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Woody Allen Quotes
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Woody Allen Quote: “Inertia accounts for two-thirds of marriages. But love accounts for the other third.”

Inertia accounts for two-thirds of marriages. But love accounts for the other third.

— Woody Allen



Woody Allen Quote: “Man consists of two parts, his mind and his body, only the body has more fun.”

Man consists of two parts, his mind and his body, only the body has more fun.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “I work for a company that makes deceptively shallow serving dishes for Chinese restaurants.”

I work for a company that makes deceptively shallow serving dishes for Chinese restaurants.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “I’ve always been lucky in casting. The trick in casting is to hire great people, and let them do what they do, don’t interfere with them too much. And then when they’re great, take credit for it in the end.”

I’ve always been lucky in casting. The trick in casting is to hire great people, and let them do what they do, don’t interfere with them too much. And then when they’re great, take credit for it in the end.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “My grandfather was a very insignificant man, actually. At his funeral his hearse followed the other cars.”

My grandfather was a very insignificant man, actually. At his funeral his hearse followed the other cars.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “I like filming in New York a lot myself, but London is accommodating to me; the weather’s very good there and the conditions for shooting and the financial conditions, the artistic conditions are good, so it’s a pleasant place to shoot.”

I like filming in New York a lot myself, but London is accommodating to me; the weather’s very good there and the conditions for shooting and the financial conditions, the artistic conditions are good, so it’s a pleasant place to shoot.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “Comedy just pokes at problems, rarely confronts them squarely. Drama is like a plate of meat and potatoes, comedy is rather the dessert, a bit like meringue.”

Comedy just pokes at problems, rarely confronts them squarely. Drama is like a plate of meat and potatoes, comedy is rather the dessert, a bit like meringue.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “I usually want to crawl into the ground after I make a film, almost invariably.”

I usually want to crawl into the ground after I make a film, almost invariably.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “The comedies are not a million laughs on the set. Its business and the dramas are business as well, really. When I’m writing it I struggle more with drama because I started out in comedy.”

The comedies are not a million laughs on the set. Its business and the dramas are business as well, really. When I’m writing it I struggle more with drama because I started out in comedy.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “There’s no rhyme or reason to anything that I do. It’s whatever seems right at the time.”

There’s no rhyme or reason to anything that I do. It’s whatever seems right at the time.

— Woody Allen



Woody Allen Quote: “When a man is driving in a car and looks out the window and notices a woman with a great body, as he strains to check her face out, how does she know to keep turning so the back of her head is always toward him?”

When a man is driving in a car and looks out the window and notices a woman with a great body, as he strains to check her face out, how does she know to keep turning so the back of her head is always toward him?

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “Capital punishment would be more effective as a preventive measure if it were administered prior to the crime.”

Capital punishment would be more effective as a preventive measure if it were administered prior to the crime.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “I always feel the cynicism is reality with maybe an alternate spelling or something because I feel that I have real perspective on this particular issue of punishment in society.”

I always feel the cynicism is reality with maybe an alternate spelling or something because I feel that I have real perspective on this particular issue of punishment in society.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “Life is hard for insects. And don’t think mice are having any fun either.”

Life is hard for insects. And don’t think mice are having any fun either.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “For some reason I’ve always had an irrational love for New York. There’s no reason that you would necessarily like it on paper. It’s very expensive.”

For some reason I’ve always had an irrational love for New York. There’s no reason that you would necessarily like it on paper. It’s very expensive.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “You make a film and always hope you’re going make “Citizen Kane” or “The Bicycle Thief.” You make the film, and for one reason or another, one clicks and one doesn’t, but it’s out of your control completely.”

You make a film and always hope you’re going make “Citizen Kane” or “The Bicycle Thief.” You make the film, and for one reason or another, one clicks and one doesn’t, but it’s out of your control completely.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “The difference between sex and death is, death you can do alone and nobody laughs at you.”

The difference between sex and death is, death you can do alone and nobody laughs at you.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “Harvard makes mistakes too, you know. Kissinger taught there.”

Harvard makes mistakes too, you know. Kissinger taught there.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “I don’t own a computer. I’ve never seen anything online at all – nothing. I don’t own a word processor. I have none of that stuff. It’s not an act of rebellion. I’m just not a gadget person.”

I don’t own a computer. I’ve never seen anything online at all – nothing. I don’t own a word processor. I have none of that stuff. It’s not an act of rebellion. I’m just not a gadget person.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “I never think I feel cynical in general. Cynical is reality with an alternate spelling. I feel there’s a gigantic amount of injustice and overt crime every day in the world, from emotional crimes to international crimes, and it often carries rewards.”

I never think I feel cynical in general. Cynical is reality with an alternate spelling. I feel there’s a gigantic amount of injustice and overt crime every day in the world, from emotional crimes to international crimes, and it often carries rewards.

— Woody Allen



Woody Allen Quote: “It’s a wonderful thing to be able to create your own world whenever you want to.”

It’s a wonderful thing to be able to create your own world whenever you want to.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “The audience is making the film and not the film-maker.”

The audience is making the film and not the film-maker.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “What I do know about physics is that to a man standing on the shore, time passes quicker than to a man on a boat – especially if the man on the boat is with his wife.”

What I do know about physics is that to a man standing on the shore, time passes quicker than to a man on a boat – especially if the man on the boat is with his wife.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “People are always talking about the dumbing down of the country.”

