Top 450 Darynda Jones Quotes (2025 Update)
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201. “Man, that woman was quick when she wanted to be. But put her behind the wheel of a Buick...”

— Darynda Jones

202. “I told Bobert and Cookie about the hypothetical man and his hypothetical family. She didn’t fall for it. Damn her and her psychic abilities. I’d have to watch what I said around her. No! I’d have to watch what I thought around her. Crap, this was going to be hard.”

— Darynda Jones

203. “ALWAYS hook a reader. If a detail is unnecessary, it doesn’t belong in your work, long or short! Make everything intriguing. If you have to describe a desk, make it awesome.”

— Darynda Jones

204. “Read. Write. Read some more. Explore the universe through your writing. Practice and learn what moves you and what doesn’t.”

— Darynda Jones

205. “That big, beautiful ball of fire I’d so often complained about as a resident of New Mexico, where sunshine was damned near a daily occurrence.”

— Darynda Jones

206. “I lowered the gun but didn’t holster it. Not just yet. She could turn out to be psychotic. Or a door-to-door salesperson.”

— Darynda Jones

207. “It is sexy in here or is it just me?”

— Darynda Jones

208. “Being an adult means never having to show your work on math problems. – T-SHIRT.”

— Darynda Jones

209. “Crazy chicks are usually pretty tough.”

— Darynda Jones

210. “Screw the beaten path! Do your thing. Write the best story you can. the rest will fall into place.”

— Darynda Jones

211. “Of course I’m an organ donor. Who wouldn’t want a piece of this? – T-SHIRT.”

— Darynda Jones

212. “If at first you don’t succeed, failure may be your thing.”

— Darynda Jones

213. “We are all searching for someone whose demons play well with ours. – BUMPER STICKER.”

— Darynda Jones

214. “This is one Fruit Loop beyond certifiable.”

— Darynda Jones

215. “I had a horrible feeling my leg was broken. If it wasn’t, it had a lot of explaining to do.”

— Darynda Jones

216. “I kept my head down and my breathing steady. No idea why. I totally felt like a sniper in the marines. Only I was pregnant. Other than that, and the fact that I couldn’t snipe if they’d paid me to, I embodied all that a sniper should be. Stealth. Grace. The patience of a panther on the prowl.”

— Darynda Jones

217. “It takes thirty-three days to write a book – only thirty-three days. remember, writers lie for a living.”

— Darynda Jones

218. “You are the worst greeter in the history of greeters ever. In the history. Of time. And greeters.” “Greeter? You think I’m a greeter?” Talk about a demotion. “Yes. To the other side?” She pointed up. “Dude, calling me a greeter is like calling Saint Peter a ticket taker.”

— Darynda Jones

219. “A wine, please.” “Ma’am, this is McDonald’s.” “Okay, a McWine, please.”

— Darynda Jones

220. “I have them a few minutes to absorb everything while I teased Ubie, who only had to recover from his near-death experience. I was so glad Reyes hadn’t ripped him to shreds. I liked him much better un-shredded. Unlike, say, my preference for lettuce or heavy metal guitar solos.”

— Darynda Jones

221. “Were you planning on telling me?” I asked my husband. “Not today,” he said. I stood aghast. No idea why. The guy had more secrets than Victoria.”

— Darynda Jones

222. “Four out of three people are bad at math.”

— Darynda Jones

223. “There is a fine line between love and hate, or haven’t you heard? Sometimes it’s hard to decipher exactly which emotion is strongest.”

— Darynda Jones

224. “Cookie had taken her daughter amber to school then walked the thirty-something feet to work earlier. Our business was on the second floor of Calamity’s, my dad’s bar, which sat right in front of our apartment building. The short commute was nice and rarely invloved rabid raccoons.”

— Darynda Jones

225. “See owner for mounting instructions. – NOVELTY UNDERWEAR.”

