Top 450 Darynda Jones Quotes (2025 Update)
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301. “You didn’t bring any C-4, did you?” “Javier, you have to let that go. Let bygones be bygones.” He pulled his sidearm and clicked off the safety. “I’ll show you bygones.” “Now, now,” Garrett said, wrestling the gun from him. “Charley brings out the worst in all of us. It’s not her fault.” “He’s right,” I said. “I have a condition.”

— Darynda Jones

302. “I spotted Mr. Reyes Farrow standing next to his stunning ’70 Plymouth ‘Cuda. Classic. Dark. And all muscle. The car was hot, too.”

— Darynda Jones

303. “I guess it’s a good thing you can have a relationship with a departed,” he said. “Why’s that?” “We can still see each other after I die.”

— Darynda Jones

304. “That was one thing about the Deaf community I always admired beyond belief – they were the most accepting lot I’d ever come across. It didn’t matter what else you had to deal with, blindness, mental challenges, fetal alcohol syndrome, autism, whatever else you were dealing with, if you were culturally Deaf, they accepted you as one of their own. Even, apparently, if you had supernatural sight.”

— Darynda Jones

305. “When the men started to argue about the logistics of my devouring my own husband, which screamed cannibal in my humble opinion, my temper soared.”

— Darynda Jones

306. “Let me express how much I don’t care on a scale from one to bite me.”

— Darynda Jones

307. “After searching for a space, I parked behind the tattoo parlor in front of a sign that said NO PARKING. Since it didn’t specify to whom it was referring, I figured it couldn’t possibly be talking to me.”

— Darynda Jones

308. “Cool. I could live vicariously through a Catholic priest. A thought that rarely occurred to me, for obvious reasons. I.”

— Darynda Jones

309. “No offense, but what on earth could I ask of you that would be a great hardship?” His gaze rested on my mouth before making its way to my eyes again. “You could ask for the world, and then where would civilization be when I conquered it and laid it at your feet?”

— Darynda Jones

310. “I was white. Chalk had more color than I did. And quite possibly more personality.”

— Darynda Jones

311. “Of all the strange events in my life, that was by far the weirdest I’d had in hours.”

— Darynda Jones

312. “If you can master the opening, you will be leaps and bounds ahead of the competition.”

— Darynda Jones

313. “He had threatened my parents. I had to remember that. Still, it was really hard to stay mad at a wounded naked man.”

— Darynda Jones

314. “Cook, at that moment in time, I would have sold my body for a mocha latte.”

— Darynda Jones

315. “It pained me to imagine who she would have become, given the chance. For the life to be ripped away from someone so young just seemed so terribly, terribly unfair. “Because you’re going to die soon.” On second thought, maybe she was better off. Away from other people and most sharp objects. I had a sneaking suspicion she would have become a serial killer. Or a telemarketer. Either way.”

— Darynda Jones

316. “Roda?” asked, combining his name with Yoda’s.”

— Darynda Jones

317. “Are you free?” he asked. “No, but I’m on sale for a dollar ninety-nine.” He sighed, adding fuel to the fire. “Do you have a minute?” I patted my pockets. “Not on me, but I can go through the couch cushions.”

— Darynda Jones

318. “You need to listen to what Mom has to say.” “No, I don’t.” “She deserves that much, Charley.”

— Darynda Jones

319. “Some days you’re the cat. Some days you’re the brand-new, suede leather Barcalounger. – T-SHIRT.”

— Darynda Jones

320. “Reyes,” she said, stars in her eyes. “He likes my cinnamon rolls.” “I can’t believe this. You’re cheating on me with Reyes? You’ve been making him your famous cinnamon rolls while I’ve been stuck in a hell dimension, longing for the ability to chew my toenails just for something to do?” Amber whisked by us. “And enchiladas. He loves her enchiladas.” “Cook!” The sting of a thousand traitorous daggers pierced my heart. “I’m telling Uncle Bob.”

— Darynda Jones

321. “Valencia’s men scrambled to help their boss, but Reyes had been chomping at the bit long enough. He let loose. Got into a couple of fistfights for the fun of it before snapping necks one by one. They didn’t know what hit them. Then again, their deaths were merciful compared to what they did to their victims. Their eternal damnations following death, however, would be another story. I.”

— Darynda Jones

322. “10 I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not so sure. – T-SHIRT.”

— Darynda Jones

323. “Look,” he said, clearly having made up his mind, “I’ve made up my mind.” Nailed it.”

— Darynda Jones

324. “Someone had to laugh, and I was pretty much the only one who got me. It was a lonely life.”

— Darynda Jones

325. “There’s no i in team, mister!”

— Darynda Jones

326. “He turned the corner and flipped me off at the same time. See? Men could multitask. I was so proud of him.”