People are always talking about the dumbing down of the country.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “I don’t believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.”

I don’t believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “For the first year of marriage I had basically a bad attitude. I tended to place my wife underneath a pedestal.”

For the first year of marriage I had basically a bad attitude. I tended to place my wife underneath a pedestal.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “Everyone wants to get out of living where they’re living now, because life is a pretty tough proposition and not much fun. But when you think back to earlier times, you only extrapolate the nice things.”

Everyone wants to get out of living where they’re living now, because life is a pretty tough proposition and not much fun. But when you think back to earlier times, you only extrapolate the nice things.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “I don’t like theatrical actors and actresses. I like people that talk like real human beings.”

I don’t like theatrical actors and actresses. I like people that talk like real human beings.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “At the trial Stubbs chose to act as his own lawyer, but a conflict over his fee led to ill feelings.”

At the trial Stubbs chose to act as his own lawyer, but a conflict over his fee led to ill feelings.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “I was thrown out of NYU for cheating-with the deans wife.”

I was thrown out of NYU for cheating-with the deans wife.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “But what if everyone in the world behaved like me and came here and shot Brisseau through the ear? What a mess! And of course we’d need valet parking.”

But what if everyone in the world behaved like me and came here and shot Brisseau through the ear? What a mess! And of course we’d need valet parking.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “If God is everywhere, I had concluded, then He is in food. Therefore, the more I ate the godlier I would become. Impelled by this new religious fervor, I glutted myself like a fanatic.”

If God is everywhere, I had concluded, then He is in food. Therefore, the more I ate the godlier I would become. Impelled by this new religious fervor, I glutted myself like a fanatic.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “I always write the same way. I always write with a yellow pad and a ballpoint pen on my bed. And then I go and type it up afterwards. I’ve always done that. Those things become habitual.”

I always write the same way. I always write with a yellow pad and a ballpoint pen on my bed. And then I go and type it up afterwards. I’ve always done that. Those things become habitual.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “My gift was in comedy. I found out I could make jokes. I could tell jokes. I could write them. So over the years, that’s what I’ve done.”

My gift was in comedy. I found out I could make jokes. I could tell jokes. I could write them. So over the years, that’s what I’ve done.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “Skeptic that I was as an adolescent, I had recently come to believe in a Supreme Being after thumbing through a Victoria’s Secret catalogue.”

Skeptic that I was as an adolescent, I had recently come to believe in a Supreme Being after thumbing through a Victoria’s Secret catalogue.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “For a while we pondered whether to take a vacation or get a divorce. We decided that a trip to Bermuda is over in two weeks, but a divorce is something you always have.”

For a while we pondered whether to take a vacation or get a divorce. We decided that a trip to Bermuda is over in two weeks, but a divorce is something you always have.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “Take the money and run.”

Take the money and run.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “This stuff tastes awful; I could have made a fortune selling it in my health-food store.”

This stuff tastes awful; I could have made a fortune selling it in my health-food store.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “I prefer the magic to reality, and have since I was 5 years old. Hopefully, I can continue to make films and constantly escape into them.”

I prefer the magic to reality, and have since I was 5 years old. Hopefully, I can continue to make films and constantly escape into them.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “I can’t do anything to death, doctor’s orders.”

I can’t do anything to death, doctor’s orders.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “I was a smart kid and I was not understood by my parents.”

I was a smart kid and I was not understood by my parents.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “Because it’s much more pleasant to be obsessed over how the hero gets out of his predicament than it is over how I get out of mine.”

Because it’s much more pleasant to be obsessed over how the hero gets out of his predicament than it is over how I get out of mine.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “I’m very old-fashioned. I believe that people should stay married for life, like pigeons and Catholics.”

I’m very old-fashioned. I believe that people should stay married for life, like pigeons and Catholics.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “You make films whether they’re dramas or comedies about neurotic people. Flawed people. Interesting personality traits. To make them about calm, stable untroubled people isn’t interesting.”

You make films whether they’re dramas or comedies about neurotic people. Flawed people. Interesting personality traits. To make them about calm, stable untroubled people isn’t interesting.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “I’ve never been an intellectual but I have this look.”

I’ve never been an intellectual but I have this look.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “When you work from city to city or country to country, you work the same way; the working method is the same.”

When you work from city to city or country to country, you work the same way; the working method is the same.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “Fantasy is only a state of mind that you can employ when existing in a real context.”

Fantasy is only a state of mind that you can employ when existing in a real context.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “What a world. It could be so wonderful if it wasn’t for certain people.”

What a world. It could be so wonderful if it wasn’t for certain people.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “I see no advantages in aging whatsoever. You become shriveled. You become decrepit. You lose your faculties. Your peer group passes away. You sit in a room gumming your porridge. I don’t see any advantage in this whatsoever.”

I see no advantages in aging whatsoever. You become shriveled. You become decrepit. You lose your faculties. Your peer group passes away. You sit in a room gumming your porridge. I don’t see any advantage in this whatsoever.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “I cannot say for certain that God does not exist; I think the worst thing that can be said about him is that he’s a bit of an underachiever.”

I cannot say for certain that God does not exist; I think the worst thing that can be said about him is that he’s a bit of an underachiever.

— Woody Allen

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