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Steven Wright Quotes

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Steven Wright Quote: “If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.”

If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

— Steven Wright



Steven Wright Quote: “I’d kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.”

I’d kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

— Steven Wright


Steven Wright Quote: “Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.”

Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.

— Steven Wright


Steven Wright Quote: “If at first you don't succeed then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.”

If at first you don't succeed then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.

— Steven Wright


Steven Wright Quote: “The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.”

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

— Steven Wright


Steven Wright Quote: “Support bacteria – they’re the only culture some people have.”

Support bacteria – they’re the only culture some people have.

— Steven Wright


Steven Wright Quote: “I’m writing a book. I’ve got the page numbers done.”

I’m writing a book. I’ve got the page numbers done.

— Steven Wright


Steven Wright Quote: “It’s like the Wild West, the Internet. There are no rules.”

It’s like the Wild West, the Internet. There are no rules.

— Steven Wright


Steven Wright Quote: “To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.”

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

— Steven Wright


Steven Wright Quote: “You can’t have everything. Where would you put it?”

You can’t have everything. Where would you put it?

— Steven Wright



Steven Wright Quote: “If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.”

If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

— Steven Wright


Steven Wright Quote: “If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?”

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

— Steven Wright


Steven Wright Quote: “Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.”

Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.

— Steven Wright


Steven Wright Quote: “43.7 per cent of all statistics are made up on the spot.”

43.7 per cent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

— Steven Wright


Steven Wright Quote: “I intend to live forever. So far, so good.”

I intend to live forever. So far, so good.

— Steven Wright


Steven Wright Quote: “I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.”

I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

— Steven Wright


Steven Wright Quote: “When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.”

When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.

— Steven Wright


Steven Wright Quote: “Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.”

Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

— Steven Wright


Steven Wright Quote: “Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.”

Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.

— Steven Wright


Steven Wright Quote: “Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.”

Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.

— Steven Wright


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