Top 450 Darynda Jones Quotes (2025 Update)
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351. “Apparently, in high school, Cookie had been voted Person Most Likely to Die Any Second Now.”

— Darynda Jones

352. “Do you pay me? I feel more like a slave.” “Please, you’re way cheaper than a slave. You provide your own shelter, pay your own bills.” Ever.”

— Darynda Jones

353. “I think I was born making up stories in my head. I wrote my first play when I was 5. No, I couldn’t write yet. It was with a stick on a piece of paper that floated by on the wind, and it was about a girl named Cindy. The fact that it closely resembled Cinderella is pure coincidence.”

— Darynda Jones

354. “Aw. She thought I was fruity. I got that a lot.”

— Darynda Jones

355. “His presence made the air crackle with electricity, mostly because of all the spontaneous ovulating going on when he walked in.”

— Darynda Jones

356. “Paperbacks make the world go round. Okay, maybe only my world. Either way paperbacks rock!”

— Darynda Jones

357. “Misery loves company, which explains my sudden popularity. – T-SHIRT.”

— Darynda Jones

358. “I stood, crossed over to my office and poured him a cup, then asked if he liked his coffee like I liked my Death Stars: gigantic, on the Dark Side, and powerful enough to destroy a planet. He laughed softly. “A little cream is fine.” “One coffee high coming up,” I.”

— Darynda Jones

359. “There is a difference between fresh and weird. You never want to throw your reader out of the story. Keep it fresh but natural.”

— Darynda Jones

360. “I sort of got off on making bad guys sweat. Which was not unlike my love of making good guys sweat, just by very different means.”

— Darynda Jones

361. “She said her mother has a strap-on named Event Horizon.”

— Darynda Jones

362. “I was my own girl, and no one was walking on this carpet but me.”

— Darynda Jones

363. “Does workman’s comp cover paper cuts?” “Do chickens lay snowballs?”

— Darynda Jones

364. “I caused more trouble than gonorrhea.”

— Darynda Jones

365. “The dreams continue for over a month. Each reveals a new facet of her personality. One night, she is wild and unpredictable. The next, she is shy or giggly or coy. She laughs and growls and bites and sucks.”

— Darynda Jones

366. “And as your writing evolves, what you need and get from it evolves.”

— Darynda Jones

367. “I breathed in the heat that spiraled around him. He gave me every ounce of attention he had to offer, focused like a leopard focusing on his prey, just long enough to cause a warmth to crack open and spill into my chest. Over my stomach. Between my legs.”

— Darynda Jones

368. “We were venturing into Denialville again, which was not nearly as fun as Margaritaville.”

— Darynda Jones

369. “Guys made this stuff look so easy. The only things I liked to scale on a semi-regular basis were those same guys who made this stuff look easy.”

— Darynda Jones

370. “If he were ever to break up with me, I would so be that stalker ex-girlfriend who stole his underwear and hid in the hedges outside his bedroom window.”

— Darynda Jones

371. “I am a huge believer in revelations and fun twists.”

— Darynda Jones

372. “Who is Dr. A. von Holstein? And is he related, by chance, to a race of cows?”

— Darynda Jones

373. “Tequila often gave people the desire to tackle the impossible. It did not, however, make impossible possible.”

— Darynda Jones

374. “At first, I found their enthusiasm a bit intimidating. But once I got to know them – and realized they weren’t swingers – I was grateful for it.”

— Darynda Jones

375. “Knock, knock.” Auri put down her coffee and texted back. “Who’s there?” “A little old lady.” She knew this one but went along with it, anyway. “A little old lady who?” “Oh, my god! All this time, I had no idea you could yodel!”

— Darynda Jones

376. “You know how you heal really fast?” I stood and walked to the doorway that separated our offices. “Yes,” I answered, wondering where she was going with this. She was sucking the side of her index finger. “Maybe if you lick my cut, your spit will heal me fast, too.” “Dude,” I said, tamping down a giggle, “I’m not licking your cut.” “Just lick me.” She held out her finger. “This is going to be tender for days.” “I’m not licking you.” A line I rarely said aloud.”