— Darynda Jones

327. “People were never, ever, ever 100 percent honest about their feelings. Never.”

— Darynda Jones

328. “She said her mother has a strap-on named Event Horizon.” I hid a burst of laughter behind a cough, then asked, “Do you know what a strap-on is?” She gave me a look of incredulity. “Of course. I know what a bra is. You strap it on.” “Right.” I patted her shoulder. “Well, some people name their bras. Personally, I find the practice bizarre.” She giggled. “You name everything.” “Not my bras. Who does that?” I.”

— Darynda Jones

329. “The departed exist on one plane, and the human race exists on another, and somehow – whether by freak accident, divine intervention, or psychological disorder – I exist on both. A.”

— Darynda Jones

330. “According to this, it’s not the Twelve that is going to be the undoing of the Daughter of Light, but the Thirteenth Warrior.” “Antonio Banderas is going to be my undoing? I’m rife with anticipation.”

— Darynda Jones

331. “As it stood, I was having to do way more legwork than I’d planned when I decided on these boots.”

— Darynda Jones

332. “We were venturing onto uncomfortable ground. Compliments weren’t part of our MO. Passive-aggressive insults were. Mild threats. A little nagging here and there.”

— Darynda Jones

333. “I still had my hand on his side, careful not to press. He reached out and hooked a finger into the belt loop on my jeans. It felt so natural, so fulfilling, to be there with him. To talk with him as if we did it everyday. As if we’d been doung it every day for years. Not even the heat of Ian’s fury could penetrate the warmth I was getting from Reyes.”

— Darynda Jones

334. “If life hands you lemons, keep them. Because, hey, free lemons. – T-SHIRT.”

— Darynda Jones

335. “I had to promise to look him up if I was ever in the City of Angels.” She winked to Uncle Bob. “He liked my voice.” “Mom,” Amber said, utterly appalled. “You used your feminine wiles on a man you don’t even know.” Cookie smiled. “That’s what they’re for, honey. Eat your salad.”

— Darynda Jones

336. “Just as I put my plate on my desk, I noticed a priest waiting in Cookie’s office. He was wearing a jacket and jeans, but the collar gave it away every time. We’d apparently forgotten to lock the door, but in all my years as a PI, a priest was new. I felt like I should do the sign of the cross as I walked forward, but I could never remember if it was up-down-left-right or up-down-right-left. I was so bad with directions.”

— Darynda Jones

337. “A Nuns Life: Chastity, poverty, and obedience. Wait, chastity?” BUMPER STICKER.”

— Darynda Jones

338. “Are you free?” he asked. “No, but I’m on sale for a dollar ninety-nine.”

— Darynda Jones

339. “Holy water may fend off demons, but spiders were completely unfazed by it.”

— Darynda Jones

340. “When everything is coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.”

— Darynda Jones

341. “Thank the gods Ubie’d had her detailed, because blood simmering under the New Mexico sun was never a good scent choice for cars. I preferred pine. Or.”

— Darynda Jones

342. “Why do you suppose I’m here?” I asked him. Angel. A thirteen-year-old departed gangbanger. “Just ’cause you’re supposed to be, I guess.”

— Darynda Jones

343. “I looked up into the glittering depths of his mahagony irises. A soft line had formed between his brows as he studied me, and I realized for the thousandth time I could not read him. Not like I could most people. I felt emotion roiling within him, but i was jumbled, chaotic, a mixture of desire and concern and regret.”

— Darynda Jones

344. “I could fight a dozen hounds from hell, I could bring down the son of Satan with a word, but put me in the ring with a psychotic chick, and I go down in the first.”

— Darynda Jones

345. “Freaking Kodak moments sucked when you didn’t actually have a Kodak.”

— Darynda Jones

346. “No dead people beyond this door,′ ” he read aloud from beyond the door. ” ‘And, yes, if you suddenly have the ability to walk through walls, you’re dead. You’re not lying somewhere in a drainage ditch waiting to wake up. Get over it, and stay the hell out of my bathroom.”

— Darynda Jones

347. “There must be a special, less volcanic portion of hell that was partitioned off and set aside for people who weren’t all bad, just a little vindictive. They could call it the drama queen ward. It would be a huge hit.”

— Darynda Jones

348. “Anther spasm ripped through me and all I could wonder was why in the world had women been doing this for thousands of years? This was barbaric. This was torture. Never again. Never again as long as I lived would I have another baby, so Beep had better be pretty awesome.”

— Darynda Jones

349. “When I’m not scouring through the backstreets of every city in the state, I keep an eye on the girl. My girl.”

— Darynda Jones

350. “The woman eyed Ubie a moment before grabbing a pen and writing down the dates I had. Ubie eyed her back. Sparks flew.”

— Darynda Jones