Top 100

Top 500 Woody Allen Quotes (2024 Update)
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Woody Allen Quote: “A man that has never lied to a woman has no respect for her feelings.”
Woody Allen Quote: “I don’t inhale because it gives you cancer, but I look so incredibly handsome with a cigarette that I can’t not hold one.”
Woody Allen Quote: “Nietzsche says that we will live the same life, over and over again. God – I’ll have to sit through the Ice Capades again.”
Woody Allen Quote: “There are three things Jewish people worship-God, Chinese food and wall-to-wall carpeting.”
Woody Allen Quote: “There is dignity in suffering; nobility in pain; but failure is a salted wound, that burns and burns again!”
Woody Allen Quote: “Human beings are divided into mind and body. The mind embraces all the nobler aspirations, like poetry and philosophy, but the body has all the fun.”
Woody Allen Quote: “My films are therapy for my debilitating depression. In institutions people weave baskets. I make films.”
Woody Allen Quote: “Of all the wonders of nature, a tree in summer is perhaps the most remarkable; with the possible exception of a moose singing ‘Embraceable You’ in spats.”
Woody Allen Quote: “My mother never had time for me. When you’re the middle child in a family of five million, you don’t get any attention.”
Woody Allen Quote: “Have you ever taken a serious political stand on anything? Yeah. Sure. For twenty-four hours once I refused to eat grapes.”
Woody Allen Quote: “I’d call him a sadistic, hippophilic necrophile, but that would be beating a dead horse.”
Woody Allen Quote: “In short, the best thing to do is behave in a manner befitting one’s age. If you are sixteen or under, try not to go bald.”
Woody Allen Quote: “You know what my philosophy of life is? That it’s important to have some laughs, but you got to suffer a little too, because otherwise you miss the whole point to life.”
Woody Allen Quote: “The great roe is a mythological beast with the head of a lion and the body of a lion, though not the same lion.”
Woody Allen Quote: “Man was made in God’s image. Do you really think God has red hair and glasses?”
Woody Allen Quote: “Taste my tuna casserole – tell me if I put in too much hot fudge.”
Woody Allen Quote: “I said this to my daughter, if you don’t practice the guitar, when you get older you wouldn’t be able to play it. It’s that simple. If you want to play the guitar, you put a half hour in everyday, but you have to do it.”
Woody Allen Quote: “Take the money and run.”
Woody Allen Quote: “You know how you’re always trying to get things to come out perfect in art because it’s real difficult in life.”
Woody Allen Quote: “I loathed every day and regret every moment I spent in a school.”
Woody Allen Quote: “My relationship with death remains the same – I’m strongly against it.”
Woody Allen Quote: “I have one last request. Don’t use embalming fluid on me; I want to be stuffed with crab meat.”
Woody Allen Quote: “His lack of education is more than compensated for by his keenly developed moral bankruptcy.”
Woody Allen Quote: “Enthusiasm is a good engine, but it needs intelligence for a driver.”
Woody Allen Quote: “How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?”
Woody Allen Quote: “Life is a concentration camp. You’re stuck here and there’s no way out and you can only rage impotently against your persecutors.”
Woody Allen Quote: “Anything worth knowing cannot be understood by the human mind.”
Woody Allen Quote: “Sex and death are two things that come but once in my lifetime, but at least after death you’re not nauseous.”
Woody Allen Quote: “What a world. It could be so wonderful if it wasn’t for certain people.”
Woody Allen Quote: “As a boy, I was ashamed to wear glasses. I memorized the eye chart, and then on the test they asked essay questions.”
Woody Allen Quote: “No matter what the shrinks, or the pundits, or the self-help books tell you, when it comes to love, it’s luck.”
Woody Allen Quote: “There’s no rhyme or reason to anything that I do. It’s whatever seems right at the time.”
Woody Allen Quote: “Everything is controlled by a small evil group to which, unfortunately, no one we know belongs.”
Woody Allen Quote: “Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.”
Woody Allen Quote: “The two biggest myths about me are that I’m an intellectual, because I wear these glasses, and that I’m an artist because my films lose money. Those two myths have been prevalent for many years.”
Woody Allen Quote: “I was a nervous child, I was a bedwetter. I used to sleep with an electric blanket and I was constantly electrocuting myself.”
Woody Allen Quote: “What has gotten into you lately? Save a little craziness for menopause!”
Woody Allen Quote: “Do I believe in God? I did until Mother’s accident. She fell on some meat loaf and it penetrated her spleen.”
Woody Allen Quote: “Basically my wife was immature. I’d be at home in the bath and she’d come in and sink my boats.”
Woody Allen Quote: “When I was born my mother was terribly disappointed. Not that she wanted a girl – she wanted a divorce.”
Woody Allen Quote: “Believing would be easier if God would show himself by depositing a million dollars in a Swiss bank account in my name.”
Woody Allen Quote: “If my films don’t show a profit, I know I’m doing something right.”
Woody Allen Quote: “People still have existential anxiety. It just may not be expressed in Hebraic idiom.”
Woody Allen Quote: “I’m trying to arrange my life so I don’t have to be present.”
Woody Allen Quote: “The process of making films is so technically demanding that it’s a distraction. You don’t spend your time thinking about the philosophical content, which is often very depressing.”
Woody Allen Quote: “Standing in a garage no more makes you a car than standing in a church makes you a Christian.”
Woody Allen Quote: “Is world peace possible or is the human race too innately aggressive? For instance: Have you ever seen women at a sample sale?”
Woody Allen Quote: “My wife is immature. Whenever I take a bath, she sinks my boats.”
Woody Allen Quote: “Photons have mass? I didn’t even know they were Catholic.”
Woody Allen Quote: “Therefore, to be unhappy one must love, or love to suffer, or suffer from too much happiness. I hope you’re getting this down.”
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