Top 100

Top 500 Woody Allen Quotes (2023 Update)
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Woody Allen Quote: “Man was made in God’s image. Do you really think God has red hair and glasses?”
Woody Allen Quote: “Have you ever taken a serious political stand on anything? Yeah. Sure. For twenty-four hours once I refused to eat grapes.”
Woody Allen Quote: “Taste my tuna casserole – tell me if I put in too much hot fudge.”
Woody Allen Quote: “You know what my philosophy of life is? That it’s important to have some laughs, but you got to suffer a little too, because otherwise you miss the whole point to life.”
Woody Allen Quote: “Enthusiasm is a good engine, but it needs intelligence for a driver.”
Woody Allen Quote: “You know how you’re always trying to get things to come out perfect in art because it’s real difficult in life.”
Woody Allen Quote: “In short, the best thing to do is behave in a manner befitting one’s age. If you are sixteen or under, try not to go bald.”
Woody Allen Quote: “I have one last request. Don’t use embalming fluid on me; I want to be stuffed with crab meat.”
Woody Allen Quote: “His lack of education is more than compensated for by his keenly developed moral bankruptcy.”
Woody Allen Quote: “I loathed every day and regret every moment I spent in a school.”
Woody Allen Quote: “Life is a concentration camp. You’re stuck here and there’s no way out and you can only rage impotently against your persecutors.”
Woody Allen Quote: “Life is full of moments that are good – winning a lottery, seeing a beautiful woman, a great dinner – but the whole thing is tragic. It’s an oasis that is very pleasant.”
Woody Allen Quote: “When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.”
Woody Allen Quote: “I said this to my daughter, if you don’t practice the guitar, when you get older you wouldn’t be able to play it. It’s that simple. If you want to play the guitar, you put a half hour in everyday, but you have to do it.”
Woody Allen Quote: “My relationship with death remains the same – I’m strongly against it.”
Woody Allen Quote: “As a boy, I was ashamed to wear glasses. I memorized the eye chart, and then on the test they asked essay questions.”
Woody Allen Quote: “Anything worth knowing cannot be understood by the human mind.”
Woody Allen Quote: “There’s no rhyme or reason to anything that I do. It’s whatever seems right at the time.”
Woody Allen Quote: “How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?”
Woody Allen Quote: “The two biggest myths about me are that I’m an intellectual, because I wear these glasses, and that I’m an artist because my films lose money. Those two myths have been prevalent for many years.”
Woody Allen Quote: “Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.”
Woody Allen Quote: “Sex and death are two things that come but once in my lifetime, but at least after death you’re not nauseous.”
Woody Allen Quote: “Do I believe in God? I did until Mother’s accident. She fell on some meat loaf and it penetrated her spleen.”
Woody Allen Quote: “I was a nervous child, I was a bedwetter. I used to sleep with an electric blanket and I was constantly electrocuting myself.”
Woody Allen Quote: “What has gotten into you lately? Save a little craziness for menopause!”
Woody Allen Quote: “Believing would be easier if God would show himself by depositing a million dollars in a Swiss bank account in my name.”
Woody Allen Quote: “I’m trying to arrange my life so I don’t have to be present.”
Woody Allen Quote: “When I was born my mother was terribly disappointed. Not that she wanted a girl – she wanted a divorce.”
Woody Allen Quote: “People still have existential anxiety. It just may not be expressed in Hebraic idiom.”
Woody Allen Quote: “No matter what the shrinks, or the pundits, or the self-help books tell you, when it comes to love, it’s luck.”
Woody Allen Quote: “If my films don’t show a profit, I know I’m doing something right.”
Woody Allen Quote: “Is world peace possible or is the human race too innately aggressive? For instance: Have you ever seen women at a sample sale?”
Woody Allen Quote: “My wife is immature. Whenever I take a bath, she sinks my boats.”
Woody Allen Quote: “Photons have mass? I didn’t even know they were Catholic.”
Woody Allen Quote: “If you aren’t failing every now and then, you’re probably playing it too safe.”
Woody Allen Quote: “Basically I am a low-culture person. I prefer watching baseball with a beer and some meatballs.”
Woody Allen Quote: “I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose.”
Woody Allen Quote: “I’ve gained no wisdom, no insight, no mellowing. I would make all the same mistakes again, today.”
Woody Allen Quote: “Therefore, to be unhappy one must love, or love to suffer, or suffer from too much happiness. I hope you’re getting this down.”
Woody Allen Quote: “Standing in a garage no more makes you a car than standing in a church makes you a Christian.”
Woody Allen Quote: “You use sex to express every emotion except love.”
Woody Allen Quote: “And in all of Babylonia there was wailing and gnashing of teeth, ’til the prophets bade the multitudes get a grip on themselves and shape up.”
Woody Allen Quote: “I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick. Not wounded. Dead.”
Woody Allen Quote: “What if nothing exists and we’re all in somebody’s dream? Or what’s worse, what if only that fat guy in the third row exists?”
Woody Allen Quote: “I was in analysis. I was suicidal. As a matter of fact, I would have killed myself, but I was in analysis with a strict Freudian and if you kill yourself they make you pay for the sessions you miss.”
Woody Allen Quote: “Basically my wife was immature. I’d be at home in the bath and she’d come in and sink my boats.”
Woody Allen Quote: “I recently turned 60. Practically a third of my life is over.”
Woody Allen Quote: “Paris is a very exciting city. I learned about Paris the same way that Americans do: from the movies.”
Woody Allen Quote: “I’m a teleological, existential agnostic.”
Woody Allen Quote: “Music has always helped my films. In ‘The Curse Of The Jade Scorpion,’ you can hear ‘Sunrise’ by Glenn Miller, an idol of my childhood, in the surprise ending. I like mixing comedy with suspense and action.”
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