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Top 500 Andy Weir Quotes (2026 Update)
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Andy Weir Quote: “I ask for a picture, and I get the Fonz.”

251. “I ask for a picture, and I get the Fonz.”

— Andy Weir

Andy Weir Quote: “You’re sending him to space under a tarp.” “Pretty much, yeah.” “Like a hastily loaded pickup truck.” “Yeah. Can I go on?” “Sure, can’t wait.”

252. “You’re sending him to space under a tarp.” “Pretty much, yeah.” “Like a hastily loaded pickup truck.” “Yeah. Can I go on?” “Sure, can’t wait.”

— Andy Weir

Andy Weir Quote: “Humanity’s first miscommunication with an intelligent alien race. Glad I could be a part of it.”

253. “Humanity’s first miscommunication with an intelligent alien race. Glad I could be a part of it.”

— Andy Weir

Andy Weir Quote: “What the fudge is going on?! Fudge? Seriously? Maybe I have young kids. Or I’m deeply religious.”

254. “What the fudge is going on?! Fudge? Seriously? Maybe I have young kids. Or I’m deeply religious.”

— Andy Weir

Andy Weir Quote: “If I want water, I’ll have to make it from scratch. Fortunately, I know the recipe: Take hydrogen. Add oxygen. Burn.”

255. “If I want water, I’ll have to make it from scratch. Fortunately, I know the recipe: Take hydrogen. Add oxygen. Burn.”

— Andy Weir

Andy Weir Quote: “You don’t expect J. Worthalot Richbastard III to clean his own toilet, do you? I’m one of the little people.”

256. “You don’t expect J. Worthalot Richbastard III to clean his own toilet, do you? I’m one of the little people.”

— Andy Weir

Andy Weir Quote: “Jesus Christ, I’d give anything for a five-minute conversation with anyone. Anyone, anywhere. About anything. I’m the first person to be alone on an entire planet.”

257. “Jesus Christ, I’d give anything for a five-minute conversation with anyone. Anyone, anywhere. About anything. I’m the first person to be alone on an entire planet.”

— Andy Weir

Andy Weir Quote: “People have been using human waste as fertilizer for centuries. It’s even got a pleasant name: “night soil.”

258. “People have been using human waste as fertilizer for centuries. It’s even got a pleasant name: “night soil.”

— Andy Weir

Andy Weir Quote: “I haven’t been this excited about a “yes” since prom night!”

259. “I haven’t been this excited about a “yes” since prom night!”

— Andy Weir

Andy Weir Quote: “I’m space paparazzi now. The attitude comes with the job.”

260. “I’m space paparazzi now. The attitude comes with the job.”

— Andy Weir

Andy Weir Quote: “It just feels nice to be an astronaut again. That’s all it is. Not a reluctant farmer, not an electrical engineer, not a long-haul trucker. An astronaut.”

261. “It just feels nice to be an astronaut again. That’s all it is. Not a reluctant farmer, not an electrical engineer, not a long-haul trucker. An astronaut.”

— Andy Weir

Andy Weir Quote: “Cuatro horas de trabajo miserable, pero lo he terminado.”

262. “Cuatro horas de trabajo miserable, pero lo he terminado.”

— Andy Weir

Andy Weir Quote: “Remember those old math questions you had in algebra class? Where water is entering a container at a certain rate and leaving at a different rate and you need to figure out when it’ll be empty? Well, that concept is critical to the “Mark Watney doesn’t die” project I’m working on.”

263. “Remember those old math questions you had in algebra class? Where water is entering a container at a certain rate and leaving at a different rate and you need to figure out when it’ll be empty? Well, that concept is critical to the “Mark Watney doesn’t die” project I’m working on.”

— Andy Weir

Andy Weir Quote: “But this is the interstellar equivalent of a stranger offering me candy.”

264. “But this is the interstellar equivalent of a stranger offering me candy.”

— Andy Weir

Andy Weir Quote: “Man, being an American scientist sucks sometimes. You think in random, unpredictable units based on what situation you’re in.”

