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Dave Barry Quotes

Dave Barry Quote: “Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.”
Dave Barry Quote: “If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be ‘meetings.’”
Dave Barry Quote: “A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.”
Dave Barry Quote: “It is better to be rich and healthy than poor and sick.”
Dave Barry Quote: “There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age 11.”
Dave Barry Quote: “Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.”
Dave Barry Quote: “Everyone has a right to be stupid. Some just abuse the privilege.”
Dave Barry Quote: “A perfect parent is a person with excellent child-rearing theories and no actual children.”
Dave Barry Quote: “Meetings are places where dead ideas rise from their graves and eat the brains of the living.”
Dave Barry Quote: “I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don’t even invite me.”
Dave Barry Quote: “It is inhumane, in my opinion, to force people who have a genuine medical need for coffee to wait in line behind people who apparently view it as some kind of recreational activity.”
Dave Barry Quote: “As a professional journalist, I am always looking for new ways to get paid for being motionless.”
Dave Barry Quote: “People in the computer industry use the term ‘user,’ which to them means ‘idiot.’”
Dave Barry Quote: “What women want: To be loved, to be listened to, to be desired, to be respected, to be needed, to be trusted, and sometimes, just to be held. What men want: Tickets to the World Series.”
Dave Barry Quote: “Murphy’s golden rule: Whoever has the gold, makes the rules.”
Dave Barry Quote: “There is a very fine line between hobby and mental illness.”
Dave Barry Quote: “Buying the right computer and getting it to work properly is no more complicated than building a nuclear reactor from wristwatch parts in a darkened room using only your teeth.”
Dave Barry Quote: “Fishing is boring, unless you catch an actual fish, and then it is disgusting.”
Dave Barry Quote: “And that’s the wonderful thing about family travel: it provides you with experiences that will remain locked forever in the scar tissue of your mind.”
Dave Barry Quote: “You should not confuse your career with your life.”
Dave Barry Quote: “You can only be young once. But you can always be immature.”
Dave Barry Quote: “Ask not what your country can do for you. Ask whether your country has been inhaling paint-thinner fumes.”
Dave Barry Quote: “The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion or ethnic background, is that we all believe we are above-average drivers.”
Dave Barry Quote: “The word user is the word used by the computer professional when they mean idiot.”
Dave Barry Quote: “It is a well- known fact that although the public is fine when taken individually, when it forms itself into large groups, it tends to act as though it has one partially consumed Pez tablet for a brain.”
Dave Barry Quote: “Magnetism is one of the Six Fundamental Forces of the Universe, with the other five being Gravity, Duct Tape, Whining, Remote Control, and The Force That Pulls Dogs Toward The Groins Of Strangers.”
Dave Barry Quote: “Camping is nature’s way of promoting the motel business.”
Dave Barry Quote: “For people who like peace and quiet: a phoneless cord.”
Dave Barry Quote: “The real threat to whales is whaling, which has endangered many whale species.”
Dave Barry Quote: “You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.”
Dave Barry Quote: “Like all writers, my greatest inspiration, my ultimate muse, is a deadline.”
Dave Barry Quote: “Your hand and your mouth agreed many years ago that, as far as chocolate is concerned, there is no need to involve your brain.”
Dave Barry Quote: “The Internet: transforming society and shaping the future through chat.”
Dave Barry Quote: “Americans who travel abroad for the first time are often shocked to discover that, despite all the progress that has been made in the last 30 years, many foreign people still speak in foreign languages.”
Dave Barry Quote: “The four building blocks of the universe are fire, water, gravel and vinyl.”
Dave Barry Quote: “Never lick a steak knife.”
Dave Barry Quote: “Magnetism, as you recall from physics class, is a powerful force that causes certain items to be attracted to refrigerators.”
Dave Barry Quote: “Long, long ago, before eruptions were invented, the molten lava had to be carried down the mountainside, bucket by bucket, and poured over the sleeping villagers. This took time.”
Dave Barry Quote: “As Americans we must always remember that we all have a common enemy, an enemy that is dangerous, powerful, and relentless. I refer, of course, to the federal government.”
Dave Barry Quote: “Nobody understands how hard it is, being a captain.”
Dave Barry Quote: “Electricity is actually made up of extremely tiny particles called electrons, that you cannot see with the naked eye unless you have been drinking.”
Dave Barry Quote: “Dating means doing a lot of fun things you will never do again if you get married. The fun stops with marriage because you’re trying to save money for when you split up your property.”
Dave Barry Quote: “Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.”
Dave Barry Quote: “Talking about golf is always boring. Playing golf can be interesting, but not the part where you try to hit the little ball; only the part where you drive the cart.”
Dave Barry Quote: “Aside from Velcro, time is the most mysterious substance in the universe.”
Dave Barry Quote: “I can snap your spine like a toothpick.”
Dave Barry Quote: “It’s income tax time again, Americans: time to gather up those receipts, get out those tax forms, sharpen up that pencil, and stab yourself in the aorta.”
Dave Barry Quote: “It always rains on tents. Rainstorms will travel thousands of miles, against prevailing winds for the opportunity to rain on a tent.”
Dave Barry Quote: “To an adolescent, there is nothing in the world more embarrassing than a parent.”
Dave Barry Quote: “We operate under a jury system in this country, and as much as we complain about it, we have to admit that we know of no better system, except possibly flipping a coin.”
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