Create Yours

Steven Wright Quotes
Page 9 of 9

423 wallpapers

Steven Wright Quote: “Officer, I know I was going faster than 55MPH, but I wasn’t going to be on the road an hour.”

Officer, I know I was going faster than 55MPH, but I wasn’t going to be on the road an hour.

— Steven Wright



Steven Wright Quote: “I got a new shadow. I had to get rid of the other one – it wasn’t doing what I was doing.”

I got a new shadow. I had to get rid of the other one – it wasn’t doing what I was doing.

— Steven Wright


Steven Wright Quote: “Why are they called a-part-ments, when they’re all stuck together?”

Why are they called a-part-ments, when they’re all stuck together?

— Steven Wright


Steven Wright Quote: “Ever notice how irons have a setting for permanent press? I don’t get it.”

Ever notice how irons have a setting for permanent press? I don’t get it.

— Steven Wright


Steven Wright Quote: “What do you do when you see an endangered animal that eats only endangered plants?”

What do you do when you see an endangered animal that eats only endangered plants?

— Steven Wright


Steven Wright Quote: “When I was a kid, I went to the store and asked the guy, Do you have any toy train schedules?”

When I was a kid, I went to the store and asked the guy, Do you have any toy train schedules?

— Steven Wright


Steven Wright Quote: “I was born. When I was 23 I started telling jokes. Then I started going on television and doing films. That’s still what I am doing. The end.”

I was born. When I was 23 I started telling jokes. Then I started going on television and doing films. That’s still what I am doing. The end.

— Steven Wright


Steven Wright Quote: “Only one in four jokes ever works, and I still can’t predict what people will laugh at.”

Only one in four jokes ever works, and I still can’t predict what people will laugh at.

— Steven Wright


Steven Wright Quote: “I always thought Johnny Carson was just brilliant, and I used to watch him and all the comics that would be on the show every night – and I’d dream about it being me.”

I always thought Johnny Carson was just brilliant, and I used to watch him and all the comics that would be on the show every night – and I’d dream about it being me.

— Steven Wright


Steven Wright Quote: “If you are killing time, are you damaging eternity?”

If you are killing time, are you damaging eternity?

— Steven Wright



Steven Wright Quote: “If you had a million Shakespeares, could they write like a monkey?”

If you had a million Shakespeares, could they write like a monkey?

— Steven Wright


Steven Wright Quote: “The doctor says he has to amputate all of me.”

The doctor says he has to amputate all of me.

— Steven Wright


Steven Wright Quote: “When I erase a word with a pencil, where does it go?”

When I erase a word with a pencil, where does it go?

— Steven Wright


Steven Wright Quote: “I thought I would be a guy on the radio.”

I thought I would be a guy on the radio.

— Steven Wright


Steven Wright Quote: “Is it weird in here, or is it just me?”

Is it weird in here, or is it just me?

— Steven Wright


Steven Wright Quote: “When I was a kid I had a friend who worked in a radio station. Whenever we walked under a bridge, you couldn’t hear what he said.”

When I was a kid I had a friend who worked in a radio station. Whenever we walked under a bridge, you couldn’t hear what he said.

— Steven Wright


Steven Wright Quote: “You know, the New Testament is pretty old. I think they should call them the Old Testament and the Most Recent Testament.”

You know, the New Testament is pretty old. I think they should call them the Old Testament and the Most Recent Testament.

— Steven Wright


Steven Wright Quote: “Why is a carrot more orange than an orange?”

Why is a carrot more orange than an orange?

— Steven Wright


Steven Wright Quote: “Yesterday I saw a chicken crossing the road. I asked it why. It told me it was none of my business.”

Yesterday I saw a chicken crossing the road. I asked it why. It told me it was none of my business.

— Steven Wright


Steven Wright Quote: “It seems like we wake up and it’s a race until you get to bed. It gets to you after a while and you think, ‘What the hell am I doing?’”

It seems like we wake up and it’s a race until you get to bed. It gets to you after a while and you think, ‘What the hell am I doing?’

— Steven Wright



Steven Wright Quote: “If I ever had twins, I’d use one for parts.”

If I ever had twins, I’d use one for parts.

— Steven Wright


Steven Wright Quote: “All of the people in my building are insane. The guy above me designs synthetic herbals for ceramic cats.”

All of the people in my building are insane. The guy above me designs synthetic herbals for ceramic cats.

— Steven Wright


Steven Wright Quote: “It usually helps me write by reading – somehow the reading gear in your head turns the writing gear.”

It usually helps me write by reading – somehow the reading gear in your head turns the writing gear.

— Steven Wright

PREV 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 NEXT
Nelson Mandela Quotes
Funny Quotes
Quotes About Writing
John Green Quotes
Will Rogers Quotes
George Carlin Quotes
Steve Maraboli Quotes
Sarcastic Quotes
Depression Quotes
Milton Berle Quotes
Robin Williams Quotes
Bill Cosby Quotes

Get Inspired. Get Motivated.

We're on a mission of turning inspiring quotes into beautiful wallpapers. Start your week with a motivational kick. Don't miss out on our next weekly batch.

Join 48,000+ other people and subscribe to Quotefancy Weekly Digest.

Subscribe