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Top 280 Groucho Marx Quotes (2024 Update)
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Groucho Marx Quote: “Poverty makes people sub-human Excess of wealth makes people inhuman.”
Groucho Marx Quote: “I’d like to meet the person who invented sex and see what they’re working on now.”
Groucho Marx Quote: “Just give me a comfortable couch, a dog, a good book, and a woman. Then if you can get the dog to go somewhere and read the book, I might have a little fun.”
Groucho Marx Quote: “One woman and one man might have been OK in your grandmother’s day, but who wants to marry your grandmother? Not even your grandfather!”
Groucho Marx Quote: “My favourite poem is the one that starts ‘Thirty days hath September’ because it actually tells you something.”
Groucho Marx Quote: “I never go to movies where the hero’s tits are bigger than the heroine’s.”
Groucho Marx Quote: “If you’ve heard this story before, don’t stop me, because I’d like to hear it again.”
Groucho Marx Quote: “Marry me and I’ll never look at another horse!”
Groucho Marx Quote: “One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I’ll never know.”
Groucho Marx Quote: “Hello, I must be going, I cannot stay, I came to say, I must be going. I’m glad I came, but just the same, I must be going.”
Groucho Marx Quote: “I have just one day, today, and I’m going to be happy in it.”
Groucho Marx Quote: “Oh, are you from Wales? Do you know a fella named Jonah-He used to live in whales for a while.”
Groucho Marx Quote: “Always examine the dice.”
Groucho Marx Quote: “We’ll meet at the theater tonight. I’ll hold your seat ’til you get there. Once you get there; you’re on your own.”
Groucho Marx Quote: “Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.”
Groucho Marx Quote: “Today’s Father Day and we’re giving you a tie, it’s not much you know, it’s just our way of showing you, you’re a regular guy.”
Groucho Marx Quote: “If women dressed for men, the stores wouldn’t sell much – just an occasional sun visor.”
Groucho Marx Quote: “I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.”
Groucho Marx Quote: “With the possible exception of clothes, beauty salons and Frank Sinatra, there are few subjects all women agree upon.”
Groucho Marx Quote: “Television is where you watch people in your living room that you would not want near your house.”
Groucho Marx Quote: “Afraid? Me? A man who’s licked his weight in wild caterpillars?”
Groucho Marx Quote: “One of the best hearing aids a man can have is an attentive wife.”
Groucho Marx Quote: “In America you can go on the air and kid the politicians, and the politicians can go on the air and kid the people.”
Groucho Marx Quote: “I write by ear. I tried writing with the typewriter, but I found it too unwieldy.”
Groucho Marx Quote: “There was no need to inform us of the protocol involved. We were from Chicago and knew all about cement.”
Groucho Marx Quote: “Jail is no place for a young fellow. There’s no advancement.”
Groucho Marx Quote: “Remember, the grass is always greener where you don’t happen to be the neighbor.”
Groucho Marx Quote: “I was born at a very early age. Before I had time to regret it, I was four and a half years old.”
Groucho Marx Quote: “It’s hard to get ivory in Africa, but in Alabama the Tuscaloosa.”
Groucho Marx Quote: “I’ve been around so long, I knew Doris Day before she was a virgin.”
Groucho Marx Quote: “Two women at a resort discussed dinner: “The food here is lousy,” the first noted. “You’re right! And such small portions!!” the second added.”
Groucho Marx Quote: “I would never join a country club with standards so low as to allow me as a member.”
Groucho Marx Quote: “Life is a whim of several billion cells to be you for a while.”
Groucho Marx Quote: “Ice Water? Get some Onions – that’ll make your eyes water!”
Groucho Marx Quote: “The Alps are a simple folk, living on a diet of old shoes. And the Lord Alps those who alp themselves.”
Groucho Marx Quote: “You are going Uruguay, and I’m going my way.”
Groucho Marx Quote: “I have nothing but respect for you – and not much of that.”
Groucho Marx Quote: “I was going to thrash them within an inch of their lives, but I didn’t have a tape measure.”
Groucho Marx Quote: “You call this a party? The beer is warm, the women cold and I’m hot under the collar.”
Groucho Marx Quote: “Believe me, you have to get up early if you want to get out of bed.”
Groucho Marx Quote: “You can leave in a huff. Or you can leave in a minute and a huff.”
Groucho Marx Quote: “Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!”
Groucho Marx Quote: “The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open.”
Groucho Marx Quote: “Oh, why can’t we break away from all this, just you and I, and lodge with my fleas in the hills? I mean flee to my lodge in the hills.”
Groucho Marx Quote: “The Arab and the camel are inseparable. It’s been said that and Arab would give up his wife rather than give up his camel. Personally, I haven’t got a camel, but I think it’s a great idea.”
Groucho Marx Quote: “Only if the computers really love each other.”
Groucho Marx Quote: “A clown is like aspirin, only he works twice as fast.”
Groucho Marx Quote: “If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.”
Groucho Marx Quote: “Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough.”
Groucho Marx Quote: “I think women are sexy when they got some clothes on. And if later they take them off then you’ve triumphed. Somebody once said it’s what you dont see you’re interested in, and this is true.”
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