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Woody Allen Quotes
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Woody Allen Quote: “I do believe that reality is dreadful and that you are forced to choose it in the end or go crazy, but that it kills you.”

I do believe that reality is dreadful and that you are forced to choose it in the end or go crazy, but that it kills you.

— Woody Allen



Woody Allen Quote: “When a doctor makes a mistake, it’s best to bury the subject.”

When a doctor makes a mistake, it’s best to bury the subject.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “The wicked at heart probably know something.”

The wicked at heart probably know something.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “If I had my life to live over, I wish I could be a great pianist or something.”

If I had my life to live over, I wish I could be a great pianist or something.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “I think universal harmony is a pipedream and it may be more productive to focus on more modest goals, like a ban on yodeling.”

I think universal harmony is a pipedream and it may be more productive to focus on more modest goals, like a ban on yodeling.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “If there is reincarnation, I’d like to come back as Warren Beatty’s fingertips.”

If there is reincarnation, I’d like to come back as Warren Beatty’s fingertips.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “Of all the wonders of nature, a tree in summer is perhaps the most remarkable; with the possible exception of a moose singing ‘Embraceable You’ in spats.”

Of all the wonders of nature, a tree in summer is perhaps the most remarkable; with the possible exception of a moose singing ‘Embraceable You’ in spats.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “A tree never hits an automobile except in self defense.”

A tree never hits an automobile except in self defense.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “I keep wondering if there is an afterlife, and if there is will they be able to break a twenty?”

I keep wondering if there is an afterlife, and if there is will they be able to break a twenty?

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “Enthusiasm is a good engine, but it needs intelligence for a driver.”

Enthusiasm is a good engine, but it needs intelligence for a driver.

— Woody Allen



Woody Allen Quote: “Human beings are divided into mind and body. The mind embraces all the nobler aspirations, like poetry and philosophy, but the body has all the fun.”

Human beings are divided into mind and body. The mind embraces all the nobler aspirations, like poetry and philosophy, but the body has all the fun.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “Last year I had difficulty with my income tax. I tried to take my analyst off as a business deduction. The Government said it was entertainment. We compromised finally and made it a religious contribution.”

Last year I had difficulty with my income tax. I tried to take my analyst off as a business deduction. The Government said it was entertainment. We compromised finally and made it a religious contribution.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “Sentence structure is innate, but whining is acquired.”

Sentence structure is innate, but whining is acquired.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “Early in life, I was visited by the bluebird of anxiety.”

Early in life, I was visited by the bluebird of anxiety.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “Don’t you see the rest of the country looks upon New York like we’re left-wing, communist, Jewish, homosexual pornographers? I think of us that way sometimes and I live here.”

Don’t you see the rest of the country looks upon New York like we’re left-wing, communist, Jewish, homosexual pornographers? I think of us that way sometimes and I live here.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “I don’t think my parents liked me. They put a live teddy bear in my crib.”

I don’t think my parents liked me. They put a live teddy bear in my crib.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “I myself don’t like to speak to the actors at all. I like to hire great people and let them do their thing. I don’t like to speak to them. I don’t like to have lunch with them. I don’t like to socialize with them. I don’t like to hear their ideas.”

I myself don’t like to speak to the actors at all. I like to hire great people and let them do their thing. I don’t like to speak to them. I don’t like to have lunch with them. I don’t like to socialize with them. I don’t like to hear their ideas.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “I think being funny is not anyone’s first choice.”

I think being funny is not anyone’s first choice.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “People ask me whether I think that one day I might wake up one morning and run dry, but I’ve had the opposite feeling – that I would die before I had time to write all the ideas in my drawer.”

People ask me whether I think that one day I might wake up one morning and run dry, but I’ve had the opposite feeling – that I would die before I had time to write all the ideas in my drawer.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “What has gotten into you lately? Save a little craziness for menopause!”

What has gotten into you lately? Save a little craziness for menopause!

— Woody Allen



Woody Allen Quote: “If the world is a progressively realized community of interpretation, then either quadruplictity will drink procrastination or, provided that the nothing negates, boredom will ensue seldom more often than frequently.”

If the world is a progressively realized community of interpretation, then either quadruplictity will drink procrastination or, provided that the nothing negates, boredom will ensue seldom more often than frequently.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.”

Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “While we’re waiting for a cab I’ll give you your lesson for today. Don’t listen to what your teachers tell ya, you know. Don’t pay attention. Just, just see what they look like and that’s how you’ll know what life is really gonna be like.”

While we’re waiting for a cab I’ll give you your lesson for today. Don’t listen to what your teachers tell ya, you know. Don’t pay attention. Just, just see what they look like and that’s how you’ll know what life is really gonna be like.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had smallpox.”

I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had smallpox.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “New York is my home and I have a particular fondness for it. I think it’s a place where you can generate any kind of story wonderfully. But I also would be very happy to make a film in Paris or Rome.”

