Top 500 Andy Weir Quotes (2026 Update)
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251. “Time for science!”

— Andy Weir

252. “What do you know? I’m in command. I wonder if this log will be recovered before the rest of the crew die of old age. I presume they got back to Earth all right. Guys, if you’re reading this: It wasn’t your fault. You did what you had to do. In your position I would have done the same thing. I don’t blame you, and I’m glad you survived.”

— Andy Weir

253. “I’ve been thinking about laws on Mars. Yeah, I know, it’s a stupid thing to think about, but I have a lot of free time.”

— Andy Weir

254. “And have you ever heard of Skype?!”

— Andy Weir

255. “If I make any mistakes, there’ll be nothing left but the “Mark Watney Memorial Crater” where the Hab once stood.”

— Andy Weir

256. “It seemed to work well. The seal looked strong and the resin was rock-hard. I did, however, glue my hand to the helmet.”

— Andy Weir

257. “After mangling the Hab, I pulled the remaining canvas down to the flooring and resealed it. Ever set up a camping tent? From the inside? While wearing a suit of armor? It was a pain in the ass.”

— Andy Weir

258. “I was approximately as critical as toilet paper.”

— Andy Weir

259. “Normally a nanosyringe would be controlled by finely tuned equipment. But I just wanted some stabby time and didn’t care about the tool’s integrity.”

— Andy Weir

260. “I think I can work this out.”

— Andy Weir

261. “I do have something flammable: my own hair. It’ll have to do. There’s a sharp knife in the tool kit. I’ll shave some arm hairs off into a little pile.”

— Andy Weir

262. “Twelve kids raise their claws.”

— Andy Weir

263. “Quality is quality,” Jin said. “Age is irrelevant. No one bitches about Shakespeare fans.”

— Andy Weir

264. “If I were exposed to it, I’d get so much cancer, the cancer would have cancer.”

— Andy Weir

265. “Modifying an alien life-form. What could possibly go wrong?”

— Andy Weir

266. “But there’s something more important we need to discuss: What is it with you and disco? I can understand the ’70s TV because everyone loves hairy people with huge collars. But disco? Disco!?”

— Andy Weir

267. “I ask for a picture, and I get the Fonz.”

— Andy Weir

268. “We do not have time to develop a complicated neural network. This is a strictly procedural algorithm. Very complex, but not AI at all. We have to be able to test it in thousands of ways and know exactly how it responds and why. We can’t do that with a neural network.”

— Andy Weir

269. “You’re sending him to space under a tarp.” “Pretty much, yeah.” “Like a hastily loaded pickup truck.” “Yeah. Can I go on?” “Sure, can’t wait.”

— Andy Weir

270. “Humanity’s first miscommunication with an intelligent alien race. Glad I could be a part of it.”

— Andy Weir

271. “What the fudge is going on?! Fudge? Seriously? Maybe I have young kids. Or I’m deeply religious.”

— Andy Weir

272. “If I want water, I’ll have to make it from scratch. Fortunately, I know the recipe: Take hydrogen. Add oxygen. Burn.”

— Andy Weir

273. “Hey, I’m going to fall unconscious and hallucinate for a while. By the way, I spend a third of my time doing this. And if I can’t do it for a while, I go insane and eventually die. No need for concern.”

— Andy Weir

274. “With hundreds of millions of bacteria, it only takes one survivor to stave off extinction. Life is amazingly tenacious. They don’t want to die any more than I do.”

— Andy Weir

275. “I wish Rocky were here. I always wish Rocky were here.”

— Andy Weir

276. “You don’t expect J. Worthalot Richbastard III to clean his own toilet, do you? I’m one of the little people.”

— Andy Weir

277. “Jesus Christ, I’d give anything for a five-minute conversation with anyone. Anyone, anywhere. About anything. I’m the first person to be alone on an entire planet.”

— Andy Weir

278. “People have been using human waste as fertilizer for centuries. It’s even got a pleasant name: “night soil.”

— Andy Weir

279. “I haven’t been this excited about a “yes” since prom night!”

— Andy Weir

280. “I knew she’d have an ASCII table in there somewhere. All computer geeks do.”

— Andy Weir

281. “I’m space paparazzi now. The attitude comes with the job.”

— Andy Weir

282. “Cuatro horas de trabajo miserable, pero lo he terminado.”

— Andy Weir

283. “Remember those old math questions you had in algebra class? Where water is entering a container at a certain rate and leaving at a different rate and you need to figure out when it’ll be empty? Well, that concept is critical to the “Mark Watney doesn’t die” project I’m working on.”

— Andy Weir

284. “But this is the interstellar equivalent of a stranger offering me candy.”

— Andy Weir

285. “Man, being an American scientist sucks sometimes. You think in random, unpredictable units based on what situation you’re in.”

— Andy Weir

286. “Half the people who studied botany were hippies who thought they could return to some natural world system. Somehow feeding seven billion people through pure gathering. They spent most of their time working out better ways to grow pot. I didn’t like them.”

— Andy Weir

287. “The thing that sucks about life-or-death situations is how boring they can be.”

— Andy Weir

288. “I started the day with a potato. I washed it down with some Martian coffee. That’s my name for “hot water with a caffeine pill dissolved in it.”

— Andy Weir

289. “Jesus Christ, I’d give anything for a five-minute conversation with anyone. Anyone, anywhere. About anything.”

— Andy Weir

290. “Because if he takes off his helmet, he’ll die.”

— Andy Weir

291. “I’m in my space suit on Mars and I’m navigating with sixteenth-century tools. But hey, they work.”

— Andy Weir

292. “If we do this,” Vogel said, “it would be over one thousand days of space. This is enough space for a life. I do not need to return.”

— Andy Weir

293. “Software engineers are sneaky bastards when it comes to data management.”

— Andy Weir

294. “It’s almost time for the second harvest. Ayup. I wish I had a straw hat and some suspenders.”

— Andy Weir

295. “I need some encouragement. I need to ask myself, “What would an Apollo astronaut do?”

— Andy Weir

296. “The problem with small pressure vessels is CO2 toxicity. You can have all the oxygen in the world, but once the CO2 gets above 1 percent, you’ll start to get drowsy. At 2 percent, it’s like being drunk. At 5 percent, it’s hard to stay conscious. Eight percent will eventually kill you. Staying alive isn’t about oxygen, it’s about getting rid of CO2.”

— Andy Weir

297. “I’ve been so busy staying alive I never thought of what this must be like for my parents.”

— Andy Weir

298. “I spent three months as the loneliest man in history and it’s finally over.”

— Andy Weir

299. “You could be less of an ass.” “I could,” I said. “But it’s not likely.”

— Andy Weir

300. “For some reason, a high concentration of O2 will kill most headaches. Don’t know why. Don’t care. The important thing is I don’t have to suffer.”

— Andy Weir