Top 500 Andy Weir Quotes (2024 Update)
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251. “Quality is quality,” Jin said. “Age is irrelevant. No one bitches about Shakespeare fans.”

— Andy Weir

252. “I’m on a suicide mission. John, Paul, George, and Ringo get to go home, but my long and winding road ends here.”

— Andy Weir

253. “And have you ever heard of Skype?!”

— Andy Weir

254. “Really bad ideas, but they’re ideas. Today.”

— Andy Weir

255. “I don’t want a job. When I grow up I want to be rich.”

— Andy Weir

256. “As I groggily came to, I wondered why I wasn’t more dead.”

— Andy Weir

257. “They say hunger is the greatest seasoning. When you’re starving, your brain rewards you handsomely for finally eating. Good job, it says, we get to not die for a while!”

— Andy Weir

258. “Call me crazy, but I didn’t want the drill explosively launched at my face.”

— Andy Weir

259. “Not because of the perfect landing, but because he left so much fuel behind. Hundreds of liters of unused hydrazine. Each molecule of hydrazine has four hydrogen atoms in it.”

— Andy Weir

260. “So far, the rover and my ghetto life support are working admirably. At.”

— Andy Weir

261. “I’m sure I’ll have to adjust the course when I’m actually driving it. No plan survives first contact with the enemy.”

— Andy Weir

262. “Live Another Sol would be an awesome name for a James Bond movie.”

— Andy Weir

263. “But this is the interstellar equivalent of a stranger offering me candy.”

— Andy Weir

264. “It’s a terrible thing to have my life depend on my half-assed handiwork.”

— Andy Weir

265. “It just didn’t occur to me. But it should have. If your lungs grabbed up all the oxygen, mouth-to-mouth resuscitation wouldn’t work. I’m such a dumb-ass for not thinking of it! And my dumb-assery almost got me killed!”

— Andy Weir

266. “It’s not like we can do anything about it if he falls behind. This is a pointless task.” “How long have you worked for the government?” Venkat sighed.”

— Andy Weir

267. “If you commit a serious crime, Artemis deports you to the victim’s country. Let their nation exact revenge on you for it.”

— Andy Weir

268. “All that hydrogen had met the oxygen at high temperature and they’d had a brief chat.”

— Andy Weir

269. “There aren’t many people who can say they’ve vandalized a three-billion-dollar spacecraft, but I’m one of them.”

— Andy Weir

270. “They see the water reclaimer as a critical survival element. There’s no backup, and they think I’ll die instantly without it. To them, equipment failure is terrifying. To me, it’s “Tuesday.”

— Andy Weir

271. “Everything just changed. Watney’s headed for Pathfinder.”

— Andy Weir

272. “The Hail Mary has always looked like something out of a Heinlein novel.”

— Andy Weir

273. “I headed to the waiting area next to the train airlock and joined a crowd of tourists. All the seats were taken and dozens more people stood around. Several families had obnoxious kids bouncing off the walls. In this case, “bouncing off the walls” is not just a figure of speech. The overstimulated kids were literally bouncing off the walls. Lunar gravity is the worst thing to ever happen to parents.”

— Andy Weir

274. “People have been using human waste as fertilizer for centuries. It’s even got a pleasant name: “night soil.”

— Andy Weir

275. “There’s plenty of heat, thanks to the RTG. I just needed to get it evenly spread out. For once, entropy was on my side.”

— Andy Weir

276. “I experimented with potato skin tea a few weeks ago. The less said about that the better.”

— Andy Weir

277. “I would only be “in command” of the mission if I were the only remaining person. What do you know? I’m in command.”

— Andy Weir

278. “Something very hot and very explodey had happened, and I wasn’t sure what. Or how.”

— Andy Weir

279. “I didn’t want to distract the people who were saving my life, so I muted my mic and screamed like a little girl. It’s true, you know. In space, no one can hear you scream like a little girl.”

