Top 500 Woody Allen Quotes (2025 Update)
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151. “I love nature, I just don’t want to get any of it on me.”

— Woody Allen

152. “The food here is terrible, and the portions are too small.”

— Woody Allen

153. “When I am in New York, I want to be in Europe, and when I am in Europe, I want to be in New York.”

— Woody Allen

154. “When you travel around the country, you see what a tough town New York is: rude, competitive, a town where good, logical ideas are ignored in favor of unworkable ones. And yet, all these other towns are so dead and boring compared to New York.”

— Woody Allen

155. “There is dignity in suffering; nobility in pain; but failure is a salted wound, that burns and burns again!”

— Woody Allen

156. “The food in this place is really terrible. Yes, and such small portions. That’s essentially how I feel about life.”

— Woody Allen

157. “My films are therapy for my debilitating depression. In institutions people weave baskets. I make films.”

— Woody Allen

158. “There’s no way to prove that there is no God. You just have to take it on faith.”

— Woody Allen

159. “There is no question that there is an unseen world. The problem is, how far is it from midtown and how late is it open?”

— Woody Allen

160. “You can’t ride two horses with one behind.”

— Woody Allen

161. “Sex is the most fun you can have without laughing.”

— Woody Allen

162. “My success has allowed me to strike out with a higher class of women.”

— Woody Allen

163. “Take the money and run.”

— Woody Allen

164. “Life is full of moments that are good – winning a lottery, seeing a beautiful woman, a great dinner – but the whole thing is tragic. It’s an oasis that is very pleasant.”

— Woody Allen

165. “I work all the time because it’s a great distraction and it keeps me from sitting home and obsessing morbidly.”

— Woody Allen

166. “All literature is a footnote to Faust. I have no idea what I mean by that.”

— Woody Allen

167. “My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.”

— Woody Allen

168. “Sex between a man and a woman can be absolutely wonderful; provided you get between the right man and the right woman.”

— Woody Allen

169. “I foresee death by culture shock.”

— Woody Allen

170. “When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.”

— Woody Allen

171. “What a world. It could be so wonderful if it wasn’t for certain people.”

— Woody Allen

172. “Tradition is the illusion of permanance.”

— Woody Allen

173. “I prefer to achieve immortality by not dying.”

— Woody Allen

174. “The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won’t get much sleep.”

— Woody Allen

175. “This year I’m a star, but what will I be next year? A black hole?”

— Woody Allen

176. “Your self-esteem is a notch below Kafka.”

— Woody Allen

177. “The best an idea gets is when its in your head.”

— Woody Allen

178. “Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.”

— Woody Allen

179. “For some reason I’m more appreciated in France than I am back home. The subtitles must be incredibly good.”

— Woody Allen

180. “You are always a comedian by default. You are this way because you’ve been forced to be this way, but it is better to be the hero. So if you can be a persona, the great one of my lifetime of course was and is Marlon Brando.”

— Woody Allen

181. “In order to be successful, all you’ve got to do is show up 80 percent of the time.”

— Woody Allen

182. “Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought-particularly for people who can never remember where they have left things.”

— Woody Allen

183. “There’s nothing like the discovery of an unknown work by a great thinker to set the intellectual community atwitter and cause academics to dart about like those things one sees when looking at a drop of water under a microscope.”

— Woody Allen

184. “Hey listen – I’ve proved a lot of things. That’s how I pay my rent. Theories and little observations. A puckish remark now and then. Occasional maxims. It beats picking olives, but let’s not get carried away.”

— Woody Allen

185. “No Matter what you do there will be critics.”

— Woody Allen

186. “To me, movies are valuable as an art form and as a wonderful means of popular entertainment. But I think movies have gone terribly wrong.”

— Woody Allen

187. “Dying is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down.”

— Woody Allen

188. “I write about what I want to write about, and so the film comes out as a very personal expression even if its subject matter is totally prefabricated.”

— Woody Allen

189. “American films, it’s a money-making industry. And in France, you can find great respect for cinema as art.”

— Woody Allen

190. “My heart says one thing. My head says another. Very hard to get your heart and head together in life.”

— Woody Allen

191. “I’m very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.”

— Woody Allen

192. “How the hell do I know why there were Nazis? I don’t know how the can-opener works.”

— Woody Allen

193. “If there is reincarnation, I’d like to come back as Warren Beatty’s fingertips.”

— Woody Allen

194. “Sylvia Plath. Interesting poetess whose tragic suicide was misinterpreted as romantic by the college-girl mentality.”

— Woody Allen

195. “Eternity is awful long time, especially towards the end.”

— Woody Allen

196. “Man cannot live by bread alone. Every once in awhile he needs a salad.”

— Woody Allen

197. “One must have one’s delusions to live. If you look at life too honestly and clearly, life becomes unbearable because it’s a pretty grim enterprise, you will admit.”

— Woody Allen

198. “Geez, I should stop ruining my life searching for answers I’m never gonna get, and just enjoy it while it lasts.”

— Woody Allen

199. “My grammy never gave gifts, you know. She was too busy getting raped by Cossacks.”

— Woody Allen

200. “My analyst warned me, but you were so beautiful I got another analyst.”

— Woody Allen