Top 500 Andy Weir Quotes (2026 Update)
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151. “But I’m a botanist, damn it. I should be able to find a way to make this happen. If I don’t, I’ll be a really hungry botanist in about a year.”

— Andy Weir

152. “I’m not good with people. Sometimes I’m difficult. I wish people would just tell me.”

— Andy Weir

153. “Even if it’s got a bigger problem, he’s an engineer!” Dialing, he added, “Fixing things is his job!”

— Andy Weir

154. “Hey, Rocky!” I call out from the lab. “Watch me pull a Taumoeba out of a hat!”

— Andy Weir

155. “They smiled and made happy Russian sounds.”

— Andy Weir

156. “Goodness me! DuBois appears to be black! I’m surprised you allowed it! Aren’t you afraid he’ll ruin the mission with talk of rap music and basketball?”

— Andy Weir

157. “It’s like sticking your finger in a glass of water to see if it’s hot or cold. You put a tiny part of yourself into the vessel, and when you bring it back out, you’ve gained all the experiences it had.”

— Andy Weir

158. “Also, have I mentioned I’m sick of potatoes? Because, by God, I am sick of potatoes. If I ever return to Earth, I’m going to buy a nice little home in Western Australia. Because Western Australia is on the opposite side of Earth from Idaho.”

— Andy Weir

159. “Adding it to water and active bacteria would quickly get it inundated, replacing any population killed by the Toilet of Doom.”

— Andy Weir

160. “Yes. There’ll be wars. Fought for the same reason most wars in ancient times were fought for: food. They’d use religion or glory or whatever as an excuse, but it was always about food. Farmlands and people to work that land.”

— Andy Weir

161. “Half the people who studied botany were hippies who thought they could return to some natural world system. Somehow feeding seven billion people through pure gathering.”

— Andy Weir

162. “It’s awesome to have a bunch of dipshits on Earth telling me, a botanist, how to grow plants. I mostly ignore them. I don’t want to come off as arrogant here, but I’m the best botanist on the planet.”

— Andy Weir

163. “Jesus, what a complicated process,” Venkat said. “Try updating a Linux server sometime,” Jack said. After a moment of silence, Tim said, “You know he was telling a joke, right? That was supposed to be funny.” “Oh,” said Venkat. “I’m a physics guy, not a computer guy.” “He’s not funny to computer guys, either.” “You’re a very unpleasant man, Tim,” Jack said.”

— Andy Weir

164. “I’m out of caffeine pills. No more Martian coffee for me.”

— Andy Weir

165. “That makes me a pirate! A space pirate!”

— Andy Weir

166. “Snowblowers are expensive,” he used to say. “You’re free.” Once, I tried to appeal to my mom. “Don’t be such a wuss,” she suggested.”

— Andy Weir

167. “Space is dangerous,” Mitch snapped. “It’s what we do here. If you want to play it safe all the time, go join an insurance company. And by the way, it’s not even your life you’re risking. The crew can make up their own minds about it.”

— Andy Weir

168. “I clench every part of me that I know how to clench. It gives me a feeling of control. I’m doing something by aggressively doing nothing.”

— Andy Weir

169. “Humanity has been accidentally causing global warming for a century. Let’s see what we can do when we really set our minds to it.”

— Andy Weir

170. “Martinez and Johanssen floated down the hall toward Docking Port A. “So,” he said, “who would you have eaten first?” She glared at him. “’Cause I think I’d be tastiest,” he continued, flexing his arm. “Look at that. Good solid muscle there.” “You’re not funny.” “I’m free-range, you know. Corn-fed.” She shook her head and accelerated down the hall. “Come on! I thought you liked Mexican!” “Not listening,” she called back.”

— Andy Weir

171. “What would you call an organism that exists on a diet of stars?”

— Andy Weir

172. “Yuri Gagarin had a much more reliable and safe ship than I do. And Soviet ships were death traps.”

— Andy Weir

173. “The city shined in the sunlight like a bunch of metallic boobs. What? I’m not a poet. They look like boobs.”

— Andy Weir

174. “After one full second of utter silence, the room exploded with noise.”

