they’d fall off the first time I turned. If I lashed them together, they’d fall off as a unit. If I found a way to attach them perfectly to the rover, the rover would tip. I didn’t even bother to test. It was obvious by looking, and I didn’t want to break anything.”

— Andy Weir

328. “This is happy! Your face opening is in sad mode. Why, question?”

— Andy Weir

329. “Sure enough, the water heated up. That’s not really a surprise, but it’s nice to see thermodynamics being well behaved.”

— Andy Weir

330. “Just tell mom the supplies would last, okay?”

— Andy Weir

331. “I haven’t been this excited about a “yes” since prom night!”

— Andy Weir

332. “I’m such a dumb-ass for not thinking of it! And my dumb-assery almost got me killed! I’m really going to have to be more careful.”

— Andy Weir

333. “I spent three months as the loneliest man in history and it’s finally over.”

— Andy Weir

334. “Live Another Sol would be an awesome name for a James Bond movie.”

— Andy Weir

335. “But this is the interstellar equivalent of a stranger offering me candy.”

— Andy Weir

336. “It’s a terrible thing to have my life depend on my half-assed handiwork.”

— Andy Weir

337. “It just didn’t occur to me. But it should have. If your lungs grabbed up all the oxygen, mouth-to-mouth resuscitation wouldn’t work. I’m such a dumb-ass for not thinking of it! And my dumb-assery almost got me killed!”

— Andy Weir

338. “It’s not like we can do anything about it if he falls behind. This is a pointless task.” “How long have you worked for the government?” Venkat sighed.”

— Andy Weir

339. “If you commit a serious crime, Artemis deports you to the victim’s country. Let their nation exact revenge on you for it.”

— Andy Weir

340. “Call me crazy, but I didn’t want the drill explosively launched at my face.”

— Andy Weir

341. “Not because of the perfect landing, but because he left so much fuel behind. Hundreds of liters of unused hydrazine. Each molecule of hydrazine has four hydrogen atoms in it.”

— Andy Weir

342. “So far, the rover and my ghetto life support are working admirably. At.”

— Andy Weir

343. “I’m sure I’ll have to adjust the course when I’m actually driving it. No plan survives first contact with the enemy.”

— Andy Weir

344. “There aren’t many people who can say they’ve vandalized a three-billion-dollar spacecraft, but I’m one of them.”

— Andy Weir

345. “They see the water reclaimer as a critical survival element. There’s no backup, and they think I’ll die instantly without it. To them, equipment failure is terrifying. To me, it’s “Tuesday.”

— Andy Weir

346. “Everything just changed. Watney’s headed for Pathfinder.”

— Andy Weir

347. “The Hail Mary has always looked like something out of a Heinlein novel.”

— Andy Weir

348. “All that hydrogen had met the oxygen at high temperature and they’d had a brief chat.”

— Andy Weir

349. “I experimented with potato skin tea a few weeks ago. The less said about that the better.”

— Andy Weir

350. “I would only be “in command” of the mission if I were the only remaining person. What do you know? I’m in command.”

— Andy Weir