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Top 200 Witty Quotes (2025 Update)
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Witty Quotes: “We can't win against obsession.  They care, we don't.  They win.” — Douglas Adams
Witty Quotes: “Without geography you’re nowhere.” — Jimmy Buffett

102. “Without geography you’re nowhere.

— Jimmy Buffett

Witty Quotes: “Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards.” — Benjamin Franklin
Witty Quotes: “A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds.” — Ralph Waldo Emerson

104. “A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds.

— Ralph Waldo Emerson

Witty Quotes: “Scratch any cynic and you will find a disappointed idealist.” — George Carlin
Witty Quotes: “If you want to break the rules of grammar, first learn the rules of grammar.” — Kurt Vonnegut
Witty Quotes: “Being happy never goes out of style.” — Lilly Pulitzer

107. “Being happy never goes out of style.

— Lilly Pulitzer

Witty Quotes: “If you even dream of beating me you’d better wake up and apologize.” — Muhammad Ali
Witty Quotes: “A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools.” — Douglas Adams
Witty Quotes: “Wall Street is the only place that people drive to in a Rolls Royce to take advice from people who ride the subway.” — Warren Buffett
Witty Quotes: “He that is good for making excuses is seldom good for anything else.” — Benjamin Franklin
Witty Quotes: “Gold gets dug out of the ground in Africa, or someplace. Then we melt it down, dig another hole, bury it again and pay people to stand around guarding it. It has no utility. Anyone watching from Mars would be scratching their head.” — Warren Buffett
Witty Quotes: “Take care to get what you like or you will be forced to like what you get.” — George Bernard Shaw
Witty Quotes: “God is really only another artist. He invented the giraffe, the elephant and the cat. He has no real style, He just goes on trying other things.” — Pablo Picasso
Witty Quotes: “You live but once; you might as well be amusing.” — Coco Chanel
Witty Quotes: “The best cure for procrastination is to have so much on your plate that procrastination is no longer an option.” — Tavi Gevinson
Witty Quotes: “So Einstein was wrong when he said, “God does not play dice.” Consideration of black holes suggests, not only that God does play dice, but that he sometimes confuses us by throwing them where they can’t be seen.” — Stephen Hawking
Witty Quotes: “It is better to know some of the questions than all of the answers.” — James Thurber
Witty Quotes: “Nothing travels faster than the speed of light, with the possible exception of bad news, which obeys its own special laws.” — Douglas Adams
Witty Quotes: “It is said that your life flashes before your eyes just before you die. That is true, it’s called Life.” — Terry Pratchett
Witty Quotes: “The future is something which everyone reaches at the rate of 60 minutes an hour, whatever he does, whoever he is.” — C. S. Lewis
Witty Quotes: “Any emotion, if it is sincere, is involuntary.” — Mark Twain
Witty Quotes: “Perhaps I'm old and tired, but I always think that the chances of finding out what really is going on are so absurdly remote that the only thing to do is to say hang the sense of it and just keep yourself occupied.” — Douglas Adams
Witty Quotes: “Wit beyond measure is a man’s greatest treasure.” — J.K. Rowling
Witty Quotes: “Time you enjoy wasting is not wasted time.” — Marthe Troly-Curtin

125. “Time you enjoy wasting is not wasted time.

— Marthe Troly-Curtin

Witty Quotes: “Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live.” — Oscar Wilde
Witty Quotes: “I don't want to make money, I just want to be wonderful.” — Marilyn Monroe
Witty Quotes: “I never said it would be easy, I only said it would be worth it.” — Mae West
Witty Quotes: “Worrying is like praying for something you don’t want to happen.” — Robert Downey Jr.
Witty Quotes: “Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please.” — Mark Twain
Witty Quotes: “A good friend will always stab you in the front.” — Oscar Wilde
Witty Quotes: “Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.” — Dave Barry
Witty Quotes: “I always wondered why somebody doesn’t do something about that. Then I realized I was somebody.” — Lily Tomlin
Witty Quotes: “Be nice to people on your way up because you’ll meet them on your way down.” — Wilson Mizner
Witty Quotes: “To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance.” — Oscar Wilde
Witty Quotes: “The reward for conformity is that everyone likes you but yourself.” — Rita Mae Brown
Witty Quotes: “A man who does not think for himself does not think at all.” — Oscar Wilde
Witty Quotes: “Life has been your art. You have set yourself to music. Your days are your sonnets.” — Oscar Wilde
Witty Quotes: “Let us read, and let us dance; these two amusements will never do any harm to the world.” — Voltaire
Witty Quotes: “Space is big. You just won’t believe how vastly, hugely, mind-bogglingly big it is. I mean, you may think it’s a long way down the road to the chemist’s, but that’s just peanuts to space.” — Douglas Adams
Witty Quotes: “No good deed goes unpunished.” — Oscar Wilde
Witty Quotes: “Humor is mankind’s greatest blessing.” — Mark Twain
Witty Quotes: “How many legs does a dog have if you call the tail a leg? Four. Calling a tail a leg doesn’t make it a leg.” — Abraham Lincoln
Witty Quotes: “We are all born ignorant, but one must work hard to remain stupid.” — Benjamin Franklin
Witty Quotes: “The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.” — Henry David Thoreau
Witty Quotes: “There’s no such thing as bad weather, only inappropriate clothing.” — Ranulph Fiennes
Witty Quotes: “I’m not anti-social. I’m just not social.” — Woody Allen
Witty Quotes: “Confidence is what you have before you understand the problem.” — Woody Allen
Witty Quotes: “If debugging is the process of removing software bugs, then programming must be the process of putting them in.” — Edsger W. Dijkstra
Witty Quotes: “Do your thing and don’t care if they like it.” — Tina Fey
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