— Andy Weir

280. “Very few people get a chance to quantify how much their father loves them. But I did. The job should have taken forty-five minutes, but Dad spent three and a half hours on it. My father loves me 366 percent more than he loves anything else. Good to know.”

— Andy Weir

281. “There was something weird about being on the moon and fighting for your life with a stick and some fire.”

— Andy Weir

282. “I washed it down with some Martian coffee. That’s my name for “hot water with a caffeine pill dissolved in it.” I ran out of real coffee months ago.”

— Andy Weir

283. “Ever transcribed 141 random bytes, one-half of a byte at a time?”

— Andy Weir

284. “It’s short for soft-landed grams. S-L-G. Slug. One slug gets one gram of cargo delivered from Earth to Artemis, courtesy of KSC.”

— Andy Weir

285. “Have you told anyone else?” “Who would I tell?” “I don’t know,” Venkat said. “Friends?” “I don’t have any of those.” “Okay, keep it under your hat.” “I don’t wear a hat.” “It’s just an expression.” “Really?” Rich said. “It’s a stupid expression.” “Rich, you’re being difficult.” “Ah. Thanks.”

— Andy Weir

286. “All I had left was my oxygen tank. So it did the only thing it could do to keep me alive. It started backfilling with pure oxygen. I now risked dying of oxygen toxicity, as the excessively high amount of oxygen threatened to burn up my nervous system, lungs and eyes. An ironic death for someone with a leaky space suit: too much oxygen.”

— Andy Weir

287. “The hardest part about working with aliens and saving humanity from extinction is constantly having to come up with names for stuff.”

— Andy Weir

288. “Try updating a Linux server sometime,” Jack said.”

— Andy Weir

289. “How did you know that?” Annie asked, getting annoyed. “Elrond,” Bruce said. “The Council of Elrond. From Lord of the Rings. It’s the meeting where they decide to destroy the One Ring.” “Jesus,” Annie said. “None of you got laid in high school, did you?”

— Andy Weir

290. “I’m in my space suit on Mars and I’m navigating with sixteenth-century tools. But hey, they work.”

— Andy Weir

291. “You’d be amazed at how fast you can get going with a tiny acceleration over a long time.”

— Andy Weir

292. “Anything, Tim?” “Totally,” he replied. “But we’re staring at this black screen because it’s way more interesting than pictures from Mars.” “You’re a smart-ass, Tim,” Venkat said. “Noted.”

— Andy Weir

293. “You started my training by buying me a beer. For breakfast. Germans are awesome.”

— Andy Weir

294. “Humanity has been accidentally causing global warming for a century. Let’s see what we can do when we really set our minds to it.”

— Andy Weir

295. “That’s the ceremonial uniform,” I said. “I mean a duty uniform. Light shirt, dark pants with a yellow stripe?” “Oh, Han Solo pants. Yeah, he had those on.” “Okay, thanks.” Pfft. Han Solo’s pants have a red stripe. And it’s not even a stripe – it’s a bunch of dashes. Some people have no education.”

— Andy Weir

296. “That’s really the limiting factor to life support. Not the amount of oxygen you bring with you, but the amount of CO2 you can remove.”

— Andy Weir

297. “Your ship has more science that my ship. Better science. I bring my things in to your ship. Release tunnel. You make your ship spin for science. You and me science how to kill Astrophage together. Save Earth. Save Erid. This is good plan, question?”

— Andy Weir

298. “Cool thing about pendulums: The time it takes for one to swing forward and backward – the period – won’t change, no matter how wide it swings. If it’s got a lot of energy, it’ll swing farther and faster, but the period will still be the same. This is what mechanical clocks take advantage of to keep time.”

— Andy Weir

299. “Human suffering is often an abstract concept to kids. But animal suffering is something else entirely.”

— Andy Weir

300. “Pity I’m going to tear it apart.”

— Andy Weir