265. “Man, being an American scientist sucks sometimes. You think in random, unpredictable units based on what situation you’re in.”

— Andy Weir

Andy Weir Quote: “Half the people who studied botany were hippies who thought they could return to some natural world system. Somehow feeding seven billion people through pure gathering. They spent most of their time working out better ways to grow pot. I didn’t like them.”

266. “Half the people who studied botany were hippies who thought they could return to some natural world system. Somehow feeding seven billion people through pure gathering. They spent most of their time working out better ways to grow pot. I didn’t like them.”

— Andy Weir

Andy Weir Quote: “The thing that sucks about life-or-death situations is how boring they can be.”

267. “The thing that sucks about life-or-death situations is how boring they can be.”

— Andy Weir

Andy Weir Quote: “I started the day with a potato. I washed it down with some Martian coffee. That’s my name for “hot water with a caffeine pill dissolved in it.”

268. “I started the day with a potato. I washed it down with some Martian coffee. That’s my name for “hot water with a caffeine pill dissolved in it.”

— Andy Weir

Andy Weir Quote: “Jesus Christ, I’d give anything for a five-minute conversation with anyone. Anyone, anywhere. About anything.”

269. “Jesus Christ, I’d give anything for a five-minute conversation with anyone. Anyone, anywhere. About anything.”

— Andy Weir

Andy Weir Quote: “Just once I’d like something to go as planned, ya know?”

270. “Just once I’d like something to go as planned, ya know?”

— Andy Weir

Andy Weir Quote: “You’d think after almost killing myself twice, I’d be able to stop screwing around with hydrazine. But nope.”

271. “You’d think after almost killing myself twice, I’d be able to stop screwing around with hydrazine. But nope.”

— Andy Weir

Andy Weir Quote: “Pity I’m going to tear it apart.”

272. “Pity I’m going to tear it apart.”

— Andy Weir

Andy Weir Quote: “DO YOU believe in God, Venkat?” Mitch asked. “Sure, lots of ’em,” Venkat said. “I’m Hindu.” “Ask ’em all for help with this launch.” “Will do.”

273. “DO YOU believe in God, Venkat?” Mitch asked. “Sure, lots of ’em,” Venkat said. “I’m Hindu.” “Ask ’em all for help with this launch.” “Will do.”

— Andy Weir

Andy Weir Quote: “Damn it, Jim, I’m a botanist, not a chemist!”

274. “Damn it, Jim, I’m a botanist, not a chemist!”

— Andy Weir

Andy Weir Quote: “Here’s a woman who had survived the centrifuge, the vomit comet, hard-landing drills and 10k runs. A woman who fixed a simulated MDV computer failure while being spun around upside-down. But she was afraid of a tattoo needle.”

275. “Here’s a woman who had survived the centrifuge, the vomit comet, hard-landing drills and 10k runs. A woman who fixed a simulated MDV computer failure while being spun around upside-down. But she was afraid of a tattoo needle.”

— Andy Weir

Andy Weir Quote: “When you get down to it, smell is just tasting at range.”

276. “When you get down to it, smell is just tasting at range.”

— Andy Weir

Andy Weir Quote: “Problem: The regulator takes 21.5 pirate-ninjas. Even adding.”

277. “Problem: The regulator takes 21.5 pirate-ninjas. Even adding.”

— Andy Weir

Andy Weir Quote: “Why does ‘Elrond’ mean ‘secret meeting’?” Annie asked. “Are we going to make a momentous decision?” Bruge Ng asked. “Exactly,” Venkat said. “How did you know that?” Annie asked, getting annoyed. “Elrond,” Bruce said. “The Council of Elrond. From Lord of the Rings. It’s the meeting where they decide to destroy the One Ring.” “Jesus,” Annie said. “None of you got laid in high school, did you?”

278. “Why does ‘Elrond’ mean ‘secret meeting’?” Annie asked. “Are we going to make a momentous decision?” Bruge Ng asked. “Exactly,” Venkat said. “How did you know that?” Annie asked, getting annoyed. “Elrond,” Bruce said. “The Council of Elrond. From Lord of the Rings. It’s the meeting where they decide to destroy the One Ring.” “Jesus,” Annie said. “None of you got laid in high school, did you?”

