Top 500 Andy Weir Quotes (2026 Update)
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301. “I have to assume friendly intent at this point. I mean, they’re going out of their way to say hi and be accommodating. Besides, if there is hostile intent, what would I do about it? Die. That’s what I’d do. I’m a scientist, not Buck Rogers.”

— Andy Weir

302. “I would only be “in command” of the mission if I were the only remaining person. What do you know? I’m in command.”

— Andy Weir

303. “Something very hot and very explodey had happened, and I wasn’t sure what. Or how.”

— Andy Weir

304. “I’m such a dumb-ass for not thinking of it! And my dumb-assery almost got me killed!”

— Andy Weir

305. “I’m sure it’ll turn out to be a little hole somewhere, then NASA will have four hours of meetings before telling me to cover it with duct tape.”

— Andy Weir

306. “You’re stranded on Mars and you can only take one book with you. What is it? A. It’s always hard to pick one “favorite book.” Growing up, I loved early Robert Heinlein books most of all. So if I had to pick one, I’d go with Tunnel in the Sky. I do love a good survival story.”

— Andy Weir

307. “Rocky’s word for “one” is just two notes played at the same time.”

— Andy Weir

308. “Mars is not Earth. It doesn’t have a thick atmosphere to bend light and carry particles that reflect light around corners. It’s damn near a vacuum here.”

— Andy Weir

309. “I didn’t want to spend any more time inside the mind of an economist. It was dark and disturbing.”

— Andy Weir

310. “There’s no way to be sure,” Irene said. “The biggest threat is giving up hope. If he decides there’s no chance to survive, he’ll stop trying.”

— Andy Weir

311. “Mars keeps trying to kill me.”

— Andy Weir

312. “How did you know that?” Annie asked, getting annoyed. “Elrond,” Bruce said. “The Council of Elrond. From Lord of the Rings. It’s the meeting where they decide to destroy the One Ring.” “Jesus,” Annie said. “None of you got laid in high school, did you?”

— Andy Weir

313. “And where will that “safety” be? Not a damn clue. Anyway, one problem at a time. Right now I’m fixing the EVA suit. AUDIO.”

— Andy Weir

314. “Live Another Sol would be an awesome name for a James Bond movie.”

— Andy Weir

315. “They see the water reclaimer as a critical survival element. There’s no backup, and they think I’ll die instantly without it. To them, equipment failure is terrifying. To me, it’s “Tuesday.”

— Andy Weir

316. “Interesting that the ship didn’t automatically eject them as they became empty. I dismiss the window and return to the main ship map.”

— Andy Weir

317. “Not because of the perfect landing, but because he left so much fuel behind. Hundreds of liters of unused hydrazine. Each molecule of hydrazine has four hydrogen atoms in it.”

— Andy Weir

318. “I can’t blame it. Its whole purpose is to prevent the atmosphere from becoming lethal. Nobody at NASA thought, “Hey, let’s allow a fatal lack of oxygen that will make everyone drop dead!”

— Andy Weir

319. “I’m the first guy to drive long-distance on Mars. The first guy to spend more than thirty-one sols on Mars. The first guy to grow crops on Mars. First, first, first! I wasn’t expecting to be first at anything.”

— Andy Weir

320. “How did I end up in this situation? I’m the district sales manager of a napkin factor. Why is my daughter in space?”

— Andy Weir

321. “I got bounced around a lot, but I’m a well-honed machine in times of crisis. As soon as the rover toppled, I curled into a ball and cowered. That’s the kind of action hero I am.”

— Andy Weir

322. “So I go out every night with a homemade sextant and sight Deneb. It’s kind of silly if you think about it. I’m in my space suit on Mars and I’m navigating with sixteenth-century tools.”

— Andy Weir

323. “I didn’t want to distract the people who were saving my life, so I muted my mic and screamed like a little girl. It’s true, you know. In space, no one can hear you scream like a little girl.”

— Andy Weir

324. “There was something weird about being on the moon and fighting for your life with a stick and some fire.”

— Andy Weir

325. “One of my favorite experiments with the kids is to have them look at a drop of water. A drop of water, preferably one from a puddle outside, will be swarming with life. It always goes over well, except for the occasional kid who then refuses to drink water for a while.”

— Andy Weir

326. “I’m in the middle of a bunch of craters that form a triangle. I’m calling it the Watney Triangle because after what I’ve been through, stuff on Mars should be named after me.”