— Andy Weir

175. “Water boils at 61 degrees Celsius here, so that’s as hot as tea or coffee can be. Apparently it’s disgustingly cold to people who aren’t used to it.”

— Andy Weir

176. “Resistors heat up. It’s what they do.”

— Andy Weir

177. “I don’t want a job. When I grow up I want to be rich.”

— Andy Weir

178. “I wonder how the Cubs are doing.”

— Andy Weir

179. “Normally a nanosyringe would be controlled by finely tuned equipment. But I just wanted some stabby time and didn’t care about the tool’s integrity.”

— Andy Weir

180. “DO YOU believe in God, Venkat?” Mitch asked. “Sure, lots of ’em,” Venkat said. “I’m Hindu.” “Ask ’em all for help with this launch.” “Will do.”

— Andy Weir

181. “Technically it’s “Carl Sagan Memorial Station.” But with all due respect to Carl, I can call it whatever the hell I want. I’m the King of Mars.”

— Andy Weir

182. “I’ll drop the oxygen mixture to zero and breathe pure nitrogen until I suffocate. It wouldn’t feel bad. The lungs don’t have the ability to sense lack of oxygen. I’d just get tired, fall asleep, then die.”

— Andy Weir

183. “Problem: The regulator takes 21.5 pirate-ninjas. Even adding.”

— Andy Weir

184. “Life is amazingly tenacious.”

— Andy Weir

185. “Hey, I’m going to fall unconscious and hallucinate for a while. By the way, I spend a third of my time doing this. And if I can’t do it for a while, I go insane and eventually die. No need for concern.”

— Andy Weir

186. “I don’t want to look dumb in front of the aliens.”

— Andy Weir

187. “What do you know? I’m in command. I wonder if this log will be recovered before the rest of the crew die of old age. I presume they got back to Earth all right. Guys, if you’re reading this: It wasn’t your fault. You did what you had to do. In your position I would have done the same thing. I don’t blame you, and I’m glad you survived.”

— Andy Weir

188. “Anyway, it means I can finally eat meat. Yes, that’s right, I’m eating human meat. But it’s my own meat, and I don’t feel bad about it. Spend a decade eating nothing but odd-tasting, vaguely sweet vitamin shakes and then see if you’ll turn down a burger. I love meburgers. I eat one every day.”

— Andy Weir

189. “It hurts like a motherfluffer!”

— Andy Weir

190. “I started the day with a potato. I washed it down with some Martian coffee. That’s my name for “hot water with a caffeine pill dissolved in it.”

— Andy Weir

191. “I do have something flammable: my own hair. It’ll have to do. There’s a sharp knife in the tool kit. I’ll shave some arm hairs off into a little pile.”

— Andy Weir

192. “There’s never been a pressure loss in Artemis’s history.”

— Andy Weir

193. “And yeah, its hands look like Rocky’s hands, broadly speaking. Three fingers. About the same size as Rocky’s hands. Probably controlled with a Nintendo Power Glove kind of thing inside the ship. Man, I’m old.”

— Andy Weir

194. “The thing that sucks about life-or-death situations is how boring they can be.”

— Andy Weir

195. “All around me there was nothing but dust, rocks, and endless empty desert in all directions. The planet’s famous red color is from iron oxide coating everything. So it’s not just a desert. It’s a desert so old it’s literally rusting.”

— Andy Weir

196. “But there’s something more important we need to discuss: What is it with you and disco? I can understand the ’70s TV because everyone loves hairy people with huge collars. But disco? Disco!?”

— Andy Weir

197. “I ask for a picture, and I get the Fonz.”

— Andy Weir

198. “Time for science!”

— Andy Weir

199. “As I groggily came to, I wondered why I wasn’t more dead.”

— Andy Weir

200. “Sugar has 4000 food-calories per kilogram. One food-calorie is 4184 Joules. Sugar in zero-g will float and the grains will separate, maximizing surface area. In a pure-oxygen environment, 16.7 million joules will be released for every kilogram of sugar used, releasing the explosive force of eight sticks of dynamite. Such is the nature of combustion in pure oxygen.”

— Andy Weir