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Woody Allen Quotes

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Woody Allen Quote: “Eighty percent of success is showing up.”

Eighty percent of success is showing up.

— Woody Allen



Woody Allen Quote: “If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.”

If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “The only thing standing between me and greatness is me.”

The only thing standing between me and greatness is me.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “The heart wants what it wants. There’s no logic to these things. You meet someone and you fall in love and that’s that.”

The heart wants what it wants. There’s no logic to these things. You meet someone and you fall in love and that’s that.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “If you're not failing every now and again, it's a sign you're not doing anything very innovative.”

If you're not failing every now and again, it's a sign you're not doing anything very innovative.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “I’m not anti-social. I’m just not social.”

I’m not anti-social. I’m just not social.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “I’m not afraid of death; I just don’t want to be there when it happens.”

I’m not afraid of death; I just don’t want to be there when it happens.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “The only love that lasts is unrequited love.”

The only love that lasts is unrequited love.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “If God exists, I hope he has a good excuse.”

If God exists, I hope he has a good excuse.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “Confidence is what you have before you understand the problem.”

Confidence is what you have before you understand the problem.

— Woody Allen



Woody Allen Quote: “The artist's job is not to succumb to despair but to find an antidote for the emptiness of existence.”

The artist's job is not to succumb to despair but to find an antidote for the emptiness of existence.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “Life’s hard, then you die.”

Life’s hard, then you die.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “The heart wants what it wants.”

The heart wants what it wants.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “Talent is luck. The important thing in life is courage.”

Talent is luck. The important thing in life is courage.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “All i have in my life is my imagination.”

All i have in my life is my imagination.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “I don’t know the question, but sex is definitely the answer.”

I don’t know the question, but sex is definitely the answer.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “In my house I’m the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.”

In my house I’m the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don’t have a good partner, you’d better have a good hand.”

Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don’t have a good partner, you’d better have a good hand.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “Paranoia is knowing all the facts.”

Paranoia is knowing all the facts.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “I’ve become the person I’ve always hated, but I’m happier.”

I’ve become the person I’ve always hated, but I’m happier.

— Woody Allen



Woody Allen Quote: “We are all interested in the future, for that is where you and I are going to spend the rest of our lives.”

We are all interested in the future, for that is where you and I are going to spend the rest of our lives.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “Is sex dirty? Only when it’s being done right.”

Is sex dirty? Only when it’s being done right.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “Showing up is 80 percent of life.”

Showing up is 80 percent of life.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “I took a test in Existentialism. I left all the answers blank and got 100.”

I took a test in Existentialism. I left all the answers blank and got 100.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “Error, no keyboard. Press F1 to continue.”

Error, no keyboard. Press F1 to continue.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “I never start editing a film until it’s completely shot; I don’t edit along the way, ever. When it’s finished I come in here and we start with reel one, scene one and start editing shot by shot by shot until we’re finished.”

I never start editing a film until it’s completely shot; I don’t edit along the way, ever. When it’s finished I come in here and we start with reel one, scene one and start editing shot by shot by shot until we’re finished.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “Those who can’t do, teach. And those who can’t teach, teach gym.”

Those who can’t do, teach. And those who can’t teach, teach gym.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “What if nothing exists and we’re all in somebody’s dream?”

What if nothing exists and we’re all in somebody’s dream?

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “The most important words in the English language are not ‘I love you’ but ‘it’s benign.’”

The most important words in the English language are not ‘I love you’ but ‘it’s benign.’

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “The study of economy usually shows us that the best time for purchase was last year.”

The study of economy usually shows us that the best time for purchase was last year.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “Just because youre paranoid doesnt mean they arent out to get you.”

Just because youre paranoid doesnt mean they arent out to get you.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “There are three rings involved with marriage. The engagement ring, the wedding ring, and the suffering.”

There are three rings involved with marriage. The engagement ring, the wedding ring, and the suffering.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “We stand at a crossroads. One path leads to despair, the other to destruction. Let’s hope we make the right choice.”

We stand at a crossroads. One path leads to despair, the other to destruction. Let’s hope we make the right choice.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “I don’t want to live forever through my work. I want to live forever by not dying.”

I don’t want to live forever through my work. I want to live forever by not dying.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “I love the rain – it washes memories off the sidewalk of life.”

I love the rain – it washes memories off the sidewalk of life.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “My ex-wife was a philosophy major at NYU. Yeah, she and I used to have deep philosophical discussions where she would prove that I didn’t exist.”

My ex-wife was a philosophy major at NYU. Yeah, she and I used to have deep philosophical discussions where she would prove that I didn’t exist.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “I hate the beach. I hate the sun. I’m pale and I’m redheaded. I don’t tan – I stroke!”

I hate the beach. I hate the sun. I’m pale and I’m redheaded. I don’t tan – I stroke!

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “If 90% of success in life is showing up, the other 10% depends on what you’re showing up for.”

If 90% of success in life is showing up, the other 10% depends on what you’re showing up for.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “Men learn to love the woman they are attracted to. Women learn to become attracted to the man they fall in love with.”

Men learn to love the woman they are attracted to. Women learn to become attracted to the man they fall in love with.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “In my next life I want to live backwards. Start out dead and finish off as an orgasm.”

In my next life I want to live backwards. Start out dead and finish off as an orgasm.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “If you aren’t failing, you aren’t trying.”

If you aren’t failing, you aren’t trying.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “Where did we come from? Where are we going? Is there possibility of a group discount?”

Where did we come from? Where are we going? Is there possibility of a group discount?

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “Why ruin a good story with the truth?”

Why ruin a good story with the truth?

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “I’d never join a club that would allow a person like me to become a member.”

I’d never join a club that would allow a person like me to become a member.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it’s the government.”

I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it’s the government.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “Don’t worry, I know almost exactly what I’m doing.”

Don’t worry, I know almost exactly what I’m doing.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “Problems are like toilet paper. You pull on one and ten more come.”

Problems are like toilet paper. You pull on one and ten more come.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “Some drink deeply from the river of knowledge. Others only gargle.”

Some drink deeply from the river of knowledge. Others only gargle.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet.”

What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “I don’t want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying. I don’t want to live on in the hearts of my countrymen; I want to live on in my apartment.”

I don’t want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying. I don’t want to live on in the hearts of my countrymen; I want to live on in my apartment.

— Woody Allen

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