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Top 500 Andy Weir Quotes (2026 Update)
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Andy Weir Quote: “But this is the interstellar equivalent of a stranger offering me candy.”

251. “But this is the interstellar equivalent of a stranger offering me candy.”

Andy Weir Quote: “Man, being an American scientist sucks sometimes. You think in random, unpredictable units based on what situation you’re in.”

252. “Man, being an American scientist sucks sometimes. You think in random, unpredictable units based on what situation you’re in.”

Andy Weir Quote: “Half the people who studied botany were hippies who thought they could return to some natural world system. Somehow feeding seven billion people through pure gathering. They spent most of their time working out better ways to grow pot. I didn’t like them.”

253. “Half the people who studied botany were hippies who thought they could return to some natural world system. Somehow feeding seven billion people through pure gathering. They spent most of their time working out better ways to grow pot. I didn’t like them.”

Andy Weir Quote: “The thing that sucks about life-or-death situations is how boring they can be.”

254. “The thing that sucks about life-or-death situations is how boring they can be.”

Andy Weir Quote: “I started the day with a potato. I washed it down with some Martian coffee. That’s my name for “hot water with a caffeine pill dissolved in it.”

255. “I started the day with a potato. I washed it down with some Martian coffee. That’s my name for “hot water with a caffeine pill dissolved in it.”

Andy Weir Quote: “Jesus Christ, I’d give anything for a five-minute conversation with anyone. Anyone, anywhere. About anything.”

256. “Jesus Christ, I’d give anything for a five-minute conversation with anyone. Anyone, anywhere. About anything.”

Andy Weir Quote: “Just once I’d like something to go as planned, ya know?”

257. “Just once I’d like something to go as planned, ya know?”

Andy Weir Quote: “You’d think after almost killing myself twice, I’d be able to stop screwing around with hydrazine. But nope.”

258. “You’d think after almost killing myself twice, I’d be able to stop screwing around with hydrazine. But nope.”

Andy Weir Quote: “Pity I’m going to tear it apart.”

259. “Pity I’m going to tear it apart.”

Andy Weir Quote: “All around me there was nothing but dust, rocks, and endless empty desert in all directions. The planet’s famous red color is from iron oxide coating everything. So it’s not just a desert. It’s a desert so old it’s literally rusting.”

260. “All around me there was nothing but dust, rocks, and endless empty desert in all directions. The planet’s famous red color is from iron oxide coating everything. So it’s not just a desert. It’s a desert so old it’s literally rusting.”

Andy Weir Quote: “DO YOU believe in God, Venkat?” Mitch asked. “Sure, lots of ’em,” Venkat said. “I’m Hindu.” “Ask ’em all for help with this launch.” “Will do.”

261. “DO YOU believe in God, Venkat?” Mitch asked. “Sure, lots of ’em,” Venkat said. “I’m Hindu.” “Ask ’em all for help with this launch.” “Will do.”

Andy Weir Quote: “Damn it, Jim, I’m a botanist, not a chemist!”

262. “Damn it, Jim, I’m a botanist, not a chemist!”

Andy Weir Quote: “Here’s a woman who had survived the centrifuge, the vomit comet, hard-landing drills and 10k runs. A woman who fixed a simulated MDV computer failure while being spun around upside-down. But she was afraid of a tattoo needle.”

263. “Here’s a woman who had survived the centrifuge, the vomit comet, hard-landing drills and 10k runs. A woman who fixed a simulated MDV computer failure while being spun around upside-down. But she was afraid of a tattoo needle.”

Andy Weir Quote: “He was chosen for the mission in part because of his personality. An Ares crew has to spend thirteen months together. Social compatibility is key. Mark not only fits well in any social group, he’s a catalyst to make the group work better. It was a terrible blow to the crew when he ‘died.’” “And they.”