— Andy Weir

Andy Weir Quote: “At the microscopic level, the protein cubes were solid food particles suspended in thick vegetable oil. The food particles compressed to less than half their original size, but the oil was barely affected at all. This changed the volume ratio of solid to liquid dramatically, which in turn made the aggregate act as a liquid. Known as “liquefaction,” this process transformed the protein cubes from a steady solid into a flowing sludge.”

279. “At the microscopic level, the protein cubes were solid food particles suspended in thick vegetable oil. The food particles compressed to less than half their original size, but the oil was barely affected at all. This changed the volume ratio of solid to liquid dramatically, which in turn made the aggregate act as a liquid. Known as “liquefaction,” this process transformed the protein cubes from a steady solid into a flowing sludge.”

— Andy Weir

Andy Weir Quote: “I’ll drop the oxygen mixture to zero and breathe pure nitrogen until I suffocate. It wouldn’t feel bad. The lungs don’t have the ability to sense lack of oxygen. I’d just get tired, fall asleep, then die.”

280. “I’ll drop the oxygen mixture to zero and breathe pure nitrogen until I suffocate. It wouldn’t feel bad. The lungs don’t have the ability to sense lack of oxygen. I’d just get tired, fall asleep, then die.”

— Andy Weir

Andy Weir Quote: “The Hail Mary has always looked like something out of a Heinlein novel.”

281. “The Hail Mary has always looked like something out of a Heinlein novel.”

— Andy Weir

Andy Weir Quote: “Time for science!”

282. “Time for science!”

— Andy Weir

Andy Weir Quote: “What do you know? I’m in command. I wonder if this log will be recovered before the rest of the crew die of old age. I presume they got back to Earth all right. Guys, if you’re reading this: It wasn’t your fault. You did what you had to do. In your position I would have done the same thing. I don’t blame you, and I’m glad you survived.”

283. “What do you know? I’m in command. I wonder if this log will be recovered before the rest of the crew die of old age. I presume they got back to Earth all right. Guys, if you’re reading this: It wasn’t your fault. You did what you had to do. In your position I would have done the same thing. I don’t blame you, and I’m glad you survived.”

— Andy Weir

Andy Weir Quote: “And have you ever heard of Skype?!”

284. “And have you ever heard of Skype?!”

— Andy Weir

Andy Weir Quote: “If I make any mistakes, there’ll be nothing left but the “Mark Watney Memorial Crater” where the Hab once stood.”

285. “If I make any mistakes, there’ll be nothing left but the “Mark Watney Memorial Crater” where the Hab once stood.”

— Andy Weir

Andy Weir Quote: “I have to assume friendly intent at this point. I mean, they’re going out of their way to say hi and be accommodating. Besides, if there is hostile intent, what would I do about it? Die. That’s what I’d do. I’m a scientist, not Buck Rogers.”

286. “I have to assume friendly intent at this point. I mean, they’re going out of their way to say hi and be accommodating. Besides, if there is hostile intent, what would I do about it? Die. That’s what I’d do. I’m a scientist, not Buck Rogers.”

— Andy Weir

Andy Weir Quote: “I would only be “in command” of the mission if I were the only remaining person. What do you know? I’m in command.”

287. “I would only be “in command” of the mission if I were the only remaining person. What do you know? I’m in command.”

— Andy Weir

Andy Weir Quote: “It seemed to work well. The seal looked strong and the resin was rock-hard. I did, however, glue my hand to the helmet.”

288. “It seemed to work well. The seal looked strong and the resin was rock-hard. I did, however, glue my hand to the helmet.”

— Andy Weir

Andy Weir Quote: “After mangling the Hab, I pulled the remaining canvas down to the flooring and resealed it. Ever set up a camping tent? From the inside? While wearing a suit of armor? It was a pain in the ass.”

289. “After mangling the Hab, I pulled the remaining canvas down to the flooring and resealed it. Ever set up a camping tent? From the inside? While wearing a suit of armor? It was a pain in the ass.”

