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Conan O'Brien Quotes

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Conan O'Brien Quote: “Work hard, be kind, and amazing things will happen.”

Work hard, be kind, and amazing things will happen.

— Conan O'Brien



Conan O'Brien Quote: “Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get. But if you work really hard and you’re kind, amazing things will happen.”

Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get. But if you work really hard and you’re kind, amazing things will happen.

— Conan O'Brien


Conan O'Brien Quote: “It is our failure to become our perceived ideal that ultimately defines us and makes us unique. It’s not easy, but if you accept your misfortune and handle it right your perceived failure can become a catalyst for profound re-invention.”

It is our failure to become our perceived ideal that ultimately defines us and makes us unique. It’s not easy, but if you accept your misfortune and handle it right your perceived failure can become a catalyst for profound re-invention.

— Conan O'Brien


Conan O'Brien Quote: “Nietzsche famously said, ‘Whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.’ What he failed to stress is that it ALMOST kills you.”

Nietzsche famously said, ‘Whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.’ What he failed to stress is that it ALMOST kills you.

— Conan O'Brien


Conan O'Brien Quote: “When all else fails there’s always delusion.”

When all else fails there’s always delusion.

— Conan O'Brien


Conan O'Brien Quote: “Don’t be cynical; it leads nowhere. If you work hard, and are kind, amazing things will happen to you.”

Don’t be cynical; it leads nowhere. If you work hard, and are kind, amazing things will happen to you.

— Conan O'Brien


Conan O'Brien Quote: “Fall down. Make a mess. Break something occasionally. Know that your mistakes are your own unique way of getting to where you need to be. And remember that the story is never over.”

Fall down. Make a mess. Break something occasionally. Know that your mistakes are your own unique way of getting to where you need to be. And remember that the story is never over.

— Conan O'Brien


Conan O'Brien Quote: “It is our failure to become our perceived ideal that ultimately defines us and makes us unique.”

It is our failure to become our perceived ideal that ultimately defines us and makes us unique.

— Conan O'Brien


Conan O'Brien Quote: “I like being tested. I get as scared as anyone. But the feeling of putting yourself on the line, betting on your talent and having it work; that’s the most exhilarating feeling in the world.”

I like being tested. I get as scared as anyone. But the feeling of putting yourself on the line, betting on your talent and having it work; that’s the most exhilarating feeling in the world.

— Conan O'Brien


Conan O'Brien Quote: “Over-thinking in your brain is anathema to the process of thinking on your feet.”

Over-thinking in your brain is anathema to the process of thinking on your feet.

— Conan O'Brien



Conan O'Brien Quote: “The beauty is that through disappointment you can gain clarity, and with clarity comes conviction and true originality.”

The beauty is that through disappointment you can gain clarity, and with clarity comes conviction and true originality.

— Conan O'Brien


Conan O'Brien Quote: “If you can really laugh at yourself loud and hard every time you fall, people will think you’re drunk.”

If you can really laugh at yourself loud and hard every time you fall, people will think you’re drunk.

— Conan O'Brien


Conan O'Brien Quote: “I just want to say to the kids out there watching: You can do anything you want in life. Unless Jay Leno wants to do it too.”

I just want to say to the kids out there watching: You can do anything you want in life. Unless Jay Leno wants to do it too.

— Conan O'Brien


Conan O'Brien Quote: “Nobody knows really what they’re doing and there’s two ways to go with that information. One is to be afraid and the other is to be liberated, and I choose to be liberated by it.”

Nobody knows really what they’re doing and there’s two ways to go with that information. One is to be afraid and the other is to be liberated, and I choose to be liberated by it.

— Conan O'Brien


Conan O'Brien Quote: “There are few things more liberating in this life than having your worst fear realized.”

There are few things more liberating in this life than having your worst fear realized.

— Conan O'Brien


Conan O'Brien Quote: “Though you should not fear failure, you should do your very best to avoid it.”

Though you should not fear failure, you should do your very best to avoid it.

— Conan O'Brien


Conan O'Brien Quote: “Today in Sri Lanka, Pope Francis visited a Buddhist temple. When asked why, the Pope said, ‘Just keeping my options open. It’s a dicey job market. You never know.’”

Today in Sri Lanka, Pope Francis visited a Buddhist temple. When asked why, the Pope said, ‘Just keeping my options open. It’s a dicey job market. You never know.’

— Conan O'Brien


Conan O'Brien Quote: “If life gives you lemons, make some kind of fruity juice.”

If life gives you lemons, make some kind of fruity juice.

— Conan O'Brien


Conan O'Brien Quote: “Real life is about reacting quickly to the opportunity at hand, not the opportunity you envisioned. Not thinking and scheming for the future, but letting it happen.”

Real life is about reacting quickly to the opportunity at hand, not the opportunity you envisioned. Not thinking and scheming for the future, but letting it happen.

— Conan O'Brien


Conan O'Brien Quote: “I hate cynicism – it’s my least favorite quality and it doesn’t lead anywhere.”

I hate cynicism – it’s my least favorite quality and it doesn’t lead anywhere.

