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Top 280 Groucho Marx Quotes (2023 Update)
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Groucho Marx Quote: “In any relationship, the woman has control, the clever ones don’t let the men know.”
Groucho Marx Quote: “The first thing which I can record concerning myself is, that I was born. These are wonderful words. This life, to which neither time nor eternity can bring diminution – this everlasting living soul, began. My mind loses itself in these depths.”
Groucho Marx Quote: “According to the wire, you are resting well and are being taken care of by a nurse. I hope she is beautiful and that she has red hair. I don’t know why, but whenever I dream of a nurse she always has red hair. Red hair makes a man want to recover his health quickly, so that he can get on his feet and get the nurse off hers.” – Groucho Marx, letter to his son.”
Groucho Marx Quote: “I’ve got the brain of a four year old. I’ll bet he was glad to be rid of it.”
Groucho Marx Quote: “You’re a great brother. You give us a heart attack worrying about your heart attack, which you didn’t even have the decency to have!”
Groucho Marx Quote: “Even the intellectual crowd will have none of me. Physically, I look like one of them. Graying at the temples, I walk with a slight limp and wear thick glasses.”
Groucho Marx Quote: “I am a man and you are a woman. I can’t think of a better arrangement.”
Groucho Marx Quote: “Before you speak, make certain you have something worthwhile to say.”
Groucho Marx Quote: “I find television very educational. Every time someone switches it on I go into another room and read a good book.”
Groucho Marx Quote: “Gerald Ford was unknown throughout America. Now he’s unknown throughout the world.”
Groucho Marx Quote: “As soon as I get through with you, you’ll have a clear case for divorce and so will my wife.”
Groucho Marx Quote: “Obviously there was no point in being a bachelor if his houseman was going to filch his booze. If he was going to get robbed, he might just as well get married.”
Groucho Marx Quote: “Any place I hang my head is home.”
Groucho Marx Quote: “My experience is that people are most likely to listen to reason when in bed.”
Groucho Marx Quote: “You know I could rent you out as a decoy for duck hunters?”
Groucho Marx Quote: “I’m not going to pay good money to join a club that lets in people like me.”
Groucho Marx Quote: “I read in the newspapers they are going to have 30 minutes of intellectual stuff on television every Monday from 7:30 to 8. to educate America. They couldn’t educate America if they started at 6:30.”
Groucho Marx Quote: “I don’t have change I’d have to give you nine more books.”
Groucho Marx Quote: “My plans are still in embryo, a town on the edge of wishful thinking.”
Groucho Marx Quote: “If you are one of those lucky persons who own a pen that writes underwater, you might try living in a swimming pool.”
Groucho Marx Quote: “I think that the Peeps or Peppies or Pipes diaries would be much more popular had there been a universal pronuncation of his name.”
Groucho Marx Quote: “To write an autobiography of Groucho Marx would be as asinine as to read an autobiography of Groucho Marx.”
Groucho Marx Quote: “I started smoking as soon as I went on the stage. I’d make cigars out of the Morning World when I was a kid.”
Groucho Marx Quote: “In studying your basic metabolism, we first listen to your heart’s beat, and if your hearts beat anything but diamonds and clubs, it’s because your partner is cheating, or your wife.”
Groucho Marx Quote: “I’m gonna put extra blankets, free, in all your rooms, and there’ll be no cover charge.”
Groucho Marx Quote: “I didn’t like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions – the curtain was up.”
Groucho Marx Quote: “I can’t understand why you don’t get any mail from me. Perhaps it’s because I haven’t been writing.”
Groucho Marx Quote: “Budget: a way of going broke methodically.”
Groucho Marx Quote: “She’s afraid that if she leaves, she’ll become the life of the party.”
Groucho Marx Quote: “I only write first editions.”
Groucho Marx Quote: “Hey, when I said work fast, I didn’t mean your friend, I meant the maid.”
Groucho Marx Quote: “Anybody who doesn’t like this book is healthy.”
Groucho Marx Quote: “Por el mero hecho de existir la gente se cree con derecho a ser feliz.”
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