— Andy Weir

327. “That’s the ceremonial uniform,” I said. “I mean a duty uniform. Light shirt, dark pants with a yellow stripe?” “Oh, Han Solo pants. Yeah, he had those on.” “Okay, thanks.” Pfft. Han Solo’s pants have a red stripe. And it’s not even a stripe – it’s a bunch of dashes. Some people have no education.”

— Andy Weir

328. “There aren’t many people who can say they’ve vandalized a three-billion-dollar spacecraft, but I’m one of them.”

— Andy Weir

329. “One big bonus: e-mail! Just like the days back on Hermes, I get data dumps. Of course, they relay e-mail from friends and family, but NASA also sends along choice messages from the public. I’ve gotten e-mail from rock stars, athletes, actors and actresses, and even the President. One of them was from my alma mater, the University of Chicago. They say once you grow crops somewhere, you have officially “colonized” it. So technically, I colonized Mars. In your face, Neil Armstrong!”

— Andy Weir

330. “Social discomfort,” he says. “No talk.”

— Andy Weir

331. “Staying alive isn’t about oxygen, it’s about getting rid of CO2.”

— Andy Weir

332. “Come on! I thought you liked Mexican!”

— Andy Weir

333. “Venkat pulled out his cell phone. “We lost contact with Pathfinder in 1997. If he can get it online again, we can communicate. It might just need the solar cells cleaned. Even if it’s got a bigger problem, he’s an engineer!” Dialing, he added, “Fixing things is his job!”

— Andy Weir

334. “Ever set up a camping tent? From the inside? While wearing a suit of armor? It was a pain in the ass.”

— Andy Weir

335. “I’m going to finish off the last of Three’s Company tonight. Frankly, I like Mr. Furley more than the Ropers.”

— Andy Weir

336. “It’s a desert so old it’s literally rusting.”

— Andy Weir

337. “If I get back to Earth, I’m buying Bruce Ng a beer. Though I guess I should buy all the JPL guys a beer. Beers for everyone if I get back to Earth.”

— Andy Weir

338. “If this becomes a negotiation by diplomats, it will never be resolved. We need to keep this among scientists. Space.”

— Andy Weir

339. “He curls the claws of one hand into a ball and presses it against the xenonite. “Fist me!” I push my knuckles against the xenonite. “It’s ‘fist-bump,’ but yeah.”

— Andy Weir

340. “I can’t see you having any control if you did that,” Lewis said. “You’d be eyeballing the intercept and using a thrust vector you can barely control.” “I admit it’s fatally dangerous,” Watney said. “But consider this: I’d get to fly around like Iron Man.”

— Andy Weir

341. “It just feels nice to be an astronaut again. That’s all it is. Not a reluctant farmer, not an electrical engineer, not a long-haul trucker. An astronaut.”

— Andy Weir

342. “It’s not like we can do anything about it if he falls behind. This is a pointless task.” “How long have you worked for the government?” Venkat sighed.”

— Andy Weir

343. “The only way to get all twenty-eight on the roof was to make stacks so high they’d fall off the first time I turned. If I lashed them together, they’d fall off as a unit. If I found a way to attach them perfectly to the rover, the rover would tip. I didn’t even bother to test. It was obvious by looking, and I didn’t want to break anything.”

— Andy Weir

344. “I’ve discovered that raw potatoes are disgusting.”

— Andy Weir

345. “But after a morning potato and Vicodin, I was feeling much better.”

— Andy Weir

346. “My life depended on some math I’d done earlier. If I dropped a sign or added two numbers wrong, I might never wake up.”

— Andy Weir

347. “My lungs, now full of carbon dioxide, panic. But the adrenaline rush doesn’t give me the strength I need to escape. It just keeps me awake so I can experience death in more detail. Thanks, adrenal glands.”

— Andy Weir

348. “First thing I did was put on the inner lining of my EVA suit. Not the bulky suit itself, just the inner clothing I wear under it, including the gloves and booties. Then I got an oxygen mask from the medical supplies and some lab goggles from Vogel’s chem kit. Almost all of my body was protected and I was breathing canned air.”

— Andy Weir

349. “Half-ration for dinner. All I accomplished today was thinking up a plan that’ll kill me, and that doesn’t take much energy.”

— Andy Weir

350. “I was left without references and relied on Phobos to guide me. There’s probably symbolism there. Phobos is the god of fear, and I’m letting it be my guide. Not a good sign.”

— Andy Weir