Top 500 Andy Weir Quotes (2026 Update)
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151. “Half the people who studied botany were hippies who thought they could return to some natural world system. Somehow feeding seven billion people through pure gathering.”

— Andy Weir

152. “It’s awesome to have a bunch of dipshits on Earth telling me, a botanist, how to grow plants. I mostly ignore them. I don’t want to come off as arrogant here, but I’m the best botanist on the planet.”

— Andy Weir

153. “Jesus, what a complicated process,” Venkat said. “Try updating a Linux server sometime,” Jack said. After a moment of silence, Tim said, “You know he was telling a joke, right? That was supposed to be funny.” “Oh,” said Venkat. “I’m a physics guy, not a computer guy.” “He’s not funny to computer guys, either.” “You’re a very unpleasant man, Tim,” Jack said.”

— Andy Weir

154. “I’m out of caffeine pills. No more Martian coffee for me.”

— Andy Weir

155. “That makes me a pirate! A space pirate!”

— Andy Weir

156. “Snowblowers are expensive,” he used to say. “You’re free.” Once, I tried to appeal to my mom. “Don’t be such a wuss,” she suggested.”

— Andy Weir

157. “Space is dangerous,” Mitch snapped. “It’s what we do here. If you want to play it safe all the time, go join an insurance company. And by the way, it’s not even your life you’re risking. The crew can make up their own minds about it.”

— Andy Weir

158. “I clench every part of me that I know how to clench. It gives me a feeling of control. I’m doing something by aggressively doing nothing.”

— Andy Weir

159. “Humanity has been accidentally causing global warming for a century. Let’s see what we can do when we really set our minds to it.”

— Andy Weir

160. “Martinez and Johanssen floated down the hall toward Docking Port A. “So,” he said, “who would you have eaten first?” She glared at him. “’Cause I think I’d be tastiest,” he continued, flexing his arm. “Look at that. Good solid muscle there.” “You’re not funny.” “I’m free-range, you know. Corn-fed.” She shook her head and accelerated down the hall. “Come on! I thought you liked Mexican!” “Not listening,” she called back.”

— Andy Weir

161. “What would you call an organism that exists on a diet of stars?”

— Andy Weir

162. “Yuri Gagarin had a much more reliable and safe ship than I do. And Soviet ships were death traps.”

— Andy Weir

163. “The city shined in the sunlight like a bunch of metallic boobs. What? I’m not a poet. They look like boobs.”

— Andy Weir

164. “After one full second of utter silence, the room exploded with noise.”

— Andy Weir

165. “Water boils at 61 degrees Celsius here, so that’s as hot as tea or coffee can be. Apparently it’s disgustingly cold to people who aren’t used to it.”

— Andy Weir

166. “Resistors heat up. It’s what they do.”

— Andy Weir

167. “I don’t want a job. When I grow up I want to be rich.”

— Andy Weir

168. “I wonder how the Cubs are doing.”

— Andy Weir

169. “If I get back to Earth, I’ll be famous, right? A fearless astronaut who beat all the odds, right? I bet women like that. More motivation to stay alive.”

— Andy Weir

170. “Elrond,” Bruce said. “The Council of Elrond. From Lord of the Rings. It’s the meeting where they decide to destroy the One Ring.”

— Andy Weir

171. “The biggest threat is giving up hope. If he decides there’s no chance to survive, he’ll stop trying.”

— Andy Weir

172. “THEY GATHERED. Everywhere on Earth, they gathered. In Trafalgar Square and Tiananmen Square and Times Square, they watched on giant screens.”

— Andy Weir

173. “Any concerns or reservations?” Venkat asked. “Yeah. I’m concerned about what I ate last night. I think it had an eyeball in it.” “I’m sure there wasn’t an eyeball.” “The engineers here made it for me special,” Mitch said. “There may have been an eyeball,” Venkat said. “They hate you.”

— Andy Weir

174. “But I’m a botanist, damn it. I should be able to find a way to make this happen. If I don’t, I’ll be a really hungry botanist in about a year.”

