Top 450 Darynda Jones Quotes (2024 Update)
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51. “You’re the reason I breathe.”

— Darynda Jones

52. “We are all tainted by the decisions we make.” “And the taste of our souls reflects that?” “It does.”

— Darynda Jones

53. “Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.”

— Darynda Jones

54. “If at first you don’t succeed, it’s only “attempted” murder.”

— Darynda Jones

55. “I may not have any skeletons in my closet, but I do have a little box of souls in my sock drawer. – T-SHIRT.”

— Darynda Jones

56. “A split second later, my life flashed before my eyes, and I came to one important conclusion about it. It was fun while it lasted.”

— Darynda Jones

57. “She has moments when she seems stable, but then so does nitroglycerin. – MEME.”

— Darynda Jones

58. “While I was busy reminiscing about my first day on earth, I had forgotten that I was falling to my death. Damned ADD.”

— Darynda Jones

59. “I’d have a longer attention span if there weren’t so many shiny things.”

— Darynda Jones

60. “Looks like macho boy’s cool just melted like a Slush Puppie in August.”

— Darynda Jones

61. “He said you sparkle like a newborn galaxy and have more attitude than a rich kid with his daddy’s Porsche.”

— Darynda Jones

62. “SARC- was my second favorite -ASM word.”

— Darynda Jones

63. “I may as well cut my losses and make a hasty exit while I still had enough self-esteem to walk upright. Crawling was so demoralizing.”

— Darynda Jones

64. “Who knew Demon Child would have such a normal name? I expected something exotic like Serena or Destiny or the Evil One That Comes in the Night to Make Us Chilly.”

— Darynda Jones

65. “I’m currently unsupervised It frisks me out too but the possibilities are endless.”

— Darynda Jones

66. “Since I had a soft spot for zombies and my curiosity was killing me, I opted for plan Z.”

— Darynda Jones

67. “Life isn’t a fairy tale. If you lose a shoe at midnight, you’re drunk.”

— Darynda Jones

68. “I already know I’m going to hell. At this point, it’s really go big or go home. – T-SHIRT.”

— Darynda Jones

69. “She didn’t smile back. Not even a little. I totally needed to read that book on how to win friends and influence people. But that would involve an innate desire to win friends and influence people.”

— Darynda Jones

70. “An integral part of any best friend’s job is to immediately clear your computer history if you die.”

— Darynda Jones

71. “Glitch was about as wild and unpredictable as a carrot stick.”

— Darynda Jones

72. “Why yes, I have discovered the joy of cooking. It’s when my husband does it. – MEME.”

— Darynda Jones

73. “Whatever makes your balloon red, Swopes.”

— Darynda Jones

74. “Your existence gives me a headache. Go stand over there.”

— Darynda Jones

75. “If you must eat a banana in public, never make eye contact.”

— Darynda Jones

76. “Ahhh, friday... My second favorite F-word. -T-shirt.”

— Darynda Jones

77. “The most important thing is to not be on fire. Ask someone who is on fire, and they will tell you that the most important thing is to not be on fire.”

— Darynda Jones

78. “Nobody wants to look like a fool. Nine times out of ten, that reason alone keeps people from allowing themselves to believe.”

— Darynda Jones

79. “You can’t fix stupid, but you can numb it was a 2 by 4. – T-SHIRT.”

— Darynda Jones

80. “She shook her head then took off again, and I found myself struggling to keep up with her in my bunny slippers. With a sigh, I realized I was getting way too much exercise. I’d just have to counteract it later with cake.”

— Darynda Jones

81. “I intend to live forever. So far, so good. – T-SHIRT.”

— Darynda Jones

82. “I just ordered a Life Alert bracelet, so if I get a life, I’ll be notified immediately. – BUMPER STICKER I.”

— Darynda Jones

83. “It isn’t the fall that will kill you, but the sudden stop.”

— Darynda Jones

84. “The police never find it as funny as you do.-T-Shirt.”

— Darynda Jones

85. “Sorry. i just can’t seem to help myself. My brain is freaking out. Two predawn mornings in a row. It doesn’t know what to think, how to act. I’ll have a talk with it later. Perhaps get it some counseling.”

— Darynda Jones

86. “I’m Charlotte Davidson: private investigator, police consultant, all -around badass. Or I could’ve been a badass, had I stuck with those lessons in mixed martial arts. I was only in that class to learn how to kill people with paper.”

— Darynda Jones

87. “Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again? – T-SHIRT.”

— Darynda Jones

88. “I was just passing by. Saw the commotion. Figured you were involved.”

— Darynda Jones

89. “I could hardly be responsible for my actions when everyone around me gave me every opportunity to sink to their low expectations.”

— Darynda Jones

90. “Sometimes I crave pickles. Other times I crave the blood of my enemy. Weird. – CHARLEY DAVIDSON.”

— Darynda Jones

91. “This place is like crazy on crackers.”

— Darynda Jones

92. “He bombarded me with words, of all things, apparently clueless to the fact that the predawn hours rendered me incapable of coherent thought.”

— Darynda Jones

93. “Try writing an entire story with only a thousand words at your disposal. It’s a terrific lesson in economy and precession.”

— Darynda Jones

94. “Uh-oh. Scolding time. She’d been scolding me every day for a week. At first, I could lie about my lack of sleep and she’d fall for it, but she started suspecting insomnia when I began seeing purple elephants in the air vents at the office. I knew I shouldn’t have asked her about them. I thought maybe she’d redecorated.”

— Darynda Jones

95. “Most of what I call “cooking” is just melting cheese on stuff.”

— Darynda Jones

96. “Lead me not into temptation. I can find it myself. – T-SHIRT.”

— Darynda Jones

97. “I did that thing where you scratch your eyebrow and flip someone off at the same time. I’m good at multitasking like that.”

— Darynda Jones

98. “I totally should’ve gone to Hogwarts when I had the chance.”

— Darynda Jones

99. “Reyes leaned back against the bar, crossed his arms over his chest, and studied me from beneath those same ridiculously long lashes. Men and their freaking lashes. It was so unfair. Like the exorbitant cost of designer shoes. Or world hunger.”

— Darynda Jones

100. “My calculations – allowing for a 12 percent margin of error, based on the radius of the corresponding confidence interval and the surgeon general’s warning – concluded that they probably didn’t stay behind for the tacos.”

— Darynda Jones