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Groucho Marx Quotes

Groucho Marx Quote: “I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.”
Groucho Marx Quote: “Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.”
Groucho Marx Quote: “Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.”
Groucho Marx Quote: “I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn’t arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I’m going to be happy in it.”
Groucho Marx Quote: “Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today.”
Groucho Marx Quote: “Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself.”
Groucho Marx Quote: “Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.”
Groucho Marx Quote: “I intend to live forever, or die trying.”
Groucho Marx Quote: “When you’re in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, ‘Damn, that was fun’.”
Groucho Marx Quote: “The problem with doing nothing is that you never know when you’re finished.”
Groucho Marx Quote: “A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.”
Groucho Marx Quote: “If you are not having fun you are doing something wrong.”
Groucho Marx Quote: “I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.”
Groucho Marx Quote: “Blessed are the cracked, for they shall let in the light.”
Groucho Marx Quote: “There’s only two things you can start without a plan: a riot and a family, for everything else you need a plan.”
Groucho Marx Quote: “No man goes before his time – unless the boss leaves early.”
Groucho Marx Quote: “Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.”
Groucho Marx Quote: “I’m not crazy about reality, but it’s still the only place to get a decent meal.”
Groucho Marx Quote: “The Two Most Important Words In The World Are Honesty And Sincerity, If You Can Fake These You’ve Got It Made.”
Groucho Marx Quote: “Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There's no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere.”
Groucho Marx Quote: “Will you marry me? Do you have any money? Answer the second question first.”
Groucho Marx Quote: “Whatever it is, I’m against it.”
Groucho Marx Quote: “What have future generations ever done for us?”
Groucho Marx Quote: “Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.”
Groucho Marx Quote: “Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men – the other 999 follow women.”
Groucho Marx Quote: “While money can’t buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery.”
Groucho Marx Quote: “Now there’s a man with an open mind – you can feel the breeze from here!”
Groucho Marx Quote: “Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough.”
Groucho Marx Quote: “If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.”
Groucho Marx Quote: “There’s one way to find out if a man is honest – ask him. If he says, ‘Yes,’ you know he is a crook.”
Groucho Marx Quote: “A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.”
Groucho Marx Quote: “Time wounds all heels.”
Groucho Marx Quote: “You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen, and that’s not saying much for you.”
Groucho Marx Quote: “I could dance with you until the cows come home. On second thought I’d rather dance with the cows until you come home.”
Groucho Marx Quote: “He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don’t let that fool you. He really is an idiot.”
Groucho Marx Quote: “The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.”
Groucho Marx Quote: “Patience is the art of finding something else to do.”
Groucho Marx Quote: “Hail, hail Freedonia, land of the free!”
Groucho Marx Quote: “Humor is reason gone mad.”
Groucho Marx Quote: “Blood’s not thicker than money.”
Groucho Marx Quote: “Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy.”
Groucho Marx Quote: “Do you mind if I don’t smoke?”
Groucho Marx Quote: “Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.”
Groucho Marx Quote: “Celebrate the cracks, because that’s how the light comes in.”
Groucho Marx Quote: “The only real laughter comes from despair.”
Groucho Marx Quote: “If the garbage man calls, tell him we don’t want any.”
Groucho Marx Quote: “If we had some eggs we could have eggs and ham, if we had some ham.”
Groucho Marx Quote: “Be open minded, but not so open minded that your brains fall out.”
Groucho Marx Quote: “It is impossible to design anything that is foolproof because fools are so ingenious.”
Groucho Marx Quote: “This would be a better place for children if parents had to eat spinach.”
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