— Andy Weir

175. “I’m not good with people. Sometimes I’m difficult. I wish people would just tell me.”

— Andy Weir

176. “Even if it’s got a bigger problem, he’s an engineer!” Dialing, he added, “Fixing things is his job!”

— Andy Weir

177. “Hey, Rocky!” I call out from the lab. “Watch me pull a Taumoeba out of a hat!”

— Andy Weir

178. “They smiled and made happy Russian sounds.”

— Andy Weir

179. “The thing that sucks about life-or-death situations is how boring they can be.”

— Andy Weir

180. “All around me there was nothing but dust, rocks, and endless empty desert in all directions. The planet’s famous red color is from iron oxide coating everything. So it’s not just a desert. It’s a desert so old it’s literally rusting.”

— Andy Weir

181. “But there’s something more important we need to discuss: What is it with you and disco? I can understand the ’70s TV because everyone loves hairy people with huge collars. But disco? Disco!?”

— Andy Weir

182. “I ask for a picture, and I get the Fonz.”

— Andy Weir

183. “Time for science!”

— Andy Weir

184. “As I groggily came to, I wondered why I wasn’t more dead.”

— Andy Weir

185. “Sugar has 4000 food-calories per kilogram. One food-calorie is 4184 Joules. Sugar in zero-g will float and the grains will separate, maximizing surface area. In a pure-oxygen environment, 16.7 million joules will be released for every kilogram of sugar used, releasing the explosive force of eight sticks of dynamite. Such is the nature of combustion in pure oxygen.”

— Andy Weir

186. “I’ll spend the rest of the evening enjoying a potato. And by “enjoying” I mean “hating so much I want to kill people.”

— Andy Weir

187. “At its heart, The Martian is a tale of survival of the geekiest.”

— Andy Weir

188. “Just once I’d like something to go as planned, ya know?”

— Andy Weir

189. “When you can’t get off the ground in the moon’s gravity, you are seriously out of it.”

— Andy Weir

190. “All I had left was my oxygen tank. So it did the only thing it could do to keep me alive. It started backfilling with pure oxygen. I now risked dying of oxygen toxicity, as the excessively high amount of oxygen threatened to burn up my nervous system, lungs and eyes. An ironic death for someone with a leaky space suit: too much oxygen.”

— Andy Weir

191. “Okay, guys,” I say. “The enemy of my enemy is my friend. If Astrophage is your enemy, I’m your friend.”

— Andy Weir

192. “If I want water, I’ll have to make it from scratch. Fortunately, I know the recipe: Take hydrogen. Add oxygen. Burn.”

— Andy Weir

193. “But no idiot-proofing can overcome a determined idiot.”

— Andy Weir

194. “My terrifying struggle to stay alive became somehow routine. Get up in the morning, eat breakfast, tend my crops, fix broken stuff, eat lunch, answer e-mail, watch TV, eat dinner, go to bed. The life of a modern farmer. Then I was a trucker, doing a long haul across the world. And finally, a construction worker, rebuilding a ship in ways no one ever considered before this.”

— Andy Weir

195. “Remember those old math questions you had in algebra class? Where water is entering a container at a certain rate and leaving at a different rate and you need to figure out when it’ll be empty? Well, that concept is critical to the “Mark Watney doesn’t die” project I’m working on.”

— Andy Weir

196. “No, no, no! You can’t just use ‘I’m saving the world’ as an excuse every time you’re a jerk.” She thought it over. “Yeah, okay. You may have a point.”

— Andy Weir

197. “Cuatro horas de trabajo miserable, pero lo he terminado.”

— Andy Weir

198. “Yeah? Well, hell’s coming back to you, Stratt. In the form of me. I’m hell.”

— Andy Weir

199. “Seems odd that a species could invent interstellar travel before inventing the transistor, but hey, Earth invented nuclear power, television, and even did several space launches before the transistor.”

— Andy Weir

200. “Venkat was silent for a moment. “Jack, I’m going to buy your whole team autographed Star Trek memorabilia.” “I prefer Star Wars,” he said, turning to leave. “The original trilogy only, of course.”

— Andy Weir