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Top 200 Witty Quotes (2025 Update)
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Witty Quotes: “The trouble with being in the rat race is that even if you win, you’re still a rat.” — Lily Tomlin
Witty Quotes: “Solutions nearly always come from the direction you least expect, which means there’s no point trying to look in that direction because it won’t be coming from there.” — Douglas Adams
Witty Quotes: “Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.” — John F. Kennedy
Witty Quotes: “In a difficult business, no sooner is one problem solved than another surfaces – never is there just one cockroach in the kitchen.” — Warren Buffett
Witty Quotes: “Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn’t.” — Erica Jong
Witty Quotes: “The greatest risk is to risk nothing at all.” — Leo Buscaglia

156. “The greatest risk is to risk nothing at all.

— Leo Buscaglia

Witty Quotes: “You can observe a lot just by watching.” — Yogi Berra

157. “You can observe a lot just by watching.

— Yogi Berra

Witty Quotes: “Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.” — Douglas Adams
Witty Quotes: “Anyone who lives within their means suffers from a lack of imagination.” — Oscar Wilde
Witty Quotes: “If a man does his best, what else is there?” — George S. Patton Jr.

160. “If a man does his best, what else is there?

— George S. Patton Jr.

Witty Quotes: “The fact that we live at the bottom of a deep gravity well, on the surface of a gas covered planet going around a nuclear fireball 90 million miles away and think this to be normal is obviously some indication of how skewed our perspective tends to be.” — Douglas Adams
Witty Quotes: “My dear, here we must run as fast as we can, just to stay in place. And if you wish to go anywhere you must run twice as fast as that.” — Lewis Carroll
Witty Quotes: “In most cases being a good boss means hiring talented people and then getting out of their way.” — Tina Fey
Witty Quotes: “When we talk to God, we’re praying. When God talks to us, we’re schizophrenic.” — Jane Wagner
Witty Quotes: “Common sense is not so common.” — Voltaire

165. “Common sense is not so common.

— Voltaire

Witty Quotes: “Doubt is not a pleasant condition, but certainty is absurd.” — Voltaire
Witty Quotes: “There isn’t a way things should be. There’s just what happens, and what we do.” — Terry Pratchett
Witty Quotes: “It is far better to grasp the universe as it really is than to persist in delusion, however satisfying and reassuring.” — Carl Sagan
Witty Quotes: “If God exists, I hope he has a good excuse.” — Woody Allen

169. “If God exists, I hope he has a good excuse.

— Woody Allen

Witty Quotes: “A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.” — Bob Hope
Witty Quotes: “It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.” — Niccolò Machiavelli
Witty Quotes: “I think the problem, to be quite honest with you, is that you’ve never actually known what the question is.” — Douglas Adams
Witty Quotes: “We are all interested in the future, for that is where you and I are going to spend the rest of our lives.” — Woody Allen
Witty Quotes: “All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.” — Arthur Schopenhauer
Witty Quotes: “Men, their rights, and nothing more; women, their rights, and nothing less.” — Susan B. Anthony
Witty Quotes: “The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.” — Edmund Burke
Witty Quotes: “The way to make money in the stock market is to buy a stock. Then, when it goes up, sell it. If it’s not going to go up, don’t buy it!” — Will Rogers
Witty Quotes: “I’ll sleep when I’m dead.” — Warren Zevon

178. “I’ll sleep when I’m dead.

— Warren Zevon

Witty Quotes: “Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.” — Rudyard Kipling
Witty Quotes: “Every saint has a past, and every sinner has a future.” — Oscar Wilde
Witty Quotes: “Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.” — Ralph Waldo Emerson

181. “Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.

— Ralph Waldo Emerson

Witty Quotes: “Denial ain’t just a river in Egypt.” — Mark Twain
Witty Quotes: “Give me a museum and I’ll fill it.” — Pablo Picasso

183. “Give me a museum and I’ll fill it.

— Pablo Picasso

Witty Quotes: “Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.” — Groucho Marx
Witty Quotes: “Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.” — Albert Einstein
Witty Quotes: “Try to learn something about everything and everything about something.” — Thomas Henry Huxley
Witty Quotes: “Never mistake motion for action.” — Ernest Hemingway

187. “Never mistake motion for action.

— Ernest Hemingway

Witty Quotes: “If truth is beauty, how come no one has their hair done in the library?” — Lily Tomlin
Witty Quotes: “That’s why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.” — George Carlin
Witty Quotes: “I’m single because I was born that way.” — Mae West
Witty Quotes: “Money doesn't talk, it swears.” — Bob Dylan

191. “Money doesn't talk, it swears.

— Bob Dylan

Witty Quotes: “Suppose you were an idiot, and suppose you were a member of Congress; but I repeat myself.” — Mark Twain
Witty Quotes: “Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.” — Albert Einstein
Witty Quotes: “Don’t be a drag. Just be a queen.” — Lady Gaga

194. “Don’t be a drag. Just be a queen.

— Lady Gaga

Witty Quotes: “Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.” — H. G. Wells

195. “Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.

— H. G. Wells

Witty Quotes: “Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.” — Mark Twain
Witty Quotes: “Hail, hail Freedonia, land of the free!” — Groucho Marx
Witty Quotes: “Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can’t sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can’t sleep with the window open.” — George Bernard Shaw
Witty Quotes: “You have to count on living every single day in a way you believe will make you feel good about your life – so that if it were over tomorrow, you’d be content with yourself.” — Jane Seymour
Witty Quotes: “Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery that mediocrity can pay to greatness.” — Oscar Wilde
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