— Darynda Jones

226. “We all have a certain knowledge about how the universe works. And when someone comes along and challenges that knowledge, we don’t know how to deal with it. We aren’t hardwired that way. It’s difficult to question everything you’ve ever thought to be true.”

— Darynda Jones

227. “Because no being can live in a perfect world. Life is destined to fight to survive. To thrive. To prosper. To have more than the have-nots. All life destroys in order to live.”

— Darynda Jones

228. “Lord, help me be the sort of person my psychiatrist medicates me to be.”

— Darynda Jones

229. “Anything. Unless it involves math. Four out of three people are bad at math.”

— Darynda Jones

230. “No one could have survived that fall. Not even a supernatural being. Not even the son of Satan. He lay there, unmoving, and I could not wrap my head around it.”

— Darynda Jones

231. “I cannot tell you how important fresh, crisp writing is for an aspiring writer. Plot is great. The overall concept is super important. But the writing is what sells your work. It all boils down to the words you choose and the order in which you arrange them.”

— Darynda Jones

232. “Make it unique and make it shine.”

— Darynda Jones

233. “You were the one who hit me on the roof? I hit you on the jaw. We just happened to be on a roof at the time.”

— Darynda Jones

234. “But give up my business? The same business I’d built from the ground up with my own two hands and designer Louis Vuittons? The same business for which I’d sacrificed blood, sweat, and tears? Well, maybe not sweat and tears, but there was blood. Lots of blood. Give it up? Not likely. Besides, what else would I do? I totally should’ve gone to Hogwarts when I had the chance.”

— Darynda Jones

235. “A lot of people are alive because I shed too much hair to get away with murder.”

— Darynda Jones

236. “When life hands you lemons say, “Lemons? What else have you got?” – bumper sticker.”

— Darynda Jones

237. “I could try to dematerialize and find my way back, but knowing my luck, I’d end up in a terrorist training camp. Or a men’s prison. Or a feminine hygiene commercial.”

— Darynda Jones

238. “It’s 90% imagination and 10% real experiences.”

— Darynda Jones

239. “And that most people would never understand the devastating need of those left behind, the need to know the truth.”

— Darynda Jones

240. “Happiness isn’t good enough. I demand euphoria!”

— Darynda Jones

241. “But we’d never really seen eye to eye. Mostly ’cause he was much taller than I was.”

— Darynda Jones

242. “I should’ve known the day was going to turn out bad when it started with my father trying to kill me.”

— Darynda Jones

243. “The FBI had finally wised up and put Charley Davidson on the task of bringing a killer to justice. Because that’s what Charley did. Brought killers to justice. She also found lost dogs, exposed cheating spouses, and tracked down the occasional skip. And she rarely referred to herself in the third person.”

— Darynda Jones

244. “Valencia gave Osh a once-over and smirked. I wanted to tell him Osh only looked like a kid, but he’d find that out soon enough. Osh was on him so fast, he was impossible to see. He pinned him against a wall, then lowered his mouth onto the.”

— Darynda Jones

245. “You’re the reason I get up in the morning. That, and I need to pee. – E-CARD.”

— Darynda Jones

246. “I was more than willing to put aside the Charley Davidson Book of Etiquette and Mud Wrestling if it resulted in earth-shattering orgasms.”

— Darynda Jones

247. “Grab me a chib, wifey. Shite’s about to get real.”

— Darynda Jones

248. “I wouldnae refuse a square go, but I’d best warn ye, I’m solid.” It.”

— Darynda Jones

249. “You know, I was thinking about my in-laws.” I strolled closer, craving his heat. And his scent. And the power that continuously hummed through him like an infinite source of energy. “You know, from your supernatural side? By being married to you, I am Satan’s daughter-in-law, Jehova’s sister-in-law, and Jesus’s aunt by marriage.”

— Darynda Jones

250. “He was like a panther in the wild. Beautiful to look at. Far too dangerous to approach.”

— Darynda Jones