— Andy Weir

Andy Weir Quote: “You’re stranded on Mars and you can only take one book with you. What is it? A. It’s always hard to pick one “favorite book.” Growing up, I loved early Robert Heinlein books most of all. So if I had to pick one, I’d go with Tunnel in the Sky. I do love a good survival story.”

290. “You’re stranded on Mars and you can only take one book with you. What is it? A. It’s always hard to pick one “favorite book.” Growing up, I loved early Robert Heinlein books most of all. So if I had to pick one, I’d go with Tunnel in the Sky. I do love a good survival story.”

— Andy Weir

Andy Weir Quote: “Normally a nanosyringe would be controlled by finely tuned equipment. But I just wanted some stabby time and didn’t care about the tool’s integrity.”

291. “Normally a nanosyringe would be controlled by finely tuned equipment. But I just wanted some stabby time and didn’t care about the tool’s integrity.”

— Andy Weir

Andy Weir Quote: “I think I can work this out.”

292. “I think I can work this out.”

— Andy Weir

Andy Weir Quote: “I do have something flammable: my own hair. It’ll have to do. There’s a sharp knife in the tool kit. I’ll shave some arm hairs off into a little pile.”

293. “I do have something flammable: my own hair. It’ll have to do. There’s a sharp knife in the tool kit. I’ll shave some arm hairs off into a little pile.”

— Andy Weir

Andy Weir Quote: “Twelve kids raise their claws.”

294. “Twelve kids raise their claws.”

— Andy Weir

Andy Weir Quote: “Quality is quality,” Jin said. “Age is irrelevant. No one bitches about Shakespeare fans.”

295. “Quality is quality,” Jin said. “Age is irrelevant. No one bitches about Shakespeare fans.”

— Andy Weir

Andy Weir Quote: “I can’t blame it. Its whole purpose is to prevent the atmosphere from becoming lethal. Nobody at NASA thought, “Hey, let’s allow a fatal lack of oxygen that will make everyone drop dead!”

296. “I can’t blame it. Its whole purpose is to prevent the atmosphere from becoming lethal. Nobody at NASA thought, “Hey, let’s allow a fatal lack of oxygen that will make everyone drop dead!”

— Andy Weir

Andy Weir Quote: “I’m the first guy to drive long-distance on Mars. The first guy to spend more than thirty-one sols on Mars. The first guy to grow crops on Mars. First, first, first! I wasn’t expecting to be first at anything.”

297. “I’m the first guy to drive long-distance on Mars. The first guy to spend more than thirty-one sols on Mars. The first guy to grow crops on Mars. First, first, first! I wasn’t expecting to be first at anything.”

— Andy Weir

Andy Weir Quote: “If I were exposed to it, I’d get so much cancer, the cancer would have cancer.”

298. “If I were exposed to it, I’d get so much cancer, the cancer would have cancer.”

— Andy Weir

Andy Weir Quote: “Before leaving the cockpit, I take one last look at the Telescope screen. I don’t know why – I guess I just like to keep track of what extraterrestrial ships in my vicinity are up to. The Blip-A spins in space. It rotates end-over-end, probably at the exact same rate as the Hail Mary. I guess they saw me spin up the centrifuge and figured it was another communication thing. Humanity’s first miscommunication with an intelligent alien race. Glad I could be a part of it.”

299. “Before leaving the cockpit, I take one last look at the Telescope screen. I don’t know why – I guess I just like to keep track of what extraterrestrial ships in my vicinity are up to. The Blip-A spins in space. It rotates end-over-end, probably at the exact same rate as the Hail Mary. I guess they saw me spin up the centrifuge and figured it was another communication thing. Humanity’s first miscommunication with an intelligent alien race. Glad I could be a part of it.”

— Andy Weir

Andy Weir Quote: “How did I end up in this situation? I’m the district sales manager of a napkin factor. Why is my daughter in space?”

300. “How did I end up in this situation? I’m the district sales manager of a napkin factor. Why is my daughter in space?”

— Andy Weir

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