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Woody Allen Quotes
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Woody Allen Quote: “Is old age really so terrible? Not if you’ve brushed your teeth faithfully.”

Is old age really so terrible? Not if you’ve brushed your teeth faithfully.

— Woody Allen



Woody Allen Quote: “Life is horrible, but it is not relentlessly black from wire to wire. You can sit down and hear a Mozart symphony, or you can watch the Marx Brothers, and this will give you a pleasant escape for a while. And that is about the best that you can do.”

Life is horrible, but it is not relentlessly black from wire to wire. You can sit down and hear a Mozart symphony, or you can watch the Marx Brothers, and this will give you a pleasant escape for a while. And that is about the best that you can do.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “Does art imitate life, or does life imitate TV?”

Does art imitate life, or does life imitate TV?

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “Spencer was searching for a woman interested in gold, inorganic chemistry, outdoor sex and the music of Bach. In short, he was looking for himself, only female.”

Spencer was searching for a woman interested in gold, inorganic chemistry, outdoor sex and the music of Bach. In short, he was looking for himself, only female.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must be a beverage.”

Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must be a beverage.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “I spend a lot of time idly. I go to sporting events, play my clarinet. I practise. But if you work every day, a certain amount on a steady basis, the work accumulates.”

I spend a lot of time idly. I go to sporting events, play my clarinet. I practise. But if you work every day, a certain amount on a steady basis, the work accumulates.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “We knew the front door was always left open, but we broke in just to keep in practice. Doxy turned all the Washburn family photos to the wall so there wouldn’t be any witnesses.”

We knew the front door was always left open, but we broke in just to keep in practice. Doxy turned all the Washburn family photos to the wall so there wouldn’t be any witnesses.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “The great question of philosophy remains: If life is meaningless, what can be done about alphabet soup?”

The great question of philosophy remains: If life is meaningless, what can be done about alphabet soup?

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “If you take a frown and turn it upside down, the person you are holding by the ankles will soon pass out.”

If you take a frown and turn it upside down, the person you are holding by the ankles will soon pass out.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “The roe is reputed to sleep for a thousand years and then suddenly rise in flames, particularly if it was smoking when it dozed off.”

The roe is reputed to sleep for a thousand years and then suddenly rise in flames, particularly if it was smoking when it dozed off.

— Woody Allen



Woody Allen Quote: “When I was a young man, my friends and I and all of us in New York were very influenced by French cinema. French cinema played an enormous influence on those of us who wanted to be filmmakers.”

When I was a young man, my friends and I and all of us in New York were very influenced by French cinema. French cinema played an enormous influence on those of us who wanted to be filmmakers.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “Is there a separation between body and mind, and if so which is it better to have?”

Is there a separation between body and mind, and if so which is it better to have?

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “Humorists always sit at the children’s table.”

Humorists always sit at the children’s table.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “My parents stayed together for forty years. But that was out of spite.”

My parents stayed together for forty years. But that was out of spite.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “As the poet said, ‘Only God can make a tree,’ probably because it’s so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.”

As the poet said, ‘Only God can make a tree,’ probably because it’s so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “See, I will always have this penchant for what I call kamikaze women. I call them kamikazes because they, you know they crash their plane, they’re self-destructive. But they crash into you, and you die along with them.”

See, I will always have this penchant for what I call kamikaze women. I call them kamikazes because they, you know they crash their plane, they’re self-destructive. But they crash into you, and you die along with them.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “And in all of Babylonia there was wailing and gnashing of teeth, ’til the prophets bade the multitudes get a grip on themselves and shape up.”

And in all of Babylonia there was wailing and gnashing of teeth, ’til the prophets bade the multitudes get a grip on themselves and shape up.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “You’ll find as you go through life that great depth and smoldering sensuality don’t always win.”

You’ll find as you go through life that great depth and smoldering sensuality don’t always win.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “I loathed every day and regret every day I spent in school. I like to be taught to read and write and add and then be left alone.”

I loathed every day and regret every day I spent in school. I like to be taught to read and write and add and then be left alone.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “If I can play a scene in a master shot, I always prefer it. And the actors always prefer it. It’s fun to look at on the screen, the actors get a chance to sink their teeth into something substantial, and it’s economically helpful.”

If I can play a scene in a master shot, I always prefer it. And the actors always prefer it. It’s fun to look at on the screen, the actors get a chance to sink their teeth into something substantial, and it’s economically helpful.

— Woody Allen



Woody Allen Quote: “When I was born my mother was terribly disappointed. Not that she wanted a girl – she wanted a divorce.”

When I was born my mother was terribly disappointed. Not that she wanted a girl – she wanted a divorce.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “I’m a teleological, existential agnostic.”

I’m a teleological, existential agnostic.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “If you’re born with a gift, to behave like it’s an achievement is not right.”

If you’re born with a gift, to behave like it’s an achievement is not right.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “People still have existential anxiety. It just may not be expressed in Hebraic idiom.”

