Top 500 Andy Weir Quotes (2024 Update)
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251. “I’ve gone from “sole-surviving space explorer” to “guy with wacky new roommate.”

— Andy Weir

252. “I guess I should explain how Mars missions work, for any layman who may be reading this.”

— Andy Weir

253. “It seemed to work well. The seal looked strong and the resin was rock-hard. I did, however, glue my hand to the helmet.”

— Andy Weir

254. “Jesus Christ, I’d give anything for a five-minute conversation with anyone. Anyone, anywhere. About anything. I’m the first person to be alone on an entire planet.”

— Andy Weir

255. “Bleh. I’m going to bed.”

— Andy Weir

256. “Hey, I’m going to fall unconscious and hallucinate for a while. By the way, I spend a third of my time doing this. And if I can’t do it for a while, I go insane and eventually die. No need for concern.”

— Andy Weir

257. “And where will that “safety” be? Not a damn clue. Anyway, one problem at a time. Right now I’m fixing the EVA suit. AUDIO.”

— Andy Weir

258. “My master’s degree in botany makes me pretty sure plants need wet dirt to grow in.”

— Andy Weir

259. “It’s a desert so old it’s literally rusting.”

— Andy Weir

260. “How did I end up in this situation? I’m the district sales manager of a napkin factor. Why is my daughter in space?”

— Andy Weir

261. “Ever set up a camping tent? From the inside? While wearing a suit of armor? It was a pain in the ass.”

— Andy Weir

262. “So that’s the situation. I’m stranded on Mars.”

— Andy Weir

263. “Hey, Rocky!” I call out from the lab. “Watch me pull a Taumoeba out of a hat!”

— Andy Weir

264. “I was there every day and my sparkling personality was hard to forget.”

— Andy Weir

265. “We do not have time to develop a complicated neural network. This is a strictly procedural algorithm. Very complex, but not AI at all. We have to be able to test it in thousands of ways and know exactly how it responds and why. We can’t do that with a neural network.”

— Andy Weir

266. “First thing I did was put on the inner lining of my EVA suit. Not the bulky suit itself, just the inner clothing I wear under it, including the gloves and booties. Then I got an oxygen mask from the medical supplies and some lab goggles from Vogel’s chem kit. Almost all of my body was protected and I was breathing canned air.”

— Andy Weir

267. “Venkat, tell the investigation committee they’ll have to do their witch hunt without me. And when they inevitably blame Commander Lewis, be advised I’ll publicly refute it. I’m sure the rest of the crew will do the same. Also, please tell them that each and every one of their mothers is a prostitute. – Watney PS: Their sisters, too.”

— Andy Weir

268. “I’ll need to trick out a rover. Basically it’ll have to be a mobile Hab. I’ll pick Rover 2 as my target. We have a certain bond, after I spent two days in it during the Great Hydrogen Scare of Sol 37.”

— Andy Weir

269. “You don’t expect J. Worthalot Richbastard III to clean his own toilet, do you? I’m one of the little people.”

— Andy Weir

270. “I’m smart enough now to know I’m stupid. That’s progress.”

— Andy Weir

271. “Beers for everyone if I get back to Earth.”

— Andy Weir

272. “It’s almost time for the second harvest. Ayup. I wish I had a straw hat and some suspenders.”

— Andy Weir

273. “I’m going to finish off the last of Three’s Company tonight. Frankly, I like Mr. Furley more than the Ropers.”

— Andy Weir

274. “Dear Jazz, Maybe you can do it in your head. I would give anything to be as smart as you. But I’m not. That’s okay. I work hard instead, and you’re lazy as hell.”

— Andy Weir

275. “Here’s the cool part: I will eventually go to Schiaparelli and commandeer the Ares 4 lander. Nobody explicitly gave me permission to do this, and they can’t until I’m aboard Ares 4 and operating the comm system. After I board Ares 4, before talking to NASA, I will take control of a craft in international waters without permission. That makes me a pirate! A space pirate!”

— Andy Weir

276. “I can’t see you having any control if you did that,” Lewis said. “You’d be eyeballing the intercept and using a thrust vector you can barely control.” “I admit it’s fatally dangerous,” Watney said. “But consider this: I’d get to fly around like Iron Man.”

— Andy Weir

277. “It’s kind of silly if you think about it. I’m in my space suit on Mars and I’m navigating with sixteenth-century tools.”

— Andy Weir

278. “You have to stay hydrated if you want to save the world.”

— Andy Weir

279. “But after a morning potato and Vicodin, I was feeling much better.”

— Andy Weir

280. “My life depended on some math I’d done earlier. If I dropped a sign or added two numbers wrong, I might never wake up.”

— Andy Weir

281. “I’m not good with people. Sometimes I’m difficult. I wish people would just tell me.”

— Andy Weir

282. “The oldest words in a language are usually the shortest.”

— Andy Weir

283. “The only way to get all twenty-eight on the roof was to make stacks so high they’d fall off the first time I turned. If I lashed them together, they’d fall off as a unit. If I found a way to attach them perfectly to the rover, the rover would tip. I didn’t even bother to test. It was obvious by looking, and I didn’t want to break anything.”

— Andy Weir

284. “Sure enough, the water heated up. That’s not really a surprise, but it’s nice to see thermodynamics being well behaved.”

— Andy Weir

285. “As I groggily came to, I wondered why I wasn’t more dead.”

— Andy Weir

286. “Just tell mom the supplies would last, okay?”

— Andy Weir

287. “I haven’t been this excited about a “yes” since prom night!”

— Andy Weir

288. “I’m such a dumb-ass for not thinking of it! And my dumb-assery almost got me killed! I’m really going to have to be more careful.”

— Andy Weir

289. “I spent three months as the loneliest man in history and it’s finally over.”

— Andy Weir

290. “But this is the interstellar equivalent of a stranger offering me candy.”

— Andy Weir

291. “It’s a terrible thing to have my life depend on my half-assed handiwork.”

— Andy Weir

292. “It’s not like we can do anything about it if he falls behind. This is a pointless task.” “How long have you worked for the government?” Venkat sighed.”

— Andy Weir

293. “Now that NASA can talk to me, they won’t shut the hell up.”

— Andy Weir

294. “If you commit a serious crime, Artemis deports you to the victim’s country. Let their nation exact revenge on you for it.”

— Andy Weir

295. “Call me crazy, but I didn’t want the drill explosively launched at my face.”

— Andy Weir

296. “Not because of the perfect landing, but because he left so much fuel behind. Hundreds of liters of unused hydrazine. Each molecule of hydrazine has four hydrogen atoms in it.”

— Andy Weir

297. “So far, the rover and my ghetto life support are working admirably. At.”

— Andy Weir

298. “I’m sure I’ll have to adjust the course when I’m actually driving it. No plan survives first contact with the enemy.”

— Andy Weir

299. “There aren’t many people who can say they’ve vandalized a three-billion-dollar spacecraft, but I’m one of them.”

— Andy Weir

300. “It’s like sticking your finger in a glass of water to see if it’s hot or cold. You put a tiny part of yourself into the vessel, and when you bring it back out, you’ve gained all the experiences it had.”

— Andy Weir