Top 450 Darynda Jones Quotes (2025 Update)
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251. “Garret Swopes was a lot like a hot gay friend only he wasn’t gay, which was too bad because then I could tell him how hot he was without him getting the wrong idea.”

— Darynda Jones

252. “You’re the reason I get up in the morning. That, and I need to pee. – E-CARD.”

— Darynda Jones

253. “I was more than willing to put aside the Charley Davidson Book of Etiquette and Mud Wrestling if it resulted in earth-shattering orgasms.”

— Darynda Jones

254. “Grab me a chib, wifey. Shite’s about to get real.”

— Darynda Jones

255. “I wouldnae refuse a square go, but I’d best warn ye, I’m solid.” It.”

— Darynda Jones

256. “You know, I was thinking about my in-laws.” I strolled closer, craving his heat. And his scent. And the power that continuously hummed through him like an infinite source of energy. “You know, from your supernatural side? By being married to you, I am Satan’s daughter-in-law, Jehova’s sister-in-law, and Jesus’s aunt by marriage.”

— Darynda Jones

257. “He was like a panther in the wild. Beautiful to look at. Far too dangerous to approach.”

— Darynda Jones

258. “Cookie’s cousin Lucille, for example. Or her second cousins. Or her uncle on her mother’s side. Her whole family, in fact, was a Harvard study waiting to happen.”

— Darynda Jones

259. “I made a decision long ago not to make any apologies. Romance rocks, and even though my books don’t actually fall into the romance genre, I tout them as very much being about the romance. It’s fun. We’re all obsessed with it. And it’s human nature. Remember, NO APOLOGIES! Write what ’s in your heart!”

— Darynda Jones

260. “Just because I see dead people doesn’t mean I want to be dead people.”

— Darynda Jones

261. “I watched as Reyes fell, a scream I couldn’t hear wrenched from my throat as I waited for him to do something. For him to react. To save himself. It was Reyes, after all. He could do anything.”

— Darynda Jones

262. “Osh, we are going to have to tie you up and torture you. Sorry.” “Really?” He stood and removed his top hat, a broad grin splitting his perfect face. With the enthusiasm of a virgin at a brothel, he slapped his hands together and rubbed them in anticipation. “Where do you want me?” Osh sat down and Garrett began the bondage process. Was it wrong that I had a hankering for gay porn at that moment?”

— Darynda Jones

263. “What you should be asking yourself,” he said, indicating Mr. Wong with a nod as the departed man hovered in my corner, “is why a being that ungodly powerful is hanging out in your apartment.”

— Darynda Jones

264. “Are you ready?” she asked, whispering. “Ready as a drunk virgin on prom night.”

— Darynda Jones

265. “ADD. A lifetime of distractions.”

— Darynda Jones

266. “It pained me to imagine who she would have become, given the chance. For the life to be ripped away from someone so young just seemed so terribly, terribly unfair. “Because you’re going to die soon.” On second thought, maybe she was better off. Away from other people and most sharp objects. I had a sneaking suspicion she would have become a serial killer. Or a telemarketer. Either way.”

— Darynda Jones

267. “Death via extreme pleasure was a serious concern.”

— Darynda Jones

268. “His gaze rested on my mouth before making its way to my eyes again. “You could ask for the world, and then where would civilization be when I conquered it and laid it at your feet?”

— Darynda Jones

269. “Never underestimate the power of a woman on a double espresso with a mocha latte chaser high.”

— Darynda Jones

270. “If each day is a gift, can I return last Monday?”

— Darynda Jones

271. “I love language, words, and all the lovely, exciting, and heart wrenching things you can do with them. Pick the right ones, put them in the right order, and you’ve created a moment in time where the reader forgets about the late car payment, the dirty dishes, the impending workweek. You have created a state of bliss. Or negligence, depending on your perspective.”

— Darynda Jones

272. “Charley Davidson, Private Investigator, Because No One Is Better At Investigating Your Privates.”

— Darynda Jones

273. “Showers were God’s reward for working hard enough to get dirty.”

— Darynda Jones

274. “I didn’t realize until I locked the door to my apartment and leaned against it, panting that my cheeks were covered in frozen tears. I was such an idiot. And my heart hurt. Bad. Every beat sent an ache rocketing through my body. I was having a heart attack. Or, more likely, my heart had just broken.”