New York is my home and I have a particular fondness for it. I think it’s a place where you can generate any kind of story wonderfully. But I also would be very happy to make a film in Paris or Rome.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “Love may be the answer, but even though you’re watching for the solution, intercourse raises some rather interesting thoughts.”

Love may be the answer, but even though you’re watching for the solution, intercourse raises some rather interesting thoughts.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “Honey, you’re the one who stopped sleeping with me, OK? It’ll be a year come April 20th. I remember the date exactly, because it was Hitler’s birthday.”

Honey, you’re the one who stopped sleeping with me, OK? It’ll be a year come April 20th. I remember the date exactly, because it was Hitler’s birthday.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “Manute Bol is so skinny they save money on road trips. They just fax him from city to city.”

Manute Bol is so skinny they save money on road trips. They just fax him from city to city.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “I’ve been escaping my whole life. Since I was a little child, I escaped into the movies on the other side as an audience member. I escaped by going into the movies and sitting in the movies all day long.”

I’ve been escaping my whole life. Since I was a little child, I escaped into the movies on the other side as an audience member. I escaped by going into the movies and sitting in the movies all day long.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won’t get much sleep.”

The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won’t get much sleep.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “I’m at the stage of life when if a girl says no to me I’m profoundly grateful to her.”

I’m at the stage of life when if a girl says no to me I’m profoundly grateful to her.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “I like writing. It keeps my mind off grim subjects. It’s therapeutic in the same way a patient in an institution is given fingerpaints.”

I like writing. It keeps my mind off grim subjects. It’s therapeutic in the same way a patient in an institution is given fingerpaints.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “I don’t want to move to a city where the only cultural advantage is being able to make a right turn on a red light.”

I don’t want to move to a city where the only cultural advantage is being able to make a right turn on a red light.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “Is old age really so terrible? Not if you’ve brushed your teeth faithfully.”

Is old age really so terrible? Not if you’ve brushed your teeth faithfully.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “I’m so excited-I think today I’m going to brush all my teeth.”

I’m so excited-I think today I’m going to brush all my teeth.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “Me and nature are two.”

Me and nature are two.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “Life is a tragedy filled with suffering and despair and yet some people do manage to avoid jury duty.”

Life is a tragedy filled with suffering and despair and yet some people do manage to avoid jury duty.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “Arlene and I have to get a divorce. She thinks I’m a pervert because I drank our water bed.”

Arlene and I have to get a divorce. She thinks I’m a pervert because I drank our water bed.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must be a beverage.”

Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must be a beverage.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “I spend a lot of time idly. I go to sporting events, play my clarinet. I practise. But if you work every day, a certain amount on a steady basis, the work accumulates.”

I spend a lot of time idly. I go to sporting events, play my clarinet. I practise. But if you work every day, a certain amount on a steady basis, the work accumulates.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “We knew the front door was always left open, but we broke in just to keep in practice. Doxy turned all the Washburn family photos to the wall so there wouldn’t be any witnesses.”

We knew the front door was always left open, but we broke in just to keep in practice. Doxy turned all the Washburn family photos to the wall so there wouldn’t be any witnesses.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “And my parents finally realize I’m kidnapped and they snap into action immediately: They rent out my room.”

And my parents finally realize I’m kidnapped and they snap into action immediately: They rent out my room.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “I consider myself a completely lucky filmmaker. I’ve had nothing but good luck. Everything I’ve needed has come my way.”

I consider myself a completely lucky filmmaker. I’ve had nothing but good luck. Everything I’ve needed has come my way.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “I have a limitless amount of great music at my disposal and it’s very, very pleasurable because when the music goes on the film it’s amazing how much it livens up the film and gives it an emotional kick in the pants, sort of.”

I have a limitless amount of great music at my disposal and it’s very, very pleasurable because when the music goes on the film it’s amazing how much it livens up the film and gives it an emotional kick in the pants, sort of.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “I am plagued by doubts.”

I am plagued by doubts.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “My parents stayed together for forty years. But that was out of spite.”

My parents stayed together for forty years. But that was out of spite.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “In order to be successful, all you’ve got to do is show up 80 percent of the time.”

In order to be successful, all you’ve got to do is show up 80 percent of the time.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “In real life, Keaton believes in God. But she also believes that the radio works because there are tiny people inside it.”

In real life, Keaton believes in God. But she also believes that the radio works because there are tiny people inside it.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “Relationships are really what interest me the most. And I think, in the end, they interest most people the most. Even when you read Tolstoy or something, basically they’re about man and woman relationships.”

Relationships are really what interest me the most. And I think, in the end, they interest most people the most. Even when you read Tolstoy or something, basically they’re about man and woman relationships.

— Woody Allen


Woody Allen Quote: “When it comes to sex there are certain things that should always be left unknown, and with my luck, they probably will be.”

When it comes to sex there are certain things that should always be left unknown, and with my luck, they probably will be.

— Woody Allen

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