Top 500 Andy Weir Quotes (2024 Update)
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151. “Remember those old math questions you had in algebra class? Where water is entering a container at a certain rate and leaving at a different rate and you need to figure out when it’ll be empty? Well, that concept is critical to the “Mark Watney doesn’t die” project I’m working on.”

— Andy Weir

152. “Resistors heat up. It’s what they do.”

— Andy Weir

153. “Jesus Christ, I’d give anything for a five-minute conversation with anyone. Anyone, anywhere. About anything.”

— Andy Weir

154. “Here’s a woman who had survived the centrifuge, the vomit comet, hard-landing drills and 10k runs. A woman who fixed a simulated MDV computer failure while being spun around upside-down. But she was afraid of a tattoo needle.”

— Andy Weir

155. “You’d think after almost killing myself twice, I’d be able to stop screwing around with hydrazine. But nope.”

— Andy Weir

156. “Water boils at 61 degrees Celsius here, so that’s as hot as tea or coffee can be. Apparently it’s disgustingly cold to people who aren’t used to it.”

— Andy Weir

157. “It’s a simple idea, but also stupid. Thing is, when stupid ideas work, they become genius ideas.”

— Andy Weir

158. “So that’s the situation. I’m stranded on Mars. I have no way to communicate with Hermes or Earth. Everyone thinks I’m dead. I’m in a Hab designed to last thirty-one days. If the oxygenator breaks down, I’ll suffocate. If the water reclaimer breaks down, I’ll die of thirst. If the Hab breaches, I’ll just kind of explode. If none of those things happen, I’ll eventually run out of food and starve to death.”

— Andy Weir

159. “Stupid humanity. Getting in the way of my hobbies.”

— Andy Weir

160. “My master’s degree in botany makes me pretty sure plants need wet dirt to grow in.”

— Andy Weir

161. “I was there every day and my sparkling personality was hard to forget.”

— Andy Weir

162. “Half the people who studied botany were hippies who thought they could return to some natural world system. Somehow feeding seven billion people through pure gathering. They spent most of their time working out better ways to grow pot. I didn’t like them.”

— Andy Weir

163. “But in the end, if everything goes to plan, I’ll have 92 square meters of crop-able soil. Hell yeah I’m a botanist! Fear my botany powers!”

— Andy Weir

164. “Martinez and Johanssen floated down the hall toward Docking Port A. “So,” he said, “who would you have eaten first?” She glared at him. “’Cause I think I’d be tastiest,” he continued, flexing his arm. “Look at that. Good solid muscle there.” “You’re not funny.” “I’m free-range, you know. Corn-fed.” She shook her head and accelerated down the hall. “Come on! I thought you liked Mexican!” “Not listening,” she called back.”

— Andy Weir

165. “I’ll spend the rest of the evening enjoying a potato. And by “enjoying” I mean “hating so much I want to kill people.”

— Andy Weir

166. “At its heart, The Martian is a tale of survival of the geekiest.”

— Andy Weir

167. “If I get back to Earth, I’ll be famous, right? A fearless astronaut who beat all the odds, right? I bet women like that. More motivation to stay alive.”

— Andy Weir

168. “Normally a nanosyringe would be controlled by finely tuned equipment. But I just wanted some stabby time and didn’t care about the tool’s integrity.”

— Andy Weir

169. “Cuatro horas de trabajo miserable, pero lo he terminado.”

— Andy Weir

170. “Seems odd that a species could invent interstellar travel before inventing the transistor, but hey, Earth invented nuclear power, television, and even did several space launches before the transistor.”

— Andy Weir

171. “I’m a botanist and mechanical engineer; basically, the mission’s fix-it man who played with plants. The mechanical engineering might save my life if something breaks.”

— Andy Weir

172. “I’m the first guy to drive long-distance on Mars. The first guy to spend more than thirty-one sols on Mars. The first guy to grow crops on Mars. First, first, first! I wasn’t expecting to be first at anything.”

— Andy Weir

173. “But I’m a botanist, damn it. I should be able to find a way to make this happen. If I don’t, I’ll be a really hungry botanist in about a year.”

— Andy Weir

174. “I’m sure it’ll turn out to be a little hole somewhere, then NASA will have four hours of meetings before telling me to cover it with duct tape.”

