Top 500 Andy Weir Quotes (2024 Update)
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151. “In the game I played a cleric. One of the magic spells I could cast was “Create Water.” I always thought it was a really stupid spell, and I never used it. Boy, what I wouldn’t give to be able to do that in real life right now.”

— Andy Weir

152. “Okay, guys,” I say. “The enemy of my enemy is my friend. If Astrophage is your enemy, I’m your friend.”

— Andy Weir

153. “If I want water, I’ll have to make it from scratch. Fortunately, I know the recipe: Take hydrogen. Add oxygen. Burn.”

— Andy Weir

154. “Deimos is a little piece of crap that’s no good to anyone.”

— Andy Weir

155. “Martinez and Johanssen floated down the hall toward Docking Port A. “So,” he said, “who would you have eaten first?” She glared at him. “’Cause I think I’d be tastiest,” he continued, flexing his arm. “Look at that. Good solid muscle there.” “You’re not funny.” “I’m free-range, you know. Corn-fed.” She shook her head and accelerated down the hall. “Come on! I thought you liked Mexican!” “Not listening,” she called back.”

— Andy Weir

156. “They smiled and made happy Russian sounds.”

— Andy Weir

157. “I’ll spend the rest of the evening enjoying a potato. And by “enjoying” I mean “hating so much I want to kill people.”

— Andy Weir

158. “Elrond,” Bruce said. “The Council of Elrond. From Lord of the Rings. It’s the meeting where they decide to destroy the One Ring.”

— Andy Weir

159. “How do I explain “impatience” to someone who lives seven hundred years?”

— Andy Weir

160. “DO YOU believe in God, Venkat?” Mitch asked. “Sure, lots of ’em,” Venkat said. “I’m Hindu.” “Ask ’em all for help with this launch.” “Will do.”

— Andy Weir

161. “Quality is quality,” Jin said. “Age is irrelevant. No one bitches about Shakespeare fans.”

— Andy Weir

162. “I’m on a suicide mission. John, Paul, George, and Ringo get to go home, but my long and winding road ends here.”

— Andy Weir

163. “I’m all wired up, but if I don’t go to sleep soon, Rocky will start hassling me. Sheesh- you almost ruin a mission one time and all of a sudden you have an alien-enforced bedtime.”

— Andy Weir

164. “Yeah? Well, hell’s coming back to you, Stratt. In the form of me. I’m hell.”

— Andy Weir

165. “Seems odd that a species could invent interstellar travel before inventing the transistor, but hey, Earth invented nuclear power, television, and even did several space launches before the transistor.”

— Andy Weir

166. “I don’t want a job. When I grow up I want to be rich.”

— Andy Weir

167. “And have you ever heard of Skype?!”

— Andy Weir

168. “Anyway, it means I can finally eat meat. Yes, that’s right, I’m eating human meat. But it’s my own meat, and I don’t feel bad about it. Spend a decade eating nothing but odd-tasting, vaguely sweet vitamin shakes and then see if you’ll turn down a burger. I love meburgers. I eat one every day.”

— Andy Weir

169. “Intelligence evolves to gives us an advantage over the other animals on our planet. But evolution is lazy. Once a problem is solved, the trait stops evolving. So you and me, we’re both just intelligent enough to be smarter than our planet’s other animals.”

— Andy Weir

170. “Nothing like a language barrier to make people leave you alone.”

— Andy Weir

171. “I’m the first guy to drive long-distance on Mars. The first guy to spend more than thirty-one sols on Mars. The first guy to grow crops on Mars. First, first, first! I wasn’t expecting to be first at anything.”

— Andy Weir

172. “Voy a abandonar Marte hoy, de una forma o de otra. Ya era hora, joder.”

— Andy Weir

173. “But I’m a botanist, damn it. I should be able to find a way to make this happen. If I don’t, I’ll be a really hungry botanist in about a year.”

— Andy Weir

174. “I’m sure it’ll turn out to be a little hole somewhere, then NASA will have four hours of meetings before telling me to cover it with duct tape.”

— Andy Weir

175. “I can see it now: me holding a map, scratching my head, trying to figure out how I ended up on Venus.”