— Conan O'Brien



Conan O'Brien Quote: “Applaud my idiocy.”

Applaud my idiocy.

— Conan O'Brien


Conan O'Brien Quote: “Ukraine announced plans to open Chernobyl, their nuclear disaster site, to tourists. They say it’s just like Disneyland, except the 6-foot mouse is real.”

Ukraine announced plans to open Chernobyl, their nuclear disaster site, to tourists. They say it’s just like Disneyland, except the 6-foot mouse is real.

— Conan O'Brien


Conan O'Brien Quote: “There’s no cure for getting depressed. There’s no cure for self-loathing or periods of it. But figure out enough about it so that when it happens, you can get over it and keep moving and just accomplish more.”

There’s no cure for getting depressed. There’s no cure for self-loathing or periods of it. But figure out enough about it so that when it happens, you can get over it and keep moving and just accomplish more.

— Conan O'Brien


Conan O'Brien Quote: “The results of a new study are out this week saying that New Jersey is one of the most livable states in the country. The study has a margin of error of 100 percent.”

The results of a new study are out this week saying that New Jersey is one of the most livable states in the country. The study has a margin of error of 100 percent.

— Conan O'Brien


Conan O'Brien Quote: “Fish recognize a bad leader.”

Fish recognize a bad leader.

— Conan O'Brien


Conan O'Brien Quote: “At the economic summit in China, Vladimir Putin is being accused of flirting with the first lady of China. Then again, Putin does have a history of not respecting boundaries.”

At the economic summit in China, Vladimir Putin is being accused of flirting with the first lady of China. Then again, Putin does have a history of not respecting boundaries.

— Conan O'Brien


Conan O'Brien Quote: “Donald Trump is the grandson of German immigrants. Don’t worry. The last time a German guy with crazy hair took over a country, everything turned out fine.”

Donald Trump is the grandson of German immigrants. Don’t worry. The last time a German guy with crazy hair took over a country, everything turned out fine.

— Conan O'Brien


Conan O'Brien Quote: “Donald Trump said that if President Obama releases his birth certificate, Trump will release his tax return. Obama said he won’t run for a second term if Trump releases that thing on his head.”

Donald Trump said that if President Obama releases his birth certificate, Trump will release his tax return. Obama said he won’t run for a second term if Trump releases that thing on his head.

— Conan O'Brien


Conan O'Brien Quote: “Al Gore announced he is finishing up a new book about global warming and the environment. Yeah, the first chapter talks about how you shouldn’t chop down trees to make a book that no one will read.”

Al Gore announced he is finishing up a new book about global warming and the environment. Yeah, the first chapter talks about how you shouldn’t chop down trees to make a book that no one will read.

— Conan O'Brien


Conan O'Brien Quote: “Don’t thank your parents. If you were raised in a nurturing environment, you wouldn’t be in show business. Don’t say, ‘Wow, this is heavy.’ Of course it’s heavy. It contains the shattered dreams of four other people.”

Don’t thank your parents. If you were raised in a nurturing environment, you wouldn’t be in show business. Don’t say, ‘Wow, this is heavy.’ Of course it’s heavy. It contains the shattered dreams of four other people.

— Conan O'Brien


Conan O'Brien Quote: “Happy Cinco de Mayo! It’s a holiday that’s as respectful of Mexican traditions as Epcot Center’s Mexican food pavilion.”

Happy Cinco de Mayo! It’s a holiday that’s as respectful of Mexican traditions as Epcot Center’s Mexican food pavilion.

— Conan O'Brien


Conan O'Brien Quote: “The first thing men notice about a woman is her eyes. Then, when her eyes aren’t looking, they notice her breasts.”

The first thing men notice about a woman is her eyes. Then, when her eyes aren’t looking, they notice her breasts.

— Conan O'Brien


Conan O'Brien Quote: “North Korea is creating its own time zone. It’s going to push the country’s time back a half hour. So it’s not bad enough that they don’t have food and they’re ruled by an insane dictator. Now they have to wait until 8:00 to watch ‘Wheel of Fortune.’”

North Korea is creating its own time zone. It’s going to push the country’s time back a half hour. So it’s not bad enough that they don’t have food and they’re ruled by an insane dictator. Now they have to wait until 8:00 to watch ‘Wheel of Fortune.’

— Conan O'Brien


Conan O'Brien Quote: “Saudi Arabia’s first female athlete will be allowed to compete while wearing a head scarf. The Saudi woman said she was thrilled about the ruling all she needs now is a man to drive her to the Olympics.”

Saudi Arabia’s first female athlete will be allowed to compete while wearing a head scarf. The Saudi woman said she was thrilled about the ruling all she needs now is a man to drive her to the Olympics.

— Conan O'Brien


Conan O'Brien Quote: “Whatever doesn’t kill you, makes you watch a lot of Cartoon Network and drink mid-price Chardonnay at 11 in the morning.”

Whatever doesn’t kill you, makes you watch a lot of Cartoon Network and drink mid-price Chardonnay at 11 in the morning.

