Top 500 Andy Weir Quotes (2026 Update)
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151. “Well my math was a damn liar!”

— Andy Weir

152. “Option 1: Go home a hero and save all of humanity. Option 2: Go to Erid, save an alien species, and starve to death shortly after.”

— Andy Weir

153. “But in the end, if everything goes to plan, I’ll have 92 square meters of crop-able soil. Hell yeah I’m a botanist! Fear my botany powers!”

— Andy Weir

154. “Q. Star Wars or Star Trek? A. Doctor Who.”

— Andy Weir

155. “It’s like sticking your finger in a glass of water to see if it’s hot or cold. You put a tiny part of yourself into the vessel, and when you bring it back out, you’ve gained all the experiences it had.”

— Andy Weir

156. “Do you think I don’t know you, Dr. Grace?!” she yelled. “You’re a coward and you always have been. You abandoned a promising scientific career because people didn’t like a paper you wrote. You retreated to the safety of children who worship you for being the cool teacher. You don’t have a romantic partner in your life because that would mean you might suffer heartbreak. You avoid risk like the plague.”

— Andy Weir

157. “A. John Young. He is the quintessential astronaut. Competent, fearless, highly intelligent, and seemingly immune to stress. When Apollo 16 launched, his heart rate never got higher than 70. Most astronauts spike to at least 120 during launches.”

— Andy Weir

158. “Oh thank God. I can’t imagine explaining “sleep” to someone who had never heard of it. Hey, I’m going to fall unconscious and hallucinate for a while. By the way, I spend a third of my time doing this. And if I can’t do it for a while, I go insane and eventually die. No need for concern.”

— Andy Weir

159. “I’m the first person to be alone on an entire planet.”

— Andy Weir

160. “Nothing like a language barrier to make people leave you alone.”

— Andy Weir

161. “Disco. God damn it, Lewis.”

— Andy Weir

162. “Yeah? Well, hell’s coming back to you, Stratt. In the form of me. I’m hell.”

— Andy Weir

163. “My master’s degree in botany makes me pretty sure plants need wet dirt to grow in.”

— Andy Weir

164. “I can see it now: me holding a map, scratching my head, trying to figure out how I ended up on Venus.”

— Andy Weir

165. “What would you call an organism that exists on a diet of stars?”

— Andy Weir

166. “Voy a abandonar Marte hoy, de una forma o de otra. Ya era hora, joder.”

— Andy Weir

167. “Love of science is universal across all cultures.”

— Andy Weir

168. “I’m not good with people. Sometimes I’m difficult. I wish people would just tell me.”

— Andy Weir

169. “I don’t want a job. When I grow up I want to be rich.”

— Andy Weir

170. “No one ever talks about the really hard parts of first contact with intelligent alien life: pronouns.”

— Andy Weir

171. “Okay, I’ve had a good night’s sleep, and things don’t seem as hopeless as they did yesterday.”

— Andy Weir

172. “Deimos is a little piece of crap that’s no good to anyone.”

— Andy Weir

173. “One of them was from my alma mater, the University of Chicago. They say once you grow crops somewhere, you have officially “colonized” it. So technically, I colonized Mars. In your face, Neil Armstrong!”

— Andy Weir

174. “Water boils at 61 degrees Celsius here, so that’s as hot as tea or coffee can be. Apparently it’s disgustingly cold to people who aren’t used to it.”

— Andy Weir

175. “I clench every part of me that I know how to clench. It gives me a feeling of control. I’m doing something by aggressively doing nothing.”

— Andy Weir

176. “Naturally,” Teddy said. “Astronauts are inherently insane. And really noble. What’s the idea?”

— Andy Weir

177. “Space is dangerous,” Mitch snapped. “It’s what we do here. If you want to play it safe all the time, go join an insurance company. And by the way, it’s not even your life you’re risking. The crew can make up their own minds about it.”

— Andy Weir

178. “You’d be amazed at how fast you can get going with a tiny acceleration over a long time.”

— Andy Weir

179. “This all sounds like a great idea with no chance of catastrophic failure.”

— Andy Weir

180. “Any concerns or reservations?” Venkat asked. “Yeah. I’m concerned about what I ate last night. I think it had an eyeball in it.” “I’m sure there wasn’t an eyeball.” “The engineers here made it for me special,” Mitch said. “There may have been an eyeball,” Venkat said. “They hate you.”

— Andy Weir

181. “Jesus, what a complicated process,” Venkat said. “Try updating a Linux server sometime,” Jack said. After a moment of silence, Tim said, “You know he was telling a joke, right? That was supposed to be funny.”

— Andy Weir

182. “Adding it to water and active bacteria would quickly get it inundated, replacing any population killed by the Toilet of Doom.”

— Andy Weir

183. “Yuri Gagarin had a much more reliable and safe ship than I do. And Soviet ships were death traps.”

— Andy Weir

184. “I spend a lot of it sitting around on my lazy ass watching TV. But so do you, so don’t judge.”

— Andy Weir

185. “Jesus, what a complicated process,” Venkat said. “Try updating a Linux server sometime,” Jack said. After a moment of silence, Tim said, “You know he was telling a joke, right? That was supposed to be funny.” “Oh,” said Venkat. “I’m a physics guy, not a computer guy.” “He’s not funny to computer guys, either.” “You’re a very unpleasant man, Tim,” Jack said.”

— Andy Weir

186. “I’ll spend the rest of the evening enjoying a potato. And by “enjoying” I mean “hating so much I want to kill people.”

— Andy Weir

187. “The hardest part about working with aliens and saving humanity from extinction is constantly having to come up with names for stuff.”

— Andy Weir

188. “Mechanical suffocation, it’s called. It’s how boa constrictors kill their prey. What an odd thing to think as my last thought.”

— Andy Weir

189. “I wonder how the Cubs are doing.”

— Andy Weir

190. “Seems odd that a species could invent interstellar travel before inventing the transistor, but hey, Earth invented nuclear power, television, and even did several space launches before the transistor.”

— Andy Weir

191. “But no idiot-proofing can overcome a determined idiot.”

— Andy Weir

192. “When you can’t get off the ground in the moon’s gravity, you are seriously out of it.”

— Andy Weir

193. “THEY GATHERED. Everywhere on Earth, they gathered. In Trafalgar Square and Tiananmen Square and Times Square, they watched on giant screens.”

— Andy Weir

194. “Life is amazingly tenacious.”

— Andy Weir

195. “There’s one in each arm, one in each leg, one in my “gentlemen’s equipment,” and two that disappear under my thigh. I’m guessing one of them is up where the sun doesn’t shine.”

— Andy Weir

196. “Venkat was silent for a moment. “Jack, I’m going to buy your whole team autographed Star Trek memorabilia.” “I prefer Star Wars,” he said, turning to leave. “The original trilogy only, of course.”

— Andy Weir

197. “It hurts like a motherfluffer!”

— Andy Weir

198. “Martinez and Johanssen floated down the hall toward Docking Port A. “So,” he said, “who would you have eaten first?” She glared at him. “’Cause I think I’d be tastiest,” he continued, flexing his arm. “Look at that. Good solid muscle there.” “You’re not funny.” “I’m free-range, you know. Corn-fed.” She shook her head and accelerated down the hall. “Come on! I thought you liked Mexican!” “Not listening,” she called back.”

— Andy Weir

199. “That makes me a pirate! A space pirate!”

— Andy Weir

200. “But some back-of-the-napkin math told me even one tank was enough to blow the whole Hab up. So I brought them all in.”

— Andy Weir