264. “He was chosen for the mission in part because of his personality. An Ares crew has to spend thirteen months together. Social compatibility is key. Mark not only fits well in any social group, he’s a catalyst to make the group work better. It was a terrible blow to the crew when he ‘died.’” “And they.”

Andy Weir Quote: “When you get down to it, smell is just tasting at range.”

265. “When you get down to it, smell is just tasting at range.”

Andy Weir Quote: “Problem: The regulator takes 21.5 pirate-ninjas. Even adding.”

266. “Problem: The regulator takes 21.5 pirate-ninjas. Even adding.”

Andy Weir Quote: “Why does ‘Elrond’ mean ‘secret meeting’?” Annie asked. “Are we going to make a momentous decision?” Bruge Ng asked. “Exactly,” Venkat said. “How did you know that?” Annie asked, getting annoyed. “Elrond,” Bruce said. “The Council of Elrond. From Lord of the Rings. It’s the meeting where they decide to destroy the One Ring.” “Jesus,” Annie said. “None of you got laid in high school, did you?”

267. “Why does ‘Elrond’ mean ‘secret meeting’?” Annie asked. “Are we going to make a momentous decision?” Bruge Ng asked. “Exactly,” Venkat said. “How did you know that?” Annie asked, getting annoyed. “Elrond,” Bruce said. “The Council of Elrond. From Lord of the Rings. It’s the meeting where they decide to destroy the One Ring.” “Jesus,” Annie said. “None of you got laid in high school, did you?”

Andy Weir Quote: “My terrifying struggle to stay alive became somehow routine. Get up in the morning, eat breakfast, tend my crops, fix broken stuff, eat lunch, answer e-mail, watch TV, eat dinner, go to bed. The life of a modern farmer. Then I was a trucker, doing a long haul across the world. And finally, a construction worker, rebuilding a ship in ways no one ever considered before this.”

268. “My terrifying struggle to stay alive became somehow routine. Get up in the morning, eat breakfast, tend my crops, fix broken stuff, eat lunch, answer e-mail, watch TV, eat dinner, go to bed. The life of a modern farmer. Then I was a trucker, doing a long haul across the world. And finally, a construction worker, rebuilding a ship in ways no one ever considered before this.”

Andy Weir Quote: “At the microscopic level, the protein cubes were solid food particles suspended in thick vegetable oil. The food particles compressed to less than half their original size, but the oil was barely affected at all. This changed the volume ratio of solid to liquid dramatically, which in turn made the aggregate act as a liquid. Known as “liquefaction,” this process transformed the protein cubes from a steady solid into a flowing sludge.”

269. “At the microscopic level, the protein cubes were solid food particles suspended in thick vegetable oil. The food particles compressed to less than half their original size, but the oil was barely affected at all. This changed the volume ratio of solid to liquid dramatically, which in turn made the aggregate act as a liquid. Known as “liquefaction,” this process transformed the protein cubes from a steady solid into a flowing sludge.”

Andy Weir Quote: “I’ll drop the oxygen mixture to zero and breathe pure nitrogen until I suffocate. It wouldn’t feel bad. The lungs don’t have the ability to sense lack of oxygen. I’d just get tired, fall asleep, then die.”

270. “I’ll drop the oxygen mixture to zero and breathe pure nitrogen until I suffocate. It wouldn’t feel bad. The lungs don’t have the ability to sense lack of oxygen. I’d just get tired, fall asleep, then die.”

Andy Weir Quote: “The Hail Mary has always looked like something out of a Heinlein novel.”

271. “The Hail Mary has always looked like something out of a Heinlein novel.”

Andy Weir Quote: “Time for science!”

272. “Time for science!”

Andy Weir Quote: “What do you know? I’m in command. I wonder if this log will be recovered before the rest of the crew die of old age. I presume they got back to Earth all right. Guys, if you’re reading this: It wasn’t your fault. You did what you had to do. In your position I would have done the same thing. I don’t blame you, and I’m glad you survived.”