— Andy Weir

176. “The city shined in the sunlight like a bunch of metallic boobs. What? I’m not a poet. They look like boobs.”

— Andy Weir

177. “After one full second of utter silence, the room exploded with noise.”

— Andy Weir

178. “Okay, I’ve had a good night’s sleep, and things don’t seem as hopeless as they did yesterday.”

— Andy Weir

179. “Maybe it’s just the childish optimist in me, but humanity can be pretty impressive when we put our minds to it.”

— Andy Weir

180. “Abby preened. “You asked who could tell you the radius of Earth. Trang can tell you. I answered correctly.” Outsmarted by a thirteen-year-old.”

— Andy Weir

181. “This all sounds like a great idea with no chance of catastrophic failure.”

— Andy Weir

182. “I’ve been thinking about laws on Mars. Yeah, I know, it’s a stupid thing to think about, but I have a lot of free time.”

— Andy Weir

183. “Okay, enough self-pity. I’m not doomed. Things will just be harder than planned. I have all I need to survive.”

— Andy Weir

184. “Your face opening is in sad mode.”

— Andy Weir

185. “The biggest threat is giving up hope. If he decides there’s no chance to survive, he’ll stop trying.”

— Andy Weir

186. “Yuri Gagarin had a much more reliable and safe ship than I do. And Soviet ships were death traps.”

— Andy Weir

187. “Love of science is universal across all cultures.”

— Andy Weir

188. “You’re sending him to space under a tarp.” “Pretty much, yeah.” “Like a hastily loaded pickup truck.” “Yeah. Can I go on?” “Sure, can’t wait.”

— Andy Weir

189. “Who am I to question a creepy robot-armed computer overlord? I cautiously lick the substance.”

— Andy Weir

190. “Technically it’s “Carl Sagan Memorial Station.” But with all due respect to Carl, I can call it whatever the hell I want. I’m the King of Mars.”

— Andy Weir

191. “The hardest part about working with aliens and saving humanity from extinction is constantly having to come up with names for stuff.”

— Andy Weir

192. “Try updating a Linux server sometime,” Jack said.”

— Andy Weir

193. “Jesus, what a complicated process,” Venkat said. “Try updating a Linux server sometime,” Jack said. After a moment of silence, Tim said, “You know he was telling a joke, right? That was supposed to be funny.” “Oh,” said Venkat. “I’m a physics guy, not a computer guy.” “He’s not funny to computer guys, either.” “You’re a very unpleasant man, Tim,” Jack said.”

— Andy Weir

194. “How did you know that?” Annie asked, getting annoyed. “Elrond,” Bruce said. “The Council of Elrond. From Lord of the Rings. It’s the meeting where they decide to destroy the One Ring.” “Jesus,” Annie said. “None of you got laid in high school, did you?”

— Andy Weir

195. “It’s short for soft-landed grams. S-L-G. Slug. One slug gets one gram of cargo delivered from Earth to Artemis, courtesy of KSC.”

— Andy Weir

196. “Have you told anyone else?” “Who would I tell?” “I don’t know,” Venkat said. “Friends?” “I don’t have any of those.” “Okay, keep it under your hat.” “I don’t wear a hat.” “It’s just an expression.” “Really?” Rich said. “It’s a stupid expression.” “Rich, you’re being difficult.” “Ah. Thanks.”

— Andy Weir

197. “All I had left was my oxygen tank. So it did the only thing it could do to keep me alive. It started backfilling with pure oxygen. I now risked dying of oxygen toxicity, as the excessively high amount of oxygen threatened to burn up my nervous system, lungs and eyes. An ironic death for someone with a leaky space suit: too much oxygen.”

— Andy Weir

198. “Son las cosas sencillas de la vida las que importan.”

— Andy Weir

199. “Anything, Tim?” “Totally,” he replied. “But we’re staring at this black screen because it’s way more interesting than pictures from Mars.” “You’re a smart-ass, Tim,” Venkat said. “Noted.”

— Andy Weir

200. “You started my training by buying me a beer. For breakfast. Germans are awesome.”

— Andy Weir