Top 500 Andy Weir Quotes (2026 Update)
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151. “Jesus, what a complicated process,” Venkat said. “Try updating a Linux server sometime,” Jack said. After a moment of silence, Tim said, “You know he was telling a joke, right? That was supposed to be funny.” “Oh,” said Venkat. “I’m a physics guy, not a computer guy.” “He’s not funny to computer guys, either.” “You’re a very unpleasant man, Tim,” Jack said.”

— Andy Weir

152. “Anyway, much more important: I simply can’t abide the replacement of Chrissy with Cindy. Three’s Company may never be the same after this fiasco. Time will tell.”

— Andy Weir

153. “Oh thank God. I can’t imagine explaining “sleep” to someone who had never heard of it. Hey, I’m going to fall unconscious and hallucinate for a while. By the way, I spend a third of my time doing this. And if I can’t do it for a while, I go insane and eventually die. No need for concern.”

— Andy Weir

154. “I’m the first person to be alone on an entire planet.”

— Andy Weir

155. “Nothing like a language barrier to make people leave you alone.”

— Andy Weir

156. “Disco. God damn it, Lewis.”

— Andy Weir

157. “My master’s degree in botany makes me pretty sure plants need wet dirt to grow in.”

— Andy Weir

158. “I can see it now: me holding a map, scratching my head, trying to figure out how I ended up on Venus.”

— Andy Weir

159. “Voy a abandonar Marte hoy, de una forma o de otra. Ya era hora, joder.”

— Andy Weir

160. “What would you call an organism that exists on a diet of stars?”

— Andy Weir

161. “Love of science is universal across all cultures.”

— Andy Weir

162. “I’m not good with people. Sometimes I’m difficult. I wish people would just tell me.”

— Andy Weir

163. “I don’t want a job. When I grow up I want to be rich.”

— Andy Weir

164. “No one ever talks about the really hard parts of first contact with intelligent alien life: pronouns.”

— Andy Weir

165. “Deimos is a little piece of crap that’s no good to anyone.”

— Andy Weir

166. “Okay, I’ve had a good night’s sleep, and things don’t seem as hopeless as they did yesterday.”

— Andy Weir

167. “Not enough,” Annie said. “The press is crawling down my throat for this. And up my ass. Both directions, Venkat! They’re gonna meet in the middle!”

— Andy Weir

168. “One of them was from my alma mater, the University of Chicago. They say once you grow crops somewhere, you have officially “colonized” it. So technically, I colonized Mars. In your face, Neil Armstrong!”

— Andy Weir

169. “Water boils at 61 degrees Celsius here, so that’s as hot as tea or coffee can be. Apparently it’s disgustingly cold to people who aren’t used to it.”

— Andy Weir

170. “Naturally,” Teddy said. “Astronauts are inherently insane. And really noble. What’s the idea?”

— Andy Weir

171. “All I had left was my oxygen tank. So it did the only thing it could do to keep me alive. It started backfilling with pure oxygen. I now risked dying of oxygen toxicity, as the excessively high amount of oxygen threatened to burn up my nervous system, lungs and eyes. An ironic death for someone with a leaky space suit: too much oxygen.”

— Andy Weir

172. “This all sounds like a great idea with no chance of catastrophic failure.”

— Andy Weir

173. “Jesus, what a complicated process,” Venkat said. “Try updating a Linux server sometime,” Jack said. After a moment of silence, Tim said, “You know he was telling a joke, right? That was supposed to be funny.”

— Andy Weir

174. “I’m all wired up, but if I don’t go to sleep soon, Rocky will start hassling me. Sheesh- you almost ruin a mission one time and all of a sudden you have an alien-enforced bedtime.”

— Andy Weir

175. “Adding it to water and active bacteria would quickly get it inundated, replacing any population killed by the Toilet of Doom.”

— Andy Weir

176. “Do you think I don’t know you, Dr. Grace?!” she yelled. “You’re a coward and you always have been. You abandoned a promising scientific career because people didn’t like a paper you wrote. You retreated to the safety of children who worship you for being the cool teacher. You don’t have a romantic partner in your life because that would mean you might suffer heartbreak. You avoid risk like the plague.”