273. “What do you know? I’m in command. I wonder if this log will be recovered before the rest of the crew die of old age. I presume they got back to Earth all right. Guys, if you’re reading this: It wasn’t your fault. You did what you had to do. In your position I would have done the same thing. I don’t blame you, and I’m glad you survived.”

Andy Weir Quote: “And have you ever heard of Skype?!”

274. “And have you ever heard of Skype?!”

Andy Weir Quote: “If I make any mistakes, there’ll be nothing left but the “Mark Watney Memorial Crater” where the Hab once stood.”

275. “If I make any mistakes, there’ll be nothing left but the “Mark Watney Memorial Crater” where the Hab once stood.”

Andy Weir Quote: “I have to assume friendly intent at this point. I mean, they’re going out of their way to say hi and be accommodating. Besides, if there is hostile intent, what would I do about it? Die. That’s what I’d do. I’m a scientist, not Buck Rogers.”

276. “I have to assume friendly intent at this point. I mean, they’re going out of their way to say hi and be accommodating. Besides, if there is hostile intent, what would I do about it? Die. That’s what I’d do. I’m a scientist, not Buck Rogers.”

Andy Weir Quote: “I would only be “in command” of the mission if I were the only remaining person. What do you know? I’m in command.”

277. “I would only be “in command” of the mission if I were the only remaining person. What do you know? I’m in command.”

Andy Weir Quote: “It seemed to work well. The seal looked strong and the resin was rock-hard. I did, however, glue my hand to the helmet.”

278. “It seemed to work well. The seal looked strong and the resin was rock-hard. I did, however, glue my hand to the helmet.”

Andy Weir Quote: “After mangling the Hab, I pulled the remaining canvas down to the flooring and resealed it. Ever set up a camping tent? From the inside? While wearing a suit of armor? It was a pain in the ass.”

279. “After mangling the Hab, I pulled the remaining canvas down to the flooring and resealed it. Ever set up a camping tent? From the inside? While wearing a suit of armor? It was a pain in the ass.”

Andy Weir Quote: “You’re stranded on Mars and you can only take one book with you. What is it? A. It’s always hard to pick one “favorite book.” Growing up, I loved early Robert Heinlein books most of all. So if I had to pick one, I’d go with Tunnel in the Sky. I do love a good survival story.”

280. “You’re stranded on Mars and you can only take one book with you. What is it? A. It’s always hard to pick one “favorite book.” Growing up, I loved early Robert Heinlein books most of all. So if I had to pick one, I’d go with Tunnel in the Sky. I do love a good survival story.”

Andy Weir Quote: “Normally a nanosyringe would be controlled by finely tuned equipment. But I just wanted some stabby time and didn’t care about the tool’s integrity.”

281. “Normally a nanosyringe would be controlled by finely tuned equipment. But I just wanted some stabby time and didn’t care about the tool’s integrity.”

Andy Weir Quote: “I think I can work this out.”

282. “I think I can work this out.”

Andy Weir Quote: “I do have something flammable: my own hair. It’ll have to do. There’s a sharp knife in the tool kit. I’ll shave some arm hairs off into a little pile.”

283. “I do have something flammable: my own hair. It’ll have to do. There’s a sharp knife in the tool kit. I’ll shave some arm hairs off into a little pile.”

Andy Weir Quote: “Twelve kids raise their claws.”

284. “Twelve kids raise their claws.”

Andy Weir Quote: “Quality is quality,” Jin said. “Age is irrelevant. No one bitches about Shakespeare fans.”

285. “Quality is quality,” Jin said. “Age is irrelevant. No one bitches about Shakespeare fans.”

Andy Weir Quote: “If I were exposed to it, I’d get so much cancer, the cancer would have cancer.”

286. “If I were exposed to it, I’d get so much cancer, the cancer would have cancer.”

Andy Weir Quote: “Modifying an alien life-form. What could possibly go wrong?”

287. “Modifying an alien life-form. What could possibly go wrong?”