— Darynda Jones

275. “Her dad shows up, and instead of getting mad at Denise, he wraps his arm around her and helps her to his car like she’s crippled. I could’ve crippled her. Missed my chance.”

— Darynda Jones

276. “While the goal of a book is to create a positive emotional experience for the reader, the goal of the opening is to set the stage, to pull the reader in.”

— Darynda Jones

277. “I’d tried to be washed of my sin once, but I ran out of Dial. Tricky business, that.”

— Darynda Jones

278. “Thrilled that Reyes and I were outside, and taking that as her cue to get her freak on, Artemis ran around like a gerbil on meth, turning occasionally to make sure we were still watching. And God help us if we weren’t.”

— Darynda Jones

279. “There are two night guards here, and I’m not sure which one is on duty. If it’s the female, Garrett’s on. If it’s the male, this whole thing will rest in your hands, Osh.”

— Darynda Jones

280. “I tried to roll out of Reyes’s arms. He tightened his hold. I tried to lift an arm off me, but he clasped his fingers, essentially locking me in. “Reyes,” I said, stifling a giggle, “I know you’re awake. You can give up the game.” “Never,” he said into his pillow.”

— Darynda Jones

281. “As it stood, I was having to do way more legwork than I’d planned when I decided on these boots.”

— Darynda Jones

282. “You almost exploded. Which, thank goodness, you didn’t. You’d never have come out of Garrett’s carpet.”

— Darynda Jones

283. “The horror that riveted through me, the absolute terror with a taint of nausea, stunned me speechless for three, maybe four seconds. I put the mug down and made a cross with my fingers, screaming, “Death before decaf!” as Garrett poured himself a cup. The fool.”

— Darynda Jones

284. “You look like heaven,” he said. “That’s weird, because you look like hell.”

— Darynda Jones

285. “Damn it, I needed The Idiot’s Guide to Grim Reaperism.”

— Darynda Jones

286. “That was one thing about the Deaf community I always admired beyond belief – they were the most accepting lot I’d ever come across. It didn’t matter what else you had to deal with, blindness, mental challenges, fetal alcohol syndrome, autism, whatever else you were dealing with, if you were culturally Deaf, they accepted you as one of their own. Even, apparently, if you had supernatural sight.”

— Darynda Jones

287. “It would be a miracle to solve this case. Luckily, I believed in miracles. No, wait, that was testicles. I believed in testicles.”

— Darynda Jones

288. “I’m like crack. People don’t want to like me, but once they get a taste, they always come back for more.”

— Darynda Jones

289. “Clothes? sufficient Keys? found ’em Coffee cup? full Sanity? sanity? – T-SHIRT.”

— Darynda Jones

290. “I was starting to wonder if repetitive exposure to nightly hallucinations resulting in earth-shattering climaxes could have any long-term side effects.”

— Darynda Jones

291. “Love was not only blind, it often careened into Blithering Idiotsville as well.”

— Darynda Jones

292. “I was white. Chalk had more color than I did. And quite possibly more personality.”

— Darynda Jones

293. “Of all the strange events in my life, that was by far the weirdest I’d had in hours.”

— Darynda Jones

294. “If you can master the opening, you will be leaps and bounds ahead of the competition.”

— Darynda Jones

295. “He had threatened my parents. I had to remember that. Still, it was really hard to stay mad at a wounded naked man.”

— Darynda Jones

296. “Cook, at that moment in time, I would have sold my body for a mocha latte.”

— Darynda Jones

297. “Roda?” asked, combining his name with Yoda’s.”

— Darynda Jones

298. “We don’t read to observe the character from a distance. We read to become the character and experience the conflicts and rewards they are experiencing.”

— Darynda Jones

299. “And just how, exactly, do you feed off the souls of humans? Is it like a vitamin-deficiency thing?”

— Darynda Jones

300. “As far as superpowers went, if a vengeful madman hopped up on 24-Hour Sudafed and wielding a broadsword named Thor’s Morning Wood ever attacked us, we were screwed. Six ways to Sunday.”

— Darynda Jones