People still have existential anxiety. It just may not be expressed in Hebraic idiom.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “I’m a big believer in supporting the action on film with the appropriate music. It covers a multitude of sins. It’s gotten me out of a lot of jams, over the years. So, music for me is a very big thing in films and I use it unashamedly.”

I’m a big believer in supporting the action on film with the appropriate music. It covers a multitude of sins. It’s gotten me out of a lot of jams, over the years. So, music for me is a very big thing in films and I use it unashamedly.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “If my soul exists without my body I am convinced all my clothes will be loose-fitting.”

If my soul exists without my body I am convinced all my clothes will be loose-fitting.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “People say that death is a part of life and there must be something to it, but I just see it as bad news and I want everybody to stop sugarcoating it.”

People say that death is a part of life and there must be something to it, but I just see it as bad news and I want everybody to stop sugarcoating it.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “Life is a tragedy filled with suffering and despair and yet some people do manage to avoid jury duty.”

Life is a tragedy filled with suffering and despair and yet some people do manage to avoid jury duty.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “How the hell do I know why there were Nazis? I don’t know how the can-opener works.”

How the hell do I know why there were Nazis? I don’t know how the can-opener works.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “I didn’t go to Paris until I was a grown-up in 1965. And when I went to Paris, it was the Paris I knew only from American movies.”

I didn’t go to Paris until I was a grown-up in 1965. And when I went to Paris, it was the Paris I knew only from American movies.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “It figures you’ve got to hate yourself if you’ve got any integrity at all.”

It figures you’ve got to hate yourself if you’ve got any integrity at all.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “Heaven knows, we all make mistakes. That’s life – and chess.”

Heaven knows, we all make mistakes. That’s life – and chess.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “One man starving puts a crimp in my evening.”

One man starving puts a crimp in my evening.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “Basically my wife was immature. I’d be at home in the bath and she’d come in and sink my boats.”

Basically my wife was immature. I’d be at home in the bath and she’d come in and sink my boats.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “The food here is terrible, and the portions are too small.”

The food here is terrible, and the portions are too small.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “Whosoever loveth wisdom is righteous, but he that keepeth company with fowl is weird.”

Whosoever loveth wisdom is righteous, but he that keepeth company with fowl is weird.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “I recently turned 60. Practically a third of my life is over.”

I recently turned 60. Practically a third of my life is over.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “Death is an acquired trait.”

Death is an acquired trait.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “Psychoanalyses is like music lessons, for 5 years you do not notice any progress and suddenly you can play the piano.”

Psychoanalyses is like music lessons, for 5 years you do not notice any progress and suddenly you can play the piano.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “Believing would be easier if God would show himself by depositing a million dollars in a Swiss bank account in my name.”

Believing would be easier if God would show himself by depositing a million dollars in a Swiss bank account in my name.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “I feel humor is important for those two reasons: that it is a little bit of refreshment like music, and that women have told me over the years that it is very, very important to them.”

I feel humor is important for those two reasons: that it is a little bit of refreshment like music, and that women have told me over the years that it is very, very important to them.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “The process of making films is so technically demanding that it’s a distraction. You don’t spend your time thinking about the philosophical content, which is often very depressing.”

The process of making films is so technically demanding that it’s a distraction. You don’t spend your time thinking about the philosophical content, which is often very depressing.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “Inertia accounts for two-thirds of marriages. But love accounts for the other third.”

Inertia accounts for two-thirds of marriages. But love accounts for the other third.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “There are worse things than death. Many of them playing at a theater near you.”

There are worse things than death. Many of them playing at a theater near you.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “I work for a company that makes deceptively shallow serving dishes for Chinese restaurants.”

I work for a company that makes deceptively shallow serving dishes for Chinese restaurants.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “In real life, Keaton believes in God. But she also believes that the radio works because there are tiny people inside it.”

In real life, Keaton believes in God. But she also believes that the radio works because there are tiny people inside it.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “I’ve always been lucky in casting. The trick in casting is to hire great people, and let them do what they do, don’t interfere with them too much. And then when they’re great, take credit for it in the end.”

I’ve always been lucky in casting. The trick in casting is to hire great people, and let them do what they do, don’t interfere with them too much. And then when they’re great, take credit for it in the end.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “I’ve often felt that life is a hard deal and it’s unrelentingly tragic and an uphill fight.”

I’ve often felt that life is a hard deal and it’s unrelentingly tragic and an uphill fight.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “Some people are funny, and some people are not funny. Many people who are not funny can make a living at it. You don’t have to be great to make a living at it. Just like a doctor who doesn’t have to be great can still make a living out of it.”

Some people are funny, and some people are not funny. Many people who are not funny can make a living at it. You don’t have to be great to make a living at it. Just like a doctor who doesn’t have to be great can still make a living out of it.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “Everything is controlled by a small evil group to which, unfortunately, no one we know belongs.”

Everything is controlled by a small evil group to which, unfortunately, no one we know belongs.

— Woody Allen

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