Andy Weir Quote: “But there’s something more important we need to discuss: What is it with you and disco? I can understand the ’70s TV because everyone loves hairy people with huge collars. But disco? Disco!?”

288. “But there’s something more important we need to discuss: What is it with you and disco? I can understand the ’70s TV because everyone loves hairy people with huge collars. But disco? Disco!?”

Andy Weir Quote: “I ask for a picture, and I get the Fonz.”

289. “I ask for a picture, and I get the Fonz.”

Andy Weir Quote: “We do not have time to develop a complicated neural network. This is a strictly procedural algorithm. Very complex, but not AI at all. We have to be able to test it in thousands of ways and know exactly how it responds and why. We can’t do that with a neural network.”

290. “We do not have time to develop a complicated neural network. This is a strictly procedural algorithm. Very complex, but not AI at all. We have to be able to test it in thousands of ways and know exactly how it responds and why. We can’t do that with a neural network.”

Andy Weir Quote: “You’re sending him to space under a tarp.” “Pretty much, yeah.” “Like a hastily loaded pickup truck.” “Yeah. Can I go on?” “Sure, can’t wait.”

291. “You’re sending him to space under a tarp.” “Pretty much, yeah.” “Like a hastily loaded pickup truck.” “Yeah. Can I go on?” “Sure, can’t wait.”

Andy Weir Quote: “Humanity’s first miscommunication with an intelligent alien race. Glad I could be a part of it.”

292. “Humanity’s first miscommunication with an intelligent alien race. Glad I could be a part of it.”

Andy Weir Quote: “What the fudge is going on?! Fudge? Seriously? Maybe I have young kids. Or I’m deeply religious.”

293. “What the fudge is going on?! Fudge? Seriously? Maybe I have young kids. Or I’m deeply religious.”

Andy Weir Quote: “Ever set up a camping tent? From the inside? While wearing a suit of armor? It was a pain in the ass.”

294. “Ever set up a camping tent? From the inside? While wearing a suit of armor? It was a pain in the ass.”

Andy Weir Quote: “I’m going to finish off the last of Three’s Company tonight. Frankly, I like Mr. Furley more than the Ropers.”

295. “I’m going to finish off the last of Three’s Company tonight. Frankly, I like Mr. Furley more than the Ropers.”

Andy Weir Quote: “It’s a desert so old it’s literally rusting.”

296. “It’s a desert so old it’s literally rusting.”

Andy Weir Quote: “If I get back to Earth, I’m buying Bruce Ng a beer. Though I guess I should buy all the JPL guys a beer. Beers for everyone if I get back to Earth.”

297. “If I get back to Earth, I’m buying Bruce Ng a beer. Though I guess I should buy all the JPL guys a beer. Beers for everyone if I get back to Earth.”

Andy Weir Quote: “If this becomes a negotiation by diplomats, it will never be resolved. We need to keep this among scientists. Space.”

298. “If this becomes a negotiation by diplomats, it will never be resolved. We need to keep this among scientists. Space.”

Andy Weir Quote: “Cool thing about pendulums: The time it takes for one to swing forward and backward – the period – won’t change, no matter how wide it swings. If it’s got a lot of energy, it’ll swing farther and faster, but the period will still be the same. This is what mechanical clocks take advantage of to keep time.”

299. “Cool thing about pendulums: The time it takes for one to swing forward and backward – the period – won’t change, no matter how wide it swings. If it’s got a lot of energy, it’ll swing farther and faster, but the period will still be the same. This is what mechanical clocks take advantage of to keep time.”

Andy Weir Quote: “He curls the claws of one hand into a ball and presses it against the xenonite. “Fist me!” I push my knuckles against the xenonite. “It’s ‘fist-bump,’ but yeah.”

300. “He curls the claws of one hand into a ball and presses it against the xenonite. “Fist me!” I push my knuckles against the xenonite. “It’s ‘fist-bump,’ but yeah.”

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