Top 500 Will Rogers Quotes (2024 Update)
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251. “The good old horse-and-buggy days: then you lived until you died and not until you were run over.”

— Will Rogers

252. “Foreign relations is an open book – generally a checkbook.”

— Will Rogers

253. “When you put down the good things you ought to have done, and leave out the bad ones you did do well, that’s Memoirs.”

— Will Rogers

254. “Labor Day, I suppose set by an Act of Congress. Everything we do nowadays is either by, or against, Acts of Congress. How Congress knew anything about Labor is beyond us.”

— Will Rogers

255. “Let advertisers spend the same amount of money improving their product that they do on advertising and they wouldn’t have to advertise it.”

— Will Rogers

256. “The English should give Ireland home rule – and reserve the motion picture rights.”

— Will Rogers

257. “Rail-splitting produced an immortal president in Lincoln, but golf hasn’t produced even a good Congressman.”

— Will Rogers

258. “We fed ’em Xmas and New Years; now all the poor have to do is just fill the few meals until next Xmas.”

— Will Rogers

259. “A lot of guys have had a lot of fun joking about Henry Ford because he admitted one time that he didn’t know history. He don’t know it, but history will know him. He has made more history than his critics ever read.”

— Will Rogers

260. “Congress is deadlocked and can’t act.”

— Will Rogers

261. “I bet any Sunday could be made as popular at church as Easter is if you made ’em fashion shows too. The audience is so busy looking at each other that the preacher just as well recite Gunga Din.”

— Will Rogers

262. “I never expected to see the day when girls would get sunburned in the places they now do.”

— Will Rogers

263. “There is two things that can disrupt business in this country. One is War, and the other is a meeting of the Federal Reserve Bank.”

— Will Rogers

264. “And if you call one a real estate agent and he won’t sell you anything. He is a REALATOR. It’s the same as what the old fashioned real estate agent used to be only the commission is different.”

— Will Rogers

265. “I am just an old country boy in a big town trying to get along. I have been eating pretty regular and the reason I have been is because I have stayed an old country boy.”

— Will Rogers

266. “We don’t seem to be able to check crime, so why not legalize it and then tax it out of business?”

— Will Rogers

267. “Take me ham away, take away my eggs, even my Chili, but leave me my newspaper.”

— Will Rogers

268. “Ancient Rome declined because it had a Senate, now what’s going to happen to us with both a House and a Senate?”

— Will Rogers

269. “The only way to solve the traffic problems of the country is to pass a law that only paid-for cars are allowed to use the highways. That would make traffic so scarce, we could use our boulevards for children’s playgrounds.”

— Will Rogers

270. “This would be a great world to dance in if we didn’t have to pay the fiddler.”

— Will Rogers

271. “Andrew Jackson was the first one to think up the idea to promise everybody that if they will vote for you, you will give them an office when you get it, and the more times they vote for you, the bigger the office.”

— Will Rogers

272. “What would we say if the Chinese sent a gunboat with their marines up the Mississippi River claiming they were protecting their laundries in Memphis?”

— Will Rogers

273. “Hundreds and hundreds of beautiful horses in the parade and a man without a silver saddle is a vagrant.”

— Will Rogers

274. “We Americans think we are pretty good! We want to build a house, we cut down some trees. We want to build a fire, we dig a little coal. But when we run out of all these things, then we will find out just how good we really are.”

— Will Rogers

275. “If you let women have their way, you will generally get even with them in the end.”

— Will Rogers

276. “The only difference between death and taxes is that death doesn’t get worse every time Congress meets.”

— Will Rogers

277. “A debt is just as hard for a Government to pay as it is for an individual. No debt ever comes due at a good time. Borrowing is the only thing that seems handy all the time.”

— Will Rogers

278. “Steak on the plate went up. Steak on the hoof went down.”

— Will Rogers

279. “The Supreme Court is divided almost in half on the decisions. Talk about an international court. How would we ever agree with a lot of foreigners when we can’t even agree among our own judges?”

— Will Rogers

280. “More words ain’t good for anything in the world only to bring on more argument.”

— Will Rogers

281. “Golf is a wonderful exercise. You can stand on your feet for hours, watching somebody else putt.”

— Will Rogers

282. “There’s the one thing no nation can ever accuse us of and that is secret diplomacy. Our foreign are an open book, generally a check book.”

— Will Rogers

283. “I will never joke about old soldiers who try to get to reunions to talk over the war again. To talk of old times with old friends is the greatest thing in the world.”

— Will Rogers

284. “This country has come to feel the same when Congress is in session as when the baby gets hold of a hammer.”

— Will Rogers

285. “We have killed more people celebrating our independence day than we lost fighting for it.”

— Will Rogers

286. “All I know is just what I read in the Congressional Record. They have had some awful funny articles in there lately. As our government deteriorates, our humor increases.”

— Will Rogers

287. “There ain’t nothing that breaks up homes, country and nations like somebody publishing their memoirs.”

— Will Rogers

288. “Democrats never agree on anything, that’s why they’re Democrats. If they agreed with each other, they would be Republicans.”

— Will Rogers

289. “That’s what a Congressman or a Senator is for – to see that too much money don’t accumulate in the national Treasury.”

— Will Rogers

290. “A politician is just like a pickpocket; it’s almost impossible to get him to reform.”

— Will Rogers

291. “There is nothing fairer than workmen having unions of their mutual benefit.”

— Will Rogers

292. “All one has to do to get one’s stuff in the Congressional Record is to find a stenographer that can stay awake long enough to take it down. Then you mark in the ‘Applause’ and ‘Laughter’ parts yourself.”

— Will Rogers

293. “Political elections are a good deal like marriages, there’s no accounting for anyone’s taste.”

— Will Rogers

294. “Coolidge has the best idea on this farm relief. He said, ‘Farmers, you are in a hole. I can’t help you, but I will get in with you.’ He did. That made it fine so the farmers were satisfied as long as Coolidge was going to get in with them.”

— Will Rogers

295. “Elections are a good deal like marriages. There’s no accounting for anyone’s taste. Every time we see a bridegroom we wonder why she ever picked him, and it’s the same with public officials.”

— Will Rogers

296. “Government spending? I don’t know what it’s all about. I don’t know any more about this thing than an economist does, and, God knows, he doesn’t know much.”

— Will Rogers

297. “We have plenty of Confidence in this country, but we are a little short of good men to place our Confidence in.”

— Will Rogers

298. “The only real diplomacy ever performed by a diplomat is in deceiving their own people after their dumbness has got them into a war.”

— Will Rogers

299. “If we got one-tenth of what was promised to us in these acceptance speeches there wouldn’t be any inducement to go to heaven.”

— Will Rogers

300. “The American people are a very generous people and will forgive almost any weakness, with the possible, exception of stupidity.”

— Will Rogers