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Woody Allen Quotes
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Woody Allen Quote: “Manute Bol is so skinny they save money on road trips. They just fax him from city to city.”

Manute Bol is so skinny they save money on road trips. They just fax him from city to city.

— Woody Allen



Woody Allen Quote: “Everything is controlled by a small evil group to which, unfortunately, no one we know belongs.”

Everything is controlled by a small evil group to which, unfortunately, no one we know belongs.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “I’ve been escaping my whole life. Since I was a little child, I escaped into the movies on the other side as an audience member. I escaped by going into the movies and sitting in the movies all day long.”

I’ve been escaping my whole life. Since I was a little child, I escaped into the movies on the other side as an audience member. I escaped by going into the movies and sitting in the movies all day long.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “I’m at the stage of life when if a girl says no to me I’m profoundly grateful to her.”

I’m at the stage of life when if a girl says no to me I’m profoundly grateful to her.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “I like writing. It keeps my mind off grim subjects. It’s therapeutic in the same way a patient in an institution is given fingerpaints.”

I like writing. It keeps my mind off grim subjects. It’s therapeutic in the same way a patient in an institution is given fingerpaints.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “Is old age really so terrible? Not if you’ve brushed your teeth faithfully.”

Is old age really so terrible? Not if you’ve brushed your teeth faithfully.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “I’m so excited-I think today I’m going to brush all my teeth.”

I’m so excited-I think today I’m going to brush all my teeth.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “I don’t want to move to a city where the only cultural advantage is being able to make a right turn on a red light.”

I don’t want to move to a city where the only cultural advantage is being able to make a right turn on a red light.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “People say that death is a part of life and there must be something to it, but I just see it as bad news and I want everybody to stop sugarcoating it.”

People say that death is a part of life and there must be something to it, but I just see it as bad news and I want everybody to stop sugarcoating it.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “Me and nature are two.”

Me and nature are two.

— Woody Allen



Woody Allen Quote: “Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must be a beverage.”

Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must be a beverage.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “I spend a lot of time idly. I go to sporting events, play my clarinet. I practise. But if you work every day, a certain amount on a steady basis, the work accumulates.”

I spend a lot of time idly. I go to sporting events, play my clarinet. I practise. But if you work every day, a certain amount on a steady basis, the work accumulates.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “The food here is terrible, and the portions are too small.”

The food here is terrible, and the portions are too small.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “And my parents finally realize I’m kidnapped and they snap into action immediately: They rent out my room.”

And my parents finally realize I’m kidnapped and they snap into action immediately: They rent out my room.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “A “Bay Area Bisexual” told me I didn’t quite coincide with either of her desires.”

A “Bay Area Bisexual” told me I didn’t quite coincide with either of her desires.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “The great question of philosophy remains: If life is meaningless, what can be done about alphabet soup?”

The great question of philosophy remains: If life is meaningless, what can be done about alphabet soup?

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “Is there a separation between body and mind, and if so which is it better to have?”

Is there a separation between body and mind, and if so which is it better to have?

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “When I was a young man, my friends and I and all of us in New York were very influenced by French cinema. French cinema played an enormous influence on those of us who wanted to be filmmakers.”

When I was a young man, my friends and I and all of us in New York were very influenced by French cinema. French cinema played an enormous influence on those of us who wanted to be filmmakers.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “Man consists of two parts, his mind and his body, only the body has more fun.”

Man consists of two parts, his mind and his body, only the body has more fun.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “And in all of Babylonia there was wailing and gnashing of teeth, ’til the prophets bade the multitudes get a grip on themselves and shape up.”

And in all of Babylonia there was wailing and gnashing of teeth, ’til the prophets bade the multitudes get a grip on themselves and shape up.

— Woody Allen



Woody Allen Quote: “There are worse things than death. Many of them playing at a theater near you.”

There are worse things than death. Many of them playing at a theater near you.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “I wouldn’t mind dying so much if it wasn’t that I would be dead at the end of it.”

I wouldn’t mind dying so much if it wasn’t that I would be dead at the end of it.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “I’ve often felt that life is a hard deal and it’s unrelentingly tragic and an uphill fight.”

I’ve often felt that life is a hard deal and it’s unrelentingly tragic and an uphill fight.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “I’m a teleological, existential agnostic.”

I’m a teleological, existential agnostic.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “I did not marry the first girl that I fell in love with, because there was a tremendous religious conflict, at the time. She was an atheist, and I was an agnostic.”

I did not marry the first girl that I fell in love with, because there was a tremendous religious conflict, at the time. She was an atheist, and I was an agnostic.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “For God sakes, this is a woman I was married to for 10 years. We made love. I’d hold her head over the toilet bowl when she threw up.”

For God sakes, this is a woman I was married to for 10 years. We made love. I’d hold her head over the toilet bowl when she threw up.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “Does art imitate life, or does life imitate TV?”

Does art imitate life, or does life imitate TV?

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “Spencer was searching for a woman interested in gold, inorganic chemistry, outdoor sex and the music of Bach. In short, he was looking for himself, only female.”

