Top 150 Bill Murray Quotes (2024 Update)

1. “Whatever you do, always give 100%. Unless you’re donating blood.”

— Bill Murray

Featured in: Funny Quotes, Crazy Quotes, Funny Quotes About Life, Funny Motivational Quotes, Funny Birthday Quotes

2. “Every pizza is a personal pizza if you try hard and believe in yourself.”

— Bill Murray

3. “The more relaxed you are, the better you are at everything.”

— Bill Murray

Featured in: Enjoy Life Quotes, Funny Quotes About Life, Short Funny Quotes

4. “I’m suspicious of people who don’t like dogs, but I trust a dog when it doesn’t like a person.”

— Bill Murray

5. “This is not a dress rehearsal; this is your life.”

— Bill Murray

6. “Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it most never use it.”

— Bill Murray

7. “Friendship is so weird. You just pick a human you’ve met and you’re like, ‘Yep, I like this one,’ and you just do stuff with them.”

— Bill Murray

8. “Religion is the worst enemy of mankind. No single war in the history of humanity has killed as many people as religion has.”

— Bill Murray

9. “People are like music, some speak the truth and others are just noise.”

— Bill Murray

10. “Life is a game, and it’s much more fun if you play it as your own game, so stay light and loose and relaxed.”

— Bill Murray

11. “Human sacrifice! Dogs and cats living together! Mass hysteria!”

— Bill Murray

12. “Just beat my record for most consecutive days without dying.”

— Bill Murray

13. “Don’t think about your errors or failures; otherwise, you’ll never do a thing.”

— Bill Murray

14. “Chicks dig me because I rarely wear underwear, and when I do, it’s usually something unusual.”

— Bill Murray

15. “I think if you can take care of yourself, and then maybe try to take care of someone else, that’s sort of how you’re supposed to live.”

— Bill Murray

16. “I’ve killed myself so many times, I don’t even exist anymore.”

— Bill Murray

17. “My iPhone has 2 million times the storage of the 1969 Apollo 11 computer. They went to the moon. I throw birds at pig houses.”

— Bill Murray

18. “Grab this day by the neck and kiss it.”

— Bill Murray

19. “Be available for life to happen.”

— Bill Murray

20. “Everyone needs to take a vacation from the sort of automatic things you do.”

— Bill Murray

21. “We’re Americans! Do you know what that means? It means our forefathers were kicked out of every decent country in the world.”

— Bill Murray

22. “I’m a nut, but not just a nut.”

— Bill Murray

23. “You work, you get paid, you drink.”

— Bill Murray

24. “You had to keep the mood up; you had to keep the tempo up. You had to keep the feeling of, “Hey, we’re doing something that’s really exciting. It’s fun being with these people.” And the more fun you have, the better you do it.”

— Bill Murray

25. “If Google doesn’t know the answer, then it’s not a question.”

— Bill Murray

26. “Well, the past is gone, I know that. The future isn’t here yet, whatever it’s going to be. So, all there is, is this. The present. That’s it.”

— Bill Murray

27. “Its Christmas Eve! Its the one night of the year when we all act a little nicer, we smile a little easier, we cheer a little more. For a couple of hours out of the whole year, we are the people that we always hoped we would be.”

— Bill Murray

28. “You’re supposed to have one hand up and one hand down. As you’re trying to going up, you’re trying to pull someone up at the same time.”

— Bill Murray

29. “The more relaxed you are, the better you are at everything: the better you are with your loved ones, the better you are with your enemies, the better you are at your job, the better you are with yourself.”

— Bill Murray

30. “No one really wants to admit they are lonely, and it is never really addressed very much between friends and family. But I have felt lonely many times in my life.”

— Bill Murray

31. “You have to be as light as you can be and not get weighed down and stuck in your emotion, stuck in your body, stuck in your head. You just want to always be trying to elevate somehow.”

— Bill Murray

32. “We’re born alone. We do need each other. It’s lonely to really effectively live your life, and anyone you can get help from or give help to; that’s part of your obligation.”

— Bill Murray

33. “It’s the most terrifying day of your life, the day the first one is born. Your life, as you know it, is gone. Never to return. But they learn how to walk, and they learn how to talk, and you want to be with them. And they turn out to be the most delightful people you’ll ever meet in your life.”

— Bill Murray

34. “The cool part about naming your kid is you don’t have to add six numbers to make sure the name is available.”

— Bill Murray

35. “The secret is to have a sense of yourself, your real self, your unique self. And not just once in a while, or once a day, but all through the day, the week and life.”

— Bill Murray

36. “I try to be available for life to happen to me. We’re in this life, and if you’re not available, the sort of ordinary time goes past and you didn’t live it. But if you’re available, life gets huge. You’re really living it.”

— Bill Murray

37. “Atheist leader Madalyn Murray O’Hair was murdered. Jon Murray and Robin Murray-O’Hair were also murdered by individuals involved with the atheist organization.”

— Bill Murray

38. “I try to be alert and available. I try to be available for life to happen to me.”

— Bill Murray

39. “People confuse friendship and relaxation. It’s incredibly important to be relaxed – you don’t have a chance if you’re not relaxed. So I try very hard to relax any kind of tension. But friendship is different.”

— Bill Murray

40. “You can handle just about anything that comes at you out on the road with a believable grin, common sense and whiskey.”

— Bill Murray

41. “I don’t have to take this abuse from you – I have hundreds of people waiting in line to abuse me!”

— Bill Murray

42. “People say I’m difficult and sometimes that’s a badge of honour.”

— Bill Murray

43. “I’m just a potato that won’t quit. I’m a potato with some legs. Some have eyes, I’ve got legs.”

— Bill Murray

44. “Every moment that you share someone else’s pain, feel what they feel, makes you more human.”

— Bill Murray

45. “Drinking again? Go to hell. All I ever do is make some movies that made a lot of money now leave me alone, I want to have some fun.”

— Bill Murray

46. “The Best Way to teach your kids about taxes is by eating 30% of their ice cream.”

— Bill Murray

47. “The Army needs leaders the way a foot needs a big toe...”

— Bill Murray

48. “You can tell how boring a person is by the lack of fear in their eyes when someone is flipping through photos on their phone.”

— Bill Murray

49. “My first movie, I got nominated for a Canadian Oscar-for Meatballs. For MEATBALLS. And who am I up against? George C. Scott. So he wins the award and I stand up and go, ‘That’s it-let’s get the hell outta here.’”

— Bill Murray

50. “Awards are meaningless to me, and I have nothing but disdain for anyone who actively campaigns to get one.”

— Bill Murray