Top 200 Witty Quotes (2025 Update)
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151. “The trouble with being in the rat race is that even if you win, you’re still a rat.”

— Lily Tomlin

152. “Solutions nearly always come from the direction you least expect, which means there’s no point trying to look in that direction because it won’t be coming from there.”

— Douglas Adams

153. “Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.”

— John F. Kennedy

154. “In a difficult business, no sooner is one problem solved than another surfaces – never is there just one cockroach in the kitchen.”

— Warren Buffett

155. “Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn’t.”

— Erica Jong

156. “The greatest risk is to risk nothing at all.”

— Leo Buscaglia

157. “You can observe a lot just by watching.”

— Yogi Berra

158. “Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.”

— Douglas Adams

159. “Anyone who lives within their means suffers from a lack of imagination.”

— Oscar Wilde

160. “If a man does his best, what else is there?”

— George S. Patton Jr.

161. “The fact that we live at the bottom of a deep gravity well, on the surface of a gas covered planet going around a nuclear fireball 90 million miles away and think this to be normal is obviously some indication of how skewed our perspective tends to be.”

— Douglas Adams

162. “My dear, here we must run as fast as we can, just to stay in place. And if you wish to go anywhere you must run twice as fast as that.”

— Lewis Carroll

163. “In most cases being a good boss means hiring talented people and then getting out of their way.”

— Tina Fey

164. “When we talk to God, we’re praying. When God talks to us, we’re schizophrenic.”

— Jane Wagner

165. “Common sense is not so common.”

— Voltaire

166. “Doubt is not a pleasant condition, but certainty is absurd.”

— Voltaire

167. “There isn’t a way things should be. There’s just what happens, and what we do.”

— Terry Pratchett

168. “It is far better to grasp the universe as it really is than to persist in delusion, however satisfying and reassuring.”

— Carl Sagan

169. “If God exists, I hope he has a good excuse.”

— Woody Allen

170. “A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.”

— Bob Hope

171. “It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.”

— Niccolò Machiavelli

172. “I think the problem, to be quite honest with you, is that you’ve never actually known what the question is.”

— Douglas Adams

173. “We are all interested in the future, for that is where you and I are going to spend the rest of our lives.”

— Woody Allen

174. “All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.”

— Arthur Schopenhauer

175. “Men, their rights, and nothing more; women, their rights, and nothing less.”

— Susan B. Anthony

176. “The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.”

— Edmund Burke

177. “The way to make money in the stock market is to buy a stock. Then, when it goes up, sell it. If it’s not going to go up, don’t buy it!”

— Will Rogers

178. “I’ll sleep when I’m dead.”

— Warren Zevon

179. “Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.”

— Rudyard Kipling

180. “Every saint has a past, and every sinner has a future.”

— Oscar Wilde

181. “Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.”

— Ralph Waldo Emerson

182. “Denial ain’t just a river in Egypt.”

— Mark Twain

183. “Give me a museum and I’ll fill it.”

— Pablo Picasso

184. “Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.”

— Groucho Marx

185. “Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.”

— Albert Einstein

186. “Try to learn something about everything and everything about something.”

— Thomas Henry Huxley

187. “Never mistake motion for action.”

— Ernest Hemingway

188. “If truth is beauty, how come no one has their hair done in the library?”

— Lily Tomlin

189. “That’s why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.”

— George Carlin

190. “I’m single because I was born that way.”

— Mae West

191. “Money doesn't talk, it swears.”

— Bob Dylan

192. “Suppose you were an idiot, and suppose you were a member of Congress; but I repeat myself.”

— Mark Twain

193. “Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.”

— Albert Einstein

194. “Don’t be a drag. Just be a queen.”

— Lady Gaga

195. “Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.”

— H. G. Wells

196. “Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.”

— Mark Twain

197. “Hail, hail Freedonia, land of the free!”

— Groucho Marx

198. “Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can’t sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can’t sleep with the window open.”

— George Bernard Shaw

199. “You have to count on living every single day in a way you believe will make you feel good about your life – so that if it were over tomorrow, you’d be content with yourself.”

— Jane Seymour

200. “Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery that mediocrity can pay to greatness.”

— Oscar Wilde