Top 200 Witty Quotes (2025 Update)
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101. “We can't win against obsession. They care, we don't. They win.”

— Douglas Adams

102. “Without geography you’re nowhere.”

— Jimmy Buffett

103. “Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards.”

— Benjamin Franklin

104. “A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds.”

— Ralph Waldo Emerson

105. “Scratch any cynic and you will find a disappointed idealist.”

— George Carlin

106. “If you want to break the rules of grammar, first learn the rules of grammar.”

— Kurt Vonnegut

107. “Being happy never goes out of style.”

— Lilly Pulitzer

108. “If you even dream of beating me you’d better wake up and apologize.”

— Muhammad Ali

109. “A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools.”

— Douglas Adams

110. “Wall Street is the only place that people drive to in a Rolls Royce to take advice from people who ride the subway.”

— Warren Buffett

111. “He that is good for making excuses is seldom good for anything else.”

— Benjamin Franklin

112. “Gold gets dug out of the ground in Africa, or someplace. Then we melt it down, dig another hole, bury it again and pay people to stand around guarding it. It has no utility. Anyone watching from Mars would be scratching their head.”

— Warren Buffett

113. “Take care to get what you like or you will be forced to like what you get.”

— George Bernard Shaw

114. “God is really only another artist. He invented the giraffe, the elephant and the cat. He has no real style, He just goes on trying other things.”

— Pablo Picasso

115. “You live but once; you might as well be amusing.”

— Coco Chanel

116. “The best cure for procrastination is to have so much on your plate that procrastination is no longer an option.”

— Tavi Gevinson

117. “So Einstein was wrong when he said, “God does not play dice.” Consideration of black holes suggests, not only that God does play dice, but that he sometimes confuses us by throwing them where they can’t be seen.”

— Stephen Hawking

118. “It is better to know some of the questions than all of the answers.”

— James Thurber

119. “Nothing travels faster than the speed of light, with the possible exception of bad news, which obeys its own special laws.”

— Douglas Adams

120. “It is said that your life flashes before your eyes just before you die. That is true, it’s called Life.”

— Terry Pratchett

121. “The future is something which everyone reaches at the rate of 60 minutes an hour, whatever he does, whoever he is.”

— C. S. Lewis

122. “Any emotion, if it is sincere, is involuntary.”

— Mark Twain

123. “Perhaps I'm old and tired, but I always think that the chances of finding out what really is going on are so absurdly remote that the only thing to do is to say hang the sense of it and just keep yourself occupied.”

— Douglas Adams

124. “Wit beyond measure is a man’s greatest treasure.”

— J.K. Rowling

125. “Time you enjoy wasting is not wasted time.”

— Marthe Troly-Curtin

126. “Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live.”

— Oscar Wilde

127. “I don't want to make money, I just want to be wonderful.”

— Marilyn Monroe

128. “I never said it would be easy, I only said it would be worth it.”

— Mae West

129. “Worrying is like praying for something you don’t want to happen.”

— Robert Downey Jr.

130. “Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please.”

— Mark Twain

131. “A good friend will always stab you in the front.”

— Oscar Wilde

132. “Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.”

— Dave Barry

133. “I always wondered why somebody doesn’t do something about that. Then I realized I was somebody.”

— Lily Tomlin

134. “Be nice to people on your way up because you’ll meet them on your way down.”

— Wilson Mizner

135. “To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance.”

— Oscar Wilde

136. “The reward for conformity is that everyone likes you but yourself.”

— Rita Mae Brown

137. “A man who does not think for himself does not think at all.”

— Oscar Wilde

138. “Life has been your art. You have set yourself to music. Your days are your sonnets.”

— Oscar Wilde

139. “Let us read, and let us dance; these two amusements will never do any harm to the world.”

— Voltaire

140. “Space is big. You just won’t believe how vastly, hugely, mind-bogglingly big it is. I mean, you may think it’s a long way down the road to the chemist’s, but that’s just peanuts to space.”

— Douglas Adams

141. “No good deed goes unpunished.”

— Oscar Wilde

142. “Humor is mankind’s greatest blessing.”

— Mark Twain

143. “How many legs does a dog have if you call the tail a leg? Four. Calling a tail a leg doesn’t make it a leg.”

— Abraham Lincoln

144. “We are all born ignorant, but one must work hard to remain stupid.”

— Benjamin Franklin

145. “The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.”

— Henry David Thoreau

146. “There’s no such thing as bad weather, only inappropriate clothing.”

— Ranulph Fiennes

147. “I’m not anti-social. I’m just not social.”

— Woody Allen

148. “Confidence is what you have before you understand the problem.”

— Woody Allen

149. “If debugging is the process of removing software bugs, then programming must be the process of putting them in.”

— Edsger W. Dijkstra

150. “Do your thing and don’t care if they like it.”

— Tina Fey