— Andy Weir

175. “Man, being an American scientist sucks sometimes. You think in random, unpredictable units based on what situation you’re in.”

— Andy Weir

176. “Intelligence evolves to gives us an advantage over the other animals on our planet. But evolution is lazy. Once a problem is solved, the trait stops evolving. So you and me, we’re both just intelligent enough to be smarter than our planet’s other animals.”

— Andy Weir

177. “I spend a lot of it sitting around on my lazy ass watching TV. But so do you, so don’t judge.”

— Andy Weir

178. “Okay, I’ve had a good night’s sleep, and things don’t seem as hopeless as they did yesterday.”

— Andy Weir

179. “I need some encouragement. I need to ask myself, “What would an Apollo astronaut do?”

— Andy Weir

180. “Maybe it’s just the childish optimist in me, but humanity can be pretty impressive when we put our minds to it.”

— Andy Weir

181. “I can see it now: me holding a map, scratching my head, trying to figure out how I ended up on Venus.”

— Andy Weir

182. “And just like that another climate denier is born. See how easy it is? All I have to do is tell you something you don’t want to hear.”

— Andy Weir

183. “One of them was from my alma mater, the University of Chicago. They say once you grow crops somewhere, you have officially “colonized” it. So technically, I colonized Mars. In your face, Neil Armstrong!”

— Andy Weir

184. “I’ve been thinking about laws on Mars. Yeah, I know, it’s a stupid thing to think about, but I have a lot of free time.”

— Andy Weir

185. “Your face opening is in sad mode.”

— Andy Weir

186. “The biggest threat is giving up hope. If he decides there’s no chance to survive, he’ll stop trying.”

— Andy Weir

187. “THEY GATHERED. Everywhere on Earth, they gathered. In Trafalgar Square and Tiananmen Square and Times Square, they watched on giant screens.”

— Andy Weir

188. “I was left without references and relied on Phobos to guide me. There’s probably symbolism there. Phobos is the god of fear, and I’m letting it be my guide. Not a good sign.”

— Andy Weir

189. “The thing that sucks about life-or-death situations is how boring they can be.”

— Andy Weir

190. “You’re sending him to space under a tarp.” “Pretty much, yeah.” “Like a hastily loaded pickup truck.” “Yeah. Can I go on?” “Sure, can’t wait.”

— Andy Weir

191. “All around me there was nothing but dust, rocks, and endless empty desert in all directions. The planet’s famous red color is from iron oxide coating everything. So it’s not just a desert. It’s a desert so old it’s literally rusting.”

— Andy Weir

192. “Who am I to question a creepy robot-armed computer overlord? I cautiously lick the substance.”

— Andy Weir

193. “Goodness me! DuBois appears to be black! I’m surprised you allowed it! Aren’t you afraid he’ll ruin the mission with talk of rap music and basketball?”

— Andy Weir

194. “No one ever talks about the really hard parts of first contact with intelligent alien life: pronouns.”

— Andy Weir

195. “He was chosen for the mission in part because of his personality. An Ares crew has to spend thirteen months together. Social compatibility is key. Mark not only fits well in any social group, he’s a catalyst to make the group work better. It was a terrible blow to the crew when he ‘died.’” “And they.”

— Andy Weir

196. “Come on! I thought you liked Mexican!”

— Andy Weir

197. “Venkat pulled out his cell phone. “We lost contact with Pathfinder in 1997. If he can get it online again, we can communicate. It might just need the solar cells cleaned. Even if it’s got a bigger problem, he’s an engineer!” Dialing, he added, “Fixing things is his job!”

— Andy Weir

198. “Technically it’s “Carl Sagan Memorial Station.” But with all due respect to Carl, I can call it whatever the hell I want. I’m the King of Mars.”

— Andy Weir

199. “If I make any mistakes, there’ll be nothing left but the “Mark Watney Memorial Crater” where the Hab once stood.”

— Andy Weir

200. “The problem with small pressure vessels is CO2 toxicity. You can have all the oxygen in the world, but once the CO2 gets above 1 percent, you’ll start to get drowsy. At 2 percent, it’s like being drunk. At 5 percent, it’s hard to stay conscious. Eight percent will eventually kill you. Staying alive isn’t about oxygen, it’s about getting rid of CO2.”

— Andy Weir