Top 500 Andy Weir Quotes (2026 Update)
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301. “You could be less of an ass.” “I could,” I said. “But it’s not likely.”

— Andy Weir

302. “Intelligence evolves to gives us an advantage over the other animals on our planet. But evolution is lazy. Once a problem is solved, the trait stops evolving. So you and me, we’re both just intelligent enough to be smarter than our planet’s other animals.”

— Andy Weir

303. “I’m sure it’ll turn out to be a little hole somewhere, then NASA will have four hours of meetings before telling me to cover it with duct tape.”

— Andy Weir

304. “There’s no way to be sure,” Irene said. “The biggest threat is giving up hope. If he decides there’s no chance to survive, he’ll stop trying.”

— Andy Weir

305. “Quality is quality,” Jin said. “Age is irrelevant. No one bitches about Shakespeare fans.”

— Andy Weir

306. “But some back-of-the-napkin math told me even one tank was enough to blow the whole Hab up. So I brought them all in.”

— Andy Weir

307. “I think I can work this out.”

— Andy Weir

308. “It’s a weird feeling, scientific breakthroughs. There’s no Eureka moment. Just a slow, steady progression toward a goal. But man, when you get to that goal it feels good.”

— Andy Weir

309. “I’m in my space suit on Mars and I’m navigating with sixteenth-century tools. But hey, they work.”

— Andy Weir

310. “You’d be amazed at how fast you can get going with a tiny acceleration over a long time.”

— Andy Weir

311. “I got bounced around a lot, but I’m a well-honed machine in times of crisis. As soon as the rover toppled, I curled into a ball and cowered. That’s the kind of action hero I am.”

— Andy Weir

312. “Ever set up a camping tent? From the inside? While wearing a suit of armor? It was a pain in the ass.”

— Andy Weir

313. “Very few people get a chance to quantify how much their father loves them. But I did. The job should have taken forty-five minutes, but Dad spent three and a half hours on it. My father loves me 366 percent more than he loves anything else. Good to know.”

— Andy Weir

314. “Ever transcribed 141 random bytes, one-half of a byte at a time?”

— Andy Weir

315. “NASA doesn’t have total faith in my kludged-together rover.”

— Andy Weir

316. “Social discomfort,” he says. “No talk.”

— Andy Weir

317. “This is one of those things I frequently have to explain to my students. Gravity doesn’t just “go away” when you’re in orbit. In fact, the gravity you experience in orbit is pretty much the same as you’d experience on the ground. The weightlessness that astronauts experience while in orbit comes from constantly falling. But the curvature of the Earth makes the ground go away at the same rate you fall. So you just fall forever.”

— Andy Weir

318. “When you get down to it, smell is just tasting at range.”

— Andy Weir

319. “If that stops working and I can’t fix it, I’m a dead man. No problems.”

— Andy Weir

320. “I guess I should explain how Mars missions work, for any layman who may be reading this.”

— Andy Weir

321. “My cart is a pain in the ass to control, but it’s good at carrying heavy things. So I decided it was male. I named him Trigger.”

— Andy Weir

322. “All that hydrogen had met the oxygen at high temperature and they’d had a brief chat.”

— Andy Weir

323. “I learned about Sanford and Son from Lewis’s collection. Seriously, that woman needs to see someone about her seventies problem.”

— Andy Weir

324. “If this were a movie, everyone would have been in the airlock, and there would have been high fives all around. But it didn’t pan out that way.”

— Andy Weir

325. “Just tell mom the supplies would last, okay?”

— Andy Weir

326. “Will an alien math error doom my entire species?”

— Andy Weir

327. “I spent three months as the loneliest man in history and it’s finally over.”

— Andy Weir

328. “I called it the “Bruce Banner Test.”

— Andy Weir

329. “No. You no can die. You are friend.”

— Andy Weir

330. “Your ship has more science that my ship. Better science. I bring my things in to your ship. Release tunnel. You make your ship spin for science. You and me science how to kill Astrophage together. Save Earth. Save Erid. This is good plan, question?”

— Andy Weir

331. “Instead, I spent the day taking drugs and playing with radiation.”

— Andy Weir

332. “Venkat, tell the investigation committee they’ll have to do their witch hunt without me. And when they inevitably blame Commander Lewis, be advised I’ll publicly refute it. I’m sure the rest of the crew will do the same. Also, please tell them that each and every one of their mothers is a prostitute. – Watney PS: Their sisters, too.”

— Andy Weir

333. “I’m going to finish off the last of Three’s Company tonight. Frankly, I like Mr. Furley more than the Ropers.”

— Andy Weir

334. “Dear Jazz, Maybe you can do it in your head. I would give anything to be as smart as you. But I’m not. That’s okay. I work hard instead, and you’re lazy as hell.”

— Andy Weir

335. “Here’s the cool part: I will eventually go to Schiaparelli and commandeer the Ares 4 lander. Nobody explicitly gave me permission to do this, and they can’t until I’m aboard Ares 4 and operating the comm system. After I board Ares 4, before talking to NASA, I will take control of a craft in international waters without permission. That makes me a pirate! A space pirate!”

— Andy Weir

336. “But I did wake up, and the main computer showed the slight rise in CO2 I had predicted. Looks like I’ll live another sol. Live Another Sol would be an awesome name for a James Bond movie.”

— Andy Weir

337. “They lay in silence, strapped to their couches and ready for launch. Beck looked at Watney’s empty couch and saw Vogel doing the same. Martinez ran a self-check on the nose cone OMS thrusters. They were no longer safe for use. He noted the malfunction in his log.”

— Andy Weir

338. “It’ll keep you from puking all over our nice, clean cockpit.”

— Andy Weir

339. “Try updating a Linux server sometime,” Jack said.”

— Andy Weir

340. “Goddamn, it’s annoying to commit crimes in a small town.”

— Andy Weir

341. “Have you told anyone else?” “Who would I tell?” “I don’t know,” Venkat said. “Friends?” “I don’t have any of those.” “Okay, keep it under your hat.” “I don’t wear a hat.” “It’s just an expression.” “Really?” Rich said. “It’s a stupid expression.” “Rich, you’re being difficult.” “Ah. Thanks.”

— Andy Weir

342. “I experimented with potato skin tea a few weeks ago. The less said about that the better.”

— Andy Weir

343. “So instead, I went to good old “Spare Parts” Rover 1 and stole its environment heater. I’ve gutted that poor rover so much, it looks like I parked it in a bad part of town. I.”

— Andy Weir

344. “There’s plenty of heat, thanks to the RTG. I just needed to get it evenly spread out. For once, entropy was on my side.”

— Andy Weir

345. “It’s all part of the life-cycle of an economy. First it’s lawless capitalism until that starts to impede growth. Next comes regulation, law enforcement, and taxes. After that: public benefits and entitlements. Then, finally, overexpenditure and collapse.”

— Andy Weir

346. “Redistribution of this e-book is permitted, so long as it is distributed for free.”

— Andy Weir

347. “Hey, if you want to play life safe, don’t live on the moon.”

— Andy Weir

348. “You guys know about climate change, right? How our CO2 emissions have caused a lot of problems in the environment?” “My dad says that’s not real,” said Tamora. “Well, it is,” I said. “Anyway.”

— Andy Weir

349. “The Hab is now a bomb.”

— Andy Weir

350. “But now there was nothing. I never realized how utterly silent Mars is.”

— Andy Weir