Top 500 Woody Allen Quotes (2025 Update)
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151. “When I am in New York, I want to be in Europe, and when I am in Europe, I want to be in New York.”

— Woody Allen

152. “When you travel around the country, you see what a tough town New York is: rude, competitive, a town where good, logical ideas are ignored in favor of unworkable ones. And yet, all these other towns are so dead and boring compared to New York.”

— Woody Allen

153. “There is dignity in suffering; nobility in pain; but failure is a salted wound, that burns and burns again!”

— Woody Allen

154. “The food in this place is really terrible. Yes, and such small portions. That’s essentially how I feel about life.”

— Woody Allen

155. “There’s no way to prove that there is no God. You just have to take it on faith.”

— Woody Allen

156. “There is no question that there is an unseen world. The problem is, how far is it from midtown and how late is it open?”

— Woody Allen

157. “You can’t ride two horses with one behind.”

— Woody Allen

158. “Sex is the most fun you can have without laughing.”

— Woody Allen

159. “My success has allowed me to strike out with a higher class of women.”

— Woody Allen

160. “All literature is a footnote to Faust. I have no idea what I mean by that.”

— Woody Allen

161. “I work all the time because it’s a great distraction and it keeps me from sitting home and obsessing morbidly.”

— Woody Allen

162. “Sex between a man and a woman can be absolutely wonderful; provided you get between the right man and the right woman.”

— Woody Allen

163. “My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.”

— Woody Allen

164. “Life is full of moments that are good – winning a lottery, seeing a beautiful woman, a great dinner – but the whole thing is tragic. It’s an oasis that is very pleasant.”

— Woody Allen

165. “I foresee death by culture shock.”

— Woody Allen

166. “What a world. It could be so wonderful if it wasn’t for certain people.”

— Woody Allen

167. “When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.”

— Woody Allen

168. “Tradition is the illusion of permanance.”

— Woody Allen

169. “I prefer to achieve immortality by not dying.”

— Woody Allen

170. “This year I’m a star, but what will I be next year? A black hole?”

— Woody Allen

171. “Your self-esteem is a notch below Kafka.”

— Woody Allen

172. “The best an idea gets is when its in your head.”

— Woody Allen

173. “Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.”

— Woody Allen

174. “For some reason I’m more appreciated in France than I am back home. The subtitles must be incredibly good.”

— Woody Allen

175. “You are always a comedian by default. You are this way because you’ve been forced to be this way, but it is better to be the hero. So if you can be a persona, the great one of my lifetime of course was and is Marlon Brando.”

— Woody Allen

176. “In order to be successful, all you’ve got to do is show up 80 percent of the time.”

— Woody Allen

177. “Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought-particularly for people who can never remember where they have left things.”

— Woody Allen

178. “There’s nothing like the discovery of an unknown work by a great thinker to set the intellectual community atwitter and cause academics to dart about like those things one sees when looking at a drop of water under a microscope.”

— Woody Allen

179. “Hey listen – I’ve proved a lot of things. That’s how I pay my rent. Theories and little observations. A puckish remark now and then. Occasional maxims. It beats picking olives, but let’s not get carried away.”

— Woody Allen

180. “To me, movies are valuable as an art form and as a wonderful means of popular entertainment. But I think movies have gone terribly wrong.”

— Woody Allen

181. “No Matter what you do there will be critics.”

— Woody Allen

182. “Dying is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down.”

— Woody Allen

183. “I write about what I want to write about, and so the film comes out as a very personal expression even if its subject matter is totally prefabricated.”

— Woody Allen

184. “American films, it’s a money-making industry. And in France, you can find great respect for cinema as art.”

— Woody Allen

185. “My heart says one thing. My head says another. Very hard to get your heart and head together in life.”

— Woody Allen

186. “I’m very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.”

— Woody Allen

187. “How the hell do I know why there were Nazis? I don’t know how the can-opener works.”

— Woody Allen

188. “If there is reincarnation, I’d like to come back as Warren Beatty’s fingertips.”

— Woody Allen

189. “Sylvia Plath. Interesting poetess whose tragic suicide was misinterpreted as romantic by the college-girl mentality.”

— Woody Allen

190. “Eternity is awful long time, especially towards the end.”

— Woody Allen

191. “Man cannot live by bread alone. Every once in awhile he needs a salad.”

— Woody Allen

192. “One must have one’s delusions to live. If you look at life too honestly and clearly, life becomes unbearable because it’s a pretty grim enterprise, you will admit.”

— Woody Allen

193. “Geez, I should stop ruining my life searching for answers I’m never gonna get, and just enjoy it while it lasts.”

— Woody Allen

194. “My grammy never gave gifts, you know. She was too busy getting raped by Cossacks.”

— Woody Allen

195. “My analyst warned me, but you were so beautiful I got another analyst.”

— Woody Allen

196. “Regarding love what can you say? It’s not the quantity of your sexual relations that counts. It’s the quality. On the other hand if the quantity drops below once every eight months, I would definitely look into it.”

— Woody Allen

197. “A wife lasts only for the length of the marriage, but an ex-wife is there for the rest of your life.”

— Woody Allen

198. “The whole concept of awards is silly. I cannot abide by the judgment of other people, because if you accept it when they say you deserve an award, then you have to accept it when they say you don’t.”

— Woody Allen

199. “I’m going to my psychoanalyst one more year, then I’m going to Lourdes.”

— Woody Allen

200. “The dictatorship is shut up, democracy is always concerned.”

— Woody Allen