— Andy Weir

177. “Yuri Gagarin had a much more reliable and safe ship than I do. And Soviet ships were death traps.”

— Andy Weir

178. “Resistors heat up. It’s what they do.”

— Andy Weir

179. “Mechanical suffocation, it’s called. It’s how boa constrictors kill their prey. What an odd thing to think as my last thought.”

— Andy Weir

180. “I’ll spend the rest of the evening enjoying a potato. And by “enjoying” I mean “hating so much I want to kill people.”

— Andy Weir

181. “The hardest part about working with aliens and saving humanity from extinction is constantly having to come up with names for stuff.”

— Andy Weir

182. “I wonder how the Cubs are doing.”

— Andy Weir

183. “Yeah? Well, hell’s coming back to you, Stratt. In the form of me. I’m hell.”

— Andy Weir

184. “Seems odd that a species could invent interstellar travel before inventing the transistor, but hey, Earth invented nuclear power, television, and even did several space launches before the transistor.”

— Andy Weir

185. “But no idiot-proofing can overcome a determined idiot.”

— Andy Weir

186. “When you can’t get off the ground in the moon’s gravity, you are seriously out of it.”

— Andy Weir

187. “THEY GATHERED. Everywhere on Earth, they gathered. In Trafalgar Square and Tiananmen Square and Times Square, they watched on giant screens.”

— Andy Weir

188. “Life is amazingly tenacious.”

— Andy Weir

189. “Venkat was silent for a moment. “Jack, I’m going to buy your whole team autographed Star Trek memorabilia.” “I prefer Star Wars,” he said, turning to leave. “The original trilogy only, of course.”

— Andy Weir

190. “Martinez and Johanssen floated down the hall toward Docking Port A. “So,” he said, “who would you have eaten first?” She glared at him. “’Cause I think I’d be tastiest,” he continued, flexing his arm. “Look at that. Good solid muscle there.” “You’re not funny.” “I’m free-range, you know. Corn-fed.” She shook her head and accelerated down the hall. “Come on! I thought you liked Mexican!” “Not listening,” she called back.”

— Andy Weir

191. “That makes me a pirate! A space pirate!”

— Andy Weir

192. “But some back-of-the-napkin math told me even one tank was enough to blow the whole Hab up. So I brought them all in.”

— Andy Weir

193. “It’s a strange feeling. Everywhere I go, I’m the first. Step outside the rover? First guy ever to be there! Climb a hill? First guy to climb that hill! Kick a rock? That rock hadn’t moved in a million years! I’m the first guy to drive long-distance on Mars. The first guy to spend more than thirty-one sols on Mars. The first guy to grow crops on Mars. First, first, first!”

— Andy Weir

194. “And just like that another climate denier is born. See how easy it is? All I have to do is tell you something you don’t want to hear.”

— Andy Weir

195. “They smiled and made happy Russian sounds.”

— Andy Weir

196. “There’s never been a pressure loss in Artemis’s history.”

— Andy Weir

197. “Sugar has 4000 food-calories per kilogram. One food-calorie is 4184 Joules. Sugar in zero-g will float and the grains will separate, maximizing surface area. In a pure-oxygen environment, 16.7 million joules will be released for every kilogram of sugar used, releasing the explosive force of eight sticks of dynamite. Such is the nature of combustion in pure oxygen.”

— Andy Weir

198. “Your ship has more science that my ship. Better science. I bring my things in to your ship. Release tunnel. You make your ship spin for science. You and me science how to kill Astrophage together. Save Earth. Save Erid. This is good plan, question?”

— Andy Weir

199. “If I get back to Earth, I’ll be famous, right? A fearless astronaut who beat all the odds, right? I bet women like that. More motivation to stay alive.”

— Andy Weir

200. “Time to get to know my fellow patients. I don’t know who I am or why I’m here, but at least I’m not alone – aaaand they’re dead.”

— Andy Weir