— Conan O'Brien


Conan O'Brien Quote: “North Korean leader Kim Jong Un has been awarded the highest rank in the country’s military. The decision was praised by everyone from Parliamentary leader Kim Jong Un to opposition leader Kim Jong Un.”

North Korean leader Kim Jong Un has been awarded the highest rank in the country’s military. The decision was praised by everyone from Parliamentary leader Kim Jong Un to opposition leader Kim Jong Un.

— Conan O'Brien


Conan O'Brien Quote: “There are 17 more shopping days until Christmas. So, guys, that means 16 more days till we start shopping, right?”

There are 17 more shopping days until Christmas. So, guys, that means 16 more days till we start shopping, right?

— Conan O'Brien


Conan O'Brien Quote: “One’s dream is constantly evolving, rising and falling, changing course. This happens in every job, but because I have worked in comedy for twenty-five years, I can probably speak best about my own profession.”

One’s dream is constantly evolving, rising and falling, changing course. This happens in every job, but because I have worked in comedy for twenty-five years, I can probably speak best about my own profession.

— Conan O'Brien


Conan O'Brien Quote: “They say there are only two kinds of people on St. Patrick’s Day: the Irish, and the people that drive them home.”

They say there are only two kinds of people on St. Patrick’s Day: the Irish, and the people that drive them home.

— Conan O'Brien


Conan O'Brien Quote: “Your path at 22 will not necessarily be your path at 32 or 42.”

Your path at 22 will not necessarily be your path at 32 or 42.

— Conan O'Brien


Conan O'Brien Quote: “Today was the annual Easter egg roll on the White House lawn. Usually when you see something rolling on the White House lawn it’s a drunk Secret Service agent.”

Today was the annual Easter egg roll on the White House lawn. Usually when you see something rolling on the White House lawn it’s a drunk Secret Service agent.

— Conan O'Brien


Conan O'Brien Quote: “Iran may have attacked ISIS. Do you know how long it’s been since I have been able to wear my “Go Iran” T-shirt?”

Iran may have attacked ISIS. Do you know how long it’s been since I have been able to wear my “Go Iran” T-shirt?

— Conan O'Brien


Conan O'Brien Quote: “Russia has named Vladimir Putin its man of the year for the 15th year in a row. Putin got 143 million votes and the guy he was up against got killed in a mysterious boating accident. The boat was in a warehouse.”

Russia has named Vladimir Putin its man of the year for the 15th year in a row. Putin got 143 million votes and the guy he was up against got killed in a mysterious boating accident. The boat was in a warehouse.

— Conan O'Brien


Conan O'Brien Quote: “Today Donald Trump reaffirmed his stance against gay marriage. Trump said marriage is between a rich guy and his much younger third wife.”

Today Donald Trump reaffirmed his stance against gay marriage. Trump said marriage is between a rich guy and his much younger third wife.

— Conan O'Brien


Conan O'Brien Quote: “An American judo fighter was expelled from the Olympics after testing positive for marijuana. Officials became suspicious when he kept stopping the match and saying, ‘What are we fighting for, man?’”

An American judo fighter was expelled from the Olympics after testing positive for marijuana. Officials became suspicious when he kept stopping the match and saying, ‘What are we fighting for, man?’

— Conan O'Brien


Conan O'Brien Quote: “A lawyer from Africa wants to marry Malia Obama in exchange for goats, sheep, and cows. In response, President Obama said, ‘Don’t be ridiculous. My daughter isn’t marrying a lawyer.’”

A lawyer from Africa wants to marry Malia Obama in exchange for goats, sheep, and cows. In response, President Obama said, ‘Don’t be ridiculous. My daughter isn’t marrying a lawyer.’

— Conan O'Brien


Conan O'Brien Quote: “Medical marijuana users are now lobbying for the right to carry firearms. Because no one is a better shot than a stoned old man with glaucoma.”

Medical marijuana users are now lobbying for the right to carry firearms. Because no one is a better shot than a stoned old man with glaucoma.

— Conan O'Brien


Conan O'Brien Quote: “Some people are saying that the reason Michael Phelps isn’t doing so well is because he let himself get too out of shape. I just have to say that I have been watching the Olympics, and if that guy is out of shape, I have been dead for five years.”

Some people are saying that the reason Michael Phelps isn’t doing so well is because he let himself get too out of shape. I just have to say that I have been watching the Olympics, and if that guy is out of shape, I have been dead for five years.

— Conan O'Brien


Conan O'Brien Quote: “Toyota has announced it will start integrating Microsoft technology into their vehicles. It’s perfect for the person who wants a car that crashes every ten minutes.”

Toyota has announced it will start integrating Microsoft technology into their vehicles. It’s perfect for the person who wants a car that crashes every ten minutes.

— Conan O'Brien


Conan O'Brien Quote: “Patriots quarterback Tom Brady says he thinks it would be great if Donald Trump was president. Which is really weird because I thought Brady didn’t like things that are filled with too much air.”

Patriots quarterback Tom Brady says he thinks it would be great if Donald Trump was president. Which is really weird because I thought Brady didn’t like things that are filled with too much air.

— Conan O'Brien

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