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Woody Allen Quotes
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Woody Allen Quote: “There is no question that there is an unseen world. The problem is, how far is it from midtown and how late is it open?”

There is no question that there is an unseen world. The problem is, how far is it from midtown and how late is it open?

— Woody Allen



Woody Allen Quote: “My films are therapy for my debilitating depression. In institutions people weave baskets. I make films.”

My films are therapy for my debilitating depression. In institutions people weave baskets. I make films.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “When I am in New York, I want to be in Europe, and when I am in Europe, I want to be in New York.”

When I am in New York, I want to be in Europe, and when I am in Europe, I want to be in New York.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “I’m going to my psychoanalyst one more year, then I’m going to Lourdes.”

I’m going to my psychoanalyst one more year, then I’m going to Lourdes.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “Nietzsche says that we will live the same life, over and over again. God – I’ll have to sit through the Ice Capades again.”

Nietzsche says that we will live the same life, over and over again. God – I’ll have to sit through the Ice Capades again.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “Achilles only had an Achilles heel. I have an entire Achilles body.”

Achilles only had an Achilles heel. I have an entire Achilles body.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “My success has allowed me to strike out with a higher class of women.”

My success has allowed me to strike out with a higher class of women.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “The dictatorship is shut up, democracy is always concerned.”

The dictatorship is shut up, democracy is always concerned.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “I have one last request. Don’t use embalming fluid on me; I want to be stuffed with crab meat.”

I have one last request. Don’t use embalming fluid on me; I want to be stuffed with crab meat.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.”

When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.

— Woody Allen



Woody Allen Quote: “My mother never had time for me. When you’re the middle child in a family of five million, you don’t get any attention.”

My mother never had time for me. When you’re the middle child in a family of five million, you don’t get any attention.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “Show business is dog eat dog. It’s worse than dog eat dog. It’s dog doesn’t return dog’s phone calls.”

Show business is dog eat dog. It’s worse than dog eat dog. It’s dog doesn’t return dog’s phone calls.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “The whole country was tied together by radio. We all experienced the same heroes and comedians and singers. They were giants.”

The whole country was tied together by radio. We all experienced the same heroes and comedians and singers. They were giants.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “There are three things Jewish people worship-God, Chinese food and wall-to-wall carpeting.”

There are three things Jewish people worship-God, Chinese food and wall-to-wall carpeting.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “Man was made in God’s image. Do you really think God has red hair and glasses?”

Man was made in God’s image. Do you really think God has red hair and glasses?

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “Life is full of moments that are good – winning a lottery, seeing a beautiful woman, a great dinner – but the whole thing is tragic. It’s an oasis that is very pleasant.”

Life is full of moments that are good – winning a lottery, seeing a beautiful woman, a great dinner – but the whole thing is tragic. It’s an oasis that is very pleasant.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “This year I’m a star, but what will I be next year? A black hole?”

This year I’m a star, but what will I be next year? A black hole?

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “All literature is a footnote to Faust. I have no idea what I mean by that.”

All literature is a footnote to Faust. I have no idea what I mean by that.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “I read in self-defense.”

I read in self-defense.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “Do I believe in God? I did until Mother’s accident. She fell on some meat loaf and it penetrated her spleen.”

Do I believe in God? I did until Mother’s accident. She fell on some meat loaf and it penetrated her spleen.

— Woody Allen



Woody Allen Quote: “My relationship with death remains the same – I’m strongly against it.”

My relationship with death remains the same – I’m strongly against it.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “My grammy never gave gifts, you know. She was too busy getting raped by Cossacks.”

My grammy never gave gifts, you know. She was too busy getting raped by Cossacks.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “In California, they don’t throw their garbage away – they make it into TV shows.”

In California, they don’t throw their garbage away – they make it into TV shows.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “If you aren’t failing every now and then, you’re probably playing it too safe.”

If you aren’t failing every now and then, you’re probably playing it too safe.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “Music has always helped my films. In ‘The Curse Of The Jade Scorpion,’ you can hear ‘Sunrise’ by Glenn Miller, an idol of my childhood, in the surprise ending. I like mixing comedy with suspense and action.”

Music has always helped my films. In ‘The Curse Of The Jade Scorpion,’ you can hear ‘Sunrise’ by Glenn Miller, an idol of my childhood, in the surprise ending. I like mixing comedy with suspense and action.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “Taste my tuna casserole – tell me if I put in too much hot fudge.”