Spencer was searching for a woman interested in gold, inorganic chemistry, outdoor sex and the music of Bach. In short, he was looking for himself, only female.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “Life is horrible, but it is not relentlessly black from wire to wire. You can sit down and hear a Mozart symphony, or you can watch the Marx Brothers, and this will give you a pleasant escape for a while. And that is about the best that you can do.”

Life is horrible, but it is not relentlessly black from wire to wire. You can sit down and hear a Mozart symphony, or you can watch the Marx Brothers, and this will give you a pleasant escape for a while. And that is about the best that you can do.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “How the hell do I know why there were Nazis? I don’t know how the can-opener works.”

How the hell do I know why there were Nazis? I don’t know how the can-opener works.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “One man starving puts a crimp in my evening.”

One man starving puts a crimp in my evening.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “Basically my wife was immature. I’d be at home in the bath and she’d come in and sink my boats.”

Basically my wife was immature. I’d be at home in the bath and she’d come in and sink my boats.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “Psychoanalyses is like music lessons, for 5 years you do not notice any progress and suddenly you can play the piano.”

Psychoanalyses is like music lessons, for 5 years you do not notice any progress and suddenly you can play the piano.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “I recently turned 60. Practically a third of my life is over.”

I recently turned 60. Practically a third of my life is over.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “I feel humor is important for those two reasons: that it is a little bit of refreshment like music, and that women have told me over the years that it is very, very important to them.”

I feel humor is important for those two reasons: that it is a little bit of refreshment like music, and that women have told me over the years that it is very, very important to them.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “The roe is reputed to sleep for a thousand years and then suddenly rise in flames, particularly if it was smoking when it dozed off.”

The roe is reputed to sleep for a thousand years and then suddenly rise in flames, particularly if it was smoking when it dozed off.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “Inertia accounts for two-thirds of marriages. But love accounts for the other third.”

Inertia accounts for two-thirds of marriages. But love accounts for the other third.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “Humorists always sit at the children’s table.”

Humorists always sit at the children’s table.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “I don’t believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.”

I don’t believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “As the poet said, ‘Only God can make a tree,’ probably because it’s so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.”

As the poet said, ‘Only God can make a tree,’ probably because it’s so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “See, I will always have this penchant for what I call kamikaze women. I call them kamikazes because they, you know they crash their plane, they’re self-destructive. But they crash into you, and you die along with them.”

See, I will always have this penchant for what I call kamikaze women. I call them kamikazes because they, you know they crash their plane, they’re self-destructive. But they crash into you, and you die along with them.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “I work for a company that makes deceptively shallow serving dishes for Chinese restaurants.”

I work for a company that makes deceptively shallow serving dishes for Chinese restaurants.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “I loathed every day and regret every day I spent in school. I like to be taught to read and write and add and then be left alone.”

I loathed every day and regret every day I spent in school. I like to be taught to read and write and add and then be left alone.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “If I can play a scene in a master shot, I always prefer it. And the actors always prefer it. It’s fun to look at on the screen, the actors get a chance to sink their teeth into something substantial, and it’s economically helpful.”

If I can play a scene in a master shot, I always prefer it. And the actors always prefer it. It’s fun to look at on the screen, the actors get a chance to sink their teeth into something substantial, and it’s economically helpful.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “The government is unresponsive to the needs of the little man. Under 5? 7", it is impossible to get your congressman on the phone.”

The government is unresponsive to the needs of the little man. Under 5? 7", it is impossible to get your congressman on the phone.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “I like filming in New York a lot myself, but London is accommodating to me; the weather’s very good there and the conditions for shooting and the financial conditions, the artistic conditions are good, so it’s a pleasant place to shoot.”

I like filming in New York a lot myself, but London is accommodating to me; the weather’s very good there and the conditions for shooting and the financial conditions, the artistic conditions are good, so it’s a pleasant place to shoot.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “Some people are funny, and some people are not funny. Many people who are not funny can make a living at it. You don’t have to be great to make a living at it. Just like a doctor who doesn’t have to be great can still make a living out of it.”

Some people are funny, and some people are not funny. Many people who are not funny can make a living at it. You don’t have to be great to make a living at it. Just like a doctor who doesn’t have to be great can still make a living out of it.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “My grandfather was a very insignificant man, actually. At his funeral his hearse followed the other cars.”

My grandfather was a very insignificant man, actually. At his funeral his hearse followed the other cars.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “When I was born my mother was terribly disappointed. Not that she wanted a girl – she wanted a divorce.”

When I was born my mother was terribly disappointed. Not that she wanted a girl – she wanted a divorce.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “Comedy just pokes at problems, rarely confronts them squarely. Drama is like a plate of meat and potatoes, comedy is rather the dessert, a bit like meringue.”

Comedy just pokes at problems, rarely confronts them squarely. Drama is like a plate of meat and potatoes, comedy is rather the dessert, a bit like meringue.

— Woody Allen

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