Top 450 Darynda Jones Quotes (2025 Update)
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401. “Holy crap and damn. Now they both hated me. At least Cookie still liked me. “I hate you,” Cookie said as she checked her phone. “Just so you know.”

— Darynda Jones

402. “I thought about throwing my grocery bags at him and making a run for it, but those avocados were expensive. Damn my love of guacamole.”

— Darynda Jones

403. “He let go of one gun and put his hand on my face as though it were a precious jewel. “Pumpkin.” Or an autumn fruit.”

— Darynda Jones

404. “Again,” Reyes-Wan said.”

— Darynda Jones

405. “There’s another part, an obstinate part, that wants more. That wants Dutch live and in the flesh. That wants her hand. Her mouth. Her hips under mine. It wants all of her. Every last ounce. Body and soul.”

— Darynda Jones

406. “If overthinking situations burned calories I’d be dead. – Meme.”

— Darynda Jones

407. “Just remember,” Reyes said, “anything you do to my daughter, I do to you.”

— Darynda Jones

408. “I was like a small but devastating plague upon humanity.”

— Darynda Jones

409. “Katherine the Midwife.”

— Darynda Jones

410. “Sometimes, I shock myself with the smart things I say and do. Other times, I try to get out of the car with my seatbelt on. – Bumper Sticker.”

— Darynda Jones

411. “His mouth was truly one of his most spectacular accomplishments. It had the gentle fullness of passion, as though he’d just made love. As though he’d just satisfied some fortuitous woman’s deepest desires.”

— Darynda Jones

412. “Lover Awakened.”

— Darynda Jones

413. “The only thing I hated worse than cleaning my apartment was torture, though the two were a hairsbreadth away from neck-and-neck. I.”

— Darynda Jones

414. “Because I don’t deserve your touch.”

— Darynda Jones

415. “There were few things Deaf people found more amusing than hearing people who knew just enough sign to be dangerous.”

— Darynda Jones

416. “When the going gets tough, the tough refuse to talk about it and insist on running away to stew in their own crabby insecurities.”

— Darynda Jones

417. “I block the internet because I’m a two-year-old and have no self-control. I don’t even look at email or hop on the internet. Once I’m down that rabbit hole, the day is lost. Again, I’m two.”

— Darynda Jones

418. “One corner of his full mouth tipped up as he watched me watch him. Then the slightest arching of his left brow, and my knees almost gave beneath me. I had never seen anything so beautiful in all my life.”

— Darynda Jones

419. “The man stood back, not sure what to think. That was my secret weapon. Confuse ’em and keep ’em guessing long enough to run away. I.”

— Darynda Jones

420. “Evil is simply the absence of good, the absence of God.”

— Darynda Jones

421. “The guy had more secrets than Victoria.”

— Darynda Jones

422. “Just in case, though, I stormed into my apartment, tossed a quick hello to Mr. Wong, then rummaged through my entertainment center to lay out all my exorcism equipment. I kept it in my entertainment center because exorcisms were nothing if not entertaining.”

— Darynda Jones

423. “Pretending to drink coffee was similar to faking an orgasm.”

— Darynda Jones

424. “A blank is the only thing I draw well. – T-SHIRT.”

— Darynda Jones

425. “In the meantime, I had to get dressed and go to work, because going to work in my pajamas was apparently the definition of unprofessional. Cookie’s words. I looked it up though. She was wrong. Webster’s mentioned nothing about pajamas.”

— Darynda Jones

426. “Are we not all products of the world we were born into just as much as, if not more than, the parents we were given to?”

— Darynda Jones

427. “What doesn’t kill you gives you a lot of unhealthy coping mechanisms and a really dark sense of humor. – Meme.”

— Darynda Jones

428. “Just to believe in yourself. Respect yourself and who you are and don’t ever let anyone change that.”

— Darynda Jones

429. “For the first time in my life, I was in a shoot-out. A real, honest-to-goodness shoot-out with a bad guy. And, apparently, we both sucked.”

— Darynda Jones

430. “A traumatized brain was a complicated brain.”

— Darynda Jones

431. “Your darkness is not born of malevolence, but of void, one that waits for light to fill it. The light from the First Star. When it does, you will become more than you ever imagined. I cannot see this, but I have read it in the prophecies.”

— Darynda Jones

432. “For a long time I only stare. A thousand thoughts hit me at once, the least of which is the fact that she is real. Flesh and blood. Dutch. Her light soaks into me. Begins to heal me instantly. I begin to calm. To slow my breathing. To clear my head. I don’t know what to think, other than the fact that she is more beautiful than I ever dreamed. She is real. And she has seen me. The real me. I have no robes to hide beneath now. No cloak.”

— Darynda Jones

433. “Can I get a coffee with extra coffee?”

— Darynda Jones

434. “And those who can see the departed usually see only a gray mist where you might be. Or they’ll feel a rush of cold air when you walk past. But I can see you, touch you, hear you, pretty much anything you.”

— Darynda Jones

435. “Insanity takes its toll. Please have exact change.”

— Darynda Jones

436. “I woke up at four thirty the next morning – also known as five minutes past ungodly – and.”

— Darynda Jones

437. “Of course, I have flaws, but my boobs usually distract people from them. – T-shirt.”

— Darynda Jones

438. “It got awkward, and then I made it worse somehow. – An autobiography.”

— Darynda Jones

439. “There are two kinds of people in the world: those who believe in magic and those who are wrong.”

— Darynda Jones

440. “It’s a threat.” “Ah.” “And not an idle one, either,” she warned. “There is nothing idle about my threats. My threats are hardworking. Not afraid to get their hands dirty.”

— Darynda Jones

441. “I tried to start a gang once. It turned into a book club. – MEME.”

— Darynda Jones

442. “Q: How many witches does it take to change a lightbulb? A: Into what?”

— Darynda Jones

443. “I’m giving up drinking for a month. Sorry, bad punctuation. I’m giving up. Drinking for a month. -Meme.”

— Darynda Jones

444. “I mean, seriously. A dungeon? Are we talking The Princess Bride or Fifty Shades?”

— Darynda Jones

445. “Four out of five dentists agree: lying through your teeth does NOT count as flossing. – Meme.”

— Darynda Jones

446. “Don’t borrow trouble. Gotcha. So, then, can I rent it? – CHARLEY DAVIDSON.”

— Darynda Jones

447. “I’m a coffeeholic on the road to recovery. Just kidding. I’m on the road to the coffee shop.”

— Darynda Jones

448. “I’m the type of person whose sense of humor could be described as inappropriate with a chance of ruining family dinner.”

— Darynda Jones

449. “I have three words for you,” EMT Guy said. “Possible internal bleeding.” I turned back to him. “Don’t you think if I was bleeding internally, I’d know somewhere deep inside? Like, internally?”

— Darynda Jones

450. “You’re plying me with your feminine wiles?” “Not at all. I left my feminine wiles in my other pants. And I very rarely ply in public.”

— Darynda Jones