— Darynda Jones

377. “No, I need your daughter.” Every.”

— Darynda Jones

378. “Agent Carson pulled up in her SUV. We’d thrown her when we both climbed into her official vehicle, but I quickly explained that Reyes, my affianced, had separation anxiety.”

— Darynda Jones

379. “I don’t want you to forget this moment. In about a week, I’ll come up with a scathing retort. – T-SHIRT.”

— Darynda Jones

380. “I’m not pubescent, darlin’. I’m pretty sure I can last more than fifteen minutes.”

— Darynda Jones

381. “His hold was tight but tender, his breaths hoarse and ragged. I held his head to my chest for a long time, and I didn’t want to let go. I never wanted to let go.”

— Darynda Jones

382. “Her face, a face that had been rosy not thirty seconds earlier, paled at my suggestion. She backed away as though I’d just told her I was going to murder her and keep her heart in a jar on my desk. I would never do such a thing. I’d keep it in a jar in the cupboard. I wasn’t morbid.”

— Darynda Jones

383. “Nothing about her environment would be safe. I caused more trouble than gonorrhea.”

— Darynda Jones

384. “I’m not sure I can physically handle much more of this “getting out of bed” nonsense.”

— Darynda Jones

385. “It’s the simple things in life, and all that crap.”

— Darynda Jones

386. “I really just wanted to make sure my psychotic, sleep-deprived husband wasn’t wrestling hellhounds. That would have been a great metaphor if it weren’t real. I’d have to remember it. Use it metaphorically later.”

— Darynda Jones

387. “We watch movies while Uncle Reyes makes cockporn.”

— Darynda Jones

388. “Not just power,” Garrett said, growing excited. “Unimaginable power. According to his prophecies, you will recruit a warrior, a scholar, a prophet, gatekeeper, a warden, and a couple of other figures Dr. von Holstein is still working on.”

— Darynda Jones

389. “Humor is so subjective, not everyone is going to get what you are peddling. Others will be offended when what you meant no offense whatsoever. Those are the stakes. You have to be able to stand up for yourself and what you’ve written. Comedy pushes limits, makes people uncomfortable, and is a natural reaction to the environment. Otherwise, as I said, it is forced. Let it flow and give your characters permission to cross a line or two, but only if you can take the heat afterward.”

— Darynda Jones

390. “I once made a pot of coffee so strong, it opened a jar for me. – T-SHIRT.”

— Darynda Jones

391. “And he was damned nice to look at, even when he scowled. In fact, if I were totally honest, that scowl only added to the allure that was Reyes Farrow. Damn it. When I scowled, I looked constipated. Leave it to the son of Satan to turn a scowl into the stuff of fantasies.”

— Darynda Jones

392. “I’d considered therapy, but the never-ending search for mental stability would cut into my couch potato time. That couch was not going to sprout roots itself.”

— Darynda Jones

393. “Why would he lie? He has the dagger. He freely admitted to taking it.” “Dutch, they lie because that is what they do. That is who they are. They lie when the truth would sound better. So, can I sever his spine yet?” “No, you can’t. I think he could be an asset.” “You’re partly right. He can be an ass.”

— Darynda Jones

394. “Better to see dead than be dead.”

— Darynda Jones

395. “How he could have such a reaction with me looking like the Pillsbury Doughboy astonished me. He was kinky. I’d take it.”

— Darynda Jones

396. “Clearly you do not understand the innate intricacies and often illogical drives of an A freak.”

— Darynda Jones

397. “I liked my Death Stars: gigantic, on the Dark Side, and powerful enough to destroy a planet.”

— Darynda Jones

398. “We watch movies while Uncle Reyes makes cockporn.” Everyone in the immediate area stilled while Reyes and I pressed our mouths together, trying not to crack up. This was a serious situation, and cracking up now would just be wrong. “Popcorn, honey,” Amador said. Then he looked at Bianca. “Hon, she really needs to learn how to say that word.”

— Darynda Jones

399. “I could be irksome when I put my left ventricle into it.”

— Darynda Jones

400. “It was one thing to die. It was another to lose one’s soul. To come to a complete end. To exist no longer.”

— Darynda Jones