Top 500 Andy Weir Quotes (2024 Update)
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51. “But I have to save humanity first. Stupid humanity. Getting in the way of my hobbies.”

— Andy Weir

52. “I’ll be playing with high-voltage power tomorrow. Can’t imagine anything going wrong with that!”

— Andy Weir

53. “I’m going to be setting a fire. In the Hab. On purpose. If you asked every engineer at NASA what the worst scenario for the Hab was, they’d all answer “fire.” If you asked them what the result would be, they’d answer “death by fire.”

— Andy Weir

54. “Like I said, it’s a Mary flyby.”

— Andy Weir

55. “I cut each potato into four pieces, making sure each piece had at least two eyes. The eyes are where they sprout from. I let them sit for a few hours to harden a bit, then planted them, well spaced apart, in the corner. Godspeed, little taters. My life depends on you.”

— Andy Weir

56. “Well, okay. I know the answer to that. Part of it might be what I represent: progress, science, and the interplanetary future we’ve dreamed of for centuries. But really, they did it because every human being has a basic instinct to help each other out. It might not seem that way sometimes, but it’s true.”

— Andy Weir

57. “He points to his ship. “I have twenty-two million kilograms of Taumoeba in fuel bays. How much you want, question?”

— Andy Weir

58. “All my brilliant plans foiled by thermodynamics. Damn you, Entropy!”

— Andy Weir

59. “But the safety protocols turned out to be in ROMs.”

— Andy Weir

60. “I’ve looted that poor Hab for everything it could give me, and in return it’s kept me alive for a year and a half. It’s like the Giving Tree.”

— Andy Weir

61. “I don’t want to come off as arrogant here, but I’m the best botanist on the planet.”

— Andy Weir

62. “To them, equipment failure is terrifying. To me, it’s “Tuesday.”

— Andy Weir

63. “AS A chemist, Vogel knew how to make a bomb. In fact, much of his training was to avoid making them by mistake.”

— Andy Weir

64. “The overstimulated kids were literally bouncing off the walls. Lunar gravity is the worst thing to ever happen to parents.”

— Andy Weir

65. “Math is not thinking. Math is procedure. Memory is not thinking. Memory is storage. Thinking is thinking. Problem, solution. You and me think same speed. Why, question?”

— Andy Weir

66. “If you want to play it safe all the time, go join an insurance company.”

— Andy Weir

67. “Fun fact: This is exactly how the Apollo 1 crew died. Wish me luck!”

— Andy Weir

68. “I may as well yell toward Earth for all the good that damned thing will do me.”

— Andy Weir

69. “How dare you call me lazy? I’d come up with a scathing retort but, meh, I’m just not motivated.”

— Andy Weir

70. “As usual, I’m working with stuff that was deliberately designed not to burn. But no amount of careful design by NASA can get around a determined arsonist with a tank of pure oxygen.”

— Andy Weir

71. “The airlock’s on its side, and I can hear a steady hiss. So either it’s leaking or there are snakes in here. Either way, I’m in trouble.”

— Andy Weir

72. “I wonder how the Cubs are doing.”

— Andy Weir

73. “Well, you’re not alone anymore, buddy,” I say. “Neither of us are.”

— Andy Weir

74. “There is an object blocking my view of the Petrova line. It’s right next to my ship. Maybe a few hundred meters away. It’s roughly triangle-shaped and it has gable-like protrusions along its hull.”

— Andy Weir

75. “You and me science how to kill Astrophage together. Save Earth. Save Erid. This is good plan, question?”

— Andy Weir

76. “What would you call an organism that exists on a diet of stars?”

— Andy Weir

77. “Mars is not Earth. It doesn’t have a thick atmosphere to bend light and carry particles that reflect light around corners. It’s damn near a vacuum here. Once the sun isn’t visible, I’m in the dark. Phobos gives me some moonlight, but not enough to work with. Deimos is a little piece of crap that’s no good to anyone.”

— Andy Weir

78. “Well my math was a damn liar!”

— Andy Weir

79. “Intelligence evolves to gives us an advantage over the other animals on our planet. But evolution is lazy. Once a problem is solved, the trait stops evolving.”

— Andy Weir

80. “Sorry for the delay,” Vogel said. “I was required to make a bomb.”

— Andy Weir

81. “I am happy. You no die. Let’s save planets!”

— Andy Weir

82. “Million-mile-high club,” Martinez said. “Nice!”

— Andy Weir

83. “There isn’t a lot of water here on Mars. There’s ice at the poles, but they’re too far away. If I want water, I’ll have to make it from scratch. Fortunately, I know the recipe: Take hydrogen. Add oxygen. Burn.”

— Andy Weir

84. “The Ares Program. Mankind reaching out to Mars to send people to another planet for the very first time and expand the horizons of humanity blah, blah, blah.”

— Andy Weir

85. “It just goes to show,” Teddy said. “Love of science is universal across all cultures.”

— Andy Weir

86. “Like, melting-the-pigeons strong,” Morris supplied. “ – for him to get it,” Chuck finished.”

— Andy Weir

87. “I start to hyperventilate. “We’re dead in space. We’re stuck here forever.” “Not forever,” Rocky says. I perk up. “No?” “No. Orbit decay soon. Then we die.”

— Andy Weir

88. “Another day, another staff meeting. Who would have thought saving the world could be so boring?”

— Andy Weir

89. “I’ll drop the oxygen mixture to zero and breathe pure nitrogen until I suffocate. It wouldn’t feel bad. The lungs don’t have the ability to sense lack of oxygen. I’d just get tired, fall asleep, then die.”

— Andy Weir

90. “When you can’t get off the ground in the moon’s gravity, you are seriously out of it.”

— Andy Weir

91. “Well, if I could have anything, it would be for the green-skinned yet beautiful Queen of Mars to rescue me so she can learn more about this Earth thing called “lovemaking.”

— Andy Weir

92. “She walked back to the door and knocked on it. A guard opened it up. “Anyway. I just wanted you to know why I’m doing this. I owed you that.” “Go to hell.” “Oh, I will, believe me. You three are going to Tau Ceti. The rest of us are going to hell. More accurately, hell is coming to us.”

— Andy Weir

93. “We’re as smart as evolution made us. So we’re the minimum intelligence needed to ensure we can dominate our planets.”

— Andy Weir

94. “Not enough,” Annie said. “The press is crawling down my throat for this. And up my ass. Both directions, Venkat! They’re gonna meet in the middle!”

— Andy Weir

95. “Half the people who studied botany were hippies who thought they could return to some natural world system. Somehow feeding seven billion people through pure gathering.”

— Andy Weir

96. “It hurts like a motherfluffer!”

— Andy Weir

97. “Snowblowers are expensive,” he used to say. “You’re free.” Once, I tried to appeal to my mom. “Don’t be such a wuss,” she suggested.”

— Andy Weir

98. “Also, have I mentioned I’m sick of potatoes? Because, by God, I am sick of potatoes. If I ever return to Earth, I’m going to buy a nice little home in Western Australia. Because Western Australia is on the opposite side of Earth from Idaho.”

— Andy Weir

99. “Here’s a woman who had survived the centrifuge, the vomit comet, hard-landing drills and 10k runs. A woman who fixed a simulated MDV computer failure while being spun around upside-down. But she was afraid of a tattoo needle.”

— Andy Weir

100. “You’d think after almost killing myself twice, I’d be able to stop screwing around with hydrazine. But nope.”

— Andy Weir