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George Carlin Quotes

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George Carlin Quote: “Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.”

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

— George Carlin



George Carlin Quote: “Never argue with an idiot. They will only bring you down to their level and beat you with experience.”

Never argue with an idiot. They will only bring you down to their level and beat you with experience.

— George Carlin


George Carlin Quote: “Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.”

Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.

— George Carlin


George Carlin Quote: “Everyone smiles in the same language.”

Everyone smiles in the same language.

— George Carlin


George Carlin Quote: “Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music.”

Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music.

— George Carlin


George Carlin Quote: “Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.”

Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.

— George Carlin


George Carlin Quote: “The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.”

The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.

— George Carlin


George Carlin Quote: “Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.”

Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.

— George Carlin


George Carlin Quote: “Always do whatever’s next.”

Always do whatever’s next.

— George Carlin


George Carlin Quote: “Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.”

Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.

— George Carlin


George Carlin Quote: “Scratch any cynic and you will find a disappointed idealist.”

Scratch any cynic and you will find a disappointed idealist.

— George Carlin


George Carlin Quote: “Religion is like a pair of shoes. Find one that fits for you, but don't make me wear your shoes.”

Religion is like a pair of shoes. Find one that fits for you, but don't make me wear your shoes.

— George Carlin


George Carlin Quote: “Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?”

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

— George Carlin


George Carlin Quote: “Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.”

Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.

— George Carlin


George Carlin Quote: “It's never just a game when you're winning.”

It's never just a game when you're winning.

— George Carlin


George Carlin Quote: “If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I’d have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.”

If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I’d have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.

— George Carlin


George Carlin Quote: “If the black box flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn't the whole airplane made out of that stuff? ”

If the black box flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn't the whole airplane made out of that stuff?

— George Carlin


George Carlin Quote: “The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity.”

The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity.

— George Carlin


George Carlin Quote: “Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.”

Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.

— George Carlin


George Carlin Quote: “A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff.”

A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff.

— George Carlin


George Carlin Quote: “There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls. ”

There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls.

— George Carlin


George Carlin Quote: “Tell people there’s an invisible man in the sky who created the universe, and the vast majority will believe you. Tell them the paint is wet, and they have to touch it to be sure.”

Tell people there’s an invisible man in the sky who created the universe, and the vast majority will believe you. Tell them the paint is wet, and they have to touch it to be sure.

— George Carlin


George Carlin Quote: “People who see life as anything more than pure entertainment are missing the point.”

People who see life as anything more than pure entertainment are missing the point.

— George Carlin


George Carlin Quote: “That’s why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.”

That’s why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.

— George Carlin


George Carlin Quote: “I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately. ”

I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.

— George Carlin


George Carlin Quote: “Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"?”

Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"?

— George Carlin


George Carlin Quote: “The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.”

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.

— George Carlin


George Carlin Quote: “If you can’t beat them, arrange to have them beaten.”

If you can’t beat them, arrange to have them beaten.

— George Carlin


George Carlin Quote: “If you love someone set them free. If they come back, set them on fire.”

If you love someone set them free. If they come back, set them on fire.

— George Carlin


George Carlin Quote: “Religion is just mind control.”

Religion is just mind control.

— George Carlin


George Carlin Quote: “What if there were no hypothetical questions?”

What if there were no hypothetical questions?

— George Carlin


George Carlin Quote: “In America, anyone can become president. That’s the problem.”

In America, anyone can become president. That’s the problem.

— George Carlin


George Carlin Quote: “Atheism is a non-prophet organization.”

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

— George Carlin


George Carlin Quote: “Test of Metal: Will of Iron, Nerves of Steel, Heart of Gold, Balls of Brass.”

Test of Metal: Will of Iron, Nerves of Steel, Heart of Gold, Balls of Brass.

— George Carlin


George Carlin Quote: “The planet isn’t going anywhere. We are.”

The planet isn’t going anywhere. We are.

— George Carlin


George Carlin Quote: “Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn’t mean the circus has left town.”

Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn’t mean the circus has left town.

— George Carlin


George Carlin Quote: “If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?”

If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

— George Carlin


George Carlin Quote: “Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don’t have time for all that.”

Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don’t have time for all that.

— George Carlin


George Carlin Quote: “I have lots of ideas. Trouble is, most of them suck.”

I have lots of ideas. Trouble is, most of them suck.

— George Carlin


George Carlin Quote: “People who say they don’t care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don’t care what people think.”

People who say they don’t care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don’t care what people think.

— George Carlin


George Carlin Quote: “Honesty may be the best policy, but it’s important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.”

Honesty may be the best policy, but it’s important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.

— George Carlin


George Carlin Quote: “I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, ‘Where’s the self-help section?’ She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.”

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, ‘Where’s the self-help section?’ She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.

— George Carlin


George Carlin Quote: “When you’re born into this world, you’re given a ticket to the freak show. If you’re born in America you get a front row seat.”

When you’re born into this world, you’re given a ticket to the freak show. If you’re born in America you get a front row seat.

— George Carlin


George Carlin Quote: “I don’t have a fear of heights. I do, however, have a fear of falling from heights.”

I don’t have a fear of heights. I do, however, have a fear of falling from heights.

— George Carlin


George Carlin Quote: “Not only do I not know what’s going on, I wouldn’t know what to do about it if I did.”

Not only do I not know what’s going on, I wouldn’t know what to do about it if I did.

— George Carlin


George Carlin Quote: “I have as much authority as the Pope. I just don’t have as many people who believe it.”

I have as much authority as the Pope. I just don’t have as many people who believe it.

— George Carlin


George Carlin Quote: “Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.”

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

— George Carlin


George Carlin Quote: “The real reason that we can’t have the Ten Commandments in a courthouse: You cannot post “Thou shalt not steal,” “Thou shalt not commit adultery,” and “Thou shalt not lie” in a building full of lawyers, judges, and politicians. It creates a hostile work environment.”

The real reason that we can’t have the Ten Commandments in a courthouse: You cannot post “Thou shalt not steal,” “Thou shalt not commit adultery,” and “Thou shalt not lie” in a building full of lawyers, judges, and politicians. It creates a hostile work environment.

— George Carlin


George Carlin Quote: “I do this real moron thing, and it’s called thinking. And apparently I’m not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions.”

I do this real moron thing, and it’s called thinking. And apparently I’m not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions.

— George Carlin


George Carlin Quote: “They say that instead of cursing the darkness, one should light a candle. Nothing is mentioned, though, about cursing a lack of candles.”

They say that instead of cursing the darkness, one should light a candle. Nothing is mentioned, though, about cursing a lack of candles.

— George Carlin

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