Taste my tuna casserole – tell me if I put in too much hot fudge.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “I believe in sex and death- two experiences that come once in a lifetime.”

I believe in sex and death- two experiences that come once in a lifetime.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.”

My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “For some reason I’m more appreciated in France than I am back home. The subtitles must be incredibly good.”

For some reason I’m more appreciated in France than I am back home. The subtitles must be incredibly good.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick. Not wounded. Dead.”

I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick. Not wounded. Dead.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “I work all the time because it’s a great distraction and it keeps me from sitting home and obsessing morbidly.”

I work all the time because it’s a great distraction and it keeps me from sitting home and obsessing morbidly.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “His lack of education is more than compensated for by his keenly developed moral bankruptcy.”

His lack of education is more than compensated for by his keenly developed moral bankruptcy.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “Life is a concentration camp. You’re stuck here and there’s no way out and you can only rage impotently against your persecutors.”

Life is a concentration camp. You’re stuck here and there’s no way out and you can only rage impotently against your persecutors.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “As a boy, I was ashamed to wear glasses. I memorized the eye chart, and then on the test they asked essay questions.”

As a boy, I was ashamed to wear glasses. I memorized the eye chart, and then on the test they asked essay questions.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “I was a nervous child, I was a bedwetter. I used to sleep with an electric blanket and I was constantly electrocuting myself.”

I was a nervous child, I was a bedwetter. I used to sleep with an electric blanket and I was constantly electrocuting myself.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “In the shower, with the hot water coming down, you’ve left the real world behind, and very frequently things open up for you. It’s the change of venue, the unblocking the attempt to force the ideas that’s crippling you when you’re trying to write.”

In the shower, with the hot water coming down, you’ve left the real world behind, and very frequently things open up for you. It’s the change of venue, the unblocking the attempt to force the ideas that’s crippling you when you’re trying to write.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “No matter what the shrinks, or the pundits, or the self-help books tell you, when it comes to love, it’s luck.”

No matter what the shrinks, or the pundits, or the self-help books tell you, when it comes to love, it’s luck.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?”

How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.”

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “The two biggest myths about me are that I’m an intellectual, because I wear these glasses, and that I’m an artist because my films lose money. Those two myths have been prevalent for many years.”

The two biggest myths about me are that I’m an intellectual, because I wear these glasses, and that I’m an artist because my films lose money. Those two myths have been prevalent for many years.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “There’s no way to prove that there is no God. You just have to take it on faith.”

There’s no way to prove that there is no God. You just have to take it on faith.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “You know what my philosophy of life is? That it’s important to have some laughs, but you got to suffer a little too, because otherwise you miss the whole point to life.”

You know what my philosophy of life is? That it’s important to have some laughs, but you got to suffer a little too, because otherwise you miss the whole point to life.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “To me, movies are valuable as an art form and as a wonderful means of popular entertainment. But I think movies have gone terribly wrong.”

To me, movies are valuable as an art form and as a wonderful means of popular entertainment. But I think movies have gone terribly wrong.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “I have a great admiration for English actors and actresses and have used them at every opportunity over the years, but now I won’t have to import them to New York.”

I have a great admiration for English actors and actresses and have used them at every opportunity over the years, but now I won’t have to import them to New York.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “There will be no major solution to the suffering of humanity until we reach some understanding of who we are, what the purpose of creation was, what happens after death. Until those questions are resolved we are caught.”

There will be no major solution to the suffering of humanity until we reach some understanding of who we are, what the purpose of creation was, what happens after death. Until those questions are resolved we are caught.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “Is world peace possible or is the human race too innately aggressive? For instance: Have you ever seen women at a sample sale?”

Is world peace possible or is the human race too innately aggressive? For instance: Have you ever seen women at a sample sale?

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “You know how you’re always trying to get things to come out perfect in art because it’s real difficult in life.”

You know how you’re always trying to get things to come out perfect in art because it’s real difficult in life.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “Sex and death are two things that come but once in my lifetime, but at least after death you’re not nauseous.”

Sex and death are two things that come but once in my lifetime, but at least after death you’re not nauseous.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “When we played softball, I’d steal second base, feel guilty and go back.”

When we played softball, I’d steal second base, feel guilty and go back.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “I loathed every day and regret every moment I spent in a school.”

I loathed every day and regret every moment I spent in a school.

— Woody Allen

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